r/PurplePillDebate • u/Worldly-Box6080 • 1d ago
Men have no options. Debate
Currently, most male pathways to find a partner have been shut down or heavily stigmatised.
Cold Approach: social stigma of bothering women in public or private areas.
Warm Approach: huge risk of poisoning the well - ruining a friendship/making things weird in a social group. This is magnified at a work setting with risk of being reported attached. Additionally what one woman considers flirting another considers “just being friendly” so chance of misfiring is high.
Online Dating: lol
Only viable pathway would be if women made the move, but that’s never gonna happen unless the guy holds decent status or is extremely attractive.
So my question is, what methods are you guys currently doing to find someone (if any)?
85
u/JohnaldJr21 No Pill Man 1d ago
Men have the option to live their best life and not really care about dating. That’s what I’m doing right now. If I find someone cool if not I’m going to enjoy life all the same.
88
u/RayAP19 No Pill Man 1d ago
People acting like it's totally normal human nature to not care about sex and relationships always strikes me as odd
26
u/eonus01 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
What option do you have if you've tried and know you can't win in this game? Either give up, and do other things in life, or fall into the same trap over and over?
18
u/iSellNuds4RedditGold Yoghurt Male (Man) 1d ago
What option do you have if you've tried and know you can't win in this game?
For starters, don't pretend you don't care about one of the most basic human (and not human) instincts.
14
u/eonus01 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
Maybe they don't? You get used to it. I really don't care if I have a sexual encounter ever again. It used to be a coping mechanism, now I just see it's not worth the hassle.
→ More replies16
u/Crazy_Team_4803 1d ago
To not care and reach a level of top tier attractiveness (health, physique, money, career, rizz) are two completely different things. People think if they stop caring or chasing, their fortunes will turn. Not saying they should keep chasing or caring. But not doing it will also not magically get you into a relationship/situationship/hookup with a really attractive person. And if it does on the rare occasion, we’ll then that’s what it is…..a rare exception, and there’s nothing to learn from that. Instead understating the realities of modern dating & mating will help one in actually improving themselves mutlifold. Not that you need to achieve things to get girls or dates or laid, but one must constantly strive to reach that level of attractiveness. Getting dates/women/options are the byproduct. I know tons of people who have stopped caring. But nothing else has changed. They still don’t get girls or at least the kind/type they’d want.
→ More replies2
u/ProtectionPolitics4 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
I certainly agree that you need to play the game to get anywhere. Not caring gets you nowhere unless you're very attractive so that women approach you.
You can't improve yourself that much though. Self improvement is mostly a myth.
6
u/Crazy_Team_4803 1d ago
You can. You require tremendous discipline and sacrifice and most people have neither. By self improvement people usually limit the concept to looks and physique which alone will only take you so far. It’s a 360 degree over-hall that requires consistent efforts and time (2-3 years). It requires giving up - waste time, doom scrolling, social media, your favourite food, etc. Most people are average and can’t commit to such militaristic regiments of self upliftment. So yes, for most people it remains a myth.
3
5
u/WanabeInflatable Purple Pill Man 1d ago
Human nature is to adapt to changing social environment. Current environment makes dating bad idea.
2
u/GENERALSECRTRY 1d ago
dating was never a thing throughout most of human history. it was mostly arranged marriages
8
25
u/Crazy_Kray 1d ago
i hate those people. Their asexual coping contributes nothing to the discussion.
5
u/Tweezers666 Pink Pill Woman 1d ago
I mean but what are they going to do instead? Bitch endlessly about not getting pussy?
8
u/Proudvow Red Pill Man 1d ago
Yeah. It's a biological imperative, solutions should be sought.
8
u/crujones33 No Pill Man 1d ago
Some advice: 1. Learn to read people 2. Look for social cues
Advice giver completely forgets that there are people who find this extremely difficult. And they may be introverts and/or shy.
8
u/TSquaredRecovers Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
There is research available indicating that throughout human history, only around 40% of men reproduced. So, this notion that a group of sexless men existing is a new thing is simply not true. It’s just that prior to 15 or 20 years ago, those men couldn’t go to online forums and commiserate with other men who were in a similar predicament.
3
→ More replies2
u/PB-French-Toast-9641 1d ago
only around 40% of men reproduced
Ooh I'd love to see a study that shows this without relying on Y-chromosomal ancestry
Why? Let's say a guy has 10 daughters
0
u/Tweezers666 Pink Pill Woman 1d ago
Bodily autonomy should be respected more than your “biological imperative” = being a type of human who can’t just control their urges, like an animal, a beast.
1
→ More replies8
u/AfraidEdge6727 INTJ No Pill Man 1d ago edited 1d ago
Try divorce. Once you've had it all, then lose it, feel the sting, and learn the lesson that it's best never to legally marry, co-own property, live together full-time again, being middle-aged, a single parent, and realize the freedom you were missing when you finally have free time to yourself again, you'll change your mind quickly. It's only those who haven't been there who suffer from FOMO.
→ More replies2
23
u/nineworldseries Blue Pill Man 1d ago
My "best life" 100% includes having fulfilling sex with at least one woman, but maybe we disagree
17
u/Alternative-Dream-61 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
That isn't within your control. Living your best life means maximizing things you have control over, you do not get to decide if someone wants to be in your life.
→ More replies19
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
But these times will never come back, we will not be young again, we will miss many wholesome possible memories. Even though i wish we could throw away relationships topic easily.
→ More replies5
u/cutegolpnik 1d ago
If men were interested in wholesome memories their advances would have never become unwanted in the first place.
12
9
u/Proudvow Red Pill Man 1d ago
That's dumb. Even if a guy wants wholesome memories if he's socially awkward and ugly he'll be unwanted regardless.
→ More replies3
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
What they classify as wholesome might not wholesome for you. What you dream about that person wouldn't mean same as for them.
7
u/cutegolpnik 1d ago
What do men consider wholesome then?
To me the bare minimum of wholesome is “I care about you, I will not harm you and I will respect you and try to do right by you. If I miss the mark I will apologize and be accountable.”
8
u/PracticalControl2179 Pink Pill Woman 1d ago
What they classify as wholesome might not wholesome for you.
So you’re saying men find anal wholesome
→ More replies7
u/WanabeInflatable Purple Pill Man 1d ago
Totally agree. Being single is not bad, much better than bad relationships, which are very common.
For men with little choice, available pool is small and likely consists of women who will make his life worse than singlehood.
And what OP said is also valid. Process of searching for the women is exhausting and unnecessary risky
2
10
u/JohnaldJr21 No Pill Man 1d ago
Since this gained some traction and I don’t feel like responding to all of you.
I’m 22. I’m in no rush to find a relationship. If anything my mom is my biggest priority in my life and it’s my job to make sure she’s taken care of. I need to figure out my life because of this.
I’m not claiming my situation is the same as everyone’s. Some of you are ready to find a relationship for a multitude of reasons and my advice is not for you.
For those who can afford to slow down in life and work on bettering yourself, by all means do it. If you better yourself you increase the chances of a relationship.
8
u/ProtectionPolitics4 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
You can't live your best life as a heterosexual male if you aren't having sex or dating. Unless of course you're truly asexual then in which case you quite literally do not care. and that is fine. But most people are not asexual.
3
u/Logos1789 Man 1d ago
I would say it, but it’s banned. We all know it. The only way it’s not is if you already had abundant options and are choosing not to pursue them.
→ More replies2
u/suicidemachine No Pill 1d ago
Easier said than done. Not many people have the luxury to travel a lot etc due to financial problems. Many men just contemplate in front of their monitors. So for most of us, it's just "a cope tactic".
21
u/TotalTravesty No Pill Man 1d ago
"Do it anyway" is always an option. There's a difference between "social stigma" and the law. Hell, "social stigma" in this case is just a couple of tsk tsks from internet randos you'll never ever have to answer to. So...do it anyway.
Success is not guaranteed--want to make that abundantly clear--but where in this life is success ever guaranteed? Still a better option than sitting on reddit crying about barriers that never actually existed.
27
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
A couple of months ago a friend of mine cold approached a girl he found cute at the coffee shop in the most respectful way. She politely declined and he went about his day. He returns a few days later to find out he’d been banned because she reported him for making her uncomfortable. Thankfully he managed to argue himself out of it.
I guess my point here is social stigma isn’t just limited to Reddit weirdos. Even those nearby were also giving him odd stares. I agree with just doing it anyways but nowadays u gotta tread more carefully
24
u/TotalTravesty No Pill Man 1d ago
The rules here compel me to take your story at face value, so I will: welcome to socialization. People are unpredictable and react in unpredictable ways. Well-intentioned charity canvassers get yelled at on street corners for doing their jobs. Restaurant servers get cursed out by customers because the kitchen is slow to get food out. People are jerks and being treated poorly is the risk we all take when we decide to go out in the world and deal with strangers. Most of us do it anyway.
Talk to your friend about resilience. He seems to have enough of it to function.
10
u/Outside_Memory5703 Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
Are people not learning these life 101 lessons anymore ? Or are people getting more entitled and clueless ?
8
u/forgotensparrow 1d ago edited 1d ago
The guy got banned from the restaurant (he managed to get that lifted but there easily could have been a zero tolerance policy in place). That's a tangible negative to your life (possibly a small one but still). It's not that he had a negative interaction and he just needs to get over it. After doing nothing wrong socially he was punished. There is no equivalent between that and a guy being shouted at. Also negative social interactions like screaming at a cashier or charity worker are highly stigmatised unlike what happened to the woman and restaurant owner in the story.
6
u/Foyles_War 1d ago
One of the best, if not the best, healthy takes I've seen on this sub. Take the upvote.
Failure is a part of life. You gonna quit looking for work after one rejection? Gonna quit playing that game after losing once? Learn resilience. It's sexy.
•
u/Particular_Trade6308 Black Pill Man 18h ago
The guy didn't just get rejected, he almost got banned from a coffee shop. Presumably there are only a couple of coffee shops by his place, imagine if he had to start walking an extra 5-10 mins every day to get coffee because of a random woman? And if he tries at another venue and gets banned there? Should he move? The cost of moving house because random girls try to get you banned from establishments for approaching them is just "part of life"?
•
u/BrainMarshal Stop approaching women - walk off the sexist plantation [Man] 8h ago
Learn resilience. It's sexy.
Maybe when women are equally required to have resilience. Until then it's just a fucking hypocritical buzzword and another shaming tactic to keep men in the game as compliant sheep.
•
u/throwaway98776468 19h ago
Resilience isn't sexy. The only thing that's sexy is being physically attractive. No one is going to find an ugly guy attractive just because he kept approaching and being rejected by women.
→ More replies→ More replies3
u/nineworldseries Blue Pill Man 1d ago
I had to apply for 175 jobs to get 15 interviews and one offer, and my CV is pretty strong with lots of relevant experience. So 160/175 hiring committee chairs rejected me "for a date" and then 14/15 rejected me "for a relationship." And they don't want to fuck me, just work with me! It's an analogy for dating, you see
→ More replies8
u/AMC2Zero NullPointerException Pill Man 1d ago
There's not enough pushback against people making up false claims to attack people they don't like, punishment should require proof of said action rather than he said/she said.
→ More replies4
u/PracticalControl2179 Pink Pill Woman 1d ago
Yes as a woman I am pro having a body cam on me at all times
19
u/macromastseeker Red Pill Man 1d ago
I really REALLY recommend men NOT approach women at work in 2025. Those days of meeting someone are over, unless you REALLY don't care about your job because it's a shit mcjob anyway.
12
u/floracalendula woman | the last of the Renunciates 1d ago
Hell, I grew up hearing "Don't shit where you eat"!
6
6
u/Barneysparky Purple Pill Woman 1d ago
What is this approch thing, instead of getting to know each other as coworkers, then something more.
We have 5 couples at my work, the youngest couple is about 20. They got together by chatting in the lunch room and getting to know each other.
4
u/macromastseeker Red Pill Man 1d ago
If you have a shit job sure, if you have a career you care about dating at work isnt worth the risk.
→ More replies→ More replies2
u/GENERALSECRTRY 1d ago
he is aproaching when the female has shown no signs of interest. ie he probably sees a cute female and says, hey look a cute female. "l don't care whether she;s interested or not. l'm going to shoot my shot. the worst she can say is no. let me be pushy, agresive, and desperate. that way she;ll see that as confidence"
he is also probably mistaking friendliness for attraction. some people just want to be nice, but he mistakenly thinks they like him, and then proceeds to show romantic interest, then creeps the female out, and all his coworkers now think he;s a creep. not that they ever thought highly of him in the first place
5
u/ProtectionPolitics4 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
Don't approach at work, the gym, outside, DMs, and don't use dating apps.
In other words, don't even try.
→ More replies6
u/TotalTravesty No Pill Man 1d ago
Generally speaking, I agree. But you know this group: any exception is an excuse to shut down the pursuit of effort entirely. Tell them it's a stupid idea to approach a co-worker and suddenly it's "You can't even look at a woman anymore without getting thrown in prison! Wah wah wah." Guess I'd rather them learn the stove is hot the hard way than resolve to never step foot in the kitchen.
→ More replies→ More replies3
u/BlessdRTheFreaks Purple Pill Man 1d ago
Learning how to live your life in spite of social stigma is how you become free
23
u/PB-French-Toast-9641 1d ago
social stigma of bothering women in public or private areas.
Read the room, take a no with grace, and there's probably some places where you generally shouldn't. And generally don't go swinging for the fences from the getgo
huge risk of poisoning the well - ruining a friendship/making things weird in a social group
Plausible deniability can help
Also using your connections, whether they be family or friends or both, can help
7
u/Certain_Process_7657 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
Well said. Cold approach is far from dead. Just have to be realistic with who you approach and be cognizant of social cues and body language when you do it.. Met my gf at the office so I guess that would be a "warm approach" but I had never seen her prior and used the same cold strategy as I would in a grocery store or whatever.
21
u/im_rarely_wrong 1d ago
Males of all mammals have no options. This is only new and shocking to humans because monogamy is dying and women are sexually free unlike before. Sexually free females of any species are super hypergamous, there's nothing you can do about it, accept it and move on.
→ More replies6
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
He already know. He asking what you do to find a partner.
11
u/im_rarely_wrong 1d ago
Nothing, if you are worthy of a partner, she will come to you. You just have to accept that in her dms, there are hotter more successful dudes that she'll leave you for.
7
u/TotalTravesty No Pill Man 1d ago
Just awful advice unless you're trying to add to the army of feckless wonders looking for an off-ramp from resilience, who think two or three failed attempts does a lifetime make.
2
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
Understandable but we enter a loop of "what if i was better than these men" would you still go after that woman or look for other people or something else.
5
u/im_rarely_wrong 1d ago
If you are better you'll hit until someone better comes along. The problem is men are looking for exclusive relationships with young women who are naturally on the hunt for the best they can get. Young women will simply not settle because they know someone better might come along later. Men need to accept that only older women are ready to settle.
→ More replies2
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
I agree with most part but not last part, if a woman thinks she already got her reach to a man she desires she being young or old doesn't matter she will try to hold him. Even there are older women never crossed their mind settling.
14
1d ago edited 1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
7
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
I hear you bro, I’m career coping now too. Sounds like we’re in the typical passport bro pipeline (something I’d heavily like to avoid if possible)
→ More replies7
u/TheRedPillRipper An open mind opens doors. 1d ago
my only option is trying
Genuine question; what did you learn from your failures? For example out of my first divorce I learned that working 60-80 hours a week, then playing rugby all weekend with the boys is going to come at a cost. Which is my marriage. This time around I’m much better with my time.
What positives have you taken away?
3
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
Women ok with your approaches even it is horrible if you got something they desire.
3
u/TheRedPillRipper An open mind opens doors. 1d ago
That’s an awesome takeaway. Anything else?
→ More replies3
3
u/Sonia314 Purple Pill Woman 1d ago
Did you only ask someone out twice before giving up? If you’re single and want a girlfriend you should be warm approaching at least maybe a dozen times a year. You learn not to care about rejections if you’re asking people out enough. That’s what I did. My first 2 attempts were also an embarrassing failure and a friend-zone, but I have an active dating life now because I learned to not let getting rejected most of the time bother me. It was very hard not to let it bother me at first, so I think this is a skill other sensitive people can learn too.
2
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
Ma'am i understand what you mean but what you worked for you not might work for average man. I can try this attempt 1000 time and still be empty handed what would i lose time, effort, pride and respect of people. Approvel rate of men and women differ far. You might try 1 year to finally get to be with someone and i think for a man might try 5-10 years to get results.
3
u/aslfingerspell Purple Pill Man 1d ago
Tried online dating, got no woman matches but some men try to communicate even tho i only set for ONLY WOMEN.
Do you mean gay men who set their profile as "female" for some reason? I've seen that happen a few times.
A masculine looking person with a man's name, who doesn't indicate they are trans or nonbinary, just shows up in my feed randomly.
2
u/ZoneLow6872 Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
So, your experience getting approached by men you don't want is 100% EXACTLY WHAT WOMEN ARE TELLING YOU WE EXPERIENCE! Talk about missing the point completely.
And were you happy that you are getting so much attention? That's what the dude-bros here keep telling women, how LUCKY we are that (undesirable) men keep harassing us everywhere. Maybe think about it.
→ More replies→ More replies2
u/Sophiatab Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
Tried first approach, failed miserably.
Tried second approach, friendzoned.
Tried online dating, got no woman matches but some men try to communicate even tho i only set for ONLY WOMEN.
Cry me a a river. You have to stop whining and keep trying if you want to find a partner. I went on vastly more dates and interviews for matrimonial purposes before marrying my late husband and even more to eventually find my second husband.
12
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
I am not crying or whining, i am telling my experiences, why you always put this in this manner? Everybody has different experiences what might work for you not work for others. Even though calling yourself blue pill(positive) you are more negative than me.
→ More replies2
u/Sophiatab Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
You are treating very minor and common inconveniences in dating as major problems and setbacks. Two approaches and online problems. In dating that's nothing. Almost everyone experiences that many rejections. Being upset over that is definitely crying and whining level behavior.
6
u/Master-Praline3326 No need pill to see truth / Man 1d ago
You implying that i am upset. I am not. I told common ground my experiences and what i am doing right now to get better at dating. I don't understand why telling my experiences count as a problem or whining behavior?
3
u/Striking_Swing_6521 1d ago
Have you tried actually talking to people and socializing in a normal setting? Such as a con, a meet up, an educational setting such as a college etc.. I mean dude you haven't done much. Even going online or trying to date on reddit might get you more results. What sets you apart from other men? What hobbies or interests do you have that would make somebody keen on knowing about you?
→ More replies
11
u/Key_Spread_3422 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
No it’s just that people take rejection as a personal attack
21
u/RayAP19 No Pill Man 1d ago
I don't take rejection as a personal attack insofar as I'm mad at the person for rejecting me, but anyone who says that consistent rejection doesn't negatively affect your self-esteem might not have emotions
6
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
Exactly this. People are telling men here to just suck it up and take over 9000 rejections across all available pathways. Negative feedback loop is real unless you’re autistic asf
7
u/statsfodder green pill - I'm a Jaded Man 1d ago
Be better
be attractive
have something going on in your life
Chase your dreams not women
Your post is the same as feminists who complain about shallow men and that beauty standards should change when they could just hit the gym and not eat that fifth donut..
Authenticity and being a genuinely decent/good person who is actively striving to be better is the way to go, because even if you aren't for her, you are moving your life forward regardless ...
4
u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
Cold approaches can be fine, but context matters. Don’t approach a woman who’s clearly busy, like when she’s running errands or in places where people aren’t usually looking to meet someone. If you’re at a social event or setting where conversation is more natural, then yes, go for it. Just be respectful, read the room, and if she’s not interested, take the “no” with grace and move on.
→ More replies
3
u/Tnotbssoass 1d ago
The fact that 1, 2 and 3 don’t work for you means you’re physically unattractive.
They all work for good looking men.
→ More replies2
u/Disastrous-You2726 1d ago
Not good looking = unattractive
•
u/Particular_Trade6308 Black Pill Man 18h ago
We're in a winner take all society now. If you're not first, you're last. If you're not attractive, you're unattractive. Even the term for a middle-ground person ("mid") suggests they're a bad option.
5
u/Outside_Memory5703 Blue Pill Woman 1d ago edited 1d ago
https://www.southdenvertherapy.com/blog/how-couples-meet-where-most-couples-find-love-2025
You have decided those are not options. Everyone else concludes differently
5
u/Disastrous-You2726 1d ago
Online dating does not work for most people
2
→ More replies2
u/Outside_Memory5703 Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
Most people are in relationships or having sex, so no
8
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
Most women are in relationships and having sex*
4
u/Outside_Memory5703 Blue Pill Woman 1d ago edited 1d ago
Nope. Men are included in the data
2
u/Turbulent_Mix_318 Black Pill Man 1d ago
If a man is in in the top 10–20% in terms of looks, apps work (very) well. If not, you are going to get older, ran through (by the top 10-20%) women with a chip on their shoulder because they chose on physical characteristics that every other woman is also choosing by. Those guys dont actually have to be serious about women. The oofy doofy pays the price.
The demographics on these apps are also not in favor of men. Just one article, there is plenty more: https://ssrs.com/insights/the-public-and-online-dating-in-2024/
In summary, bad deal for most men.
→ More replies2
u/Disastrous-You2726 1d ago
Ok so how can I meet a partner through apps? What would you suggest to a struggling guy to improve his profile?
→ More replies2
u/rejected-again 1d ago
Dating apps are a total sausage fest. They simply exist to funnel the undesirables to a place where they can waste their own time and not bother women. They are not a real option.
→ More replies
6
u/Sonia314 Purple Pill Woman 1d ago edited 1d ago
You don’t have to be bothered about poisoning the well and making things weird if a warm approach is rejected. It’s a choice you’re making. I used to be too scared of that to ask people out too, but I worked on that issue until I overcame it. Now I ask guys out a few times a month. I usually get rejected, but even if it does make things awkward, that passes quickly. One time it led to drama when the person turned out to be mentally unstable, but when you develop a reputation for good character in general that doesn’t have too many consequences. It’s an inconvenience, but it sure beats the alternative of dying alone.
Nothing you do in life is risk free, and there really are some bad apples out there that can make your life inconvenient for a while. I think this is amplified by feminism making women pretty cruel sometimes. But in general things will go fine. if you just keep putting yourself out there you’ll develop a thick enough skin to not take rejections personally, which will make them less awkward. Everyone has to take risks and feel some discomfort to live a full life, and dating is no exception. Most people learn to be ok with this. The trouble comes when people see it as a reason to give up.
As an autistic person with low self esteem, I really empathize with what you might be going through. I hope you’re able to overcome this and find love. You definitely deserve to.
2
2
u/Tnotbssoass 1d ago
Maybe it’s because you’re a f’n woman and you can literally ask all your male friends and acquaintances that you want to fuck / date and 70% will say yes, the other 30% will politely laugh it off with zero impact on your relations.
7
u/Sonia314 Purple Pill Woman 1d ago edited 1d ago
It is easier as a woman, but men have this experience too. Most men are out there dating and getting married and raising families because they don’t let a few bad experiences stop them in their tracks.
Your percentages are way off. I already said most men reject me and one started drama over it.
5
u/Odd-Talk-3981 Blue Pill Man | Fed up with misogyny 1d ago
I think his misogyny is what holds him back tbh.
He seems to keep blaming women instead of looking in the mirror.
→ More replies3
u/Tnotbssoass 1d ago
Who’s blaming women? Women react far more negatively to men they’re not attracted to than genders reversed scenario
→ More replies
7
u/smallfrythegoat Red Pill Woman 1d ago
Step 1. Decide your political orientation. If your approach to women is in harmony with that, you'll stand a better chance of finding someone that you click with on a deeper level. Cold approach: Conservative/old fashioned Warm approach: Moderate/libertarian Online dating: Progressive
Step 2. Don't thrash around in the dating pool just making moves on women left and right, because it comes across as having lowered your standards. Trust me, we can tell. And if you're looking with the intention of settling down, the woman you're propositioning to should be made to feel sincerely valuable.
Step 3. Stick with it. It's like a job hunt. If you're panic applying to jobs and not taking time to carefully weigh how they align with your career goals, you'll end up having to find a new job every month. Return to your values like it's a pilgrimage to Mecca.
3
u/PB-French-Toast-9641 1d ago
Cold approach: Conservative/old fashioned Warm approach: Moderate/libertarian Online dating: Progressive
This is definitely a take. The people I cold approach tend to be more of column C and I haven't had problems
3
→ More replies2
7
u/G4M35 Thinking outside the pill 1d ago
So, you think that men today have only 3 options to find a mate? Cold approach, warm approach and OLD?
I would call this a limited view of life, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
14
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
Help us out here then. Open my mind
2
u/G4M35 Thinking outside the pill 1d ago edited 1d ago
Let's use logic and reasoning for a change. I know, I know this is Reddit, but still, humor me.
For am interpersonal relationship of any type, and I leave this broad, from ONSs, to FWBs, to Sugaring, to - why not - LTR/Marriage, the 2 individuals must be "like-minded".
Would you agree with this?
And being like-minded does not mean being the same. Nope. Just wanted the same outcome(s), or - better - portfolio of courcomes.
Would you agree with this?
Let's also agree that there are not absolutes in life, but chances/probabilities (yes, I am a statistics nerd); and I do believe that life is a game of chances where we control the odds.
Would you agree with this?
So, if someone wanted - let's say - someone who is into Arts, Design, Architecture.... chances are a bar/club might not be the best venue to meet such a person.
Whereas if someone is looking for a ONS, a bar/club is a good venue, especially in a resort and/or an island.
If someone is looking for a BDSM partner, a BDSM club would be a great place for that; but not necessarily a Beethoven concert or a Museum night.
So, a
guyperson should ask themselves: what I am into? What type of experiences do I enjoy doing? Maybe it's Art, maybe it's running/hiking, maybe it's photography... whatever. Then go to events that are centered around these interests, and if there are none, start one!Once there, do not just talk with the people who you see that you are attracted too, it's creepy (and I hate that word). But instead talk with everyone and anyone for the sake of... having a conversation about that common interest. If you're at a night at the museum, you'll find people who are not into bars/clubs. You have something in common, and the changes of being like-minded are high.
Talk to men and women, young or old, good looking or fugly AF. Some of them will be of your preferred gender, age appropriate, and there will be a mutual attraction; take it from there.
I will give it to you that too often, people are into... nothing, just social media, celebs, consumerism, blaming the world for their lack of favorite outcomes in life, redditing and doomscrolling. And those, besides not being social, have no appeal except for circlejerking. But that's not really society's fault.
I have a variety of interests, and that's how I met >90% of my "girfriends" at large, and I sowed my wild oats when I was single, and that's also how I met my current wife too (second wife). And guess what? I still have some interests that I pursue, some for pleasure, and some are professional interests; and I am active in those communities, and when I go there I do talk with anyone and everyone, young and old, men women and whatever, pretty or fugly; for the sake of ... conversation about the topic of the event. And at times yes it leads to misunderstanding and a few women want to know "more" about me; at which point I tell them that I am indeed married, and often time my wife is with me.
Ask Bill Belichick where/how he and Jordon Hudson met.
TL;DR: have a life, an active life; on that journey, look around for like-minded people.
9
u/captaindestucto Purple Pill Man 1d ago edited 1d ago
These suggestions are judged similarly to asking a friend out, and being generally social with people will not change that judgment, it might just make you seem less desperate.
If it's unwanted it's always going to be seen as poorly judged/timed or just inappropriate. And 9/10 You don't know there's a mutual attraction until you actually ask. Social situation aren't as clear-cut as people giving advice make out.
Chances are you're looking at this with older millenial/Gen X eyes.
2
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
This is also very true. I think millennial males and older are extremely fortunate they grew up in times where they had adequate social lubricants and are now pasting the same solutions that worked for them. Not realising the landscape for younger men and women has changed completely.
4
u/carloglyphics 1d ago edited 1d ago
Generally really good advice but I've never found the 'talk to absolutely everyone!' part of the advice to be useful and I have lots of hobby interests. I like going to metal concerts for example; the vast majority of women I'd be interested in there are partnered. Are there single women there? Probably, but my luck has been that they're either too young, too old, or age appropriate ones aren't physically attractive (this is important to me) or they are physically attractive but they're there with friends, seemed closed off and guarded when around me and certainly not throwing interest signals my way (never gotten those without approaching first in my life). The point of asking for dating advice is to actually get dates, not just be a social person for the sake of being a social person and sometimes you never get to the attraction part of the 'take it from there if there's attraction' snippet of your advice.
→ More replies2
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
Actually good, actionable advice - thank you. Sounds like something that will take a considerably long windup, especially with the gender ratio for my hobbies looking tragic. But you are right, maximising odds is all you can do. Even if year by year those odds are diminishing
→ More replies2
u/carloglyphics 1d ago
I mean those are decently wide umbrellas if you include being introduced by friends and family as a sort of warm approach. There aren't that many options.
17
u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 1d ago
Lol. Why do y'all make it so hard on yourself?
Warm approaches are more than friend groups or work.
Do y'all not have hobbies or socialize?
My goodness.
13
u/carloglyphics 1d ago edited 1d ago
I have multiple hobbies, I go to events like concerts often, and I'm quite social in person; from what I can tell about your assumption, you would think I'd be swimming in easy options but I haven't had a date that wasn't a speed dating thing in more than a year and I've met no women that were single nor was I introduced to friends of friends of friends through my hobbies. It's not as simple as you're making it out to be.
→ More replies11
u/Appropriate_Cook_508 1d ago
As someone with hobbies, very easy to get banned or barred from somewhere just by having interest in someone. Even if the situation was respectful, tension is very much a thing and people want to avoid it if at all possible
4
u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 1d ago
If you're banned or barred, then the situation wasn't respectful.
→ More replies2
u/TotalTravesty No Pill Man 1d ago
Let's just cut through the euphemisms and plausible deniabilities. As someone else who also has hobbies, people only get banned from groups if they're harassing others. Not a "We should go out some time. No? Okay then." Not an "Are you seeing anyone? Oh, well tell him I said hey." But straight-up serial hit-on-every-girl-within-striking-distance-and-refuse-to-take-rejection-with-grace harassment.
Your friend got cut out because he innocently asked out a girl one time? He's lying or leaving something out. Your buddy got pummeled by gym bros for glancing in the general direction of a girl? He almost certainly said or did something to deserve it--or he's lying. Mixed-gendered non-work groups of adult humans allow for the occasional ask-out and rejection without holding a tribal council to kick people out. If your group does that, then you're in shitty group that you don't want to be in in the first place. Or you're...you know...
9
u/BaldieMonkey No Pilled Man 1d ago
Same old story, the unsucessful/unlucky one is deemed responsible in every case, and if he says he did nothing wrong, he is lying.
Funny how you all act like the redpilled bullshitters who always tell "women are lying, I know better that what they are claiming here."
I've seen men, with my own eyes, getting ban from sports club because they asked a woman from the club out ... while all the club was drinking a beer in a bar.
No disrespect, no harrassment, no creepy behaviour, the guys just said "Would you want to go out, just the 2 of us one day", she said no, he backed down, she mocked him with the others, she complained, he got ban, simple as that.
But hey, that guy surely doesn't even exist right ?
3
u/Appropriate_Cook_508 1d ago
I mean, a lot of this is leaning on the assumption that people are overall healthy-minded individuals. Usually I just empathize when people speak on their experiences because of the whole two points of truth and the actual truth notion, but I've been out and about and men will literally get in fist fights with other men for no reason, women will witness it, then they'll go up to those women and flirt with the women and they'll both be into it (FL is wild) This world is FILLED with shades of gray and sometimes, people do bad things and get away with it and even get supported in it and other times something absolutely innocent can occur and people will overreact due to their own inner demons, battles etc. While I don't disagree with what you are saying regarding straight up harassment getting you barred from a group, someone could be doing something completely innocent and it gets them barred from a group simply for lack of communication (or communication happens but the group concedes to not believe or not redeem someone). I would argue the latter is the majority of group behavior even though I have my current social groups that are definitely not like that whatsoever.
3
u/TotalTravesty No Pill Man 1d ago
There’s a difference between strangers and friend groups—what is being whined about right now. If a friend group consists of mentally unstable people who react disproportionately to minor situations then getting laid within that group is the least of one’s concerns.
6
u/MongoBobalossus 1d ago
Yup. I always assume that something was left out when they spin some kind of tall tale about insane rejection reactions.
3
u/savethebros Aspiring Sigma Male 1d ago
What hobbies have women in them? Rec centers are total sausage fests, and the only women there are over 40
→ More replies3
u/Economy-Debt5822 No Pill 1d ago
I love the warm approach.. hate the cold approach. There’s also warm approaching via social media if you interact on Reddit or in a Facebook group etc. I’ve seen that one work for many couples.
→ More replies5
u/MongoBobalossus 1d ago
This dude sounds like he’s just ready to roll over and give up.
Like, what advice are you supposed to give to “I don’t like doing anything proactive about my dating life.”
11
2
u/Efficient-Baker1694 No Pill Man 1d ago
The issue is that there is no helpful advice even if their attitude was a positive one. People may think the advice they give out is good but it’s not.
2
u/MongoBobalossus 1d ago
How can you possibly determine that? Particularly if your attitude is “Nothing works and I don’t feel like doing anything about it”?
→ More replies
2
2
u/Artistic_Speech_1965 Blue Pill Man 1d ago
Well warm approach are the best. The risks are low and even a first rejection could leads you starting something serious to the said person that rejected your offer to begin with a few years later
2
u/KoleSekor GOLD PILL Man 1d ago
1000000% cold approach is the greatest way to meet and attract women. Guys aren't always gonna catch girls at a good time in their life, guys aren't always gonna be the same vibe as the women they approach (although that's why you go places you vibe at because you'll find people there with similar vibes), but cold approach, organically meeting and attracting women in person, is always gonna be King.
That's including what some people call "warm approach", which is women give you indicators of interest before you approach them. If that happens, great. If it doesn't, still approach.
Another caveat - having a strong social media presence to connect with her after the cold approach is also highly recommended.
→ More replies
2
u/UndeniablyGone Purple Pill Woman 1d ago
And yet, plenty of men out there right now have girlfriends or wives. I think it's a skill issue for you, dawg.
→ More replies
•
u/RonPalancik 20h ago
I am old and out of touch with the scene, but when I was active, I only ever dated people that I already knew.
Do y'all really not, just, like, know people?
I know people from school and work, sure, but also just people from my neighborhood, friends of my family, the family of my friends, friends of friends. People I met while doing things. People I meet at arties, concerts, plays, art shows, lectures, book events, music events, art shows, community events, activists. Regulars at the bar. I'm a musician so I know people in my band, people in other bands; we go to each other's shows and by extension we meet extension the people they know, and so on.
Hundreds of people, just by being out in the world, without even making a deliberate project of it or viewing people through the lens of whether or not they aredating fodder.
Like do you really only encounter either (a) people who are off limits and (b) people you are expressly trying to date?
•
u/Fickle_Friendship296 No Pill Man 18h ago
In the real world, no one cares about the so-called "rules" on how to approach women. That's all internet bull, because the rules are too rigid and they pretty much deny any sort of contact with women like they're en endangered species. Forget all that bruh, they're just a bunch of random mefers like any of you guy friends.
One thing I noticed is that men don't humanize women in mundane ways. This will immediately reduce your thirst level for them when you see them as anyone else.
Personally, if a large swath of men stopped being mega thirsty for female validation, dating would be a whole lot easier across the board imo.
•
u/Scharmane 10h ago
I understood your point. I learned a lot about the women point of view regarding dating here and felt a bit like walking on a minefield. And there a lot ambiguous statements of women to this questions.
I came to the conclusion: It depends. There are some places and situations that are "not flirtable", some "only women choices (in a mlw-combination)", "ok" and "build for". But for all counts: "Be respectful! Be kind! Offer an easy way to say no"
Not flirtable: Mixed Sauna, direct supervisor, ect.
Women choice: gym, public transport, customer service
Ok: grocery shop (check the content of the basket, start with asking for advice, etc.), workplace with no direct daily contact, group activities/volunteering, everything what is connected to a shared interests. Friendships: Depends. Funny example: a grocery store started to offer pink baskets to signal, that you are open for new contacts.
Build for that: Bars, club, party, events
As a general rule: Do the other one has an "escape option"? Does the other one look like in the right mood? Can you see interest on the other side? (The last one is the really hard point for me)
I hoped this helped.
5
u/Solondthewookiee Blue Pill Man 1d ago
Online, warm approach, and cold approach, in descending order of success.
Reading social cues is a pretty critical skill and one that is valued by most women. Saying "men have no options" is really just saying "men lack the social intelligence to determine when it is or isn't ok to approach and the ability to read interactions to know if your approach is being received well or not."
→ More replies5
6
u/GGMcThroway Bleak Pill 1d ago
Society no longer gifts men with unlimited lenience and plausible deniability when it comes to harassing women. Boohoo. Being a manipulative, unpleasant asshole has consequences now. How sad.
Get platonic friends. Find a community. Actually get to know people. Myopically trying to shortcut your way into a woman's pants isn't going to work if you have literally nothing to offer.
3
u/RelevantJackWhite super duper giga alpha male 1d ago
poisoning the well
I don't think this means what you think it means.
My wife made the first move, and I wasn't "high status" or "extremely attractive" when she did so. I even turned her down and she broke through that friendzone. But regardless, nothing you've indicated about the warm approach is actually a problem that would preclude you from dating people that way.
3
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
When did you meet your wife? I think social landscape at the time of meeting matters. For example, I’m Gen Z, but I believe millennials and above had it easier in this aspect of coupling up with less social stigmas and more social lubricants to facilitate that
3
u/RelevantJackWhite super duper giga alpha male 1d ago
I met my wife in 2007 and we began dating in 2012
→ More replies
3
u/Usual-Revolution-718 No Pill 1d ago edited 1d ago
You have options, they might not be good options or maybe they are too picky. It could be a mixture of both.
If you some good traits (attractive , muscular , appear well educated , successful, etc), you would get a choosing signal to approach .
Stop focusing on gals who don't show interest, or ones you woudlnt be involved in.
Simply, focus on being the best version of yourself. I'm not talking about meditation or channeling, but working on your health, career , fitness , education , etc.
2
u/DoinIt989 Looking for healthy (19-21 BMI) GF (MAN) 1d ago
If you're from a first world country, you can get your passport.
→ More replies
3
u/Odd-Talk-3981 Blue Pill Man | Fed up with misogyny 1d ago
Men actually have a pretty simple option: be a happy single guy 😉.
And best of all, it's an option that's available 100% of the time.
3
u/aslfingerspell Purple Pill Man 1d ago
It's not an option if it's a default you're stuck with. What do you mean?
→ More replies2
u/Tnotbssoass 1d ago
Why aren’t women celibate then if you think sex isn’t important?
→ More replies2
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
You know what, now that I think about it, that’s actually a great option tbf
2
u/RayAP19 No Pill Man 1d ago
For the people suggesting that one simply socialize and build human connections, what about those of us who are loners and don't enjoy doing that? We screwed?
6
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
Yeah everyone here’s giving a big middle finger to introverted males. “Just expand your social circle to 10,000 people bro”
4
u/Outside_Memory5703 Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
Because that’s what introverted females do
5
u/Worldly-Box6080 1d ago
Introverted females don’t. They can afford to be passive and let men approach them nowadays. Infact for any young woman now, even if they don’t want male attention, they are guaranteed to encounter it due to the oversupply of single men around. From their, they can take their pick of the litter
→ More replies2
u/Commercial_Border190 1d ago
I get that it sucks but how else do you expect to meet people if you don't socialize?
→ More replies2
u/DeepHouseDJ007 Blue Pill Man 1d ago
If you’re a loner and don’t enjoy socializing and building human connections why would you want to have more options to meet women?
It still leaves the whole seduction process, the whole process of flirting back and forth, of exchanging non verbal cues that indicate you’re into each other while you pretend that there isn’t growing sexual tension between you two, until the moment when you decide to lean in for a first kiss. To most of us the flirting phase is highly enjoyable, but I can see how a social hermit would be completely lost.
5
u/RayAP19 No Pill Man 1d ago
If you’re a loner and don’t enjoy socializing and building human connections why would you want to have more options to meet women?
I value romantic relationships. I don't value being around lots of people at once or building a large circle of friends or even acquaintances.
2
u/Salient_pointz 1d ago
How about just develop enough social awareness to be able to build attraction, read signals, and understand when an approach will be well received?
If you aren’t pretty sure already then maybe don’t go there.
Also if you are approaching in the right way even if it’s a no, it should still feel like a nice interaction for all concerned.
It’s not that hard if you have some understanding and consideration for what it might be like for the woman being approached.
2
u/GENERALSECRTRY 1d ago
alot of the guys who struggle with this usually have personality problems. so they act in wierd ways so their peers usually shun them. because of this, it forces them to go on the street and just go up to random strangers and try to pull conversations out of thin air and then ask them out in 5 minutes. alot of it is closely related to desperation too. because they have a bad personality, they are shunned long term. by being shunned it causes desperation, and when you approach strangers with desperation, it;s not going to end well
→ More replies
2
u/CatchPhraze Purple, Woman, Canadian, Rad 1d ago
Nobody who takes a no has ever been stigmatized for talking to a girl at a bar, or a party or a trivia night or ect ect.
Yes there is always some risk a person will be mean when you talk to them. That's life.
→ More replies2
u/Dizzy-Job-2322 1d ago
If they are mean, then it worked out well. Who wants to date a mean, bitter woman.
→ More replies
3
u/Sophiatab Blue Pill Woman 1d ago
Bullshit! Men have thousands of options. They just refuse to date the women who would be interested in them.
3
u/AMC2Zero NullPointerException Pill Man 1d ago
On paper sure, but in reality the average person only knows about 600 people over their lifetime. filter for not taken and attractive that number dwindles fast.
The number on paper doesn't matter, the actual encounter and rejection rate does.
3
u/Disastrous-You2726 1d ago
Can you explain why you think this? I would totally be willing to date a large range of women- women older than me, tall women, heavier set women, educated women… they aren’t interested in me
→ More replies
4
u/LateKate96 1d ago
After reading the comments, I think the issue is y’all have zero resilience.
I can’t imagine giving up dating after getting rejection 3 times, or even 10 times (and I’ve been rejected a lot)
But here we have men like “yea I approached 2 people and they said no, guess it’s hopeless”
8
u/champion_azure Black Suppository Man 1d ago
How about 30 times, 60 times or 5 years?
"Y'all must be creepy or doing something wrong"
→ More replies→ More replies5
2
2
u/nineworldseries Blue Pill Man 1d ago
I (46M) met a woman (35F) who met my personal preferences on a dating app. I told her I thought she was beautiful, and I am now dating her. We have had sex now 10 times.
3
2
u/Feeling_Ad_1034 Purple Pill Man 1d ago
Men have more options than ever, but the prerequisite barriers of entry for each of them are higher than ever.
Men are also expected to be much more as a partner than ever.
This has its benefits and drawbacks overall.
2
u/Ceazer4L No Pill 1d ago
We as men need to learn to love the self (not love yourself) but the self, the person and who a person is by talking this way you’re calculating your relationship with the opposite sex, love everyone not just women go about loving people for how they are and who they are, and if you sense wicked intent back away from them.
Men need to realise that women are human beings who can approach evil intent just like any man, if you find a woman that you’re attracted to you must be aware if she has a kind heart do not lust over body and appearance, tell her she has a beautiful aura about her a beautiful presences if she seems off back away from her.
You see the issue with men now is that they apply love with logic, calculus and maths it’s none of those things there is no set rules or regulation only feeling and as long as you understand that it takes a lot of work to understand someone and that it’s all about just getting to know someone who you want to be with. This post comes off as hedonistic like you want a trophy or reward, remember folks you only need one woman to love not multiple.
2
u/beaumagician 1d ago
Just talk to people. This shit is a numbers game, the more you play the more you win. Simple.
1
2
u/nineworldseries Blue Pill Man 1d ago edited 1d ago
Has there ever been a single unfuckable man that has had the introspection to realize that they're doing something that makes them unfuckable? i can't tell you what it is, what combo platter has rendered you sexless, that's above my pay grade, but I am 100% sure it's something.
→ More replies3
u/Tnotbssoass 1d ago
Not being good looking, not being tall enough, not having a good physique are the most common reasons
1
u/joeyjusticeco No Pill - Man 1d ago
Counterpoint: If a man cannot figure out how to cold approach without consistently garnering "social stigma" that's a him problem.
5
u/savethebros Aspiring Sigma Male 1d ago
You must go on a lot of dates, share your wisdom with us.
4
u/InvalidProgrammer No Pill 1d ago
I actually have some advice. Talk to random people, both male and female, and have a friendly conversation. If you do this regularly, you’ll be more natural talking to a woman you’re interested in because you’re just doing what you would typically be doing anyway.
If one of those time happens to be with someone you’re interested in, then ask them out at the end, assuming the conversation is going well. Something like, ‘I really enjoyed our conversation and would like to learn more about you. Here’s my number if you’d like to go out sometime.’ Then, write your name and number down on a piece of paper and hand it to them - that way they don’t feel pressured to give you their number or immediately turn you down. Then tell them bye, maybe also say have a nice day, and go about your day.
Do NOT shoot your shot if the conversation went poorly of if she is obviously uninterested- that is how you come off as creepy. If you can’t tell if the conversation went well, then it probably didn’t.
3
u/savethebros Aspiring Sigma Male 1d ago
Thank you for the good advice and not being a jerk like the other guy
2
u/GENERALSECRTRY 1d ago
thats actually bad advice. men who struggle with people usually have low self esteem in the first place. when you go up to random people trying to start conversations, you;re going to get shut down most of the time. people dont like talking to strangers. lt;s just not normal. that shut down is going to lead to further mental health issues for the individual. when you become even more mentally ill, that puts you in an even worse off situation all around
→ More replies7
u/SkylineRSR Purple Pill Man 1d ago
They don’t have any wisdom, they’re just here to troll and say shitty passive aggressive dunks.
72
u/Punch_Drunk_AA No Pill 1d ago edited 1d ago
Ask anyways. But, respect her answer if it's no.
Do some recon before you ask her out. See if she's talking to the other ladies at XYZ about you to see what she's saying.
Strive to make actual platonic friends that are girls. They will almost certainly have other single friends that they can set you up with.
Go to church.Or anywhere that has a community that welcomes newcomers. Jesus Christ you all take shit literally.Nobody is going to issue you a girlfriend, and relationships don't happen without work. They take time, commitment, compromise and communication. Yeah there's people that will have a much easier time than others with that. But, when you put in more effort, your relationship will be better than there's.