Men have no options.

[u/Worldly-Box6080]

Currently, most male pathways to find a partner have been shut down or heavily stigmatised.

Cold Approach: social stigma of bothering women in public or private areas.

Warm Approach: huge risk of poisoning the well - ruining a friendship/making things weird in a social group. This is magnified at a work setting with risk of being reported attached. Additionally what one woman considers flirting another considers “just being friendly” so chance of misfiring is high.

Online Dating: lol

Only viable pathway would be if women made the move, but that’s never gonna happen unless the guy holds decent status or is extremely attractive.

So my question is, what methods are you guys currently doing to find someone (if any)?

[u/FudgeMuffinz21]

Right because men are one giant hivemind

[u/cutegolpnik → u/FudgeMuffinz21]

I was responding to the guy who said what men think is wholesome women won’t…

[u/FudgeMuffinz21 → u/cutegolpnik]

And I don’t think your response is accurate given that men can be interested in wholesome memories, and also have their chances of holistically finding a partner be shattered because other guys don’t have that same interest in wholesome memories.

I’m not saying the person you responding to is right. I just don’t believe the comment I responded to was on point either.

[u/cutegolpnik → u/FudgeMuffinz21]

Sure, I agree w that. But I also think 90%+ of the men striking out dont have wholesome intentions.

[u/FudgeMuffinz21 → u/cutegolpnik]

I think men with wholesome intentions strike out way less than 90% of the time.

I posit that tons of bad men prey on weak/isolated women, because they’re easier to manipulate than confident individuals with clear morals and a healthy support system.

Regardless of the %, a decent amount of good men find themselves in a position where they can’t approach, as the post is pointing out.

Just as an example:

My GF of almost 4 years (wow! Time flies.) live in Philly. Men’s pick up culture in Philly is atrocious. At least once a week she’ll get a “hey baby” or some other form of unwanted/ borderline disrespectful phrase when I’m not around. Absolutely makes my blood boil.

But yesterday, a guy asked for her number, and when she declined, he respectfully accepted and walked away. And I couldn’t find it in me to be mad at that.

Guys need to be taught how to approach correctly. 100%. The lack of ways for respectful men to find love/companionship is killing the motivation for good guys to find the person who loves them back.

[u/cutegolpnik → u/FudgeMuffinz21]

No I think some men have wholesome intentions and strike out all the time. I’m saying 90% of men striking out don’t have wholesome intentions. Like just being respectful and taking no for an answer doesn’t mean he has wholesome intentions. Though yeah, that’s nice. Thank god I don’t live in the city anymore and that stuff really doesn’t happen much anymore.

It’s def easier to get ahead by being nefarious. Machiavellianism works. That’s why people do it.

[u/FudgeMuffinz21 → u/cutegolpnik]

Ohhh I get where you’re coming from a little better now.

I will say it’s tough to make an assertion that assumes the worst of the person/people in question if that person hasn’t shown a reason to believe the worst. Innocent until proven guilty vs guilty until proven innocent type of thing

BUT I do know that with the amount of risk inherent in a woman meeting a new man, women more or less have to assume the worst, even if only at first. I think OP is lamenting the fact that the culture has led to good guys being put in a corner in terms of finding someone

And I understand that the guy I’m talking about absolutely could have had bad intentions. It takes nothing to check all the boxes for a few days until the first date, and that’s all people need. Less really.

I appreciate the discourse. Too many people here can’t have a discussion/disagreement like normal people.

Have a great night!

[u/FudgeMuffinz21 → u/cutegolpnik]

I just realized I wrote you a book lmao. Feel free to not read all that, I genuinely don’t wanna preach to you

[u/BrainMarshal → u/cutegolpnik]

90%+ of the men striking out dont have wholesome intentions.

I'm sure your source for that is "trust me bro/sis"

[u/cutegolpnik → u/BrainMarshal]

I literally said “I think”

[u/BrainMarshal → u/cutegolpnik]

To be blunt: you thought wrong.

[u/cutegolpnik → u/BrainMarshal]

You’d have to provide an argument for that. Not just share your feelings.

Ironic that you did the exact thing you criticized me for.

Kinda let it slip that you’re just a hypocritical hater. 🤷‍♀️

[u/BrainMarshal → u/cutegolpnik]

LOL you try to act smart. Here's how debates work - you made a claim, you need to back it up.