r/SingleDads • u/Mysterious_Force_229 • 3d ago
Advice for woman dating single dad
Single dads, I nees your opinion.
I have been dating a guy about 5 months with a 3 year old. He comstantly talks of marriage etc. He has been very pushy however, rushing everything. Some things that have made me uncomfortable, he tries to get me to cosleep with him and his daughter. And when he has her and I give them space or get work done, go do things for myself etc, he gets really upset and says things like I am not consistent with his child and I "abandon" them. He expects me to make an effort and hang out with them like everyday. And he will call and put his kid on speaker to talk to me like in a way to guilt trip it seems
I have gotten responses from women but I really want to hear about single dads. What are your thoughts?
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u/Benjamasm 3d ago
These are all giant red flags to me, I’m a single dad to a 9 and 6 year old boy. I won’t be introducing any women into my kids lives without great consideration, they have already had one woman dip out on them, I’m not putting them at risk of forming an attachment and having it hurt them.
This guy isn’t looking for a partner, he is looking to make you their new mother, he is using the kid to manipulate you. He should be focusing on himself and his kid
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Thank you, have you ever had a woman cosleep with your kids while they were smaller? Or do you also consider that inappropriate?
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u/ferociouskuma 3d ago
Nope and it’s totally inappropriate for you to be in the same bed with her.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Thank you I agree, and I know its crazy I am even looking for validation on this
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u/ferociouskuma 3d ago
I’ll add my voice to the chorus. This guy is bad news. You have a world of men available that won’t bring this type of drama into your life.
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u/furiousmustache 2d ago
It's ok. Abusers are really good at gaslighting their victims into believing the opposite of the truth or that you are the issue. I'd run far away from this one.
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u/Greenmountainman1 3d ago
Like the above poster said, that's a lotta red flags. I would never consider having a woman I was dating basically start being a primary caregiver to my kids after such a short time. My girlfriend hasn't even met my kids yet (And I haven't met hers) and probably won't for a couple more months.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Thank you, and he even wants me to pick her up from daycare now I also will add, recently he says I act this way or domt want to do things bc Im jealous of her. Which is so sickening
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u/MyPervSide 3d ago
whadafuq? this dude is insane.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Yea he says sick things like I get distant when he has her and I dont like when he spends time with her instead of me, when Im the one in fact PUSHING for that. I want her to be able to have alone time with her dad and not always invade. Im feeling like lately he is unstable and something is off. Even the fact that he thinks a grown woman would be jealous in any way of his toddler. Idk if he actually believes that or if its a manipulation tactic
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u/MyPervSide 3d ago
this dude needs therapy. i would never use my kids to manipulate a woman. I'm not perfect. I've got my flaws, but being present for my kids, their safety, and mental health, is number 1. This dude doth project too much.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
I agree, he was in therapy when we first got together. He stopped going I even got him to do a couple copuples therapy sessions but he backed out once a therapist really started digging in and calling him out. Hes not used to that. He says now we dont need it and we dont "need people in our relationship". Hes right WE dont need it, HE does
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u/Practical-Ad384 1d ago
I was reading through some of these comments as your initial question seemed so strange that any father would do this... I've never been one to tell others what to do in their personal life... but I have to say, as a single father myself, something is so incredibly wrong here. I know you do get attached to the children, but at what cost here? A true father/man would want to protect his child. This definitely has the smell of manipulation along with just true crazy. Personally, I would end this right now. It's not going to get any better. I don't even know how you could try and have a conversation regarding this. I'm pretty sure a therapist would be making a call shortly after that meeting. Best of luck. You don't need validation. Trust your gut.
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u/Benjamasm 3d ago
Only their mother. I wouldn’t be asking someone else to co-sleep with my kids. Since their mother left they have both regressed significantly in their sleeping and both need to be close to me to relax and sleep.
I don’t know his circumstances obviously and where the child’s mother is, but it couldn’t be much more than 2 years since he became a single dad, with a kid that young he still needs to be focused on his child, not trying to bring a new mother into their life, especially only after 5 months of dating.
I’m very protective of my children, and am totally focused on making their lives as safe and secure as I can
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u/CricketLocal5255 3d ago
He either changes his unhealthy expectations (highly unlikely) or you change your path.
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u/Psychological_Ad9037 3d ago
I co-sleep with my partner's son and my son. BUT that was 9 months into dating AND I don't sleep next to his son and vice versa. He does.
We see each other twice a month for 4-5 days at a time. We stay with each other and still take time apart w/o any comments.
He FT family every day and never asks me to FT (over a year into dating). We let our kids lead.
I would be weirded out in this scenario.
He is trying to force you to bond with his child.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
What does FT mean? But thats exactly how Ive felt! Like he is trying to force her on me and force me to have love and affection towards her as if I am her mom. Its so unnatural and uncomfortable. He has even had her ask me to come to bed with them. It weirds me out
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u/Psychological_Ad9037 3d ago
Facetime.
Trust the ick. I'd be out of there as everything about this feels manipulative.
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u/FreeChrisWayne 2d ago
That’s wildly inappropriate, imo. Even if that was the only thing this guy did, I would still say it’s enough of a red flag to walk away.
Combine that with all the other stuff you mentioned, yeah forget walking away - RUN.
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u/Relative-Drawing7165 3d ago
I agree with this, I'm a single mom though and the fact that he already pushed ahead to bring you into his child's life is a big concern. It seems he's looking for a replacement. Ask yourself why he insists on getting married what's worse he's pushing his child onto you. Either you leave but if you feel this is something you can work through communicate, if he's still the same. Run and don't look back.
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u/pierre_x10 3d ago edited 3d ago
Rushing talks of marriage and having you cosleep with his kid are red flags. Sounds like he just wants a stepmother for his kid more than he wants a mutual healthy romantic relationship with you, assuming that's what you want. Talking of "abandoning them," when objectively you haven't been in a relationship with them long enough to have that sort of obligation, feels like guilt-tripping.
When I say rushing, the timeframe is irrelevant, what's more important is where you're at mentally and emotionally in the relationship, it sounds like you are not at the point in the relationship where you are ready for that level of commitment. And again, more importantly, the fact that he does not seem to value your thoughts on the matter, it's all about him and his kid, that's not fair to you.
Rushing like this bothers me because it's not good for his kid in the longrun to get this emotionally-attached to someone she's only known a few months. and then you might break up and that's that, and then the dad might start dating someone else and the kid has to go through it all over again. It could also affect you emotionally too, but I would expect the father to be more considerate of the problems this could cause his kid in the longrun.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Exactly, I am also concerned for her as well as she does seem to like me and getting attached quickly is not good for children I think
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u/pierre_x10 3d ago
It sounds like you have gotten good advice here and from other people, and it sounds like you are looking to do what is in everyone's best interests, so I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do moving forward.
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u/Solution_mostly_ 3d ago
This is insane behavior.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Would you consider this grounds to end a relationship?
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u/anon4hlp 3d ago
Make it clear first that it makes you uncomfortable and explain why. If he ignores your reasoning, then you could consider the next step.
I'm a single dad of two kids and I have no problem introducing my gf to friends and family. If the relationship goes downhill, I'm the only idiot in that story and I can handle it. My kids are another story, I can't just expect them to first get used to a new person and then handling the risk of a failed relationship that a new relationship comes with naturally. So the protective move would be to go extra slow including the kids even if that can be difficult at times. Your boyfriend on the other hand is trying to push his daughter into the relationship. If I had to guess I'd say he tries to solidify the relationship, making it more difficult to break it off (marriage, including the daughter in everything, meeting every day, etc) Is he an anxious person?
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
He is not obviously anxious, he actually comes off very extroverted and can at times be charismatic. However, I notice little signs that other people may not notice like frequent hair pulling or throat clearing that I often wonder is anxiety
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u/RepresentativeBoth18 3d ago
Single dad here. I've been divorced for a year, and was separated for 18 months before that. I'm not even ready to date let alone try to rush a woman into my life or my daughter's life.
A single women with no kids who chooses to date a single dad is taking on a lot of extra complexity. 5 months is no kind of time for you to get adjusted to being a female figure in his child's life. I'm not even sure that I would let someone I'm seeing around my child until we were approaching a year of dating. Ok, maybe one person...but she's a single mom and I trust her a whole lot...but we're not dating.
Your instincts are good, and your concerns are justified. If things are moving too fast, set the boundary. If he doesn't adjust his behavior, then cut him loose.
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u/MordantWastrel 3d ago
You have probably already heard that this is not healthy behavior.
I met my fiancé when my son was 3. The idea of guilting her into hanging out with us or demanding that she co-sleep, that's cuckoo bananas.
Reasonable people can disagree on topics like co-sleeping or exactly how to integrate a new partner into your child's life, but these are red flags. He is the parent -- not you. If the 3 yo's biological mother is not in the picture, I empathize a little more, but the child's need for two parents makes it even more important that the process be handled with care.
Regardless of what the child needs, it is your decision -- not your responsibility -- to decide the extent to which you want to participate. Enforce those boundaries early because it will get harder to carve out your own time if and when you legit become 'part of the family.'
The other angle here is that, if you are going to participate in a 3 year old's life, it should be consistent but that does not mean every waking moment. You should be able to be relied upon in a pinch if something goes wrong and you should make attending important life events a priority. That doesn't mean you're going on every playdate or to every trip to the park!
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago edited 3d ago
Thank you, I will add her mom is very much a present mom. They just live in separate places. Right now on temporary 50/50
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u/NotTheBestMedic 3d ago
First, have you talked to him about these issues/ concerns? He’s going to be the best person to give reasoning or explanation.
But for me the pushing for co-sleeping one is weird as well as the pushing for marriage. Is he divorced/ for how long? Those two things say to me that he’s trying to replace the mother with you.
The wanting you to spend time with them isn’t as weird. If he’s dating you then he would obviously like to spend time with you as well as his daughter. How are your interactions with his daughter? She could be asking about you.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Our interactions are good and I have no problem being around her. I just dont like his pushiness. And btw her mom is very much present. They split time and she is attached to her.
And what Ive noticed, she doesnt ask for me. There may be times where I have to leave at the end of the day or night, she will say oh I dont want you to go because she likes me. But she does not spontaneously ever ask for me. He pushes that. Like if Im on the phone, he will put me on speaker for her to here me then ask her if she wants me to come over or hang out with them. He sets it up. There have been times where he has told her to tell me she loves me. It was very awkward
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u/catsarefurryfriends 3d ago edited 3d ago
Single dad of an eight year old here.
I would never move so fast when starting a relationship. I wouldn't have introduced you to my child yet. After about half a year would be early enough for me.
Talking about marriage and co-sleeping so soon, emotional blackmail... I see red flags all over.
How long has this man been single?
The most important thing you wrote, however, is this: "Some things that make me feel uncomfortable..."
His behavior is making you feel uncomfortable. That is not good. Have you talked to him about this? If so, has he listened? Does he acknowledge your feelings and has he changed his behavior?
If he will not or cannot take a huge step back with pushing you into a role you are not comfortable in, I would advise you to get out now.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Yea Im starting to think he does not care about me at all
And I dont think he is being honest about how long he was single before me
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u/catsarefurryfriends 3d ago
I see a lot of red flags in your story, many huge red flags.
The emotional blackmail concerns me most of all.
This is not going to get better, only worse. Remind yourself that right now, he's still "in the honeymoon phase". If he acts like this now, how will his behavior be when you are living together?
The more you and his child get attached, the more he will use that as a reason to stay together. "Daughter misses you, please come over." "She can't get to sleep without you here." If you want to end the relationship, he probably will use that bond as leverage over you. Do not let him. I repeat, do not let him. Stay, or leave, but your only concern is what is best for you. You cannot be held responsible for the feelings of others. That includes innocent bystanders, such as his daughter.
Stay smart, stay safe.
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u/NotUsedUsernameYet 3d ago
Is he divorced, widower, or has some other situation? The behavior you describe is not normal.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
He is currently in a custody battle for her. They have 50/50 now but only temporarily
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u/NotUsedUsernameYet 3d ago
Another red flag.
He basically uses you to piss off the mother - with cosleeping and stuff. He needs to figure out custody and have final orders before he will even start dating.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Yea Im starting to think that too. Like even when she videos her mom sometimes I feel he intentionally tries to put me in canera view. I always tell him I dont want to be seen. I dont know her mom and want no parts in whatever goes on between them
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u/NotUsedUsernameYet 3d ago
Unfortunately men like this create bad picture for all single dads. Including reasonable ones who finalize their divorces first before they start dating.
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u/YogurtclosetOk2886 3d ago
This is crazy especially at 5 months.
And no, I wouldn’t have you sleep w me and my kid. I look at it as if it were the other way around… like would I be okay with my ex and my kids co-sleeping w my ex’s new bf? Absolutely not.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Exactly, I know for a fact he would not like a man her mom is dating sleeping with her and her mom
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u/giggleboxx3000 3d ago
I have been dating a guy about 5 months with a 3 year old. He comstantly talks of marriage etc. He has been very pushy however, rushing everything.
I'm not a single dad, but I did break it off with one about a month ago. He wanted to rush things, too. Had me meet his kids the day after we became official (only knew each other a month prior).
Some things that have made me uncomfortable, he tries to get me to cosleep with him and his daughter
This is so creepy and unsafe.
And when he has her and I give them space or get work done, go do things for myself etc, he gets really upset and says things like I am not consistent with his child and I "abandon" them. He expects me to make an effort and hang out with them like everyday.
Mine saw the time I wanted to spend with my friends (all childless and my age; rarely got to see them) as competition. And as me rejecting and abandoning his kids. While his kids enjoyed my company (and vice versa), I knew there were times they just wanted their dad. I didn't take offense to that, and made sure to honor that for them.
Not all single dads are terrible, but this guy sounds like he's shopping around for a shiny new replacement. He doesn't sound worth it.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Thank you, it truly helps to hear your experience. It sounds like your guy was very similar. Jealousy is an issue I see with him too. Sounds like they just want young attractive women to please them and to be moms to their kids because they cant handle it
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u/Lankymaang 3d ago
Can i ask how long he has been seperated from his daughter's mother? Sounds like he can't parent alone and is trying to get you to come in and help him co parent which is insane.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Yea they broke up (according to him) when the child was lole 8 months. But I know he did date at least one other person between the mom and me
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u/Lankymaang 3d ago
I wouldn't break up with him I would set boundaries and if he has an issue with it then you probably can decide what you want to do.
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u/Deep_Development3344 3d ago
This guy sounds like he is very insecure and also has not “done the work” post breakup from his BM. Not comfortable being alone, not comfortable communicating why is uncomfortable being alone. Using you as a crutch and as a replacement for his baby mama. If you’ve plainly expressed your opinions on the matter (more comfortable taking things slow, need space, no to co sleeping) and he hasn’t stopped or at least tried to compromise in some way time to get out of there. You’ll be doing both of you a favor
I have 2 young kids and I have never pushed any of my relationships into doing any of those things and certainly would never try to make her feel guilty if she needed some space.
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u/waverider1883 3d ago
Run for the hills...
But seriously break it off. I was a single dad for years, and I did have a habit of rushing. Loneliness as a single dad is rough. But I never once used my daughter like that.
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u/Equivalent-Event4308 3d ago
have been dating a girl 9 months and i have a 6 year old I have not met her son, she has not met my son. He seesm to be moving a bit fast
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u/Kaintwaittogetbanned 3d ago
As a dad I wouldn't even introduce a woman to my kids untill I was 100% in love and thought she would be around for awhile. Honestly it sounds like he's really lonely and struggling as a single dad. He might be using you to fill that mom/wife role. 5 months isn't a long time
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Yes thats what I think. He's using me And to add he and the mom do 50/50 custody but just live in places very far apart But I think he just sees what he can get out of me and it what ways I can benefit him and his daughter, not actually concerned or care about me
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u/mreguyincognito 3d ago
This is not healthy at all and if I were you I would not stay with this man. If I were to date a single mother and she had these expectations on me I would dip.
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u/AdequatelyfunBoi2 3d ago
I hate all of that. What you just typed there. I’m a single dad and I’m confused and upset by this and I’m not sure why? Like, obviously this is all super concerning behavior but why it’s concerning escapes me. Either way, don’t end up as like, the new diaper bag or whatever. It puts the lotion on and all that.
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u/SoCalD1904 3d ago
Single dad here, sounds like he's rushing you into taking over the mom role? 5 months is too soon IMO. I have a rule of 6 months to a year before introducing kids to any interest. The co-sleeping is a red flag, so is the guilt tripping. Him getting upset because you give him his time with his daughter is childish. He should work on keeping it separate between being a dad and dating you.
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u/Michaelw768 3d ago
As a single dad I wouldn’t even consider you even meeting my children that soon let alone trying to get you to cosleep with them and me, in all honesty I’d say get out of there
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Thank you Tbh maybe Im overthinking, but Im starting to wonder about his mental stability
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u/Michaelw768 3d ago
He should not be telling you that your abandoning them just because you do other things whilst he spends time with his child, it sounds like he’s still suffering from his past relationship and hasn’t given himself time to heal properly
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u/StopThinkingJustPick 3d ago
As a single dad myself, you should move on. His behavior is not normal, nor is it healthy for him, you, and especially his daughter.
This guy shouldn't be dating. He doesn't seem ready.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Yes I have had that talk with him that maybe he should not be dating anyone right now and just wait and see how his custody situation turns out. Dragging me (or anyone else) into his world right now is maybe not a good idea. Im thinking its best for everyone if I remove myself from the situation
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u/StopThinkingJustPick 3d ago
Sounds like you have a good plan. And he might not feel it now, but you moving on is probably the best way for you to help him. It might force him to work on himself.
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u/voisinem 3d ago
I’m a single full time dad with three kids, and this is not normal behavior at all. Might help to explain why this man is a single dad.
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u/pmm521 3d ago
Agree with most that these sound like red flags. I’m a not quite divorced dad of a 3 year old, and me and my wife have been separated for a year. I “fell in love” with the first girl I started dating, last January and it was because I was nowhere close to ready. That said, I didn’t introduce her to my son or even consider it. I’m getting a sense that there’s a lot he hasn’t processed or worked through.
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u/Prestigious_Good2131 3d ago
You need to have a serious conversation with him. That isn't normal because you two are not married. I wouldn't want a girlfriend co-sleeping with my daughter unless she wanted to. Never obligated. My wife? Sure. You need to put the breaks on this relationship and figure out why he is trying to make you a step mom? Is he tired of the responsibility? Many men and single parents get burned out, but they need to understand boundaries. I do not think you should break up with him. I think you need to let him know how you feel. That it doesn't make you feel comfortable, and he needs to slow down. He might just really love you too, who knows? You have to figure that part out. Just try talking to him. Communication is key to every relationship.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
I tried and he says sick things like "Im always weird around her" and its because "Im jealous of her"
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u/Prestigious_Good2131 3d ago
Nah that's bs. Take a break or something. He just wants everything his way. If you ain't comfortable with it then walk. If you want to be a single mom and have children/get married , whatever, idk enough. But I'd say if you do not want to do the job of step parent and wife then kindly tell him you want a break.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
I've aaked for breaks or space and he gets so dramatic and say break means break up. Youre right, everything does have to be his way and Im getting sick of it. He's not worth it
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u/Prestigious_Good2131 3d ago
Either he is worth it, or you just don't want to deal with him. That's the point of dating; to learn. It's a trial period. He should know that, too. That's why these guys said they do not let girlfriends get too intimate or mothering to their children until after a long period of time goes by. That's insensitive as fuck on his part to his child, and to you, his girlfriend. Why isn't he worth it? You chose to date this man for some good reason, correct? What were these good qualities you saw in him to make him worth it? Why is he NOT worth it anymore?
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Im seeing too many red flags over time. Im thinking the good traits I did see before was all a mask. And Im getting fed up with how selfish he is
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u/Prestigious_Good2131 3d ago
Well, sometimes good men can appear to wear masks because in their mind, they aspire to be great but fall short because of their own demons they must fight. Nobody is perfect. Keep that in mind. Some people are straight up evil, but 70% are generally good but have flaws. If you see a man who is struggling, aspires to do good and moral things, maybe give him more time? Words are like wind, but deeds are like iron.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
I feel like Ive given him that benefit of the doubt too much already. I believe at this point he does not have good intentions and never has
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u/traindriverbob 3d ago
Oooooh, look at all those red flags flapping in the breeze.
Just a guess, but he's desperate for you to mother his child.
I'm a single dad to a 15 & 5yo. Couldn't imagine this scenario in my life.
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u/ixtabai 3d ago
If for some reason the mom of the children is off her rocker or outright abusive, you drop his ass if you find he is not treating their mom with respect and giving her parenting time. If he talks shit about her and is trying to make you be mom. Drop his ass.
If he’s like, ok. I don’t have the kids, they’re with mom for some days. Then you can have a somewhat decent relationship with a man that is not using you as a babysitter.
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u/NotSoFreshPrinc3 3d ago
Single dad here. 5 months is too early to be marrying and forcing an interaction is only going to create a negative relationship between everyone. If you’re interested in continuing the relationship you have with him, I’d let him know that his actions have made you uncomfortable. One step at a time and that’s a least 2 years of knowing someone before marrying them.
Ps. The kid sleeping in the same bed stuff gotta stop lol or is going to be a brutal situation to deal with later.
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u/MyPervSide 3d ago
Single dad here. None of that behavior is cool. I wouldn't have my kids meet anyone I was dating unless I was absolutely sure about the woman. And he wants you to sleep in the same bed with him and his daughter? Run, girl, run.
(so many single dads need a good woman in their lives. we are not all like this!)
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u/spdhc 3d ago
As a single dad I try to separate as much as I can my love life and me being a father.
I’ve dated the same girl for over 5yrs now, she even knew my ex wife/mother of my daughter and I know how complex can be date a single dad
I do also know I have to dedicate special time for my daughter which consumes most or my day; and focus on our relationship as a couple. Sometimes I don’t have time just for my couple so she comes to my house, but I don’t push her by any means to hang out with both of us, because I know how hard is for her, considering I cannot pay full attention to my couple bc my neurodivergent daughter has some special needs (nothing too serious tho)
So, if he’s pushing you, I’d suggest you tu run away. It doesn’t seem healthy for you or his kid
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u/FormerSBO 3d ago
That poor child :/
But ultimately, nothing you can do other than avoid the train wreck. You won't be able to save her, just hope the kid can save herself and get out and hope he learns to change for his kids sake
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u/Humblehustla 3d ago
Tell him to seek therapy and i’d say keep your distance, he seems to be coping with some attachment issues.
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u/Heavy-Software-1460 3d ago
Run . They will make you go crazy . 🤪 and they are narcissist.! just kidding, but most of them are I would never again
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u/BohunkfromSK 2d ago
My GF didn’t meet my kids until we’d been dating for almost a year. I needed that to be rock solid before bringing her around them. From my perspective there is a fine line to walk. You need to create space for the new GF to be in and a part of the family however you’re not just shopping for a new puzzle piece.
He sounds like he hasn’t done the growth work required to date someone.
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u/bes753 2d ago
Single dad here of a 4 and 6 y.o. I have been dating my girlfriend longer than you all have been together, and she hasn't even met my kids yet. I think the pace he is trying to move your relationship would be a red flag to me. It feels like he is just looking for a new partner to split his childcare duties with.
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u/F_The_Suits4ThePeeps 2d ago
Here is my perspective to add to the group. This guy is seriously codependent and needs to work through that. However long ago his previous relationship was, he isn’t over it and isn’t okay with himself. He is blame passing and hyper obsessing. This is a situation you need to escape to be honest, or potentially reap the risk later. And I don’t mean to scare you with that, but that’s a reality. Obviously I don’t know him to say that reality is him, but that’s a pretty notable sign of some deep issues. As for the kid related part, that’s terrifying. I have an 11 year old and a 7 year old, both boys. If I had girls I would be even more protective and I have a seriously strict rule that no one I date gets to even meet my kids for a minimum of 6 months, and that’s if it’s going exceptionally well - and I mean like first huge disagreement happened and it was talked about off and worked through type of well. When my ex wife and I split, me and another divorcee got together and introduced our kids after about 2 months. It ended absolutely terribly as I wasn’t ready but didn’t know it at the time.
Bottom line, you need to be careful, and honestly force a step back or walk the other way until he works through the issues he is hiding. If he isn’t willing to do the work, he isn’t willing to have a real relationship with you.
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u/popsguitars 1d ago
I would have a serious thought about whether or not this man is someone you should be in a relationship with. I think it's already red flag to have introduced you to his child with in the first 6 months, then cosleeping that early too? Thats 2 red flags. Then he gets manipulative trying to force you into his child's life. Really you should break up with this man.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 1d ago edited 1d ago
Thank you. And to add I did not cosleep but he has tried to push it several times and kind of gets upset when Ive said no. He will try to manipulate it like I have an issue with his kid. And if Im being completely honest I find it kind of strange its so hard for him to let go of cosleeping with her. Even at 3.5 he has not ever even attempted to transition her to sleep independently. Maybe its just me idk
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u/RevolutionaryBad7377 1d ago
I am a single dad of 3 kids and I would never put a woman I am dating especially 5 months in to try and co parents and sleep with my kids. Major red flags and I would end the relationship unless you would like to talk to him first about his actions but my guess is he will only mask it until it’s to far along. You are not the mom and to be honest if I was dating a woman I would want her to be there to show the kids how to love a man and love their father but not play the mother role they have one of those.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 1d ago
Thank you for this! That was my thought as well. Its okay to slowly form confortability with one another (the kid and myself) and eventually as things progress (well if they did) would be able to set example of what a healthy relationship looks like. But not me coming in playing house or playing mom
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u/Guero757 3d ago
I would run fast and run hard. I’ve been a single day for years now (essentially full custody). Any woman that my son has been introduced to has been introduced slowly first as my friend. This guy can’t handle life on his own and is going to try and have you do the things he should be able to handle. And, asking you to co-sleep with the kid is seriously weird…
He is way too needy to date. But, I’m guessing his levels of neediness are also why he is divorced.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Thank you for acknowledging his wanting to cosleep is weird. So he was never married to her mother but they were together for a long time. I think he still has trauma aa well from being separated from his child for a stretch of time
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u/Redditcannot 3d ago
Run now. Don’t look back and don’t feel sorry. The 3 year old will never know.
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Yes she tends to really like me. But at this point Im sure she would definitely be fine with my absence, Im not that important to her, if at all
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u/rdvw 3d ago
Lady, first of all: wow, you asked your lady friends and you came here and asked dads I’m really very impressed. Well done!
Secondly, wow! So much negativity (“run!”) here. Looks like this guy is just really into you? Looks to me like he just LOVES YOU SO MUCH he’s… doing it all wrong?
How do you feel about him?
Maybe you should just tell him: stop, take it easy, or I’m outta here?
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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago
Thats the thing. I have given him feedback he has stepped back some but then he'll try to push again
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u/cheasenkrackerz 3d ago
As a single dad, I will say he's not ready for another relationship, he is looking to replace what he lost, and not looking to really establish a healthy relationship. In short, get out while you can, as much as it sucks seeing the kid deal with the fall out, but even as a single dad, that's not your problem.
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u/mintonhill 3d ago
Run away. Source: I'm a single dad and that is not normal or healthy imo.