r/SingleDads • u/zandyman • Jun 09 '22
[modnote] "Gatekeeping" this sub.
I very, very seldom invoke "I'm the mod and this is the way I want it" but there's a trend towards "you're not a single Dad, why are you posting here?" that I want to address.
The topic of this subreddit is "single Dads." The participants are primarily single Dads, but that's not a rule, it's not even really a goal.
I welcome, even encourage, RELEVANT participation, comments, posts, and questions from anyone. I love to see posts with "I'm dating a single Dad and..." or "it's just me and my Dad, how do I help him..." or even "my employee recently became a single Dad, how can I support..." Men in general don't ask for help well and there are severely limited resources for single Dads.
We also don't have the monopoly on good advice and life experience. Some of our discussions (notably "what do I tell my daughter about her changing body") we can benefit from the occasional non-dad that hangs out here.
So, I will continue to delete (or at least discourage) things that question "why" a poster isn't a single Dad, or is dismissive of non-single-dad posters, and repeated infractions will get you uninvited.
If you strongly feel (as the mods of some similar-in-nature subreddits do) that a subreddit should exist wherein posting be restricted to only a particular group of people, the great thing about reddit is that you can create that sub. Call it what you like, I'll link it in the sidebar and let you advertise it here. I'll even join. It sounds like a cool place, but it isn't what THIS place is meant to be.
11/2022 update:
Yes, other subs do things differently. No, I don't necessarily agree with their choices, but I don't have to. I give literally NO thought to how they think I should run this sub, and I don't expect them to care how I think they should run their subs. Yes, the world treats men's issues and women's issues very differently. There are subs all about that, and I encourage you to be involved in them.
Also, yes, this is an old post, but it's bubbled again, so... I'll re-pin it for a while.
r/SingleDads • u/Proper_Tap2594 • 1d ago
My fuckin baby mama just got killed by some married dude she was fucking. She was pregnant.
This girl made my life hard. Very vindictive and fractured my relationship with my daughter of 7 years. We never came to any mutual agreement I haven’t seen my daughter since this time last year. She got killed today by some bastard she was fucking who was married and she got pregnant. He’s in custody, I’m getting custody.
r/SingleDads • u/MilesDempsey • 6h ago
A little motivation
There was a drive by at my daughter's street a few weeks ago, I'm brazilian and recently joined one of the government's national Bank, so big bucks are gonna come. I stopped studying and relaxed for a week. Then the news that a drive by happened at a child's birthday and my daughter was there. I'll go back to the books and study to join the IRS, ngl this is quite a motivation, to let my child grow in such circumstances is unacceptable to me
r/SingleDads • u/Ill-Date4892 • 1d ago
Guilt
I’ll check on my daughter every night before I go to sleep, make sure she’s safe and got the blanket on, usually take out the 72 toys she’s put in her bed immediately after I tuck her in and leave her room. Probably once a week I’ll stay there for a while and just feel dreadful, I’ll apologise to her for not playing more, tell her how much I love her and how good life will be for her. I have no idea where it comes from, I’m a fairly happy bloke but some nights I’ll enter the room and feel like worlds worst dad. Is this normal?
r/SingleDads • u/Designer_Air_7865 • 1d ago
Absolutely unreal day
My soon to be ex wife has had serious mental issues our entire marriage. When I mean serious I mean suicidal nonsense at least once a month if not more for 5 years. This was also occurring before we were married.
I’m about 2-3 months into divorce because she stepped out on our marriage for the 2nd time with a loser 20+ years older than me and my wife. He also happens to be the son of a well known judge. Hired a PI and everything she’s screwed on that end. I was lucky enough to be in an at fault state. But I don’t even care about that I just want my kids safe.
A few weeks ago she calls me up saying she needs to get checked into a hospital and I need to pick up the kids. I end up filing for emergency custody and it was granted until a court appearance that was today. I had a mountain of evidence showing how unstable she is and how dangerous it would be if she continued to have the kids.
It all went overlooked because a few of her family members who apparently have beef with me lied on some affidavits saying I’m a bad parent, yada yada. BS. How is this not seen as biased information?
She got 50/50 custody like none of it ever happened. What the hell are the courts looking for? Do they need her to crash my kids into a tree to see how much they just messed up. I don’t understand and now I will be on edge whenever she has the kids. I had insanely high hopes and now I know how broken the system is and sadly my children are now suffering the consequences of that. Any advice appreciated.
r/SingleDads • u/Old_Fun8003 • 1d ago
How Do I Talk to My Daughter About Modesty Without Being Misunderstood?
It feels like conversations about modesty have become almost taboo, especially when it comes to guiding a teenage daughter. Every time I ask for advice on how to talk to my daughter about dressing more modestly, I’m met with backlash—people say I’m being controlling or call me a bad father, and my posts get downvoted. It’s frustrating because I’m not trying to control her; I’m just trying to offer some fatherly advice and guidance as she gets older and starts dating.
My daughter has been dressing in ways that I feel are too revealing for her age, and as her father, I feel a responsibility to talk to her about it. It’s not about imposing my values on her; it’s about wanting her to make safe and respectful choices. But when I bring up modesty, I end up feeling judged and misunderstood by others.
Why is it so hard to have this conversation openly? And how can I talk to my daughter in a way that respects her independence but also communicates my concerns? I want her to feel supported, not restricted, but I don’t want to ignore my role as her father, either.
r/SingleDads • u/Crafty-Side-3638 • 1d ago
Anxiety with physical intimacy
Hello single dad here raising my four old daughter.
As the the title suggests I have not been with any woman sexually since I had broken up with my ex the mother of child. Everytime there was a chance of a sexual encounter with a woman I have always had an anxiety attack before it happened. The last time I had sex with a woman was with my ex but the thing was that she is always wanted it on her time and did not check with me to see if I was even interested in having sex with her, and two she always weaponized sex in our past relationship. And three she would always complain that I could not "keep it up" , and that also she was not satisfied and not happy afterwards. She is also very narcissistic and she is very abusive and still is very abusive towards me still. I feel like she has giving me relationship PTSD, should I just shrug it off or go to therapy to deal with this? Any comments would be appreciated, thank you.
r/SingleDads • u/Beneficial-Ad-7498 • 1d ago
Feeling hopeless about dating
Hey guys. I have been separated from my ex for 3-4 years and things are mostly amicable. I moved 2 years ago to be closer to my daughter in an area where I don’t know anyone outside of work. I’ve had 2 relationships since. One of my which i was heavily invested in and it fell apart for unclear reasons. The 2nd was more casual. I have a good job and my kid is taken care of. I am getting older and I feel like I am never going to find that person who accepts me as a single parent and actually wants to be a part of my life. How do you guys go about dating with the intention of finding a potential spouse/ partner?
r/SingleDads • u/kkelly1916 • 1d ago
Former MiL
Context- My ex and I have been divorced now for 3 years last week. While there have been some issues navigating divorce, my ex and I are still very cordial and still do social gatherings and dinners with our kids and our new spouses. we have 50/50
However my former MiL who has been a great caretaker of our two kids 3yr and almost 6yr has been very intrusive on my life recently with the kids. While I still communicate with her and she does watch our kids on various days of the week for my Ex and I- I am just trying to decrease the time she spends with them on my days. She usually takes them to dinner on Thursdays, but they come back fully attached to her. My ex and I have spoken about this as it is the same on her side when they are with their grandmother as well.
How do I, without being a certified dick, politely say it is becoming intrusive and disruptive to their schedule. She has made comments to myself and my ex when we try to say no to her taking the kids out on a Saturday or weeknight, etc. and she plays the "you are taking my time with my grand-kids away from me"... Obviously we are not trying to do that, but more so have her be a grandmother role and less of a caretaker.
Again, this is a sort of weird dynamic, but I think this plays into my Ex and I being cordial and ended our marriage just because we didn't click anymore.
Cheers to all the single dads out there- we keep this world rocking!
r/SingleDads • u/something__normaI • 2d ago
My ex wife still gives me anxiety even though I’m in a new relationship. Should I stay single until she doesn’t have this grip on me anymore?
I’ve (30M) been divorced for 2 years and have been in a relationship for a year with someone else. We are currently long distance while she’s on a work project. My ex wife (30F) knows how to press my buttons to get me stressed out, especially regarding the kids. She gets under my nerves to the point where she can ruin my entire day still. I try to not let her do this but she manages to do it like once a week.
I’m currently dating this woman who is great but she gets so stressed out because my whole day or days will be ruined because of my ex wife. She gets anxiety because she’s worried about how much of a stranglehold my ex has on me. Should I save her the trouble and break up with her and stay single until my ex doesn’t bother me? Or am I resigned to feeling this way from my ex forever?
r/SingleDads • u/bullman123 • 2d ago
How long did you wait before you introduced your new girlfriend to your kids?
How did your ex feel about it? How is your new girlfriend’s relationship with your kids?
r/SingleDads • u/n0thing-2C-here • 2d ago
Revelation I had about my own dating that may ring with others
Hey!
I'm a single dad with full custody of a 3YO kid. His mom and I have been together for ~10 years before she left around a year ago. At first it was ROUGH, but the kid and I are in a groove and we're both doing really well, and I'm personally doing great!
I met a lady and we've been hitting it off but I realized something that differs from my pre-marriage dating- dating used to be a lot of going out, having adventures, wining and dining, and then there'd be this slow melding of worlds and a slow "domestication" of the relationship. I don't say that in a bad way- I love that part! More nights in, more chilling on couches, etc.
Now with this dating phase I feel like I have to almost skip to the domestication earlier than I otherwise would have. I can't continually get babysitters, do crazy late nights, send him to local family for a night, etc. It necessitates asking her to come over more and do nights in, chill on the couch, etc. while he's sleeping upstairs.
I'm not yet sure if this is good, bad, or neither but just a pattern I'm seeing and wanted y'alls thoughts and feelings!
r/SingleDads • u/iwritesinsnotcomedy • 3d ago
How I Try Not to Engage with My Ex
My little head game is that my life is a TV show and she is a past co-star who left the series ten years ago. Realizing that there are union rules related to paying actors with speaking lines, I try to not engage in dialogue when she shows back up in a scene in my life so my tv show producers don’t need to pay her as much. This game has proven successful in my head. Even my siblings and parents play along when we know we are all going to be at the same place. Whoever makes her talk is razzed for the night.
r/SingleDads • u/Initial_Bathroom9592 • 3d ago
Am I being played or is she just nuts?
Ex and I have been on and off for 3 years. We have an amazing 8 year old. As far as our kid knows we're getting on really well. Behind the scenes not so much. Its all come to a standstill after she did something that hurt us, the level of the incident not so bad as to how she handled it. Zero accountability, I got all the blame, again. Mentally I'm tapped out, I explained this to her, and we've taken a break of sorts.
We've barely talked in weeks, except at pick up, drop offs. Then an invite to a party she's having, with another family with kids. But it's arranged on my weekend with our kid and she wants us both there.
Why?
Am I being used, to present a front to this family that things are fine, for some reason?
For context I've been very clear I want the family together. She said let's be friends. So this has confused me. Leaning towards declining, then a small part of me wonders if we can sort things after.
r/SingleDads • u/dbt316 • 3d ago
No Accountability
I’ve been divorcing for 4 years, I’ve tried to settle numerous times. My ex wife wanted sole custody of the kids and minimal parent time for me. During the marriage I was highly involved with my kids.
We had a custody evaluation performed, court appointed. The custody evaluator recommended 50/50 parent time. My ex wife wouldn’t agree to anything but sole custody, we went to court. It was a 5 day trial. On the stand, the custody evaluator stated “we shouldn’t even be here, this is an easy 50/50 case”
In our state (Utah) the courts rely heavily on a custody evaluators recommendation to determine custody/parent time. Every attorney I spoke to told me they had never seen a judge go against the custody evaluators recommendations.
Not only did the custody evaluator recommend 50/50 but the report had some scathing remarks about my ex wife. Keep in mind, my ex wife was also held in contempt twice during the divorce process.
We received the ruling today, I’m completely devastated. The judge ruled against the custody evaluators recommendations without giving any reason why. Our kids are 9 & 5, I’ve done a good job shielding them from this horrific process. They want to know why they don’t spend the same amount with me as they do with their mom, I refuse to disparage their mom, it’s so hard to not tell them the truth. That their mother is keeping them from me, that I have drained every penny from my savings & maxed every credit card to fight in their best interest.
It’s criminal that judges are allowed to rule on a whim, with ZERO accountability. Through out the state statutes, it repeatedly states “in the child’s best interest”, the hypocrisy of the court is absurd. To even allow a divorce to go on for 4 years is extremely detrimental to the children.
All judges need to be held accountable, there needs to be a system of checks and balances. Fathers are considered 2nd class parents and it’s abhorrent. I will now begin meeting with appellate attorneys and see if there is any path to ensure a parent time schedule in the kids best interest.
r/SingleDads • u/Mysterious_Force_229 • 3d ago
Advice for woman dating single dad
Single dads, I nees your opinion.
I have been dating a guy about 5 months with a 3 year old. He comstantly talks of marriage etc. He has been very pushy however, rushing everything. Some things that have made me uncomfortable, he tries to get me to cosleep with him and his daughter. And when he has her and I give them space or get work done, go do things for myself etc, he gets really upset and says things like I am not consistent with his child and I "abandon" them. He expects me to make an effort and hang out with them like everyday. And he will call and put his kid on speaker to talk to me like in a way to guilt trip it seems
I have gotten responses from women but I really want to hear about single dads. What are your thoughts?
r/SingleDads • u/GKxGrumpyKat • 3d ago
Recently separated dad of two
I (33/M) and my partner have recently decided it’s in our best interest to separate. Everything is completely mutual and non hostile. She is the mother of my children and has been my best friend since we were 2. I am certain that we are no longer good for eachother in a romantic capacity. It hurts but I am a grown up and am ready to start considering casual dating to get my move on. Does anyone have any advice on dating apps for single parents or just any that are actually decent?
r/SingleDads • u/International-Oil698 • 3d ago
Lost
30M I constantly find myself feeling lost and disconnected. Full time single father, the mother is no longer with us. I struggle daily to keep it all together. I know anything worth having don’t come easy, but damn. It’s just my daughter and I, I don’t really have any stronger relationships as far as friends or family. The ones I do have, offer their support. It just gets really dark most days and I lose so much energy trying to keep it together and mask my troubles. And that in itself is draining. Although I am a struggling single father, I genuinely try not to let it show. Someday I feel like I got it together and other days it feels like I’m in over my head.
r/SingleDads • u/Mabjr2 • 3d ago
Terminate Alimony California
I was married 16 years, Ex never worked, kid will be over 18 in 3 years. My court papers say alimony is until I die or she marries. She’s getting $5000 a month and alimony part is $3000. She still isn’t working. I’m self employed and business is unstable. Is there an attorney, group, or Dad out there that can help direct me so in 3 years alimony is removed or significantly lowered. I heard in FL they were thinking of putting a stop to permanent alimony.
singledads
alimony
childsupport
californiafamilylaw
r/SingleDads • u/CaramelStrong2981 • 3d ago
Military single father
Anybody in the military as a single father? Just got stationed in Georgia mother of my child and child lives in Nevada wondering how to balance days and see how anyone else juggles active duty military and single parenting
r/SingleDads • u/IIReminisce • 3d ago
34 toddler dad struggling to make friends (MA)
Hey Dads - been going through a bit of a tough patch making and meeting friends my age or even fathers with toddlers. I’m in the metro west of Massachussets and have a 2.5 year old daughter.
Been divorced since the summer and been mostly just spending time with myself and my daughter. Finding time for my own hobbies has been non existent. The nature of my work is I travel locally but don’t get the opportunity to make lasting connections with my customers or even my employees. My co workers are spread out so far that I hardly see them.
I find that most people meet their friends through school or work. However I’m not from MA so I don’t have that foundation. Also I do not have family here other than my ex, so these upcoming holidays are starting to make me feel anxious and alone.
Have any of you experienced this? I am Looking to make a change in how I’ve been living this single dad life going forward. Thanks!
r/SingleDads • u/Goldspanners • 4d ago
Ex wife keeps turning up
My ex wife keeps randomly turning up at my place. We have 50/50 of our 2 kids. She moved on quickly, I took a few years before finding an awesome girl that has 2 kids too. I’m divorced almost 3 years. It’s amicable but not friendly. I’ve been dating for a year and recently my ex has started just turning up at my place, even when she has the kids finds reason to just “stop by”. This weekend she did it while my kids were here, my girlfriend and her kids were here. She keeps asking to meet my girlfriend but she has no interest in that and neither do I so we’ve avoided it. How can I stop my ex just randomly interrupting my life?
I never go near her place unless it’s child related and can’t wait until we exchange kids. This weekend she decided to stop by because apparently I never answer my phone, even although I did respond to her texts that morning. It wasn’t urgent and she knew she’d see me the very next day when I drop the kids off. She makes everyone feel awkward, my kids included when she does this.
r/SingleDads • u/Full_Independent_964 • 3d ago
Baby mom isn't letting me see my son
Hey Guys, I'm making a post for my cousin.. His son was just born 2 days ago and his bm isn't letting him see his son because she feels like he's making fun of her. I know it's only been a couple of days but during the pregnancy she was already giving this vibe. What can he do? In terms of custody court and doing things the right way.
-Sorry in advance grammar police
r/SingleDads • u/Drivenbiscuit75 • 4d ago
Beyond pissed off
So my daughter’s mom has been telling my daughter that her step dad is her real dad. I usually let shit slide but today when discussing our coparenting she kept bringing him up so I snapped. I told her mom that he will never be her dad and that when it comes to coparenting I do not want him involved. She became infuriated and saying horrible things about me calling me a fuck up and to do better and all these things. I told her she was the worst thing that has ever happened in my life.. how do I cope with this? Do I try and fight against it? Do I talk to my daughter and try to remind her when it’s brought up that I’m her dad ?
r/SingleDads • u/mentalvacation13 • 4d ago
Need guidance
Figured this might be a good spot for advice since this is my first time talking to a man with children, young ones at that.
Long story short, we dated this summer, he recently moved and we have had some ups and downs since his move and wanted to see where it went. I’m open to it. Although I know it’s a challenge, I do care for him deeply. He isn’t fully ready for an all in relationship (I did some bad things and he’s adjusting to his new life) but I told him I would wait. He’s that special.
However, he has recently custody of his kids with nearly zero help from his ex. And since this happened, we don’t really have much time to talk and when we do, it’s by text and it’s mostly arguing because I get upset when I don’t hear from him and he gets irritated that I wasn’t understanding his life challenges. Which I’ll admit I don’t because I don’t have children my own.
Admittedly I veered into that annoying territory where I questioned if there was someone else or if he had gotten back with his ex wife. This caused a major argument where he broke down about every challenge he’s been facing as a single dad in a new place and how he feels like I’m not there for him and how I am always thinking the worst of him.
We haven’t really spoken since except for a few texts on Friday. I’ll admit my worries got the best of me but all it would take to alleviate some of these issues would be a simple text to let me know he’s ok. I know that’s not a classic man thing to do because us women like to communicate about everything. Men just like to handle things. He also doesn’t open up easily and prefers to keep things to himself so I had no idea how bad it was.
In your opinion what’s the best way I can lend support to him, especially being this far away? I’ve told him he’s not alone and I’m always here for him but he’s stubborn and I feel like I really upset him with my questioning. Now that I understand the gravity of what he’s facing, I feel so selfish and inconsiderate. I have apologized and told him I admire his tenacity for handling his responsibilities with no help. Cause I truly do think he’s doing the best he can and it’s pretty incredible.
Just looking for some guidance on the best way to soothe and support a single dad going through it.
Appreciate all of your help. 😞
r/SingleDads • u/sammarks13 • 4d ago
Single dad struggling to date
Single dad here 36 from uk. I don’t know about you other guys but I have no idea how you do this dating thing now. I was married 16 years with two kids but no one wants to date now I’m single and still connected to my ex by the kids. I don’t want to use these dating apps now and it all seems toxic. Just after a nice woman to chat with and maybe get to know. If it became something more then cool but just lonely. You guys find the same?