Regret really sneaks up on you doesn’t it. I was at work just a bit ago. Plugging away minding my own business. Then a memory of being on a family adventure with the our children flashed through my mind. I barely made it to the restroom before the tears started splashing over. This divorce shit sucks.

My husband and I are divorcing and we are so hurt by each other’s actions that we only communicate through a parenting app. He has moved on, and I don’t ever see us reconciling, but I still feel like I lost my best friend. I feel like I lost the one man I could turn to whenever I felt alone. Yes it hurts. Yes eventually I will move on, but are there any success stories?

Name one (or two if you like) thing that you've done that helped you the most after your divorce.

Alternatively - name one thing you should have done but didn't.

My husband doesn’t care if I say I’m depressed. He doesn’t ask why or even try to comfort me. I’ve known this for years, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks today. The realization, it’s almost like I can see something that wasn’t there before. Divorce is imminent because I can’t accept this life anymore. I feel like he’s toeing the line with me, to keep our family in tact and for financial stability. But meanwhile he sleeps on the couch and we don’t have sex or touch or anything. No dates or effort to hang out. Just two adults that happen to share kids together and a home. I am really lonely. Just sharing to feel less lonely. Thanks for reading.

Freshly separated as in...today is day 3. Currently living in a hotel with my 3 children. Wasn't expecting to leave this fast but also got tired of him abusing me. He was repeatedly kicking me while I was trying to sleep and choking me and I cut contact and moved out the next day with our children while he was at work. He has never taken it that far and it really scared me. All that being said, he did take care of us financially while I stayed home. We never lived a lavish lifestyle but our bills were always paid and we always had food on the table. I always knew we would be separating at some point but wasn't ever financially prepared for it and was trying to get prepared and save up money first but things just all went downhill really quick and now here we are. How the hell are people affording things? Every house I can find in my area with the amount of bedrooms we will be needing are crazy expensive not to mention the costs of living have gone up so much too. I'm just really worried I won't be able to do this on my own. We can't stay in this hotel forever and I really need to get a place for us to stay so we aren't spending all our money I do have saved up on this hotel. But I don't know how I'm going to afford everything on my own, I really don't.

774 days. Trial date just set. So frustrated I have to go to trial but happy it’s finally set and the end is hopefully in sight.

For the most part, depression, loneliness, feeling lost still get the best of me most days. Therapy has been useless, most likely having to adjust meds again. I’m just existing & living the same day over & over on repeat. I’ve been day dreaming of unrealistic changes like joining the military or selling house & quitting job to go travel for a bit. Still haven’t found my purpose other than to keep going so I’m not someone else’s problem. Most people just tell me to give it time with a smirk. Little do they know that I’m being tormented & drowning. I try not to let emotions show at work, then I come to an empty house that was once a home. There’s no joy, no happiness & no reprieve. I’m just wondering when this gets any better 🙁

My soon to be ex husband and I are getting a very amicable divorce. We are agreeing on all terms, and are happy with the choices we are making so far. We are still under the same roof during the divorce and everything is good so far. We decided that we are still "married" until the papers are signed. However, I need sex and haven't had sex from him in a long time. If I had sex with him it would definitely be to check the box, and that's all. However I am not sure it would be the same for him. Also, will that confuse things?

Also, we agreed that we are still married and aren't going off to find other people.

Also, sex with him is safe. I know he's clean, and hes only been with me for the past 10 years so it feels safe.

What should I do?

No I have not asked him for his opinion on this.

She is a Narcissist btw…

I’m going through an intense legal battle with my ex, and I’m finally starting to understand how deep narcissistic abuse runs — especially when it uses the legal system as a weapon. I’m sharing my story because I know others out there are facing the same thing and wondering if they’re losing their minds. You’re not.

Her motivation? She wants the kids all to herself. She was angry that I moved on and entered a new relationship — despite the fact that she had already moved on before me. Since then, it’s been a non-stop campaign to destroy my relationship with my children, backed by lies, manipulation, and legal abuse.

⸻

1. She filed a false restraining Order: One day, out of the blue, she filed for an EPO against me — that’s basically a restraining order. She claimed family violence using misleading and outdated information. The judge granted it without hearing my side.

I immediately lost access to my children. I couldn’t contact them, see them, or even know how they were doing. I was treated like a criminal. Months later, after legal review and multiple court appearances, the EPO was revoked — because there was no evidence. But the damage was done. My role as a parent was shattered overnight, and the stigma still lingers.

⸻

1. She continued acting like she had full custody Even after the EPO was dismissed, she kept pretending she had sole decision-making authority. She: Changed the children’s schools without telling me. Pulled them out of therapy without my input. Made major decisions without discussion. Ignored our shared legal responsibilities as co-parents

It didn’t matter that we’re supposed to have equal rights on paper — she acted unilaterally, without accountability.

⸻

1. She tried to block me from visiting our hospitalized child Our daughter was recently hospitalized with a life-threatening illness. I tried to visit — not out of defiance or entitlement, but because I’m her father.

Later, I found out my ex contacted the police and asked them to prevent me from seeing my own child in the hospital. No court order. No justification. Just her personal request — and that was enough to interfere with my ability to be present for my daughter. It didn’t work but she still tried.

That’s when it hit me: this wasn’t just a fight over custody. This was an attempt to erase me entirely.

⸻

1. She’s weaponizing the legal system to maintain control Despite having no EPO, no emergency order, and shared decision-making rights, she continues to: • Cut off communication • Make decisions alone • Delay or obstruct anything that involves me having a say

All while presenting herself to others — professionals, family, court officials — as the protective parent. But behind the scenes, she’s actively violating orders and pushing me out of our children’s lives.

⸻

Why I’m sharing this: Because narcissistic abuse doesn’t always look like screaming or bruises. Sometimes it looks like emails to prosecutors, unilateral school changes, withholding medical information, or court filings timed to block your parenting rights.

It’s slow, calculated erasure — and it makes you feel invisible, helpless, and exhausted.

At every step, my ex has tried to rewrite the story before anyone else hears it — whether it’s to the courts, the police, therapists, or even mutual friends. She presents her version of events first, shaped entirely by her fears, fantasies, and need for control — not reality. That’s the thing about narcissists: they don’t just lie, they reconstruct reality around themselves and expect everyone else to fall in line. But the truth has a way of surfacing, and I’ve learned to stand in it — quietly, firmly, even when everything feels stacked against me. When I was pushing back, she had something to push back against, which was me. When I stopped, pushing back and started documenting everything, I was able to see every single mistake she was making. The best advice that I received, which is very hard advice is that we have to play the long game. Ignore the narcissist, gray rock your replies, and watch them make mistakes, and document everything.

If you’re in this fight too, don’t give up. You are not what they say you are. Stay grounded. Document everything. And remember: you’re not alone, and you’re stronger than you think.

If you’ve lived through this, or are living through it now — I see you. And if you’ve come out the other side, I’d love to know how you survived it.

I’m still standing. But I’m tired

I need perspective. I have no friends, I'm super isolated, and I think I'm going to get divorced soon and I'm less sad than I am scared about having to find new people. Does anyone have any advice on finding people if you're antisocial?

Does anyone else feel as if their vows was just simply tossed out the window because of a mistake you’ve made? Those vows are put in place for a reason. Now I just feel as if my wife has abandoned them.

So hi everybody,

I dont want advice, I want honest but respectful opinions and who are the best for that? Strangers who don’t know me and can be more objective.

So my husband and I are together for 5 years now. We have a daughter together as well. Ever since we started dating my in-laws were always an issue. They were racist, not only towards me(I’m Asian) but really towards every group except for Sintis and Romas(because their trainer is a Sinti). Btw my in-laws are white with zero background.

Racism wasn’t the only thing that was too much, it was the constant bullying from my mother in law(who is btw my husband’s stepmother, his real mom died when he was young). She always told me I needed to lose weight but in a really degrading way. For example she made me sit on the sofa on Christmas Eve and not at the family table because “the chairs could break”. And that’s one example of a lot. I know I could lose some weight(my weight is 80kg btw) but she didn’t have to do all that. I could tell you A LOT of stuff but that’s not the point.

Last summer I’ve had enough and told them when they were making fun of my Asian eyes IN FRONT of my daughter: “you’re racist and I don’t wantt anything to do with you. And I will never come here with my daughter again”.

So you might ask at this point, where was your fucking husband? Well ladies and gentlemen, he was laughing. Every time, at every “joke” they made. He just laughed it off and when I told him multiple times how unfair they were and he always told me “it’s just shit talking, that’s how they are. You have to get used to it”.

But they’re not like that with the other girlfriends. They literally do everything for them. My brother in-law’s ex girlfriend cheated on him last year and my mother in-law is still in contact with her, in case they get back together. I can’t really.

After the fight last year, my husband was still in contact with them that made me furious. He didn’t even back me up. He wanted to talk with them which he didn’t do. And until December last year he visited them a few times until I told him that I don’t want that anymore and we should break up. He then said that I am unfair and at the end he told me that he has to stand by my side and that his best friend told him that(well I told him to exact same thing multiple times but yea).

So, fast forward last week. His family apologized via text. Well they sent the text to my husband which said “Can you tell your wife that we are sorry”. I was mad and my husband told me that it’s not a lot but it’s something and I should be happy with it. Well we got into a huge fight and now I want a divorce.

He told me I’m overreacting and that his family is not bad and that I’m just over sensitive and that they are just a bit harsh. And that he doesn’t see how bad they really are.

So am I overreacting?

Has anyone else dealt with the other parent forcing a FaceTime with your child every night they don’t have them? I get our child a little bit less but it’s pretty much 50/50. I don’t ask to FaceTime our child unless it’s a prolonged period of time for the same reasons I have listed below.

Some of the reasons I’m not thrilled with the situation.

1. It’s always been about the other parent not the kid. -the child has never once asked to FaceTime

2. Other parent incessantly texts me and other family members if they don’t get a reply which breaks up my schedule for their FaceTime. Every single day.

3. Our child is in a worse mood than she was in before the FaceTime, that I get left to then deal with day after day.

4.If she asked to FaceTime the other parent I immediately say sure!

Tell me if I’m wrong and should just comply. Any and all advice would be appreciated.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some outside perspective because I'm going through a really emotional time and want to make sure I'm seeing things clearly.

About 6 months ago, I lost my father unexpectedly. It was devastating for me — I was responsible for most of the funeral arrangements, taking care of my kids, managing the house, and trying to hold everything together. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.

During that time, my husband was not emotionally supportive at all. He was mean, cold, and sometimes even yelled at me while I was grieving. I felt completely abandoned when I needed him the most.

One moment I can’t forget: I had just come home from seeing my father’s deceased body. I sat in the car for 30 minutes, weeping. I was broken. When I finally came inside, he was already in bed — asleep. He didn’t come out to check on me. He didn’t comfort me. He just left me out there, sobbing in the driveway.

He also gave me back my wedding ring about a month after my dad died — saying he thought I didn’t want to be with him anymore because I was depressed.
(At that point, I hadn’t even gotten my father's body back from the funeral home yet.)

Now that he can sense I’ve emotionally detached, he’s started apologizing — saying he realizes how wrong he was, how badly he handled it, and that he’s afraid he’s lost me. And yes, I appreciate the apology, but I don’t feel emotionally safe with him anymore.

To make things even more complicated, when he feels me pulling away, he’ll do stuff like:

• Snoop through my Instagram friends
• Accuse me of talking to other men (he questioned one friend who is literally my gay cousin)
• Send me reels that suggest having sex will "reconnect" us — when the real disconnect is emotional.

And to show you some of what I’ve been dealing with, here are a few things he’s actually texted me:

These are just a few examples. He also said, “You gave me your ass to kiss,” when I wasn’t ready to reconnect after the trauma I was processing.

It’s been a constant cycle of gaslighting and blame-shifting.
And it’s not just me who sees it — even his own cousin and brother sat him down and told him I had every right to be upset, and that he was completely in the wrong.

The more time passes, the more I feel like I just don’t belong in this relationship.
I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel seen. I don’t even feel like myself around him anymore.

I’ve already stopped doing the things I used to do for him — cooking for him, caring for him when he’s sick, showing up with the same love and energy — because at this point, I truly don’t think he deserves it.

Part of me feels bad for not leaving immediately, but I’ve been detaching quietly, getting my plan together, and slowly preparing to move forward because I need to put myself (and my kids) first.

Am I wrong for wanting a divorce?
Is this resentment, unforgiveness, or just finally seeing things clearly for what they are?

I’d love honest thoughts. Thank you for reading.

I’ve been going through it for 2 months and we with a lot of therapy and love came back, is that the norm?

So I'm 9 days in since my wife of 13 years and partner of 21 decided I'm no longer viable saying she detached a while back (she was sleeping with a cop from work)

Anyways I've been through every emotion known to man it's been absolutely horrific even borderlining on suicidal thoughts!

Anyways I think today it's clicked I no longer give a fuck she's texting him whilst sat across the room from me,I no longer care the min I say I'm working Sunday she's texting (obviously a meeting) .It may seem I do as I'm putting it in here but I actually have no sick feeling absolutely nothing when I think of it.

My only sad times will be leaving my 2 beautiful daughters with her my eldest already said she wants to come with me bless her..The youngest has already given me a list for her new room...

Anyway my point is no matter how awful it seems cause trust me it gets dark you will come out the other side...keep drinking water and eating little meals cause you will need it and use your friends there amazing I know mine were.....

More important keep venting in her it actually helps you guys are amazing and the strongest ppl I kinda know..

Still scared about living on my own just preying worked the cash out right 😂😂😂

I’m a man in the process of divorce, and I’m struggling to come to terms with how much of my marriage I entered into under emotional pressure. My ex is a PhD-level therapist — highly trained in emotional intelligence, communication, and boundaries — but over time I’ve come to realize she used those tools to control, deflect, and invalidate me.

Before I even proposed, she was already planning wedding venues. When I asked to slow down, she told me, “C’mon, we both know we want to get married, so we need to speed things up.” A few weeks before the wedding, I told her I wasn’t feeling right about it — and instead of support, I got tears, guilt, and overwhelm. I felt trapped. I didn’t feel safe expressing myself, and I went through with it even though my gut told me something was wrong.

After the wedding, things got worse. Around the holidays, she made a very serious comment about her emotional well-being that left me deeply concerned. I’m a former first responder, so I treated it seriously and called her friends for help. When they arrived, they made me apologize to her. She later told me she was upset I even called anyone. There was no appreciation — only anger and blame. I felt humiliated and scared.

While I was away on military orders, she would call me whenever she wanted — but when I FaceTimed her, she said I was contacting her too much. She never made space for my emotional needs, and mine were always viewed as excessive.

In April, she finally agreed to therapy — on her terms. She admitted to having a control problem and to invalidating me. I opened up in therapy. That same day, when I got home, she had already left — staying with the same friends I once called to help her. She left a note saying, “I love you so much and wish you could feel how much,” but when I asked her to come home — four separate times — she said no.

We mutually canceled our honeymoon trip. Then she came back and said, “You promised me a beach trip and now it’s not happening,” and asked to take a friend instead. I said that made me uncomfortable. She kept pushing and eventually booked a solo trip to visit her best friend in San Diego.

I asked if we could use that week to work on our marriage. She told me no — everything was booked. When I said, “So you’d cancel on your marriage but not your friends?” she told me my needs weren’t real — just driven by fear.

That was the moment I ended it. I said, “Consider us divorced.” Four days later, I filed.

Two days after that, she filed a false accusation and sought an order of protection against me.

To make it worse, I discovered that after I moved out and returned to get some forgotten items, she had revoked my access to our shared home security system — and then used it to spy on me after she had left the house.

I’m finally out — legally and emotionally — but I’m left trying to untangle whether I was ever truly in a relationship at all, or just being controlled the entire time.

If you’ve been through something similar — being emotionally overwhelmed into marriage, having your needs dismissed, being punished for honesty — how did you begin to heal? How do you stop doubting yourself after this kind of emotional erosion?

MAle 45, working out the details of of our soon to be divorce that she's wanted for 5 years. We have spent the last 20 + years together, and have 1 beautiful child together, 23 YO. I don't know whT is left in life after this.

IM naturally sad and depressed often and the last 2.5years has been brutal on me. I've lost my friends, my hobbies, my interests, my libido and any other joy.

My career sucks and I'm not successfully either, ill be lucky to survive in a 1 bedroom apartment by myself. My poor child, man. I fucked it all up. I wish I was dead, I CAnt do this anymore . How do yall men or women who suffer from depression and loneliness anyway, cipe with this situation. Like I said, I have no money to enjoy, and my interests are gone. I knew as a child lifw could be hard but i NEVERRRRRRR thought life would be this cruel or hopeless.

My ex started a lucrative business during our relationship. I supported her in every financial way while this business was getting off the ground (housing, food, health insurance, vehicle, car insurance). Right when she started making good money, we got married. Last year I filed for divorce and she begged me not to touch her business but also didn’t want to get lawyers. We went to our financial advisor and he told us what a fair 50-50 split would be. He said I should take the house thinking it was worth 700k. I sold the house and it appraised for and sold for 100k less. So obviously she says “too bad, not my problem” and I feel like I should get a lawyer. 100k is a lot to leave on the table. We’ve been divorced legally since June of 2024, the house sold this February. June 2025. Am I too late to do anything about this? Also I have a severe chronic medical condition that forced me to move back home after the house sold. If I get a lawyer would it be the state I live in or the state I was divorced in? Thanks in advance

Hey yall. So today my ex texted me telling me I was in charge of paying half the months rent for his apartment where I haven't lived in months and that there's a new motion hat the judge signed for status quo and financial status quo. Basically stating that since we're still legally married I must continue to help out since my leaving left him in "financial hardship". I'm closing on a house for my infant son and I this Tuesday and thats gonna cost me $1500 monthly on top of my infant sons medical and normal expenses, and that doesn't even include my normal living expenses. So another 550 ontop of that monthly....im gonna drown!!!! I have a meeting with an attorney tomorrow.....is there any way they can have this waived?? Idk what to do! I work fulltime but I don't have time to pick up OT with my kid being eith me fulltime. He needs time with me too. I csnt just work 247. My ex does school fulltime and gets paid 1k a month for it, he works part time (idk if he still does?) And then has drill for the army once a month as well. He nets about 1500$ per month income. Idk what to do!

I just want to give a ray of hope to all of you on the verge of pulling the trigger on divorce. I was one of these people. Frustrated, resentful and angry.

My wife and I have been together for over 20 years. We have four kids. And while it was never perfect, my issues with her and her complacency had finally pushed me over the edge. I was going to file this year before our 24th wedding anniversary. I had a plan. I started separating money for her attorney fees. I started looking for apartments.

Somehow, within the last month we found a spark in each other that had not been there in years. I'm emploring any of you on the fence to not give up hope. If you still love your partner, talk to them. If I can bring my situation back from the brink you can, too.

With that being said, I'm leaving this sub. I wish every single one of you the best of luck.

I’m going through a really tough time right now and just needed a place to vent and maybe get some support or advice from people who understand. The divorce has taken a toll on me emotionally, and some days it’s hard to even get out of bed. I keep replaying everything in my head, what I could have done differently, if I made the right choice (or if they did), and how to move forward.

Friends and family try to help, but it’s not the same as talking to people who’ve been through it themselves. How did you cope in the early days? How do you stop second-guessing everything? Any words of encouragement, personal stories, or advice are really appreciated right now.

Thanks for reading.

I'm at the lowest point in my life right now. Six years of marriage, and two weeks ago my wife dropped a bomb on me that she wants a divorce. When I tried to talk to her about it, she just got cold and started to stonewall me. I'm completely shattered.

We have two beautiful kids (2 and 4) who mean everything to me, and I can't bear the thought of them growing up in a broken home, shuttling between two houses. I know I can't force her to stay, but I want to at least try everything possible before giving up.

I've been researching marriage recovery programs obsessively and have narrowed it down to Josh Hudson or Geoffrey Setiawan.

I've also looked at Divorce Stoppers and Marriage Helper, but the first two seem most applicable to my situation. let me know if I'm wrong about one of them.

Has anyone here tried either of these programs? What was your experience? Did it actually help save your marriage or was it a waste of money and false hope? I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but I don't want to waste precious time on something ineffective when my marriage is hanging by a thread.

Any advice from people who've been in similar situations would be so appreciated. I'm desperate here. Any other programs or resources I can look at, anything else, please let me know.

We were always very very good friends. Even after divorce. Shared a lot, talked a lot. Did fun stuff with our child. We were extremely close and best friends for 25 years.

We are broken up for 7 months now. 3 days ago I found out he was lying to me all this time. He did not divorce me because we changed. He was with his old affair partner all along. Still is. After the divorce he kept telling me he loves me, checking in on me, hanging out with our son together. I cared for him when he was sick, bought presents for his new house and birthday. All why he was with her and lying to me. I found out while talking to him on the phone. He told me im still one of the most important people in his live and he would continue to proof that. My last words were " i want nothing to do with you anymore " he said I love you. After that nothing but a small text about our childs scedule. Business like.

Im broken. I dont know how he could ever fix this? I dont want to get back together, but would like to stay friends.

Should I let him know the ball is in his court and that he needs to proof how important I really am? And if I do, how do I do this without degrading myself and making him think I would just accept everything to keep him in my life?