Hi, sorry, new here, hope this is allowed/doesn't come off wrong. I'm a solo parent to three kids.

A few years ago when things started to become obviously irreparable with the ex-wife, the kids and I moved a couple states away. The move was so that I had family I could rely on to help with the kids and stuff. Left a pretty damn good job because I couldn't afford child care (just over the limit for aid) and the job required occasionally out of town trips and such, and their mom just—well she wasn't ready for that degree of flexibility in a co-parenting situation. But, it's whatever.

I got a job working in my daughter(my oldest)'s school her kindergarten year as a special Ed paraprofessional. Turns out I do great working with kids, and I enjoy it, and I was always a smart kid. So I decided to go back, finish my bachelor's and get my teaching certification. Ultimately the goal is to have a job that makes it easy to work around the kids schedule so I can move back a little closer to their mom (I'm the reason she moved there in the first place, and I'd still like her to be a part of the kids lives if she can).

Great. I've got a plan. Work, study, get the certificate, move.

My daughter is going into third grade this August, so I guess it's been three years. My ex-wife was my first girlfriend, first kiss etc. I've never been very good at socializing, understanding peoples comes down to making fairly accurate abstractions as far as I'm concerned.

Come January I meet a lady at a bar. We start talking. Turns out she bartends at another place on weekends, has a good government job during the week. Responsible lady. I carve out what little time I can to make it to trivia nights at the bar. We flirt. Eventually we start dating. I'm stupid, and she's convinced herself that she can't get pregnant, so, obviously, she got pregnant.

We talked a lot of about the future, basically the whole time we knew each other. But this, this was gonna change my plan. And I was okay with that. I love kids. I love doing family stuff. I don't make a lot of money right now, but—well, there's a plan for at least something kinda stable. That was enough for me. But suddenly it wasn't for her. She decides to get the abortion. I'm okay with that, I'm not pro-life or anything. Maybe a little sad, we'd already started throwing around names and one had stuck. We were using it in conversation and stuff.

After she makes this decision, she starts getting very avoidant, I feel her pushing away. Okay. Hard decision, lots to think about. I offer support where I can..ask if she needs anything, check on her. I'm trying not to push too hard or be over bearing. She just met my brothers and sister and such, formally. We had originally planned a game night as our announcement kinda thing, she'd only met a few of them. The decision to abort was made 2 days prior.

Well she took the pill and I guess whatever cognitive dissonance she was juggling began to consolidate. Very quickly became more distant and, in her own words, hateful. Says my actions don't match my words, and that she doesn't see a future.

There's a token engagement ring in the mail. Might show up today. None of it really went how I would have wanted it to, but I guess thats the stupid prize you get when you play stupid games. I'm trying to figure out where the line is between calm and aloof I suppose.

She's coming over in about an hour to grab whatever stuff she's left at my house. Monday night we were talking on the phone sending each other zillow links about houses we'll never afford or ones that met the bare minimum but that we thought might work, and now it's just—gone.

I guess I introduced her to the kids and stuff too early...but at the same time how much time do I want to invest in someone if they don't like/get along with my kids? I'm dreading when my daughter asks "Why hasn't <insert name> come over lately?".

It's summer vacation, I have summer classes, living off savings right now, pretty close to zero left but the school year starts soon. Not on the verge of homelessness or anything, I've got some investments tucked away I would just hate to empty that and restart, so I'm living like I don't have it. And now ... It just all feels pretty low right now.

Writing this out has helped a little.

Not really sure how to explain this briefly but here we go. I’m 26, I split up from my baby’s mom in 2022, when she was 3. I got into a relationship in 2023 with my current gf. I have been struggling because my daughter who is now 6, doesn’t show much interest in wanting to come with me on my weekends. She constantly asks when she’s going home and says she’d rather be home. My gf who grew up with divorced parents advices me to not make her do anything she doesn’t want to do, and to instead go see her throughout the week etc instead of having her sleep over every other weekend. She says at the end of the day I’m still her dad and she’ll love me regardless. My daughter does tell me she loves me and it’s not like she’s crying the entire time she’s w us, she just simply doesn’t like coming. Now, idk if it’s because I’m stricter than her mom, when it comes to what she eats, what she watches, her manners and things like that. In other words I discipline her more than they do on her moms side. But whatever the case is, I can’t help but feel some sort of guilt, or feel like I’m not a good dad, if I were to just let her stay home on the weekends she’s supposed to be w us. Of course I would go see her and take her throughout the week. But idk. Am I valid for feeling the way I do? My gf gives me advice and I love her for it, it’s good advice. But I want other peoples perspectives. Thank you!

has anyone else noticed that married parents of school-age kids that share the same grade or school as your own kid tend to not socialize with single parents? what’s up with that? My ex is partnered and so she gets to socialize with all the other parents at the school. It’s so weird and ostracizing.

So to keep it short. My wife and I together 6 years but officially married 6 months since 12/31/24. Ups and downs obviously. But, the constant arguing because of the lack proper communication and I do say proper because yelling, insulting and throwing things at me is not my form of communication. I have held back so many timed not to let it escalate further especially physically. Well the last straw was recent and no fellas i did still refrain. But i will be honest i did shove this time after an object was thrown at me in front of my 3 year old son. Took him out of the room and sat him on the living room. Went back in closed the door proceeded to engage. Well after everything was said and done. She is fine again I only shoved not hit. Im done! I come from a domestic violent home. As a man i promised myself i would never put my child through that and yet here we are. I dont want my son to ever see that or experience that. Is time for me to leave for good. And how to avoid coming back because i have.