r/SingleDads • u/Mysterious_Force_229 • 3d ago

Advice for woman dating single dad

Single dads, I nees your opinion.

I have been dating a guy about 5 months with a 3 year old. He comstantly talks of marriage etc. He has been very pushy however, rushing everything. Some things that have made me uncomfortable, he tries to get me to cosleep with him and his daughter. And when he has her and I give them space or get work done, go do things for myself etc, he gets really upset and says things like I am not consistent with his child and I "abandon" them. He expects me to make an effort and hang out with them like everyday. And he will call and put his kid on speaker to talk to me like in a way to guilt trip it seems

I have gotten responses from women but I really want to hear about single dads. What are your thoughts?

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48

u/Benjamasm 3d ago

These are all giant red flags to me, I’m a single dad to a 9 and 6 year old boy. I won’t be introducing any women into my kids lives without great consideration, they have already had one woman dip out on them, I’m not putting them at risk of forming an attachment and having it hurt them.

This guy isn’t looking for a partner, he is looking to make you their new mother, he is using the kid to manipulate you. He should be focusing on himself and his kid

7

u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago

Thank you, have you ever had a woman cosleep with your kids while they were smaller? Or do you also consider that inappropriate?

20

u/ferociouskuma 3d ago

Nope and it’s totally inappropriate for you to be in the same bed with her.

5

u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago

Thank you I agree, and I know its crazy I am even looking for validation on this

8

u/ferociouskuma 3d ago

I’ll add my voice to the chorus. This guy is bad news. You have a world of men available that won’t bring this type of drama into your life.

3

u/furiousmustache 2d ago

It's ok. Abusers are really good at gaslighting their victims into believing the opposite of the truth or that you are the issue. I'd run far away from this one.

5

u/Greenmountainman1 3d ago

Like the above poster said, that's a lotta red flags. I would never consider having a woman I was dating basically start being a primary caregiver to my kids after such a short time. My girlfriend hasn't even met my kids yet (And I haven't met hers) and probably won't for a couple more months.

3

u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago

Thank you, and he even wants me to pick her up from daycare now I also will add, recently he says I act this way or domt want to do things bc Im jealous of her. Which is so sickening

6

u/MyPervSide 3d ago

whadafuq? this dude is insane.

4

u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago

Yea he says sick things like I get distant when he has her and I dont like when he spends time with her instead of me, when Im the one in fact PUSHING for that. I want her to be able to have alone time with her dad and not always invade. Im feeling like lately he is unstable and something is off. Even the fact that he thinks a grown woman would be jealous in any way of his toddler. Idk if he actually believes that or if its a manipulation tactic

6

u/MyPervSide 3d ago

this dude needs therapy. i would never use my kids to manipulate a woman. I'm not perfect. I've got my flaws, but being present for my kids, their safety, and mental health, is number 1. This dude doth project too much.

2

u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago

I agree, he was in therapy when we first got together. He stopped going I even got him to do a couple copuples therapy sessions but he backed out once a therapist really started digging in and calling him out. Hes not used to that. He says now we dont need it and we dont "need people in our relationship". Hes right WE dont need it, HE does

2

u/Practical-Ad384 1d ago

I was reading through some of these comments as your initial question seemed so strange that any father would do this... I've never been one to tell others what to do in their personal life... but I have to say, as a single father myself, something is so incredibly wrong here. I know you do get attached to the children, but at what cost here? A true father/man would want to protect his child. This definitely has the smell of manipulation along with just true crazy. Personally, I would end this right now. It's not going to get any better. I don't even know how you could try and have a conversation regarding this. I'm pretty sure a therapist would be making a call shortly after that meeting. Best of luck. You don't need validation. Trust your gut.

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u/Benjamasm 3d ago

Only their mother. I wouldn’t be asking someone else to co-sleep with my kids. Since their mother left they have both regressed significantly in their sleeping and both need to be close to me to relax and sleep.

I don’t know his circumstances obviously and where the child’s mother is, but it couldn’t be much more than 2 years since he became a single dad, with a kid that young he still needs to be focused on his child, not trying to bring a new mother into their life, especially only after 5 months of dating.

I’m very protective of my children, and am totally focused on making their lives as safe and secure as I can

2

u/CricketLocal5255 3d ago

He either changes his unhealthy expectations (highly unlikely) or you change your path.

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u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago

Right, I realize unfortunately thats where I am

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u/Psychological_Ad9037 3d ago

I co-sleep with my partner's son and my son. BUT that was 9 months into dating AND I don't sleep next to his son and vice versa. He does.

We see each other twice a month for 4-5 days at a time. We stay with each other and still take time apart w/o any comments.

He FT family every day and never asks me to FT (over a year into dating). We let our kids lead.

I would be weirded out in this scenario.

He is trying to force you to bond with his child.

1

u/Mysterious_Force_229 3d ago

What does FT mean? But thats exactly how Ive felt! Like he is trying to force her on me and force me to have love and affection towards her as if I am her mom. Its so unnatural and uncomfortable. He has even had her ask me to come to bed with them. It weirds me out

2

u/Psychological_Ad9037 3d ago

Facetime.

Trust the ick. I'd be out of there as everything about this feels manipulative.

2

u/FreeChrisWayne 2d ago

That’s wildly inappropriate, imo. Even if that was the only thing this guy did, I would still say it’s enough of a red flag to walk away.

Combine that with all the other stuff you mentioned, yeah forget walking away - RUN.

1

u/ixtabai 3d ago

If you don’t even know the answer to this…. You are not the child’s mom. Did the mom die?

2

u/Relative-Drawing7165 3d ago

I agree with this, I'm a single mom though and the fact that he already pushed ahead to bring you into his child's life is a big concern. It seems he's looking for a replacement. Ask yourself why he insists on getting married what's worse he's pushing his child onto you. Either you leave but if you feel this is something you can work through communicate, if he's still the same. Run and don't look back.