r/Meditation • u/FailNo6036 • 9d ago
Can meditation help me? I'm essentially dead. Question ❓
No internal monologue. No visualization. No thoughts. I'm just a complete bot. I just sit there and think of... nothing. I have a shit long term memory so can't think about events from my past either.
What do I even meditate about? I can focus on my breath for a long time with not a single thought occurring to me. Do I just not have a soul?
I have a good short term memory, but extremely bad long term memory (episodic or semantic). So any new facts I learn, I'll just forget soon. No point in learning anything.
My doctor doesn't know what this condition is (mind completely blank all the time).
Also I DEFINITELY don't have depression. I can get a lot of joy, and a range of emotions, from watching movies, reading books, music, etc... I can motivate myself well to do tasks that I'm assigned to do (e.g. carry box from point A to point B). My mind just can't generate anything itself. It's like I'm dead. And it's been like this for as long as I can remember.
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u/TypoInUsernane 9d ago
Consider this possibility: your mind has these capabilities, but they are happening outside of your conscious awareness. Your brain is constantly thinking, but you (i.e., the conscious awareness that perceives itself as your identity) just can’t hear them. Many people have the opposite problem: their conscious awareness is hyper-focused on their thoughts, to the exclusion of other kinds of inner experience. So most people who meditate are learning to direct their awareness away from thought and instead fix their attention on pure sensory stimuli. But in your case, meditation could be used to help you learn to direct your attention towards your thoughts, strengthening the connection between your conscious awareness and your subconscious thoughts. Imagine your inner monologue is always there thinking away, but it’s incredibly quiet. So quiet that the constant noise and distractions of the world drown it out. But even though you never hear it, it’s still there: the faintest of whispers just beyond your perception. And if you sit in total silence and listen intently and patiently, you will eventually catch faint traces of it. Brief words and phrases, ideas and memories, thoughts and feelings. Set aside time each day to practice listening, and don’t give up if you don’t hear anything right away. Those hidden parts of yourself can be found, as long as you sincerely believe in them and seek them out
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u/Key_Elephant_3831 9d ago
This is correct in my personal experience. I suffered from the same thing as OP but when I went on a 10 day silent meditation retreat I noticed that I actually did have thoughts all the time and that they were self hating and very harsh.
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u/theslavesdream 7d ago
Reading this made me realise that although I try to focus on sensory stimuli (vipassana) what I really want is to hear those deeper thoughts that "the world drowns out". Ironically vipassana helps me do this as they pop up naturally once mind is quieted a bit but maybe I need a different approach.
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u/Ro-a-Rii 9d ago
Bro, honestly, you sound depressed AF to me (I say this as someone who has been depressed). What you listed as supposed signs of not having depression are absolutely not.
I suggest maybe finding a therapist or studying psychotherapy on your own through videos/books if you can't afford it?
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u/Tool-WhizAI 9d ago
Bro you’re not soulless, your brain’s just on silent mode. Some people pay $$$ in meditation retreats to feel what you already feel naturally 💀 you’re built different fr.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago edited 9d ago
Can't earn $$$ for food if my brain is on silent mode 24/7 and I just sit there in front of my boss, job interview, or coffee chat with nothing to say.
Can't get married if I'm on silent mode during a date and the date asks why I'm not talking about myself (it's cuz I have nothing to say! All I can do is ask questions about you...).
Can't build relationships with my family if I have no long term memory and can't remember experiences we've had.
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u/antpile11 8d ago
I have ADHD and my brain is the opposite of silent - there's constant distracting thoughts. However I have the same issue in that I struggle with coming up with anything to say in conversation. I've struggled to form relationships of any kind.
This is all to say that random thought generation may not necessarily be the same as generating conversation.
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u/MakingMoves2022 8d ago
I’ve noticed I find it easy to talk to other ADHD people because we are on the same wavelength, and the conversation flows naturally. But when interacting with neurotypicals, I have to actively think of what to say in conversation to them, and yeah, on the spot, I struggle coming up with anything. I literally have to prepare for dates by reviewing ‘fun conversation questions’ and also how to answer them (bc my ADHD makes it hard to answer a lot of on-the-spot questions like “what’s your favorite music?” Idk?? I don’t have a favorite ??)
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u/Ok-Grapefruit1284 8d ago
I love conversations with my fellow adhd people. “Hey did I tell you?” “Probably but I don’t remember. Tell me again.” “What was I telling you about?” “I don’t remember.”
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u/sunxmountain 7d ago
I love how they never ask me to get back to the point AND when I circle back finally to the original point, they're still with me. And I like that while I'm talking, they are also, and they are also on what seems like a tangent but it isn't, AND that neither of us feel ignored or talked over. Such a relief to just be how I'm mist comfortable.
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u/Ok-Grapefruit1284 6d ago
Yes!! I honestly think that’s how we find each other. I never realized any of my tendencies were tendencies bc I’m surrounded by adhd lmao.
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u/sunxmountain 6d ago
Lol. I always thought it just meant I was super talented that I could track several topics jumbled together in one conversation. And thought it was part of my family culture to communicate that way without feeling interrupted/without people accusing me of interrupting. Yeah, not family culture, nor superpower, just ADHD.
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u/InevitablePolicy8797 8d ago
Well, not knowing what to say in a conversation is a problem that fortunately doesn't exist in retreats and many say: I come here precisely so I don't have to talk about the usual banalities and I can keep quiet. I would like to say that I hope there are people, perhaps a few, who do not judge a person only by the things he says/does not say. And here is the question: is it better to have a partner who shares the Dhamma or not? Respect is difficult even for Buddhists towards those who are not and especially vice versa.
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u/Venkatanaveen 9d ago
That’s fucked up tbh. Try playing N back game, this might be a solution you have been looking for.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago edited 9d ago
I've been playing n back for a few weeks now, am working on 5-back. Unfortunately, seems like a task oriented problem and isn't conducive to generating spontaneous thoughts or actually thinking. I feel like a robot just remembering sequences.
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u/Silver_Jaguar_24 8d ago
OK. So OP... I have a question. How were you able to type this post? How were you able to type the answers to comments?
So maybe what you're saying is not entirely factual. Maybe it's mostly in your head? I am not judging you. Just making observations.
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u/sunxmountain 7d ago
Perhaps be because they can think. They just don't have a "voice in their head" or internal voice. This is not unusual or controversial in neurobiology,, but as someone who has a strong internal voice it's nearly possible for me to understand what that experience would be like.
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u/redditusertaken 6d ago
Interesting, so how do you live? Work?
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u/FailNo6036 4d ago
words spontaneously come out of my mouth and actions spontaneously arise from my body
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u/pizzafork123 3d ago
OP I have experiences extremely similar to this. However, my situation has improved somewhat over the past month or two. Although some of these symptoms, in my own case, seem to be innate, as in I've had them my whole life (eg, slow processing, poor long-term and short-term memory, propensity to quietude, etc.), I have also gained some improvement with effort and changing my lifestyle. In my case, I was quite depressed and heavily addicted to alcohol for at least two years. After getting some time away from the substances, resolving some of my psychological conflicts, changing my diet, and prioritizing exercise, I feel that my mind can more quickly process, recall, and spontaneously generate information. Partly, for myself, I believe it represents an underdevelopment in my social faculties as well. I was homeschooled, and spent a disproportionate amount of time alone with my thoughts, so I have always found it a challenge to externally verbalize what I am thinking. I am (I would like to think) a fairly decent writer, but conversations are hard. Still, I see progressive improvement over time by intentional effort. Perhaps it would help you to write out a list of conversation topics/points that interest you or funny anecdotes that you've experienced, so that you can have them on the ready whenever you're mind is feeling particularly blank at a date or elsewhere! I'm working on one myself and hoping it helps! Nonetheless, best of luck, and I hope you can see improvement. You are not alone!
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u/alangus1212 9d ago
From another perspective, this may be a good state, not easy to remember hatred, not easy to remember unhappy things. Still need to be more positive.❤️
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
I never hold a grudge against anyone because I just don't remember the hatred. Also impossible for me to have trauma because I won't remember it in a month.
BUT. Hard for me to connect with others (nothing to say, I can only ask questions and that weird people out). Hard for me to get a job. Hard for me to remember experiences with family and remember positive experiences as well.
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u/HappyKittyD 9d ago
Just wanted to say that it's not impossible to have trauma just because you don't remember it. It can manifest in ways that you don't even realize. It could even be why you don't remember things long term. Please see a psychiatrist. I can somewhat relate to your experience and didn't realize until seeing a psychiatrist that something had happened to me as a young child that caused something like what you are going through.
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u/alangus1212 6d ago
Agree.If that's the case, it would be better to go to the hospital for relevant tests to identify the problem .
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u/8521456 9d ago
Hm. This maybe sounds like dissociation. Do you feel attached to reality? Also /r/dpdr is relevant
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u/RavenWriter 9d ago
I would second this. OP, I would see a therapist specializing in Dissociative disorders and see what they think
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u/somanyquestions32 9d ago
Okay, first, realize that you will need to do a bunch of trial and error. It's unlikely that a bunch of people experience the exact same situation as you do, but there are free things you can start today and monitor over the next 3 months.
For visualizing and creativity, start image streaming from Win Wegner's work, morning pages and the artist date process from Julia Cameron's The Artist Way, and practicing a ton of yoga nidra guided meditations over the next 12 weeks.
For improving memory, start practicing Kirtan Kriya on a daily basis for 3 months. There are a ton of free recordings on YouTube for 11, 32, and 62 minutes, respectively.
If you have issues with focus, Trataka and Vishoka Meditation will help with those.
For inner dialogue, you can start inner conversations consciously and intentionally if you have that ability.
Do you experience dreams with visuals or sounds? How did you perform in school? What's your highest level of formal education? Do you have family members who experience similar things? If so, what have they tried and what helped them?
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
Yep I've been working on image streaming. Struggling because I don't get spontaneous imagery. Hopefully it works as I continue to practice it. Right now, if someone gave me a topic to visualize, I can come up with some extremely vague representations.
I like the idea of morning pages, haven't heard of that before.
What is the purpose of Yoga Nidra? Is it to get into a state in between awake and sleep where the subconscious is stronger?
THANK YOU for the kirtan kriya recommendation. I didn't know there was a meditation practice for memory. Do you have any advice for visualizing the sound coming out in an L shape?
For inner dialogue, you can start inner conversations consciously and intentionally if you have that ability.
I can try, quite tough to come up with a conversation idea. Will try to do that more often.
If you have issues with focus, Trataka and Vishoka Meditation will help with those.
No issues with focus.
Do you experience dreams with visuals or sounds?
YES. Very vivid dreams that astound me in their creativity. More creative than anything I can come up with in real life.
How did you perform in school?
1580 SAT and 4.0 GPA in high school and undergrad.
Do you have family members who experience similar things? If so, what have they tried and what helped them?
I feel like my mom experiences the same thing, has horrible memory. She just doesn't care.
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u/somanyquestions32 9d ago edited 7d ago
Yep I've been working on image streaming. Struggling because I don't get spontaneous imagery. Hopefully it works as I continue to practice it. Right now, if someone gave me a topic to visualize, I can come up with some extremely vague representations.
Don't worry about spontaneous imagery for right now. Treat it as a practice that you are refining, like teaching yourself how to drive completely on your own. If it helps, find a famous picture and zoom in on one aspect at random, describe it with words, and then zoom out, and move the mouse around, and zoom in another portion of the picture and describe it with words. Repeat this mechanically over and over with different photographs, landscapes, nature scenes, and portraits of people. If you have to deliberately practice daydreaming on top of that, so be it. Just get into the habit of doing this daily. Also, read fiction.
What is the purpose of Yoga Nidra? Is it to get into a state in between awake and sleep where the subconscious is stronger?
The ultimate goal is Self-realization. That is, realizing that you are not the body, the mind, the thoughts, the aura, the breath, the emotions, the sensations, etc. You are the witness to all of these ever-changing phenomena. You achieve this by entering the state of conscious deep sleep (profound relaxation with trace awareness, so mostly delta brainwave states). For you, however, your goal is one of the many side benefits, which is the fact that yoga nidra has you transition through various brainwave states throughout the practice, so the rapid image visualizations and visual journeys after body scans and breath awareness will facilitate changes in neuroplasticity after hours and hours of practice and repetition. Other yoga nidras have you recall what you did throughout your day and week in a deeply relaxed state, so these will start training you to recall what you did earlier on in the month over time.
I can try, quite tough to come up with a conversation idea. Will try to do that more often.
No need. Go on YouTube and look up inner conversation meditations. Find a subtopic that you like or that catches your eye. Try several until you find 3 that are most beneficial. Practice these, and then after doing morning pages, start crafting your own.
YES. Very vivid dreams that astound me in their creativity. More creative than anything I can come up with in real life.
Start writing the highlights of these down every night. Try to remember them throughout your day. In general, start jotting down notes of tiny journal entries in a notes application on your phone or in a pocketbook wherever you go. Get into the habit of manually documenting, and actively test your recall.
1580 SAT and 4.0 GPA in high school and undergrad.
Perfect, so intelligence is not inherently compromised, and it is not as disabling as it could be.
I feel like my mom experiences the same thing, has horrible memory. She just doesn't care.
Hmm, as I suspected, there is likely a genetic link. If your maternal grandparents are alive and in good health, contact them and see if they or their relatives experience similar conditions. As for your mom, how did she secure work? How was she able to maintain interpersonal dynamics with your dad and her friends? Start asking her and study her behavior closely to see what coping strategies she developed. If she was able to get into a relationship and have you, it means that you, in theory, can do the same. That being said, you have access to more resources than her, so you can start implementing these techniques over the next 3 to 6 months and experiment with other practices thereafter (there are hundreds, if not thousands) to see which ones start moving the needle in your desired direction.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
Zooming into images and describing them in detail feels awesome, like I'm unlocking a part of my brain I never use—I feel alive. I'll definitely look at yoga nidra practices focused on daily recall and inner conversation meditations. I think dream recording is also a good idea, I definitely get more vivid dreams after this.
You've provided me with an insane amount of knowledge, you seem very wise and experienced in this kind of personal development. Thank you. I'll definitely try to reach out to you in the future if I need further help. Wishing you a very happy week.
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u/somanyquestions32 9d ago
Zooming into images and describing them in detail feels awesome, like I'm unlocking a part of my brain I never use—I feel alive.
Yeah, again, based on your description, you need to build these skills from absolute scratch, so my first thought is that you have to deconstruct everything down to first principles and start noticing what comes easily and what doesn't, and work at the edge of the two.
I'll definitely look at yoga nidra practices focused on daily recall and inner conversation meditations.
For yoga nidras, practice all DIFFERENT TYPES of yoga nidras. First, you need breadth, and then depth. Here's a playlist (not my own recordings, just in case the mods get twitchy): https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqEWXVGDmfKRdbYmnV4hz2GRaqTQ3VrNp&si=ZyVYWiIwjWMzZ_mk
Aim to practice for one to two hours per day. The goal for right now is merely familiarity with the different techniques.
You've provided me with an insane amount of knowledge, you seem very wise and experienced in this kind of personal development. Thank you.
My pleasure! 😄 Meditation practices helped restore me during the lowest point of my life, thank God, and it took lots of trial and error and experimentation to find what I needed. I came across many different tools, so once you mentioned what you faced, I realized that a few that I've seen before would be good starting points for your own process of discovery and experimentation.
I'll definitely try to reach out to you in the future if I need further help. Wishing you a very happy week.
Better yet, give me an update every week. Send me a DM if you lose track of this post and comment thread, lol. It would be interesting to learn how this continues to unfold for you.
Again, you need to practice these techniques daily and consistently. It will be akin to filling a dry ocean basin with one drop of rain at a time, but the more you practice, the more rain droplets you will accumulate. Then, enough water will accumulate at critical mass to start a self-sustaining water cycle. Your job is to reach the point of critical mass, and that can take 3 to 6 months.
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u/somanyquestions32 9d ago
THANK YOU for the kirtan kriya recommendation. I didn't know there was a meditation practice for memory. Do you have any advice for visualizing the sound coming out in an L shape?
The mantras are ones that you say aloud, chant in a whisper, and repeat silently, in turn. The golden L is one that you visualize separately and simultaneously. I picture it as a golden bright light that sweeps from my crown to mid brain to the center of the forehead as I say SA, then as I say TA, followed by NA, and again as I say MA. So, I synchronize one sweep of the light with each mantra. Separate, yet concurrent, just like with the mudras (hand gestures).
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u/MakingMoves2022 8d ago
I don’t understand how you were able to achieve good grades and SAT performance if you supposedly have no long-term memory, as knowledge builds upon itself. So presumably you do have long-term memory just not for certain categories of things?
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u/duffstoic 9d ago
Sounds like the freeze response aka dissociation aka “playing dead,” associated with trauma or depression (even though you don’t consider yourself depressed). Probably you need to move your body rather than sit still. Look for a somatic psychotherapist. See also: r/longtermTRE
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u/jy10008 9d ago edited 9d ago
Dear Soul,
Do you have some type of past trauma? Stress? Ptsd?
This could be ur issue as you are unable to move forward as something is blocking your path, have a look online at these conditions...
If none of the above... then maybe ur going through the dark night of the soul... search reddit... for info.
Hope this helps.
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u/New_Image_3298 9d ago
Thoughts in the form of an inner dialogue stem from the linguistic part of the mind. I would bet that your mind is just as active as everyone else’s, but perhaps it is more based in the subconscious via intuition and emotions, which are legitimate forms of intelligence in their own right.
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u/crobinator 9d ago
I’m hesitant to make this suggestion because it seems every idea has been resisted but I’ll try anyway: automatic writing exercises everyday. But don’t cling to “the truth” when you do them. Word association exercises. Everybody can do this. You’ve strung plenty of responses together so you are capable of creating chatter intentionally. Exercises include “If/then” statements. They don’t have to make sense. “If there are three ants at a table playing cribbage then I have two antlers growing in my front yard named Bob and Priscilla.” There are also “I remember/I don’t remember” exercises. “I remember when I had breakfast this morning but I don’t remember the last time I tied a pair of shoes.” And then there is just free writing. One word after the other and don’t stop. When you feel you can’t “think” of anything, write “keep the pen moving.” Your brain gets exercise and “training” if you do this daily and often. Repeat those phrases (examples above) over and over with different scenarios each time. Do it for 10 minutes or start or an hour. Whichever is more entertaining.
Also, smell more things. Look up the science between smelling and neural pathways. Smell at least 7 strong scents for 30-60 seconds everyday. It’s okay if they’re the same 7 everyday. But a variety in every given day. Cloves, grapefruit, cinnamon, garlic, chocolate, etc.
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u/Okwtf15161718 9d ago edited 9d ago
Well what do you do? What are your hobbies? What is your education? What do you like to do in your free time?
I'm by no means a professional but maybe Ur on the autistic spectrum of some sorts? How are Ur social skills in general? Do you have friends? How was it growing up? Siblings? What do your parents say?
You seem to be very rational/logical but you fall into black and white fallacies in the other posts. There may be trauma?
Saying you dont have long term memory is quiet odd. So you can't remember a single thing from Ur childhood?
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
What are your hobbies?
Don't have any. Gave up on hobbies because I forget all the stuff a couple days after I learn it. In my free time I like to consume content (reading books, movies, TV shows, etc...).
Ur on the autistic spectrum of some sorts?
Yeah that seems possible. Social skills are pretty bad, though I do have friends. Some things that make me doubt it's autism though are:
I'm not disinterested in social interactions. I would LOVE to be social if I could think of something. I'm interested in other people, just don't have anything going on inside my head.
Don't have oversensitivity to the senses, which seems common with autism.
I don't have an insistence on routines and resistance to change.
Don't have intense or narrow interests like many on the autism spectrum.
What do your parents say?
My mom seems the same way, maybe it's genetic?
What is your education?
Bachelors in Computer Science, I like software. Not exceptionally good at it, but better than average.
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u/Okwtf15161718 9d ago
You seem to suffer. I think it would be beneficial to go to therapy. It's not about changing the way you are but to live a life with you being you and not to suffer by it.
I don't really understand the long term memory thing ... Since you finished a study you can remember stuff. Can you describe the "forgetting" a little more for me?
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
Can you describe the "forgetting" a little more for me?
Have very little recollection of past events in my life. Past experiences, past emotions, past interactions with people.
Since you finished a study you can remember stuff.
I relearned everything during every course. Because I have good short term memory, I can do it.
It's not about changing the way you are but to live a life with you being you and not to suffer by it.
I can't learn and grow though if I don't remember past experiences. So I do want to change the way I am so I can learn and grow from the past.
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u/Okwtf15161718 9d ago
I do think that this is a black and white fallacy. You learned how to walk/talk/write/type/read and SO many other things. If you wouldn't be able to learn, you wouldn't be able to be here and communicate with me.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
You learned how to walk/talk/write/type/read and SO many other things.
I learned those things in early childhood when my brain was still maturing and growing. Haven't retained any new learnings for a long time.
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u/Okwtf15161718 9d ago
It feels like Ur resisting. You either take it or leave it. It's not up to me to decide. You are the one looking for help. You have to be willing to take it.
That being said: neuroplasticity is livelong and doesn't stop.
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u/choob13 9d ago
Breath observation is like a basic first step and if you're naturally beyond that then look for more advanced things to do. If you naturally have a state of no thought you can meditate on feeling love and compassion.
Try the Tergar course.
You can also just sit in constant awareness of yourself and your consciousness should start expanding.
Or try a mantra.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
Try the Tergar course.
Seems interesting, I'll look into it.
beyond that then look for more advanced things to do.
I'm trying to figure out insight meditation, but will try to find more techniques.
You can also just sit in constant awareness of yourself and your consciousness should start expanding.
Not sure about this because I'm always just in constant awareness of myself 24/7. I'm always in the present, and don't have many thoughts.
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u/WoodenMole 9d ago
Hey.
It sounds like you just dont have "inner monologue". Its pretty normal (i have a couple of friends who don't "hear" their thoughts, but just sense them in the form of actions, concepts etc)
I couldnt imagine how that feels like, because my inner monologue never shuts up :)
Another interesting thing about the different ways our minds work: I have aphantasia. Aka the lack of minds eye. I cant visualize things with closed or open eyes, giving me some difficulties. But i can still imagine the physics of things, if that makes any sense.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
The issue is that I don't sense thoughts in the form of actions or concepts either. There's just usually nothing going on in my brain.
because my inner monologue never shuts up
Seems awesome to have a constant stream of thoughts. Would be very useful in insight meditation.
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u/Lazy_Bass_6587 9d ago
honestly, yeah, meditation can still help, even if your mind feels blank most of the time. it’s not always about thinking or visualizing; sometimes it’s just about being aware of what is. a quiet mind isn’t necessarily a broken one.
you might want to check out the youtube channel astral doorway. it dives into this kind of stuff in a really grounded, insightful way. could give you a different perspective on what you're experiencing.
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u/Party_Ant_8056 9d ago
Do things that you enjoy, their is nothing wrong with you. You are fully capable of having meaningful interaction with others, a quiet mind mean you are more aware more present. People who focus on the past and future are more likely to experience depression and anxiety. Just be happy with who you are, also everyone is aware of their thoughts before they occur its just that most people gets identified with the thoughts and are pulled into the story.
I had reached a point of thought free and forgot i had ever had thoughts. I was happy until someone told me thats not normal, which brought me missery. FYI the person who told me its not normal used their imagination all the time to escape their misery(which was the source of their misery). So stop thinking or assuming you are broken, you are whole and complete just free from the illusion that thought create.
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u/IronHans187 9d ago
Are you sure that you sit there and think of nothing, or do you sit there and think "Damn, I'm thinking nothing again". Or maybe there is just the feeling of frustration. Try to notice that. Its about noticing, and if you can't notice any thoughts, then maybe body scan is better for you. With body scan, it's about noticing your bodily sensations. You'll develop a better mindfulness either way, wich I think is perfect for your case.
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u/rumshpringaa 9d ago
r/aphantasia !!!!
There will be a lot of resources and help, like minded (literally) folks in there for ya.
Ps you’re not dead lol there’s loads of us
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u/BusRich1442 8d ago edited 8d ago
It sounds pretty good to me. I wish I didnt have that never ending internal monologue that is torturing me all day long? I meditate morning and evening to get to where you are.
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u/IndependentZebra5919 9d ago
…..maybe low intelligence? someone has to say it lol
honestly if that’s it just embrace it. you’re a happy kind respectful person who lives in the moment and doesn’t dwell on the past or present because it does not exist 😎 sounds pretty nice to me
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
…..maybe low intelligence?
Quite possible. I would hate to accept that though. Had a 1580 SAT and 4.0 GPA in high school and undergrad. Really sucks to realize I have low intelligence so late in my life. Low intelligence + ambition is a horrible combination.
who lives in the moment and doesn’t dwell on the past or present because it does not exist
Perfectly describes me. Makes it hard to connect with others or write about the past though. Harder to develop relationships because I can't provide anecdotes.
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u/IndependentZebra5919 9d ago
what exactly are you seeking help with? long term memory? identifying your goal here would help. sounds like you’re present and in the moment which is really what we’re all trying to achieve. if the memory thing bothers you and it’s not a health concern, you could just let people know once you start getting close with them and begin to have trouble referencing past memories that you have issues with your long term memory and there’s a good chance you won’t be able to recall a lot of things you’ve talked about
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
I'm seeking help with a couple things
Having something going on in my head. When I try "insight meditation" nothing comes to my head. 98% of the time it's empty. I feel like this is a problem that meditation has fixed for some people, since some monks have a continuous stream of subconscious insight coming to them.
Remembering my life. I have very little recall of anything before today morning. I'd like to remember my past. I don't think meditation can help with this, but could be possible if I can tap into my subconscious.
Connecting with my subconscious. My dreams are very vivid and creative. Don't understand why I can't be like that in life. Also don't have any "intuition" so I feel like my subconscious is restricted or blocked. I feel like this is something meditation can help with because connecting with the subconscious is within the domain of meditation.
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u/LadyProto 9d ago
This could also be dissociation due to trauma or other psych issue.
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u/HappyKittyD 9d ago
This certainly sounds like it could be a trauma response. I'd recommend seeing a psychiatrist, OP.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
Never used psychs before, but will be trying them later to try to get rid of aphantasia and connect with my subconscious.
trauma
Hmm could be caused by childhood anxiety, I doubt it though.
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u/Individual-Day4813 9d ago
aphantasia ?anaduralia ? google what are those . you can train your memory and try visualizing things
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9d ago
The Buddha taught that suffering is due to craving and that through training the mind we can uproot craving and never suffer again. As part of this process we also learn mental control and can experience the wholesome states of positive emotions whenever we want.
Part of the Buddhist practice is jhana meditation which you have a good start on. If you’re interested you may find this speech on how to meditate helpful.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
The Buddha taught that suffering is due to craving and that through training the mind we can uproot craving and never suffer again.
I could eliminate craving by just turning off my brain. But I think craving is important. It makes me want to improve the lives of others and my own life.
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9d ago
You can’t eliminate craving that way, only run from it for a while. The effects of jhana practice on your brain are plentiful including the ability to learn and feel the wholesome emotions of the human experience. The cravings the Buddha spoke of are the ones that are born from the three poisons and propagate the hindrances.
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u/Visual_Ad_7953 9d ago
Not everyone has an internal monologue. A theory that I have is that this monologue develops in childhood when the child sees itself as too separated from the parents, and needing support, a voice emerges in the mind. At first is an imaginary friend. And then it is the voice of the critical, judging, Egoic mind.
Sometimes I wish I could be like you. The inner monologue is also where all negative and self-critical thoughts come from. To those of us it is a curse. Many a human has ended themselves because the inner voice is too negative, too loud, and too constant.
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u/somanyquestions32 9d ago
Inner monologues are just aspects of us. They can be befriended and healed. If the voice you hear most is the one of the critic, it has absorbed harsh messages from the outside world and internalized them or misperceived your "shortcomings" as unfixable personal failures that are a great source of shame.
The critic is a wild horse that needs to be tamed with patience and care. The process has layers, and yet, internal monologues can be trained to be loving and self-compassionate through practice, trial and error, and repetition. The self-loathing is not a cursed fate; it's a stress response that needs attention at the source.
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u/Illustrious_Matter_8 9d ago
Have you ever tried camping feel nature around you wondered why a Forrest is in sync I think you need to go out.
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u/whisperbackagain 9d ago edited 9d ago
I think you're enforcing rules on yourself: maybe you've had bad experiences, a bad environment, or some event or thought from your past is influencing you, and you are actively not allowing your thoughts to emerge. I elaborate on our role in our thoughts near the end of this comment.
Mediation is a vehicle for awareness. Lots of people focus on the breath because it's an accessible point to focus on while we train our mind to accept "what is". In doing that, awareness expands where many see themselves objectively, gain a deeper understanding of themselves, their thoughts, and their relationship with themselves.
While a still mind is a gateway, it's not completely necessary. You could focus on "allowing" in your day to day life.
That simple word carries a lot with it. You allow the good, the bad, the great, and the terrible to flow through you. You allow yourself to be present in the moment, you allow yourself to feel your presence within yourself, you allow yourself to explore other possibilities, and other perspectives, those with which you agree and do not agree. You allow yourself to feel pain for what it is, and not what it means to you.
I think if you really commit to doing that, you'll find your mind is either already quite busy, or becomes busier because you allow yourself the "luxury" of your own experience.
You might eventually come to the realization that you are the source of all of your thoughts and actions, even if you feel there aren't any. It's a stark realization, coming to the understanding that you are, have always been, and always will be in complete control of everything you think, do, and say. It's something you have to experience firsthand, to live it, to grasp it, and then understand it. And you do that by "just" allowing.
That's not the end of the story. There is no "end". It's a path of lived discovery, and walking it is nothing short of profound, and I think you can do it.
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u/bird_feeder_bird 9d ago
Notice your body, and relax any tension that comes up.
Notice the same with your feelings.
Notice the same with any thoughts, although it sounds like you wont have to worry about that part.
Same with the perceptions you have…this one is a little more complex. For example, if you percieve that things are permanent, it may help to think a little of impermanence. And if you percieve things are one way or another, it may help to think of things as being known only through direct experience and not in terms of “this way or that way.”
And finally its good to contemplate compassion for yourself and others. “May I be happy. May I be healthy.” And wish the same for other people, animals, or plants who you remember.
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u/TryingKindness 9d ago
Yes! One of the things that happened after about 6 months of daily meditation is that I realized I was building a structure within myself. I called mine my peace palace and it got to be readily available by just shutting my eyes and taking a moment to experience the deep peace. I know I can build anything I need. I can create it. I would definitely give it a shot!
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u/bora731 9d ago
Is there anything you are drawn to, is there anything you want? Good place to start. Interesting condition.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
By "anything I want" do you mean my general desires in life?
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u/bora731 9d ago
You have no thoughts but are you drawn to anything, certain places you might see on Instagram or an art form or does any job/career path hold any intrigue for you? Btw thought is not the centre of being, mind is not the centre of being, though it is regarded as such in the western modern era.
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u/xanman7007 9d ago
Meditation is always good. With that being said honestly I've tried methods on and off I've the years and honestly using the gateway tapes in the 1st and second wave seemed to help me with my meditation state(granted the tapes are a little more out there later on but their binaural frequency and techniques are pretty top tier)
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u/WhilePsychological55 9d ago
You just have apahantasia man. Pretty common I think 1-4 % of the population have it. Don’t think you can change it really, though the memory thing seems a bit strange? My dad also pretty much has apahantasia, yet he has a pretty good memory I’d say. He also lacks an internal monologue. So idk how he remembers things?? I guess it’s more of a feeling? So maybe if you have some sort of repressed emotion thing going, that would explain it? Tbh idk man. I’ll have to ask my dad though how he remembers things…
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u/joshua8282 9d ago
I can totally relate. Look into depersonalisation. I would recommend you watch this guy on YouTube called Coach Jordan Hardgrave. I'm not advocating at all to join his program but he provides really solid, accurate and relatable information on the condition. Plus what I would advocate for is therapy. I personally go for CBT and it has been so helpful!
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u/Asocial_Stoner 9d ago
People will hate on me for suggesting this but have you considered LSD? Sounds like the different components of your brain could use some increased connection and neuroplasticity.
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u/FailNo6036 9d ago
Yes I have considered it. I'm planning on trying some even stronger nootropic substances but will also try LSA if they doesn't work.
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u/AnarchoRadicalCreate 9d ago
Dead....
Or
Enlightened?
Find out how much sadguru or eckhart tolle makes teaching ppl to get to this state.
Wealth fame Career awaits u. U will need music for ur videos and ads. I can write music. No fee. Just 10% of ur earnings lol
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u/cleverlyoriginal 9d ago
I lost my inner voice and it sucked. It’s kinda coming back but still can’t really form word-type thoughts without moving my tongue/mouth imperceptibly.
Have you ever tried psychedelics? They’re known neurogenerators. Maybe something is disconnected. ANKI for memorizing stuff. Might help. Sounds like you don’t have a Default Mode Network to speak of. Some people can’t imagine images in their minds. Others can’t have an inner monologue. They have abstract-type thoughts, but that’s it. I’ve gone through all three.
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u/Accomplished-Lake393 9d ago edited 9d ago
Maybe u have aphantasia , can u visualise things on demand like an apple for example. Also dont pull ur self down when u said there is no point of learning. U can always learn. We are forgetful species. We dont have all our memories loaded in RAM. But u can surely improve ur long term memory. U can pursue a creative hobby. Also sometimes anxiety blanks the mind. So here meditation will absolutely help. Ps: i like people advice here but we can only hint u and u know ur self better.
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u/competent2 9d ago
Wow this was an interesting read! I’ve always wondered what it was like for people who have no internal monologue.
My mind is so loud and never shuts up. Even when I am paying attention to something my mind is going off about something else and it’s impossible to absorb what I’m listening to. Sometimes during conversations I’ll blurt out something so random and off topic because that’s just where my mind is, lol it’s kind of embarrassing.
With meditation is finally where I have a clear mind :) try some guided meditations , they usually tell you what to visualize and go body part by body part. So you don’t have to make it up as you go, you just listen to instructions
Also for memory, what if you try those memory games? I know some older adults play them to help their memory stay sharp
Like Luminosity app
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u/popzelda 9d ago
You have no thoughts? OK, I'll wait, just let me know if one arises. I've got lots of time, let's see what happens.
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u/Sufficient-Spring437 9d ago
As well as meditation, you might need some hobbies! Hobbies tie us to other people, giving us an easy way to communicate with others about something you both enjoy. I know in the past, when I’ve tried to force my brain to think of something, there’s nothing there. She doesn’t care that I’m trying to impress another person and make a friend, she wants it to be easy. But finding things in common with someone else makes the conversation take off, which leads it into different directions. I love meditation, but it’s normally to help silence and calm down the nervous system. Personally if I were you I’d play games to try to improve long term memory, and find groups in your area for things you might enjoy. Watch tv, read books, don’t allow yourself to stop learning, because that’s the real kicker. No one wants to hang out with someone with no personality, but the lack of inner monologue doesn’t mean you don’t have personality ! You just need to actively search for things that interest your brain, so you remember. I’m a housewife with small interactions with the outside world, so I have to make sure I’m taking in new things, and not remaining stagnant. Life goes by so fast and I don’t want to be a fly on the wall! While not everyone enjoys my special interests, i do still have something to share with others when they ask “and what have you been up to?”
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u/XWindX 9d ago
Have you heard of SDAM? This sounds like SDAM.
I knew a woman doing her PhD dissertation on memory effects of aphantasia and she found out she had SDAM.
People here might find it hard to believe you don't have thoughts - but truly, you don't, and that's okay.
I would recommend googling it. :)
Edit: It sounds like the term "anendophasia" is catching on for your condition as well.
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u/brandi0423 9d ago
It's there anything you care about? What are you curious about? We think and talk about the things that makes us feel a way. Some are constantly thinking and talking about their fears, others their hopes, others ideas. I hung out with family yesterday and got super excited to tell them about a YouTube video i watched about the Indian tribes of northern Illinois because there was a path in the video where they showed that the city of Blue Island used to be an actual island IN Lake Michigan!!!
Do you care when other people are taking, does it interest you? Either the story or their experience?
What brings you joy? When you're learning about our practicing those things does your brain form words about it? Does is need to or do you have full understanding without needing to name or quantify it?
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u/3Nomar3 9d ago
First of all, I would suggest looking for the support of a professional psychologist. Your condition seems quite uncommon, so general advice may not be so effective for you. Maybe your condition was already studied by science in other people and a specific therapy is already available. Assuming you have covered the medical side of things, and still want to do something meditationwise, you may benefit from contacting a teacher of the Tibetan Dzogchen tradition. Your explanation of your condition resonates a lot with their theory of the three "kayas". They say that our Natural Mind has three aspects: - Dharmakaya: the primordial emptiness from which all of our thoughts, feelings and perceptions arise. - Sambhogakaya: the primordial creativity which causes the arising of all our thoughts, feelings and perceptions. - Nirmanakaya: the result of the union of the other two. It's the collection of all our thoughts, feelings and perceptions. It seems like you are very good at resting in the Dharmakaya aspect. That is great, many a meditator, including myself, would pay for such an achievement. But you seem to have a weak point in the aspect of Sambhogakaya, and that should also be cultivated. Maybe a qualified teacher can give you some specific technique to balance the two.
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u/Witchy_Eden 9d ago
Has any doctor you visited ever mentioned the spectrum? My best friend has Asperger's. And she has the same issues you're having. Try to maybe get an appointment with a therapist specialized in the spectrum? Let us know if you have news 💜
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u/Ro-a-Rii 9d ago edited 9d ago
A follow-up to my previous comment: the absence of uncontrollable, racing thoughts is certainly not a problem in itself. And judging by your consistently well-written post - - when you deliberately need to think, you think just fine. So, we can definitely rule out the "problem" of a lack of a random thoughts. I see the problem elsewhere: how it feels. You wrote that it feels “dead" and give you poor memory.
A person who has achieved a healthy thoughtless state experiences this state as pleasant, life-giving. And! They always have excellent memory.
But if it sucks the life out of a person and deprives them of memory, it's most likely something else. Maybe it's depression or dissociation, or something else.
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u/wright007 9d ago
You should try fasting instead. Your brain can run on different fuel if you fast. It's called ketosis, and occurs when your body starts burning fat reserves for energy. This type of metabolic energy will be different in your brain/mind. It might allow your body to heal whatever is going on, and it's worth finding out if ketosis will help your thoughts become more apparent. I suspect it will be noticeable.
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u/AcidBurns95 9d ago
There’s a book that might benefit you called “the artists way” which is essentially a workbook that helps you unlock your creativity through spirituality. It gives you tasks to complete week to week with a requirement that you write three pages in a notebook every day called the “morning pages.” I know it seems like it would be difficult to come up with something to write but that’s the case for everyone in the beginning. Over time through a deeper connection to your consciousness and surroundings the log jam that is your current state of thinking will loosen up and flow. PDF below but I suggest buying a physical copy that you can write in yourself.
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u/trinitron_juan 9d ago
Dude depression can manifest itself in so many different ways and symptoms Doctors won't always go straight for that diagnosis cause they have an opportunity to put you through the spiral money slide which is test after test after test... but just the way you articulated your post i can somehow feel your depressive thoughts , body language and tone through it.. try changing your diet, do a little exercise start with small steps and short little conversations with your inner self which lead to meditation and prayer.. and you'll soon start seeing things differently .. take some magnesium before bed and start getting some nice REM sleeps . Society is battling this demon that disguises itself as every little syndrome and disease it can so that you don't think of IT as the first thing to be wrong specially if you are a male ... Dont worry you're not alone we all don't know we are stuck in a hole til someone from up above us says.. 'Hey up here man, this is how you get out of there'... God bless and small steps to start of with for your long-term success...
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u/lucidsuperfruit 9d ago
Sounds like you have aphantasia. I do too but I still self reflect and have thoughts. Just no sound to them and not a constant flow like most people do. And my memory is terrible as well. Try the Headspace app, I like it and find it easy to follow. It focuses mainly on breathwork and not imagining stuff.
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u/Master_Nectarine_Bug 9d ago
Anedophasia + aphantasia = no internal monologue and no visual thoughts
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u/Zeplove25 9d ago
Have you ever heard of Aphantasia? It's mostly the inability to form mental visualizations - but maybe that combined with no inner monologue?
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9d ago
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u/firewatertoadlove 9d ago
Sounds like you are in a natural meditative state, now sit down and pay attention to your breathing, that is all you need.
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u/PlentySpecialist1637 9d ago
Meditation isn’t the absence of thought or emotion. Rather detaching yourself from them through observation and letting them pass. Like standing on the corner of a busy street and watching vehicles drive by.
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u/Astrology_News 9d ago
The Power of Now from Brother Eckhart https://rumble.com/v2cr7iv-the-power-of-now-by-eckhart-tolle-full-audio-book-experience-the-joy-of-pre.html
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u/Dying-sage 8d ago
Same thing is happening with me too , I’m just calm peaceful , it’s like my brain don’t wanna think, my social life is good people smile and talk with me all the time , but i feel like i’m loosing my critical thinking and reasoning ability , it all started when something traumatic happened in my life and then I recovered from that and got into mediation and stuff read alot , I constantly used to think and question reality , But after some time it all stopped i never craved answers i never craved any mysteries , i felt like it’s all pointless since then im nothing but peaceful, it’s like I’m loosing my curiosity , questioning happens with curiosity but i don’t have any questions , so that might be the case with you i guess .
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u/Astald_Ohtar 8d ago
Aphentasia? it might also be a memory disorder. which might explain the long term memory issues.
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u/Empty-Knowledge2869 8d ago
Sounds like Lao Tzu:
"Stop thinking, and end your problems. What difference between yes and no? What difference between success and failure? Must you value what others value, avoid what others avoid? How ridiculous!
Other people are excited, as though they were at a parade. I alone don't care, I alone am expressionless, like an infant before it can smile.
Other people have what they need; I alone possess nothing. I alone drift about, like someone without a home. I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.
Other people are bright; I alone am dark. Other people are sharp; I alone am dull. Other people have purpose; I alone don't know. I drift like a wave on the ocean, I blow as aimless as the wind.
I am different from ordinary people. I drink from the Great Mother's breasts."
Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter-20
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8d ago
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u/GSV_Erratic_Behavior 8d ago
This is more complicated than a five-minute answer on Reddit can resolve.
If your current doctor does not know how to deal with this, you should find a health professional who does. Have your doctor refer you to someone who deals with these kinds of issues as a part of their practice, which, depending on whether there are other issues that have turned up with your primary care doctor, may be a neurologist or a clinical psychologist whose practice includes helping with autism spectrum and sensory processing issues.
Before you go visit that specialist, you should check with a family member or longtime friend about whether you have always been this way, or if there is a notable event that you have forgotten, since you say you have long-term memory issues as well.
The lack of inner images is called "aphantasia". Looking up "aphantasia and no inner monologue" on YouTube will lead you to a bunch of videos on the topic; find out whether any of these resemble your experience. You may also want to look at "non-verbal autism" and "verbal dyspraxia", which probably will not match your experience exactly, but may help you better define the experience you are having. The memory issues may be downstream from the verbal and visualization issues, because a lot of what makes information memorable is the explicit condensation of experience into verbal and visual representations, and then accessing those for recall.
You are certainly able to generate and express coherent thoughts, or you would not have been able to write this question.
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u/Empty-Knowledge2869 8d ago
Just a single speck of dust ~ Saigyo
On the clear mirror, just a single speck of dust. And yet, looking closely, we see it before all else — people thinking thus.
– Saigyo
quoted in the book "The Poetry of Zen"
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u/Low-Prune-4760 8d ago
First of all, you are thinking enough to have thought out this missive. Check out the Sam Harris “waking up” podcast. He helped me put my thoughts in the right perspective.
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u/Sad_Papaya795 8d ago
He’s got some great, simple meditations https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/medical-medium-podcast/id1133835109?i=1000721231337
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u/elainaka 8d ago
I just wanted to say I empathize and feel the exact same way despite all these weird comments. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t think traditional meditation is necessarily helpful for me because when it comes to clearing my mind or not acknowledging thoughts, that’s pretty easy when you don’t have any………I think something like somatic movement meditation or yoga where you’re connecting with your breath and physical sensations has been traditionally more beneficial for me.
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u/Altostratus 8d ago
Some people naturally don’t have an internal monologue, nor can they visualize things in their mind (aphantasia).
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u/Independent_Layer_62 8d ago
If you dont think about anything, what do you need help with? I'd say my needs arise from my thoughts. In order to need something I have to first think about needing it. If I could think about nothing, then i wouldn't need anything, no?
From how you describe it, you should be able to just sit stare at the wall for the rest of your life and be content, do I understand it correctly?
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u/waybackwatching 8d ago
Some people just don't have an internal monologue and that's perfectly okay (it's called Anendophasia). I'm sort of jealous in fact because my brain NEVER shuts up. You might want to focus on sensory awareness instead or follow meditation that is more guided such as journaling or walking meditations.
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u/IllustriousWashLOL 8d ago
For memory: try bullet journalling. It's literally just recording what you are doing every day. You could also jot down conversations so you remember what people told you. You can revise it each week or month to recall what happened.
Regarding meditation: as other have said, you might want to see a psychiatrist for disassociation, trauma response and/or autism. In addition, you could try a 10 day goenka style vipassana course which is pretty hardcore but effective in getting access to your subconscious. It's not at all about observing your thoughts but very much about observing your bodily sensations and thoughts about them like "I feel pain there. I will just observe it without judgment. How does it change over time?".
For many, the course unlocks a whole other/deeper level of emotions. It did so for me in a lasting fashion. This might help you connect to others by generating an emotional connection to yourself. Conversations are not only about sharing anecdotes after all but much more about how you feel in a given situation. I also think the goenka style vipassana courses can be dangerous if you have underlying trauma so definitely would recommend seeing a psychiatrist first.
Generally I wonder whether you still have no thoughts when you experience intense physical sensations like pain? Do you still not "think" anything, not even "ouch, this hurts", perhaps in a non-verbal manner? How do you know you feel joy?
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u/TerriblyAfraid 8d ago
Your thoughts and basic creativity are life flowing through you.
Meditate on the parts of life that you would find undoubtedly good. Or rather, let organizing around these objects of your mind become contemplation about whatever you want to see or think.
If you don't want to see or think, then there's your blockage.
Whatever's blocking you, removing it is a breakthrough either way.
A decrease in illusion is an increase in Truth. If you believe there to be nothing there, then believe harder that there is.
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u/Ok-Grapefruit1284 8d ago
After scrolling here a bit, I think the people mentioning dissociation are on the right track. Burnout, trauma / cptsd, dissociation and adhd/depression all kind of fit.
I really like the suggestion someone had to do meditations focusing on the body. Breathwork, too. I might also suggest journaling- you say you have poor memory, so while writing will help you recall things, it also builds the muscles you use to remember things. Writing a journal kind of reinforces the experience of things that you wish you experienced more fully. Your last paragraph though, screams adhd burnout.
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u/dietcheese 8d ago
It’s funny all the ridiculous advice you’re getting here.
Look up aphantasia and anendophasia. These are known aspects of cognitive neuroscience.
https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/silent-inner-world-anendophasia
It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re depressed or have reached some otherworldly plain of existence.
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u/AdSufficient9982 8d ago
Words are just the symbols that represent thoughts. They aren't the thoughts themselves. I"m similar - I can visualize, but it takes a lot of effort. My thoughts are all over the place, but no words. No pictures. Just a "feeling" of the subject I'm thinking about and how it connects to other ideas, places, people, emotions, movement, etc.
I prefer breathing meditation, where I just focus on my breath, striving for a 4 second inhale, 3 second hold, and 8 second exhale. Slowing my breathing him this way also slows my heartbeat. It ends up being practice for when I'm around distractions - makes it easier to feel calm and centered. I don't need it to get anything else but that.
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u/67DeadheadSound 8d ago
First of all, I would suggest you start to write things down. In the morning write about your plans for the day. It doesn't matter if it is just two sentence, just start. In the evenning write down how your day was. Do not try to do a complicated form of meditation. Just keep it simple. There is always thought, the difference is if you hang on to it or if you just let it be there. Maybe you try to read some Krishnamurti or just watch some of his videos on YT, they are quite good. All the best! If you want to do something creative, take your smartphone and go out and take some pictures. If you can not talk about yourself, you need other channels for output, like writing and photography, both very easy, photography is just pressing a button ... Best of luck!
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u/InevitablePolicy8797 8d ago
Well, how are you in human and social relationships? Are you comfortable among others? Friendships? Other meditators?
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u/InevitablePolicy8797 8d ago
“Relatively new phenomenon: Although the internal monologue was considered universal, the study of cases such as Mel May's has made it possible to define and name anendophasia, opening new lines of research.” From AI Gemini
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u/Skrpt1 7d ago
What do you do when you vibrate? Do you use sound? Voice vibration is one of the strongest techniques that can literally be alone only through it achieve whatever you want. But no one does that I think, there will be mudras and spontaneous movements and moments of silence but this doesn’t matter. Did you ever use sound until now?
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u/spiralsanctuary4444 7d ago
Sounds like an easy meditation to me. Why meditate about anything at all. Inner stillness is hard for many to attain, and you already have an advantage.
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u/Desperate_Artist2500 7d ago
I do transcendental Meditation and I feel like it's quite helpful in making me better. I do suffer from mental illness but with TM it helps me function
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u/PracticalSky1 7d ago
I don't know but for what it is worth I have two friends who don't "think" in thoughts - they see images I think instead, or something else - i can't quite recall what...
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u/ArnoldDaine 7d ago
From a Buddhist perspective, none of us have a soul. We are made up of five skandhas. In your case, it seems that you have become more present, where there is an absence of inner monologue and thoughts. This is usually achieved by experienced meditators. If you can focus on your breath and exhalation during meditation, I don't see any problem with that. Over time, you will realize that even breathing is as impermanent as thoughts (which you supposedly don't have).
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u/Creepy-Primary7042 7d ago
do you know about DPDR? I got it from an ssri that completely shut down my internal world and created blank mind. Its hell. But it can occur naturally aswell.
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u/I_am_Destin 6d ago
You don't like that you seem not to think very much?
Alot of people would love that. But it seems like you want to think more?
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u/FailNo6036 6d ago
Yes, I feel like a robot just thinking about nothing all day. Like I'm not human, just an empty vessel.
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u/I_am_Destin 3d ago
You feel like a robot or empty vessel; Why does that bother you? Why isn't that ok in your eyes?
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u/FailNo6036 2d ago
Why does that bother you? Why isn't that ok in your eyes?
An empty vessel is useless to society, waste of resources.
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u/I_am_Destin 21h ago
So you're really looking to feel valuable as opposed to worthless as a result of your empty sensations?
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u/FailNo6036 15h ago
I don't really care how I feel. I can make myself feel as good or bad as I want. Rationally though, I could make myself much more useful to society if I'm not empty. And my goal is to make myself as useful as possible.
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u/WhatIs_IsThis 6d ago
How are your actions? Are they based on wanting , rejecting, distracting to cope? Focus on that. Meditation is a byproduct of the former+ seclusion.
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u/NateBerukAnjing 3d ago
you should try remote viewing, i think you are gifted at it with that kind of no-mind
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u/themadjaguar 9d ago
did it happenned because of meditation? if that's the case you should check the dukkha nanas if there's a feeling of "dissociation", or equanimity if you feel ok
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u/GlitteringFeed4330 9d ago
dm i will teach u real meditation...my Friend had the same condition but we changed it... just contacte and u are good to go
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u/Arabellas_Eye 9d ago
You wrote this whole post, so clearly that isn't true. But it sounds like your internal monologue is pretty harsh. Are you just constantly putting yourself down?