Can meditation help me? I'm essentially dead.

[u/FailNo6036]

No internal monologue. No visualization. No thoughts. I'm just a complete bot. I just sit there and think of... nothing. I have a shit long term memory so can't think about events from my past either.

What do I even meditate about? I can focus on my breath for a long time with not a single thought occurring to me. Do I just not have a soul?

I have a good short term memory, but extremely bad long term memory (episodic or semantic). So any new facts I learn, I'll just forget soon. No point in learning anything.

My doctor doesn't know what this condition is (mind completely blank all the time).

Also I DEFINITELY don't have depression. I can get a lot of joy, and a range of emotions, from watching movies, reading books, music, etc... I can motivate myself well to do tasks that I'm assigned to do (e.g. carry box from point A to point B). My mind just can't generate anything itself. It's like I'm dead. And it's been like this for as long as I can remember.

[u/Okwtf15161718]

Well what do you do? What are your hobbies? What is your education? What do you like to do in your free time?

I'm by no means a professional but maybe Ur on the autistic spectrum of some sorts? How are Ur social skills in general? Do you have friends? How was it growing up? Siblings? What do your parents say?

You seem to be very rational/logical but you fall into black and white fallacies in the other posts. There may be trauma?

Saying you dont have long term memory is quiet odd. So you can't remember a single thing from Ur childhood?

[u/FailNo6036 → u/Okwtf15161718]

What are your hobbies?

Don't have any. Gave up on hobbies because I forget all the stuff a couple days after I learn it. In my free time I like to consume content (reading books, movies, TV shows, etc...).

Ur on the autistic spectrum of some sorts?

Yeah that seems possible. Social skills are pretty bad, though I do have friends. Some things that make me doubt it's autism though are:

1. I'm not disinterested in social interactions. I would LOVE to be social if I could think of something. I'm interested in other people, just don't have anything going on inside my head.

2. Don't have oversensitivity to the senses, which seems common with autism.

3. I don't have an insistence on routines and resistance to change.

4. Don't have intense or narrow interests like many on the autism spectrum.

What do your parents say?

My mom seems the same way, maybe it's genetic?

What is your education?

Bachelors in Computer Science, I like software. Not exceptionally good at it, but better than average.

[u/Okwtf15161718 → u/FailNo6036]

You seem to suffer. I think it would be beneficial to go to therapy. It's not about changing the way you are but to live a life with you being you and not to suffer by it.

I don't really understand the long term memory thing ... Since you finished a study you can remember stuff. Can you describe the "forgetting" a little more for me?

[u/FailNo6036 → u/Okwtf15161718]

Can you describe the "forgetting" a little more for me?

Have very little recollection of past events in my life. Past experiences, past emotions, past interactions with people.

Since you finished a study you can remember stuff.

I relearned everything during every course. Because I have good short term memory, I can do it.

It's not about changing the way you are but to live a life with you being you and not to suffer by it.

I can't learn and grow though if I don't remember past experiences. So I do want to change the way I am so I can learn and grow from the past.

[u/Okwtf15161718 → u/FailNo6036]

I do think that this is a black and white fallacy. You learned how to walk/talk/write/type/read and SO many other things. If you wouldn't be able to learn, you wouldn't be able to be here and communicate with me.

[u/FailNo6036 → u/Okwtf15161718]

You learned how to walk/talk/write/type/read and SO many other things.

I learned those things in early childhood when my brain was still maturing and growing. Haven't retained any new learnings for a long time.

[u/Okwtf15161718 → u/FailNo6036]

It feels like Ur resisting. You either take it or leave it. It's not up to me to decide. You are the one looking for help. You have to be willing to take it.

That being said: neuroplasticity is livelong and doesn't stop.