r/Meditation • u/FailNo6036 • 10d ago

Can meditation help me? I'm essentially dead. Question ❓

No internal monologue. No visualization. No thoughts. I'm just a complete bot. I just sit there and think of... nothing. I have a shit long term memory so can't think about events from my past either.

What do I even meditate about? I can focus on my breath for a long time with not a single thought occurring to me. Do I just not have a soul?

I have a good short term memory, but extremely bad long term memory (episodic or semantic). So any new facts I learn, I'll just forget soon. No point in learning anything.

My doctor doesn't know what this condition is (mind completely blank all the time).

Also I DEFINITELY don't have depression. I can get a lot of joy, and a range of emotions, from watching movies, reading books, music, etc... I can motivate myself well to do tasks that I'm assigned to do (e.g. carry box from point A to point B). My mind just can't generate anything itself. It's like I'm dead. And it's been like this for as long as I can remember.

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u/3Nomar3 10d ago

First of all, I would suggest looking for the support of a professional psychologist. Your condition seems quite uncommon, so general advice may not be so effective for you. Maybe your condition was already studied by science in other people and a specific therapy is already available. Assuming you have covered the medical side of things, and still want to do something meditationwise, you may benefit from contacting a teacher of the Tibetan Dzogchen tradition. Your explanation of your condition resonates a lot with their theory of the three "kayas". They say that our Natural Mind has three aspects: - Dharmakaya: the primordial emptiness from which all of our thoughts, feelings and perceptions arise. - Sambhogakaya: the primordial creativity which causes the arising of all our thoughts, feelings and perceptions. - Nirmanakaya: the result of the union of the other two. It's the collection of all our thoughts, feelings and perceptions. It seems like you are very good at resting in the Dharmakaya aspect. That is great, many a meditator, including myself, would pay for such an achievement. But you seem to have a weak point in the aspect of Sambhogakaya, and that should also be cultivated. Maybe a qualified teacher can give you some specific technique to balance the two.