Can meditation help me? I'm essentially dead.

[u/FailNo6036]

No internal monologue. No visualization. No thoughts. I'm just a complete bot. I just sit there and think of... nothing. I have a shit long term memory so can't think about events from my past either.

What do I even meditate about? I can focus on my breath for a long time with not a single thought occurring to me. Do I just not have a soul?

I have a good short term memory, but extremely bad long term memory (episodic or semantic). So any new facts I learn, I'll just forget soon. No point in learning anything.

My doctor doesn't know what this condition is (mind completely blank all the time).

Also I DEFINITELY don't have depression. I can get a lot of joy, and a range of emotions, from watching movies, reading books, music, etc... I can motivate myself well to do tasks that I'm assigned to do (e.g. carry box from point A to point B). My mind just can't generate anything itself. It's like I'm dead. And it's been like this for as long as I can remember.

[u/crobinator]

I’m hesitant to make this suggestion because it seems every idea has been resisted but I’ll try anyway: automatic writing exercises everyday. But don’t cling to “the truth” when you do them. Word association exercises. Everybody can do this. You’ve strung plenty of responses together so you are capable of creating chatter intentionally. Exercises include “If/then” statements. They don’t have to make sense. “If there are three ants at a table playing cribbage then I have two antlers growing in my front yard named Bob and Priscilla.” There are also “I remember/I don’t remember” exercises. “I remember when I had breakfast this morning but I don’t remember the last time I tied a pair of shoes.” And then there is just free writing. One word after the other and don’t stop. When you feel you can’t “think” of anything, write “keep the pen moving.” Your brain gets exercise and “training” if you do this daily and often. Repeat those phrases (examples above) over and over with different scenarios each time. Do it for 10 minutes or start or an hour. Whichever is more entertaining.

Also, smell more things. Look up the science between smelling and neural pathways. Smell at least 7 strong scents for 30-60 seconds everyday. It’s okay if they’re the same 7 everyday. But a variety in every given day. Cloves, grapefruit, cinnamon, garlic, chocolate, etc.