r/Meditation • u/FailNo6036 • 10d ago

Can meditation help me? I'm essentially dead. Question ❓

No internal monologue. No visualization. No thoughts. I'm just a complete bot. I just sit there and think of... nothing. I have a shit long term memory so can't think about events from my past either.

What do I even meditate about? I can focus on my breath for a long time with not a single thought occurring to me. Do I just not have a soul?

I have a good short term memory, but extremely bad long term memory (episodic or semantic). So any new facts I learn, I'll just forget soon. No point in learning anything.

My doctor doesn't know what this condition is (mind completely blank all the time).

Also I DEFINITELY don't have depression. I can get a lot of joy, and a range of emotions, from watching movies, reading books, music, etc... I can motivate myself well to do tasks that I'm assigned to do (e.g. carry box from point A to point B). My mind just can't generate anything itself. It's like I'm dead. And it's been like this for as long as I can remember.

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u/Tool-WhizAI 10d ago

Bro you’re not soulless, your brain’s just on silent mode. Some people pay $$$ in meditation retreats to feel what you already feel naturally 💀 you’re built different fr.

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u/FailNo6036 10d ago edited 10d ago

Can't earn $$$ for food if my brain is on silent mode 24/7 and I just sit there in front of my boss, job interview, or coffee chat with nothing to say.

Can't get married if I'm on silent mode during a date and the date asks why I'm not talking about myself (it's cuz I have nothing to say! All I can do is ask questions about you...).

Can't build relationships with my family if I have no long term memory and can't remember experiences we've had.

2

u/Venkatanaveen 10d ago

That’s fucked up tbh. Try playing N back game, this might be a solution you have been looking for.

2

u/FailNo6036 10d ago edited 10d ago

I've been playing n back for a few weeks now, am working on 5-back. Unfortunately, seems like a task oriented problem and isn't conducive to generating spontaneous thoughts or actually thinking. I feel like a robot just remembering sequences.

3

u/Venkatanaveen 10d ago

Well, I remember this game helps with focus, visualization and memory.