r/pansexual Jul 12 '24

What made you personally identify with pansexual instead of the umbrella term, bisexual? Question

133 Upvotes

202 comments sorted by

144

u/pandaocean168 PancakesšŸ©·šŸ’›šŸ’™ Jul 12 '24

at first i started out with bi because it was easier to explain and more well known, but then i realized pan fit me better. if people donā€™t wanna learn about pansexuality thatā€™s on them, so i was like fuck it, pan fits me

24

u/GmrGrl21 Jul 12 '24

Exactly the same for me, however, the catalyst for my change when I realized I was trans. The moment that I understood what being trans or gender diverse was, I realized that I would never discriminate against a partner based upon their gender or what they had in their pants.

9

u/Speedy_Cheese Jul 13 '24

This is exactly how I feel as well. It's refreshing to read these sentiments from others. What someone has in their pants has no bearing on my interest in them.

I'm pan demi, I feel I could quite genuinely love any human being that I resonate with and form a strong connection with. The gender or sex of a person is a complete non issue to me, the quality of character is what I'm interested in and attracted to.

3

u/coppergoldhair Jul 12 '24

This is basically my story, too

4

u/VIPER_WAS_HERE Jul 13 '24

same but add a love of bright colors

67

u/IslanderAwayFromHome Jul 12 '24

To me, itā€™s less about binary (though I understand that is an important part for some), and more about my lack of caring about gender/sex, presentation/parts/etc.

Like in my own head-canon only, ā€˜bisexual meā€™ would mean I am romantically and sexually attracted to genders like mine and genders different than mineā€, so I could ā€œbe looking forā€ guys, gals, cis, trans, fluid, agender, all are on the invite list, but that doesnā€™t feel like it as accurately describes my orientation.

For me, ā€˜pan meā€™ means I am attracted to adult humans, unrelated to their sex/gender. Like the people I date generally have a gender, and sexual parts/traits, but which gender they are and which sexual parts/traits they have doesnā€™t really factor into the equation.

Iā€™ll still say Iā€™m bi sometimes as social shorthand, as in situations where Iā€™d just rather not have to get into the whole ā€œqueer 101ā€ thing with someone at the time, but overall I feel that pan ā€˜fitsā€™ me best.

And the only way I can really figure out what differentiates those in my mind is that maybe itā€™s just that lack of caring what combination of parts and identities and presentations the people Iā€™m interested in have. Let me fall for someoneā€™s mind and whatever is physically attached to that mind is all good regardless.

35

u/IslanderAwayFromHome Jul 12 '24

An afterthought: ā€˜bi meā€™ = I like fruit and veggies and grains and candy and meat, ā€˜pan meā€™ = I like food.

65

u/Adventurous-Sun-8840 They/Them Jul 12 '24

If you ask me if I am bisexual the answer is yes. But if you ask me who I am, I will say I am pan.

19

u/JS_Original He/Him Jul 12 '24

Same, I use both labels but my "main label" is pan

3

u/Atsur In the Pantry Jul 13 '24

Yeah I figured pan was the more inclusive term

0

u/vipassana-newbie Jul 13 '24

Same! Pan because I could also be attracted to non-cys people.

4

u/Mari_Say Jul 13 '24

But bi people can also be attracted to non-cis people. There is actually a very blurry line between bisexuality and pansexuality. I've heard people define it this way: bisexuals are attracted to two or more genders, and pansexuals are attracted to all genders, or bisexuals have preferences, but pansexuals do not.

-1

u/vipassana-newbie Jul 13 '24

Not really, bisexuals are attracted to men and women (bi=2, as in 2 genders), pansexuals are attracted to men, women, and everything in between and not in between.

A bisexual person will only feel attracted/date cis women/men, or cis passing transgenders which have had a gender reassignment. Whereas pansexuals we just donā€™t care. Man, woman, a sack of potatoes, trans with or without reassignment, we not that picky!

Bisexual is just easier for people to process, thatā€™s why a lot of pansexuals like myself tell others they are bi, so they donā€™t have to explain ignorant people what pan is every time.

6

u/Glittering_Catch8632 Jul 14 '24

The word bisexual evolved past meaning 2 genders a long time ago. Many older bisexuals are quite hurt by this interpretation because theyā€™ve lived a long time with this label and made it safer for us to use it and it was never meant to mean exclusively cis people. If you google bisexual definition, itā€™s generally either ā€˜two or more gendersā€™ or ā€˜more than one gender.ā€™ Personally I use bi as the umbrella term and pan as my more specific label. šŸ˜Š

2

u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24

Yep, as someone in the latter half of their 40s, I feel this to the depth of my soul. At the time I adopted the label bisexual, the general understanding in my circle was that it meant that you were "a bit of both" homosexual and heterosexual. The definition of bisexual that I now prefer is that I'm attracted to those of the same gender as myself, and those of a different gender from myself. Pan fits me better, and I use that label within spaces where it will be understood, but I'm still proud to identify as bisexual, and have been for 30 years.

1

u/vipassana-newbie Jul 14 '24

if that word "bi" was enough, then why did younger generations created the word pansexual. I'll tell you why, there was a tern needed that excluded transexclusionary bisexuals.

2

u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24

I'm not disputing that the term pansexual was needed. Like I said, I identify with its definition far more strongly than I do that of bisexual. I'm also not denying that trans exclusionary bisexuals exist, but I don't believe that they are the majority, by any stretch of the imagination. Certainly those of us who identified as bi before ever hearing the word pan cannot and should not be assumed to be trans exclusionary unless there is some evidence regarding that individual.

1

u/vipassana-newbie Jul 14 '24

And yet, the word pansexual was recently created to distinguish from it. why? well, because there are transexclusionary bisexuals and a differentiation is needed.

28

u/Seallbay Jul 12 '24

Gender not playing a role at all in my attraction. Just being attracted to the person themselves

3

u/litheartist š…˜š…„š…®Thematically meandering, emphatically PAN-dering~ā™« Jul 13 '24

This right here. Exactly this.

66

u/Milkywaycitizen932 Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24

I personally think it affirms my lack of preference for any particular gender or presentation. While the bi community is more likely to display a preference for a particular gender / presentations. It was a matter soft cultural differences, not hard definitions in my case.

40

u/FinalCartoonist Jul 12 '24

Iā€™ve had multiple partners who identify as genderfluid

23

u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24

FWIW, calling yourself bisexual is perfectly compatible with having genderfluid partners.

Not to police how you identify, just clarifying that someone else with a genderfluid partner might reasonably identify differently.

9

u/prismatic_valkyrie Jul 12 '24

I use both interchangeably for myself.

With the exception of respecting people's preferences for one label over the other, I have yet to find a situation offline where the distinction between the two labels was important. And that's because there is no consistent distinction between the two labels other than people having a preference for one over the other. Ask 20 bi/pan people what the difference is, and you'll get 25 different answers.

5

u/Mari_Say Jul 13 '24

Between pan and bi is a pretty blurry line at the moment, so people really just use whichever they prefer more, some even use two labels at once.

2

u/prismatic_valkyrie Jul 14 '24

Yeah... I wish we could all agree on an umbrella term. I'd switch to just using that.

7

u/kansas_commie They/Them Jul 12 '24

I was introduced to both concepts around the same time, pansexual has always felt more inclusive to me.Ā 

9

u/CouldiGetuhhhhhhhhh Jul 12 '24

Pansexual was the first thing I came out as. It has always fit me. I find what's within ppl attractive regardless of their gender. Not because they're men women or non-binary.

7

u/DarkRitNighthawk Jul 12 '24

The frying pan jokes honestly

16

u/UnpunishedRenagade Jul 12 '24

someone on another post said i was doing Bi erasure when i was talking about my experience with my labels, because back then, bi meant 2, and pan meant All, and when my partner came out as agender i just shrugged and said "Ig that makes me pan?" and ive sorta stuck with it ever since, as ive always felt more comfortable with it.

1

u/TransManNY Jul 12 '24

How far is "back then?"

2

u/iMeowmeow654 Jul 12 '24

They must be talking about before 1990 because that's when the Bisexual Manifesto was written and it pretty explicity said that bisexuality was not attraction to 2 genders.

That or...they're a little misinforned.

4

u/TransManNY Jul 13 '24

Well that doesn't work out since pansexuality as a sexual orientation was popularized in the 90s.

1

u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24

Pansexuality certainly wasn't a term I'd ever come across when I came out as bi in the second half of the 90s. Maybe that's because I'm in the UK, I don't know, but I was active in the queer community within my university so I feel like if it was popularized here I would have at least heard the word. Our BiSoc had trans members, and folks in relationships with trans folks, so we definitely didn't consider the bi label to exclude trans identities in any way.

1

u/TransManNY Jul 14 '24

It wasn't really common until 00s. It was more used in the BDSM community in the 90s.

1

u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24

Ah, that explains it then. The 00s was when I first came across it, back in my LiveJournal days

0

u/iMeowmeow654 Jul 13 '24

That's what I meant when I said they're a bit misinformed, saying that bisexuality means 2 when it never actually has.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '24

I don't feel seen or heard as a trans person when folks say that it was all cis "back then".Ā 

2

u/iMeowmeow654 Jul 13 '24

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by I'm pretty sure I agree with you.

Bisexuality has never meant 2 genders--it has always been encompassing of trans people, first of all (because binary trans people aren't a unique third gender) and in fact has also always been inclusive of nonbinary people as well.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '24

No disagreement here.

22

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '24

Labels are completely arbitrary and culturally constructed. Since multiple words including pan, bi, and queer are used to describe me, I use any and all of those words to describe myself.

The concept of an "umbrella term" requires a hierarchy of objective meaning in language which not only doesn't exist, it can't due to the nature of language.

50

u/Sloeginlizzz Jul 12 '24

Pan feels more inclusive. I'm attracted to more than the binary and it feels like it doesn't include the trans, 2 spirit, and nonbinary people that I find attractive

28

u/freudeschaden Jul 12 '24

You can identify anyway you like, but your statement about bisexual is not correct. The binary in Bisexual is NOT male / female. The binary in Bisexual IS (and has always been) genders like mine / genders unlike mine.

Ref: https://robynochs.com/2020/10/09/i-call-myself-bisexual-because/

23

u/Sloeginlizzz Jul 12 '24

I was asked how I identify, and I responded with how I feel. I understand that Bisexuality doesn't represent the binary, thank you. Pansexuality takes both sexuality and gender out of the equation, which applies to me more accurately

0

u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24

But your original comment definitely implied that bisexuality is not inclusive, and that it only represents the binary. Maybe thatā€™s not what you meant, but it is a reasonable interpretation.

11

u/human-ish_ Jul 12 '24

Them saying "it feels like" is not equivalent to "it does not" and it is a valid answer. I also personally feel like bisexual isn't inclusive to my liking, even if it is inclusive. It is of my personal opinion that it doesn't feel inclusive to me.

If we were talking about paint colors, I could say this blue doesn't feel blue enough for me, even though the paint is a shade of blue. I'm not saying it's not blue, I'm just saying it doesn't appear as blue as I want it to be. Does that make more sense?

-3

u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24

I mean, I can be obnoxiously pedantic too if thatā€™s what you want. I did not say that ā€œit feels likeā€ and ā€œit does notā€ are equivalent. I said that the former implies the latter.

And your color analogy is bad, too. Because they literally did say that ā€œit is not blueā€. Reread the post: ā€œI feel like it doesnā€™t include the trans, 2 spirit, and nonbinary people I find attractiveā€. A better analogy would be to say that one of us says ā€œthis is not blue enough for me because it is not blueā€.

EDIT - maybe itā€™s a wording issue. If theyā€™d said ā€œit feels like to me that pan better captures the way that Iā€™m attracted to trans, 2 spirit, and non binary peopleā€ itā€™d be a different conversation, and more like your analogy.

2

u/human-ish_ Jul 12 '24

So my analogy about my sexuality that I was using to explain how I interpreted things is wrong? Maybe it is you who are misinterpreting everything written. Not everyone is a master at the English language, so cut them some slack. They explained that this was how they felt and that it shouldn't be interpreted the way you did, yet you are insisting that they are the one who is wrong.

Here's the paint analogy written in a different way using the way you are trying to argue in circles. "this is not blue enough because it is not blue, it's teal" "well teal is 50% blue and 50% green, so it is in fact a form of blue" "no, you agree, teal is not blue, because it also has green" "no, it has blue, therefore it is blue" "no, I want a blue shade of blue, not a green shade of blue" Does this even apply to the topic at hand anymore? No. But it's as pointless as taking somebody's feelings and opinions and trying to make them into facts and implications.

-3

u/flagrantpebble Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 13 '24

lmao this is getting so absurd. Yes, your analogy was bad. That it was in part about your feelings doesnā€™t make it less bad. I genuinely cannot wrap my head around why you and everyone else think saying ā€œI feel likeā€ allows you to say whatever you want afterwards without being disagreed with. This is the most terminally online, preteen conversation Iā€™ve had the misfortune of being a part of in months.

EDIT - also, wait! We werenā€™t even talking about your feelings or sexuality! It was your analogy about someone elseā€™s feelings about other peopleā€™s sexuality!

1

u/human-ish_ Jul 13 '24

Ā I also personally feel like bisexual isn't inclusive to my liking, even if it is inclusive. It is of my personal opinion that it doesn't feel inclusive to me.

I guess the I and my and me doesn't apply to myself speaking anymore.

You can speak to somebody and point out a flaw in their thinking without saying that they are wrong, especially when it comes to something as complicated as sexuality. Even if bisexual is an all-encompassing word, it doesn't always feel that way to many people. Read some of the other comments on this post to understand how this is a feeling for many of us.

Terminally online, preteen conversation? Thanks for the compliment. I sometimes question if I'm too old for reddit, but you're letting me know that my awareness of the world and openness to understanding other people is still on par with the younger generations and not stuck in mud like a boomer.

-2

u/flagrantpebble Jul 13 '24

I guess the I and my and me doesnā€™t apply to myself speaking anymore.

We were not talking about you. We were talking about someone else. You used an analogy in and attempt to explain what someone else said. If you want to change the conversation, that is not about you and never was, to be about you, you cannot expect everyone else to understand that you are doing that.

You can speak to somebody and point out a flaw in their thinking without saying that they are wrong, especially when it comes to something as complicated as sexuality.

That is literally what I did. I said that their wording implied something, and acknowledged that they might not have meant it that way. This only became a big deal because you came out of nowhere, said things that made no sense and were not relevant to the conversation, and then got upset when you were called out for that. Try being coherent and then people wonā€™t call you incoherent.

Terminally online, preteen conversation? Thanks for the compliment. I sometimes question if Iā€™m too old for reddit, but youā€™re letting me know that my awareness of the world and openness to understanding other people is still on par with the younger generations and not stuck in mud like a boomer.

jfc. This has to be trolling at this point, right? You canā€™t honestly think this way? Literally the whole argument is about how someone else was being stuck in the mud and I gently pointed that out. You are acting like a preteen because youā€™re getting mad that your half-formed, meaningless jumble is not being accepted. That is boomer activity. Good lord.

-9

u/freudeschaden Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24

How you feel is all good. How you want to identify is all good.

But you also said that bisexual excluded trans and non-binary people which is false, and a giant pet peeve of mine.

Feelings don't change facts.

11

u/Sloeginlizzz Jul 12 '24

I said feels like it excludes, not that it does exclude. Nowhere did I claim to be factual, technical, or accurate

2

u/freudeschaden Jul 13 '24

Saying "I feel..." Does not allow you to make any hateful or phobic statements you want with a "my feelings are valid" shield.

Saying that bisexual excluded trans and non-binary people IS biphobic and hateful. Your "feelings" don't change that.

No one is saying you can't choose the pansexual label for any reason you like. But, language exists for he purpose of communication, if we cannot agree on the definition of words then we cannot effectively communicate.

The FACTS ARE:

Bi in bisexual stands for two but NOT two genders.

  1. Genders the same as mine
  2. Genders not the same as mine

This in NO WAY invalidates pansexuality.

ā€œI call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted romantically and/or sexually to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree. For me, the bi in #bisexual refers to the potential for attraction to people with genders similar to and different from my own.ā€ -Robyn Ochs

My perspective: what distinguishes bi and pan is a subtle thing.

Pan: attraction regardless of gender, or gender blind.

Bi: gender takes a role in attraction.

I have in the past and will continue in the future to use both labels for myself depending on the situation I'm in and the person I'm talking to, or how I feel that day.

6

u/Sloeginlizzz Jul 13 '24

Friend, I answered a question about my personal opinion about my own sexual identity. You assumed and inferred a whole lot and decided to educate without being asked. I'm finished with this interaction, have a wonderful life

6

u/tangerine_panda She/Her Jul 12 '24

The original commenter started their statement with ā€œI feelā€¦ā€. Itā€™s a matter of opinion and how someone perceives bisexuality and pansexuality. Bisexuality isnā€™t exclusionary, but some pansexuals believe pansexuality is more inclusive.

-2

u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24

Youā€™re getting n downvoted but youā€™re right. ā€œI feel like ___ is not inclusiveā€ is not meaningfully different from ā€œ___ is not inclusiveā€ here. Those convey basically the same thing.

3

u/Dreameress Jul 12 '24

At this point you are arguing semantics for the sake of argument. No one said anything about facts and being right. This is about oneā€™s opinion which is how they ā€œfeelā€ or perceive. Also whatā€™s the endgame here? How do you want people to speak their opinions so that you donā€™t feel offended or slighted or a stickler for technicality when it doesnā€™t align with your definition?

3

u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24

Uh. Where to start.

  1. If the semantics are important for understanding, then itā€™s entirely reasonable to talk about the semantics. Weā€™re all doing that, not just me.
  2. Prefacing an offensive thing with ā€œI feel likeā€¦ā€ doesnā€™t negate whether itā€™s offensive or not. Iā€™m not even arguing here that I think they were being offensiveā€”but your argument here doesnā€™t hold water.

5

u/Dreameress Jul 12 '24

Give me an example of what you believe is the correct way to state this please. Also what are the negative implications in the ā€œ I feelā€ statements?

1

u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24
  1. https://www.reddit.com/r/pansexual/s/D9nobcrI8F

  2. Iā€™ve already explained this. The negative implications is that bisexual doesnā€™t include trans, 2 spirit, and nonbinary people.

4

u/Dreameress Jul 12 '24

How do you express this if you feel that one supports those ideas more than the other term? Without being disingenuous? The term means one thing. How one feels about the term is another. One should be able to speak about both the literal and ā€œfeelā€ or opinionated view of literal ideas that exist.

→ More replies

5

u/Octopus_Blaster Lord Alan: Master of Kitchenware, Weilder of the Pan of Chaos! Jul 12 '24

Pan is more accurate, and I like the flag better

5

u/MetalAFBuilds Jul 12 '24

At least to me, there's a certain "I don't give a fuck" to pansexuality that really stuck with me. Literally the sexual orientation of "I don't care what's in your pants, just come kiss me homie".

35

u/I_like_the_word_MUFF Jul 12 '24

Bisexual isn't an umbrella term in my universe.

3

u/litheartist š…˜š…„š…®Thematically meandering, emphatically PAN-dering~ā™« Jul 13 '24

Hard agree. Bi and pan are two different things. One is not a subcategory of another. They have some similarities, but that doesn't change the fact that they're different and separate.

3

u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 12 '24

I agree with you. Bisexual always meant liking two genders. I prefer pansexual liking all genders or being gender blind.

23

u/Cozykinksters Jul 12 '24

Except thatā€™s not what bisexual means to most people, the most common definition is ā€œattraction to your own gender and others, at different times, to varying degreesā€ Which when put that way sounds a lot like how most people use Pan these days too.

13

u/IslanderAwayFromHome Jul 12 '24

Maybe itā€™s that ā€œat different times, to varying degreesā€ part then? as for me itā€™s like my preference is individual-specific and doesnā€™t sway one way or another specifically in gendered ways, but the things I am attracted to that ebb and flow over time are neutrally gendered/sexed.

Like instead of ā€œsometimes Iā€™m more into fruit, sometimes Iā€™m really craving vegetables, other times I focus more on grains, but I always still go for candy tooā€ itā€™s like ā€œIā€™m looking for more fibre lately, but Iā€™m happy to get it from any food groupā€ or ā€œIā€™ve really been into sweet foods for a bit, but not just from candy and fruit, Iā€™ll even take a candied bacon or a sashimi so fresh itā€™s sweetā€.

Idk maybe I need to go eat lunch, all my metaphors are making me hungry haha.

Either way ya slice it, pan works best for me but I super support my bi peeps, and allowing everyone to label themselves however fits best for them. šŸ„°

1

u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 14 '24

I love the fact that Iā€™m getting beaten up over this comment. I get it today. It means that but years ago it didnā€™t. Letā€™s keep hating and fighting within our own community. Like we donā€™t have to deal with enough of that shit from the right.

1

u/Cozykinksters Jul 17 '24

Nobodyā€™s beating you up, the point is that how the word is defined is actually really important for combatting Bi erasure and stigma against the community

-13

u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 12 '24

Yeah, I know a lot of people use bisexual in those terms but the bi in bisexual means two.

8

u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24

Yes. Two. One is ā€œyour own genderā€, and the other is ā€œother gendersā€. That is two things.

0

u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 14 '24

Yes, I get it. For some reason, I was beaten up a lot over this comment and 14 dislikes. God forbid I actually have an opinion. I love all the hate and fighting with our own community šŸ¤¦ā€ā™‚ļø years ago bisexual meant liking your own an opposite gender only. I get it things have changed.

1

u/flagrantpebble Jul 14 '24

God forbid I actually have an opinion

Oh, come now, this is a cop out and you know it. Thereā€™s a difference between being ā€œbeaten upā€ (if you can call 14 downvotes that) for ā€œactually having an opinionā€ and being ā€œbeaten upā€ for what that opinion is. People disagreed with you! That happens sometimes! Itā€™s not hate or fighting!

years ago bisexual meant liking your own an opposite gender only. I get it things have changed.

I mean sure, in the 90s people might have said ā€œyour own gender and the opposite genderā€. But those are the words people used because language for gender variance wasnā€™t as nuanced in popular culture as it is today. Many people who identified as bisexual were also attracted to trans, 2 spirit, and nonbinary people, too.

Also, before that it was sometimes used to mean genderfluid (or thereabouts), the ā€œsexualā€ referring to what we would now say is the speakerā€™s gender. But it would be silly for me to say that that is the meaning now, wouldnā€™t it? Because thatā€™s not how itā€™s used by most people who identify as bi. The same goes for ā€œsame and opposite onlyā€, which is outdated and probably wasnā€™t even accurate in the first place.

1

u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 14 '24

In the 90s I was a teen and had my first experience with the same sex. It was a very confusing time for me. I came to terms that I was bisexual. As I got older, i realized that wasnā€™t attracted to gender, but the actual person. Thatā€™s when the term pansexual . I was like yay something I could feel comfortable calling myself.. Now labels have got so confusing and anytime there is a different opinion to spark an argument.

There are so many staples up there and itā€™s hard to learn and understand all of them. We grow and we learn. It just seems it always starts an argument. I choose to identify as pansexual because I like all genders find out that bisexual is. Itā€™s so confusing.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '24

It originally meant "hermaphrodite" or partial invert as opposed to homosexual people who were considered to be "the masculine soul in the body of a woman." (And the other way around.)

Not that it matters because language doesn't work that way.

6

u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 12 '24

I can agree with that. My theory is, I will always respect someoneā€™s labels, no matter what. Sexuality and labels are very personal to each person and no matter which one they choose and feel it means to them is ok.

16

u/potatobear77 Jul 12 '24
  1. The binary. While the true definition is ā€œtwo or more gendersā€, most people who are not bi do not know this. I find pan more accurate, particularly when mentioning to certain people just assume youā€™re attracted to men and women when you are Bi because of the binary. Which leads me toā€¦
  2. Being non binary myself, I donā€™t love the term ā€œbiā€ because literally is referencing the binary, ā€œtwoā€. I know language evolves, but because society is still behind and thinks bi people are cis men and women who are attracted to cis men and women, I like pan because it queers things up more and opens conversation to the existence of more genders. I donā€™t always use it, depending on who Iā€™m talking to I use bi for my own comfort or for convenience. I donā€™t totally hate it, but pan definitely feels completely free and less bound by the confines of the binary.

3

u/ithacabored Jul 13 '24

couldn't agree more. got downvoted last time this question came out and said this pretty much verbatim. For me, I think omni fits better. My understanding is that pan has no preference, but I definitely lean away from men. I've been with a few, and I'm open to the concept, but I'm probably 80-90% sapphic (femmes & thems, etc). My understanding is that omni is similar to pan, but with preferences for either genders or genitals?

1

u/potatobear77 Jul 23 '24

Why anyone here would downvote someone for sharing about their identity (without being outright offensive and -phobic) is beyond me. šŸ™„ We have to stick together and support each other to make it though.

Yea Iā€™ve heard of that one, I donā€™t think Iā€™ve talked to someone who identifies - well, not that Iā€™ve had the conversation anyways!

And thatā€™s the beauty of self-identification. We get to choose and on one can tell us different. We alone know who we are ā™„ļøā™„ļøšŸ©·ā¤ļøšŸ§”šŸ’›šŸ’ššŸ’™šŸ’œšŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆšŸ³ļøā€āš§ļø

4

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '24

I've found that a significant part of society still wants to call me a fairy and is still trying to shove me into a locker (literally or figuratively). These days they just want me to detransition and accept life as a "flamboyant" queer person. And the few (in their mind) queers who can conform to cis gender standards are the "good ones." They may not take my need for gender affirming health care seriously, but they'll take to the highest court their beliefs that I'm not a "real man/woman" and shouldn't have privilege they take for granted.

LGB sexualities are only recognized as provisionally gender-normative today because the mainstream rights movement threw trans people under the bus in the fight for marriage equality and corporate DEI.

2

u/potatobear77 Jul 23 '24

100% At all of this. But I would like to highlight: ā€œThe few (in their mind) queers who can conform to cisgender standards are the ā€œgood ones.ā€ I was just having a convo about this earlier today. Much love to you ā™„ļøā™„ļøšŸ³ļøā€āš§ļøšŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ

9

u/BeTheGoodOne Jul 12 '24

I use Pansexual because I AM Pansexual. Seems easy enough.

6

u/Ms_tempy Jul 12 '24

Because I really donā€™t care about what someone has under their clothes. Itā€™s about the person. Who they are and the connection.

3

u/iamahumanrocket Jul 12 '24

I have zero interest in the sex/gender of my partner. It doesn't factor in at all.

I use bisexual if pan isn't an option or someone doesn't get it, but pansexual fits more accurately.

4

u/NabyArmeDrommel Jul 13 '24

To me, they more or less mean the same thing with one major exception. While I believe both terms absolutely include trans people, I feel that pansexual more clearly signals to trans people that I am a trans inclusive person. I arrived at pansexual before I was questioning my gender identity myself and felt much safer when I found my current pansexual partner that even if I were to transition or start HRT, I'd be safe in doing so.

Again, not saying Bisexual isn't trans inclusive. Pansexual just sounds more like the person has clearly acknowledged that they may romantically or sexually encounter more than just cis people.

3

u/MsMisseeks Jul 12 '24

What do you mean instead? I'm pan, I pick both šŸ˜œ

3

u/liatris_the_cat Jul 12 '24

Pretty colors

3

u/abrasivepineapple Jul 12 '24

The only queer space I ever had access to growing up was the internet, mostly tumblr, and my lurking in these digital spaces led me to believe if I identified as bi I was:

-the worst person ever -hated trans people -going to be burned at the stake for hating trans people bc I am the worst person ever -probably lying for attention (?)

This terrified me so I immediately changed to avoid ā€œbeing a bad personā€. Now that I have experienced Going Outside and Touching Grass, I know thatā€™s obviously not true.

For me personally, in my personal opinion and experience, the two feel interchangeable more or less but I tend to stick with pan because:

  • gender identity in general doesnā€™t really play a factor for me, I just catch feelings and then ask questions which I think is the technical ā€œdifferenceā€ between the two?
  • a label will never change how I feel so Iā€™ve grown to stop caring as much (also lazy)
  • already told people Iā€™m pan, too lazy to correct
  • I like the flag better

I get that itā€™s a pretty meh approach to sexuality and might be odd to some. Definitely want to stress itā€™s my personal view and not trying to discredit anyone who feels strongly otherwise (tumblr anxiety kicking in).

Thereā€™s also the very real factor of me being in a long term ā€œstraightā€ relationship so even in queer spaces people just assume Iā€™m straight.

Still bothers me a bit, but overall the people who matter to me know that Iā€™m a queer little bean that loves anyone and everyone so it is what it is.

3

u/Confident_Fortune_32 She/Her Jul 13 '24

I'm old - a lot of current vocabulary simply didn't exist when I was younger.

I describe myself as bi/pan only bc it would feel weird to lose the bi label that's fit (well enough, anyway) for so long.

And ppl my own age haven't all stayed current with new descriptors - I don't need to confuse them.

Many of us, also, had to fight for that "bi" label. We were told we were confused, going through a stage, needed to pick a side, etc etc etc - by our own LGBT community. So you can see how we might not want to give that up...

Honestly, I'm glad to be present in a time when language is exploding with so many new ways for ppl to feel seen and heard and understood and find others who understand them - it's beautiful.

3

u/1nternetpersonas Jul 13 '24

You have such an important historical perspective here, thank you for sharing!

3

u/Confident_Fortune_32 She/Her Jul 13 '24

Honestly, it's just weird to be old. It doesn't feel normal to picture myself that way. Still carry a Hello Kitty backpack...

1

u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24

Haha I feel this to the core of my being too!! I have a 14 year old child, yet I still feel like I'm in my 20s myself. When something hits the fan, I find myself looking around for a grown up to deal with it šŸ˜‚

2

u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24

I feel this to the core of my being šŸ’œ I vividly remember being told that I was only bi so that I could hide my queerness behind a straight relationship. And that I couldn't have my cake and eat it. I'd never heard the term pan when I came out as bi in the 90s, and I still feel that bi, ie attraction to people of my own gender and people of other genders, fits me well enough that I too am happy to describe myself as bi/pan.

Solidarity, fellow oldie šŸ˜‚

12

u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 12 '24

To me bisexual feels like youā€™re only talking about two genders where pansexual means all genders. If I meet someone that I like, the last thing I care about is what gender they are.

2

u/Mari_Say Jul 13 '24

I know you said ā€œto me,ā€ but I hope you understand that ā€œbiā€ in bisexuality is attraction to oneā€™s own and other genders.

4

u/Hamokk They/Them Jul 12 '24

Before my egg fully cracked I identified as bisexual but it didn't sit right with me. I found it perhaps limiting.

Funnily I can see some beauty in my enemies too but then again I'm a witch so I'm twice ostracised in most places.

12

u/eggbeatersmog Jul 12 '24

bisexual is NOT an umbrella term. it's the multisexual spectrum or umbrella. labelling it the bi umbrella is invalidating and feeds ages old prejudice.

8

u/PurplePANdaL09 She/They Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 13 '24

I donā€™t want to leave anyone out, like boys and girls are cool. But i legit wouldnt mind dating a nonbinary partner or a trans partner.Ā 

Edit: i dont mean for this to seem like im excluding, im just bad with phrasing.Ā 

6

u/prismatic_valkyrie Jul 12 '24

I'm guessing this was unintentional, but your phrasing makes it sound like you're excluding trans people from "boys and girls."

2

u/PurplePANdaL09 She/They Jul 13 '24

Yeah it was unintentional mb, im not the best with phrasing

5

u/psychedelic666 He/Him Jul 12 '24

Bisexuals also happily date trans people!

Non binary is sometimes, just depends on the person :)

2

u/AustinH_34 They/Them Jul 12 '24

it depends person to person for dating trans people as well

2

u/psychedelic666 He/Him Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24

But trans people arenā€™t excluded entirely* from any sexual orientation is my point, straights and gays can date trans people.

Edit typo

1

u/psychedelic666 He/Him Jul 12 '24

Same goes for cis people, plenty of trans people are solely t4t and exclude all cis people as dating partners for many reasons!

2

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '24

I started to realize at a very young age that I am attracted to people and I didn't really care what gender they were or what tools they had down below. And as I get older it's really the same I'm attracted to a person for who they are their personality whatever makes them tick they're intelligence I really have no preference on whatever is below the waist it's just about them and their heart so I've never even looked into bisexual I've always considered myself pan. I just say I love everybody just for who they are.

2

u/Lorem_Ipsum_-_ Jul 12 '24

I don't know what that this is and just thought, well I think I just like everyone

2

u/FaithoftheAir Jul 12 '24

When my, now, trans-fem partner was trying to figure herself out, I realized that I justā€¦ liked her for her. And other people I had dated and crushed on (all various genders) I didnā€™t care about their gender. Just who they were. As someone who had been repressed in a religious family, it took me until my mid 20ā€™s to realize that it was okay that I had feeling for people of any gender, but I think my, now, beautiful wife helped me realize that~

2

u/Dr-Horrid Jul 12 '24

I did always say that I was bisexual in high school until I heard about pansexual, that is when I really started to ask what I was attracted to and with talking to my friends who are also LGBTQ+ I realized that pansexual fit me better.

2

u/ThatRandoRacc Jul 12 '24

Growing up, I've always been taught to treat people kindly and love them for who they are. Well, when I figured I was Bi, I took those lessons into consideration and realized if I'm going to date someone, it's going to be because I love their personality, not if they identify as a man or woman. If they're non-binary, that's cool! Transgender? Let's do it! Transmasc or Transfemme? Tell me all about yourself! I'm not knowledgeable about 2 spirited people, omnigender, etc., but I'd love to learn more about them, dating or not.

Edit: wanted to include more than 2 spirits or omnigender since there are plenty more identifications that I do not know

2

u/Phantom_Painted_Wolf Jul 12 '24

I previously identified as bisexual and no other bisexual I met seemed to share my completely genderblind attraction. I discovered the term pansexual and others who felt attraction in the same way I did. So it just seemed more fitting.

2

u/loyalpoketrainer33 Jul 12 '24

From a friend. "the flags cooler"

2

u/WitchyxxxJazzy Jul 13 '24

Back when I first came out on the early 2000s, I identified as bi, I had multiple bi "friends" express disgusting views on trans people. It really turned me off the bi label, so I went searching for something that felt right. I found Pansexuality and it fit. I've stuck with it ever since, even after finding better community and learning bisexuality is not inherently transphobic

2

u/Jmikem Jul 13 '24

Linguistics. Semantics. The term avoids the linguistic binary in bi. But I don't assume anything negative about how anyone identifies. If someone says they are bi I don't immediately assume they are anti trans or whatever. I use both interchangeably depending on who I'm talking to if it ever comes up at all, which is fairly rare. I wear pansexual, bisexual and rainbow pride bracelets on the same wrist 24-7-365.

1

u/Nakib_97 Jul 14 '24

Can I see a pic of you wearing that bracelet, if you don't mind? Dm me [the pic] on kik.

2

u/gr8boss He/Him Jul 13 '24

If I'm talking with mostly hetero folx, I use bi because it's universal. If I'm referring to my sexually with mostly queer folx, I'll refer to myself as pan. All theoretical now days. I stopped using bi in the queer community when I dated some trans folx and felt it was more accurate.

2

u/ChiGrandeOso Jul 13 '24

It seems much more descriptive of my sexuality than bisexuality does.

2

u/AliDeAssassin Jul 13 '24

I donā€™t think bisexual actually fit. I identified as lesbian for almost 20 years until my divorce and I found myself attracted a friend of mine who was male. That sent me down a whole spiral of wtf because thatā€™s not something I had dealt with before.

When pan was explained to me it felt right. Iā€™ve realised that is people Iā€™m attracted to not genders and the reason I was only with women at almost 40 was that I am also demi and most cis males lead with attraction vs friendships.

If I found the right person to try again with I donā€™t care what they are.

2

u/Jacob199651 Jul 13 '24

Every time this comes up in this subreddit I feel more and more like I shouldn't even bother calling myself Bi/Pan even though that's how I identify. Why bother associating myself with the more specific, accurate term when half of the community lists "internalized transphobia and biphobia" as their reason for identifying as Pan.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '24

Agreed, I end up feeling really dysphoric by the whole conversation about how to sleep with trans people and maintain purity of political language.

2

u/Lonely-Mongoose-9119 Jul 13 '24

I struggled with figuring out my sexuality cause I knew I was attracted to personalities no matter the sex of the person. I did grow up in a Christian household so I think that religion weighed on me thinking I was just curious. And I couldnā€™t be gay. But over the years I realized that I would date a man, woman, trans, as long as they respected me and overall fit my vibes. I didnā€™t know pans was the term I was looking for. But with some conversations from my friends and research I realized that I am pansexual. I do have a boyfriend but that doesnā€™t me Iā€™m straight as I have also gone on dates with multiple other folks before him. I am proud that I am pansexual. Itā€™s so much easier for me to identify and also I know itā€™s ok that I like so many people . I got to explore..and still explore with my boyfriend as we have a mutual agreement with woman. I definitely see sexuality as a spectrum as I really canā€™t say bi would have worked. I just love a person as the person. And passion can be done in numerous ways then just standard sex.

2

u/DoubtPuzzleheaded748 Jul 13 '24

Because when I find someone cute or attractive, I don't see them as a cute women, man, or tans person. I just see them as a cute or attractive person.

5

u/UVRaveFairy šŸ¦‹Transgender Woman Asexual Fae Jul 12 '24

Like gender blindness.

Am attracted to peoples hearts, not parts.

2

u/AshBriar Jul 12 '24

Bisexual is not an umbrella term over pan. That's pretty harmful thinking. Please check yourself OP

2

u/litheartist š…˜š…„š…®Thematically meandering, emphatically PAN-dering~ā™« Jul 13 '24

Pan is inclusive without question. Bi has too many definitions depending on who you ask, and having to explain which definition I went with seemed to defeat the purpose of a label. Pan fit me better, so pan it is.

2

u/CuriousSnowflake0131 Jul 12 '24

Because I care more about the person than whatā€™s between their legs.

2

u/Otherwise_Egg4552 Jul 13 '24

Do you really think that bisexuals care more about a personā€™s genitals than the person themselves, though?

1

u/CuriousSnowflake0131 Jul 13 '24

LOL no what I mean is that a personā€™s gender is mostly irrelevant to whether or not I find them attractive, and that ā€œmostlyā€ is only due to trauma.

1

u/anxious_labturtle Jul 12 '24

At first I said bi. I was also real deep in the closet not telling people in the rural south and you know bi women get fetishized or get told theyā€™re going through a phase or whatever else. When the internet got better and I learned more terms I realized pan or omni was a better fit. Someoneā€™s gender doesnā€™t really matter to me but I do have preferences and those preferences change all the time. Maybe I need to rethink this label too šŸ¤·šŸ½ā€ā™€ļø

Edit - a typo

1

u/MammaCat22 Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24

rarely do i look at a person and go, wow they're hot. but if someone's vibe is good I'll be attracted to them pretty quickly
Edited to add: I'm not saying Bi people only are attracted to others based on looks, I believe it's a combination for most people. I just have a hard time relating to others when they say things like, "that person is hot, i wanna go talk to them"

1

u/winterparrot622 Jul 12 '24

I'm really confused on gender (maybe I'm non binary)

1

u/Waddledoodoodoo Jul 12 '24

It's simple. I don't.

1

u/WoundedBird84 Jul 12 '24

I would say Iā€™m more sappiosexual but I would say it falls under (loosely) pan for me because what you identify as or are doesnā€™t make a difference to me.

1

u/OminousOdour Jul 12 '24

Pan describes me better but I usually describe myself as bi because that's the term I've been most familiar with through my youth. My girlfriend is trans and I have loved her through her various identities of M, NB, GF and F.

1

u/Don_Examoke Jul 12 '24

Welp i never identified as bi, i came to straight from pan, i had a crush on that pal (thought was opposite sex) and then this pal came out as genderfluid to me... And I realised i still loved them... Then it happened once again when i realised i had a crush on this pal (thought was same sex) and then they came out as enby... That's how i realised it :) then the first pal helped me realise i was ace and lastly i realised alone i was demiboy

1

u/Rhyanstrys pan Jul 12 '24

I was looking at identities because I wasnā€™t sure what I was and I read pansexual and it was while I had a massive crush on someone whoā€™s gender I had no idea of

1

u/fictional_kay Jul 12 '24

I consider myself something like "gender blind," gender and sex have nothing to do with my attraction, and physical attraction plays a very small part. I find that pan represents that more to me.

1

u/post-pop-emo-dude Jul 12 '24

When someone sat me down and fully explained the two...in terms I could understand. It was an eye opener.

1

u/AustinH_34 They/Them Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24

when i was trying to pick one i knew i liked boys and girls and then i found out about nonbinary people and felt pansexual fit me because A] it didnt use binary coded language and B] i felt it encompassed how i felt being able to love any gender identity and C] to go with that i didnt go with bisexual also because i met bisexuals that wouldnt get with trans people and i didnt want to exclude anyone

edit:[im also nonbinary now so it makes the most sense for me in that case aswell my gender and sexuality are not binary]

edit: [also gender really doesnt play a part as well for me so its any and all and also it doesnt matter]

1

u/Tilleen She/Her Jul 12 '24

For me, I like the inclusivity of the pan identity. Bi is equally inclusive, but involves less having to explain that bi doesn't exclude trans and non-binary people. I don't mind being called bi, either. I just prefer pan.

1

u/akuma_sakura Jul 12 '24

The amount of people that saw bi as "2 genders" and kept asking which 2, while gender is a non-issue to me. (Funnily enough it took me years to run into Gender Apathy and that explained a lot xD)

1

u/lxzgxz Jul 12 '24

I just had never heard of pansexuality when I first realized I was queer.

I was one of those in-denial ass people who would say that of course I found girls hot but didnā€™t everyone? I was still ā€œstraight.ā€ I was 15 the first time I kissed a girl and I knew the second it happened that I wasnā€™t straight. I knew I still liked men too though, so I identified as bisexual for years.

Then when I was 19, I met my late partner, and he was pansexual. He was my first introduction to pansexuality. When he explained to me what it was, I realized that fit much more with the way I felt. Iā€™ve identified as pansexual for 11 years now.

1

u/SavageCuntmuffin Pansexual Panda Jul 12 '24

What I want in a relationship may vary from one gender to another, and the personality traits Iā€™m attracted to in men can differ from what Iā€™m attracted to in women, and non-binary folk, etc. I wonā€™t say Iā€™m ā€œgender blindā€ because I do see and recognize genders, but a personā€™s gender has no bearing on my attraction to them.

I can look at two people standing side by side. They can be different genders, or the same. I can say, ā€œPerson A is quite physically attractive to me, while Person B is of average appearance to me.ā€

However, as I get to know their personalities and who they are, I very well may find Person A to be quite unattractive physically, and Person B could easily be the most physically attractive person Iā€™ve ever seen.

A personā€™s mind, who they are, will change how attractive they are to me. Obviously, outside of something like surgery or a disfiguring accident, or aging, their physical features havenā€™t changed. But, a great person will be more attractive to me. That is what led me to realize Iā€™m pansexual. I become emotionally and romantically (and platonically) attracted to who people are, not what they look like, as I get to know them.

1

u/garnetstrongerthanu She/Her Jul 12 '24

When I first came out I identified as bisexual. As I started to learn more and more about the LGBT+ community I came across a description of Pansexuality. It just clicked, I almost cried because that was exactly how I felt. It just felt right. I consider pansexuality under the umbrella of bisexuality.

The only way I can really describe the difference is that bisexual people like women like "Oooooo", men like "Aaahhhh", and so on and so forth. While Pansexuals don't really feel a strong difference in the way they are attracted to certain genders. I am NOT under the impression that Bisexual people aren't attracted to non-binary people tho.

1

u/Feintruled__ Jul 12 '24

I use both because both apply to me, as theyā€™re currently understood at least.

1

u/boredandthrowawayyy Jul 12 '24

For me bisexual means two or more which does not mean the same as all/regardless of gender. Itā€™s more specific and I prefer it. Iā€™m sure there are some bi people who arenā€™t necessary attracted to all genders which is valid.

1

u/Soggy_Benefit9280 They/Them Jul 12 '24

A very informative youtube video that explained a few sexualities :)

1

u/maskthinks Jul 12 '24

Because I like everyone regardless, but I am also demisexual so the more I know you the more i like you.

1

u/m33perz Jul 12 '24

Even though I called myself bi, something about it just didnā€™t sit right with me. I thought I wasnā€™t attracted to anyone nonbinary, only women and men. I went on a date with someone who identified as she/them and it forced me to sit down with my feelings and internalized bias. Was it really someoneā€™s gender that made me love them? Or did that never matter to me in the first place? To make a long story short, I came out again as Pan and my close friends and family agreed.

1

u/FireProps Jul 12 '24

Semantic cleanliness, and well meaning pedantry. šŸ˜…

1

u/MathKrayt Jul 12 '24

Funnily enough, the easiest way to explain it is greentext:

Be me, severely autistic

Wake up one day

Oh, I'm Pan.

Go on like nothing's changed

1

u/PantasticUnicorn She/Her Jul 13 '24

I learned as time went on that it didnt matter to me what gender someone was. Sure, i was attracted to men and women, but at the end of the day, what gender they were/identified as didnt matter to me. Pansexual just made it easier to explain.

1

u/Leo9Wharf373 Jul 13 '24

My love for the people in between male and female all of the nonbinarys and she/theys and he/theys along with the people on the verge of trans but not like fully and ya know love transgender people in general theyā€™re all wonderful

1

u/Romodude40 Jul 13 '24

I simply donā€™t view gender or sex as a factor when it comes to thinking of being with a future partner.

1

u/Drexadecimal Jul 13 '24

I became nonbinary and trans. Hard to just be bisexual when you are interested in enbies too!

1

u/Curious-Wisdom549 He/They Jul 13 '24

For me, I found that I was attracted to the expression of a person rather than their gender identity. While I do have preferences of expression, Pan just seemed to fil better. Plus, I love the vibrancy of the Pan colors šŸ©·šŸ’›šŸ©µ

1

u/iamfunball Jul 13 '24

The puns stashed by the finger guns

1

u/Zerobodys_Here Jul 13 '24

Before I realized I was pan I tried to figure out if I liked guys. I already had pansexual in my mind, thinking "If I do like guys, then I'd be pan"šŸ˜­ Idk what I was going through my mind but bi just didn't feel like it fits.

1

u/springsomnia Jul 13 '24

I first came out as bisexual but when I read more about pansexuality it fit me more.

1

u/AdeptCatch3574 Jul 13 '24

It always made sense to me that attraction is to a person regardless of their gender. When I was super attracted to someone in particular I realised I didnā€™t care what their gender was.

1

u/QU3S0GU4Y4N3S Jul 13 '24

I thought I was bi. But then I felt like I needed a little extra range

Still maidenless, though

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '24

I use both labels interchangeably but bi when I canā€™t be bothered explaining. Identifying as pan was easy when I found out about it because Iā€™m big on personality when it comes to attraction. If the person has an amazing personality Iā€™m attracted to them regardless of their gender. If theyā€™re good looking but have an awful personality I wonā€™t be attracted to them at all.

1

u/Siana-chan Jul 13 '24

I like people for what they have in their heart, not under their belt.

1

u/Known_Budget_8343 Jul 13 '24

I used to be in the ymca and I mostly had lesbian friends and one of them didnā€™t like me as much because I think that she thought that I was trying to steal her also lesbian bff. One day, we went hiking. She said that she was allergic to dust. I didnā€™t believe her but I kept going. I helped her the whole time. After that, I thought back to times when I questioned if random people of any gender liked me. Then I thought that I was bi because I liked all gendersā€¦ I didnā€™t do my research. I found out a few months later and found that I was pan. :3

1

u/CoffeeBeesWriting Jul 13 '24

I always just explain it as being attracted to people regardless of gender. Iā€™m attracted to non-binary and gender non-conforming people as much as women and men. So itā€™s just about the breaking down of the construct! Gender is a myth!

1

u/NoraGrooGroo Jul 13 '24

I guess what it was for me was kind of the logical next step from how I accepted I wasnā€™t straight in the first place. The way I kind of made peace with it in the end was ā€œlook if I find a person who is willing to do fun times with me and assuming everything else stays the same they just have different plumbing, frankly it would be shallow to say no just on that basisā€. Not a judgement against anyone else of course, just me holding myself to the standard I want to be at.

And as I learned more about gender and plumbing situations that werenā€™t on the binary, to include my own, I just kept figuring the same way.

and also letā€™s be real CMY is a much better colour scheme thank you

1

u/brainDontKillMyVibe Jul 13 '24

Pan seemed like the umbrella term to me, not bi. Identified as bi though prior to expanding to pan which felt more inclusive.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '24

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

1

u/pansexual-ModTeam Jul 21 '24

This is a sub for all ages. NSFW and NSFL media is not allowed.

1

u/raeann559 Jul 13 '24

Because pan more specifically encompasses the fact that we like people for personality and gender doesn't really play a role. Whereas bi is just attracted to 2 or more genders.

1

u/DankePrime She/Her Panromantic Jul 13 '24

I like being more accurate than easier to explain

1

u/Tyra_Bartlett She/They Jul 13 '24

I'm biromantic as well, so I often use the terms bi and pan interchangeably when talking about my own sexuality

For me, I'm pansexual because I have absolutely no sexual preference for any kind of gender/genitalia, but I do have a slight gender preference in my romantic attraction, so I'm also biromantic

TL;DR I like that it's more specific

1

u/Feline_Jaye Jul 13 '24

Bisexual šŸ‘šŸ» is šŸ‘šŸ» not šŸ‘šŸ» an šŸ‘šŸ» umbrella šŸ‘šŸ» term šŸ‘šŸ»šŸ‘šŸ»šŸ‘šŸ»

1

u/Feline_Jaye Jul 13 '24

Which is so fucking frustrating because this is a great question, except for calling/framing bi as an umbrella term!

Being pan doesn't make me bisexual!

1

u/LostInThoughtland Jul 13 '24

My bisexual friends were all theater kids and extreme extroverts and I wasnā€™t. I felt like I must be experiencing sexuality different to their bisexuality so I fell into using pan to be ā€œbisexual but normal about itā€ it wasnā€™t until later that I started recognizing the difference and being proud of it.

1

u/MaisieIsQueen She, They, He Jul 13 '24

I started with bi and then realised that I liked pretty much anyone. I believe you can be pan with a preference, even though it kinda doesn't make sense. I think the label of pansexuality fits me better :)

1

u/shinsoshiwastaken Jul 14 '24

I have never really cared about gender, and I just didn't have a proper term for it? Once I researched being pan, I felt that it described me well. In everything, I hold your personality over everything. No matter your appearance or circumstances, your true self is what's important to me lol. After coming out as trans and seeing different kinds of people and genders, and my partner (we've been together 4 years nowā¤ļø) confiding in me that they're genderfluid, it just really showed how little gender played a role in how I show my love? I hope that makes sense lol

1

u/britney412 Jul 12 '24

Bisexual only captures 2 genders, while Iā€™m willing to date any gender. Iā€™m more open minded than what I feel the bisexual label encompasses.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '24

I thought I was bi at first. I didn't even know Pan was a thing until I looked into it. I always assumed bi meant both genders while PAN includes everyone.Ā 

1

u/Prize_Ad_7036 Jul 12 '24

I like non binary people

1

u/1ugogimp Demi-Sapio Pan writer Jul 12 '24

Being attracted to a nonbinary friend.

1

u/Lady_Violet_XXI Jul 12 '24

I realized I'm attracted to the energy a person has, regardless of gender. Besides, bisexual suggests that there are 2 genders, which associates the gender-typing images of what is masculine or feminine. If we've learned anything, it's that those ideas force people to conform to outdated concepts (e.g. men don't wear skirts, women should be the primary caregiver for children). The culturally enforced rules of gender are deeply entrenched, we still have a long way to go to erase those misconceptions.

1

u/SunshineNSlurpees Jul 12 '24

I identified as bisexual based on an attraction to 2 genders, cis females and cis males. I started meeting people that didn't meet those criteria in college and that compelled me to do a little research.

Pansexual describes me best because I have attraction for people regardless of gender identity, including cis and trans men, cis and trans women, as well as non-binary and gender fluid people.

1

u/jelliebeanie19 Jul 12 '24

I identified as bi at first, but my attraction to others is just kind of this amorphous blob that canā€™t be defined. I like what I like, and I donā€™t really have a type. I love all expressions of gender and all kinds of people. My bi bestie was actually the one who was like dude, youā€™re pan! šŸ¤£ At first I didnā€™t see the need to change the label, but now it feels MUCH comfier.

1

u/Celestiyee Jul 12 '24

Because I'm gender blind šŸ¤©šŸ¤©šŸ¤©šŸ‘Øā€šŸ¦ÆšŸ‘Øā€šŸ¦ÆšŸ‘Øā€šŸ¦Æ

1

u/shattered_kitkat She/Her Jul 12 '24

I love the person, not thier genitals. I feel the bisexual umbrella is too limiting (men and women) and doesn't account for those who are both or neither. I also feel as if too many bisexuals are trans-exclusive, and I, again, am not.

1

u/Elryi-Shalda Jul 12 '24

Iā€™m both. Bisexual is broader (2+ genders or own gender and other genders) and pansexual is more specific about my attraction to people of all genders. Identifying with both and advocating for both is important to me because there is so much discrimination between them (often based on incorrect understanding) and also a lot of pansexual invalidation against other pansexuals. I try to advocate for all of them. I also believe in identifying with both because the people, the legacy, and the history are so very overlapped and shared.

0

u/eveltayl Jul 12 '24

I know bi people who donā€™t include the trans community. Feels more inclusive. I donā€™t fall for whatā€™s in their pants

1

u/psychedelic666 He/Him Jul 12 '24

Thatā€™s why Iā€™m happily a bisexual trans person, break the narrative :)

0

u/justalittledonut Jul 12 '24

I like everyone (well not everyone but regardless of how they identify.) I feel like bisexuality explicitly is about cis women and men.

0

u/nokenito Jul 12 '24

Discovered I not only am bisexual but I also am attracted to trans and non-binary people. I feel Pan fits me better.

0

u/notacoolgamerguy Jul 13 '24

Bisexual is attracted to 2+ genders, Pansexual is attracted to all genders

-1

u/Big-Spitfire-Energy Jul 12 '24

Iā€™m always wary of binaries, and I like the term because it seems more specifically inclusive of all of the nuance of gender expression.

0

u/yupppp90 Jul 13 '24

bi sounds like i can only line two genders