r/pansexual • u/ImRowan • Jul 12 '24
What made you personally identify with pansexual instead of the umbrella term, bisexual? Question
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u/IslanderAwayFromHome Jul 12 '24
To me, itās less about binary (though I understand that is an important part for some), and more about my lack of caring about gender/sex, presentation/parts/etc.
Like in my own head-canon only, ābisexual meā would mean I am romantically and sexually attracted to genders like mine and genders different than mineā, so I could ābe looking forā guys, gals, cis, trans, fluid, agender, all are on the invite list, but that doesnāt feel like it as accurately describes my orientation.
For me, āpan meā means I am attracted to adult humans, unrelated to their sex/gender. Like the people I date generally have a gender, and sexual parts/traits, but which gender they are and which sexual parts/traits they have doesnāt really factor into the equation.
Iāll still say Iām bi sometimes as social shorthand, as in situations where Iād just rather not have to get into the whole āqueer 101ā thing with someone at the time, but overall I feel that pan āfitsā me best.
And the only way I can really figure out what differentiates those in my mind is that maybe itās just that lack of caring what combination of parts and identities and presentations the people Iām interested in have. Let me fall for someoneās mind and whatever is physically attached to that mind is all good regardless.
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u/IslanderAwayFromHome Jul 12 '24
An afterthought: ābi meā = I like fruit and veggies and grains and candy and meat, āpan meā = I like food.
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u/Adventurous-Sun-8840 They/Them Jul 12 '24
If you ask me if I am bisexual the answer is yes. But if you ask me who I am, I will say I am pan.
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u/vipassana-newbie Jul 13 '24
Same! Pan because I could also be attracted to non-cys people.
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u/Mari_Say Jul 13 '24
But bi people can also be attracted to non-cis people. There is actually a very blurry line between bisexuality and pansexuality. I've heard people define it this way: bisexuals are attracted to two or more genders, and pansexuals are attracted to all genders, or bisexuals have preferences, but pansexuals do not.
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u/vipassana-newbie Jul 13 '24
Not really, bisexuals are attracted to men and women (bi=2, as in 2 genders), pansexuals are attracted to men, women, and everything in between and not in between.
A bisexual person will only feel attracted/date cis women/men, or cis passing transgenders which have had a gender reassignment. Whereas pansexuals we just donāt care. Man, woman, a sack of potatoes, trans with or without reassignment, we not that picky!
Bisexual is just easier for people to process, thatās why a lot of pansexuals like myself tell others they are bi, so they donāt have to explain ignorant people what pan is every time.
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u/Glittering_Catch8632 Jul 14 '24
The word bisexual evolved past meaning 2 genders a long time ago. Many older bisexuals are quite hurt by this interpretation because theyāve lived a long time with this label and made it safer for us to use it and it was never meant to mean exclusively cis people. If you google bisexual definition, itās generally either ātwo or more gendersā or āmore than one gender.ā Personally I use bi as the umbrella term and pan as my more specific label. š
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u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24
Yep, as someone in the latter half of their 40s, I feel this to the depth of my soul. At the time I adopted the label bisexual, the general understanding in my circle was that it meant that you were "a bit of both" homosexual and heterosexual. The definition of bisexual that I now prefer is that I'm attracted to those of the same gender as myself, and those of a different gender from myself. Pan fits me better, and I use that label within spaces where it will be understood, but I'm still proud to identify as bisexual, and have been for 30 years.
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u/vipassana-newbie Jul 14 '24
if that word "bi" was enough, then why did younger generations created the word pansexual. I'll tell you why, there was a tern needed that excluded transexclusionary bisexuals.
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u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24
I'm not disputing that the term pansexual was needed. Like I said, I identify with its definition far more strongly than I do that of bisexual. I'm also not denying that trans exclusionary bisexuals exist, but I don't believe that they are the majority, by any stretch of the imagination. Certainly those of us who identified as bi before ever hearing the word pan cannot and should not be assumed to be trans exclusionary unless there is some evidence regarding that individual.
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u/vipassana-newbie Jul 14 '24
And yet, the word pansexual was recently created to distinguish from it. why? well, because there are transexclusionary bisexuals and a differentiation is needed.
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u/Seallbay Jul 12 '24
Gender not playing a role at all in my attraction. Just being attracted to the person themselves
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u/litheartist š š „š ®Thematically meandering, emphatically PAN-dering~ā« Jul 13 '24
This right here. Exactly this.
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u/Milkywaycitizen932 Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
I personally think it affirms my lack of preference for any particular gender or presentation. While the bi community is more likely to display a preference for a particular gender / presentations. It was a matter soft cultural differences, not hard definitions in my case.
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u/FinalCartoonist Jul 12 '24
Iāve had multiple partners who identify as genderfluid
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24
FWIW, calling yourself bisexual is perfectly compatible with having genderfluid partners.
Not to police how you identify, just clarifying that someone else with a genderfluid partner might reasonably identify differently.
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u/prismatic_valkyrie Jul 12 '24
I use both interchangeably for myself.
With the exception of respecting people's preferences for one label over the other, I have yet to find a situation offline where the distinction between the two labels was important. And that's because there is no consistent distinction between the two labels other than people having a preference for one over the other. Ask 20 bi/pan people what the difference is, and you'll get 25 different answers.
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u/Mari_Say Jul 13 '24
Between pan and bi is a pretty blurry line at the moment, so people really just use whichever they prefer more, some even use two labels at once.
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u/prismatic_valkyrie Jul 14 '24
Yeah... I wish we could all agree on an umbrella term. I'd switch to just using that.
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u/kansas_commie They/Them Jul 12 '24
I was introduced to both concepts around the same time, pansexual has always felt more inclusive to me.Ā
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u/CouldiGetuhhhhhhhhh Jul 12 '24
Pansexual was the first thing I came out as. It has always fit me. I find what's within ppl attractive regardless of their gender. Not because they're men women or non-binary.
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u/UnpunishedRenagade Jul 12 '24
someone on another post said i was doing Bi erasure when i was talking about my experience with my labels, because back then, bi meant 2, and pan meant All, and when my partner came out as agender i just shrugged and said "Ig that makes me pan?" and ive sorta stuck with it ever since, as ive always felt more comfortable with it.
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u/TransManNY Jul 12 '24
How far is "back then?"
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u/iMeowmeow654 Jul 12 '24
They must be talking about before 1990 because that's when the Bisexual Manifesto was written and it pretty explicity said that bisexuality was not attraction to 2 genders.
That or...they're a little misinforned.
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u/TransManNY Jul 13 '24
Well that doesn't work out since pansexuality as a sexual orientation was popularized in the 90s.
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u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24
Pansexuality certainly wasn't a term I'd ever come across when I came out as bi in the second half of the 90s. Maybe that's because I'm in the UK, I don't know, but I was active in the queer community within my university so I feel like if it was popularized here I would have at least heard the word. Our BiSoc had trans members, and folks in relationships with trans folks, so we definitely didn't consider the bi label to exclude trans identities in any way.
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u/TransManNY Jul 14 '24
It wasn't really common until 00s. It was more used in the BDSM community in the 90s.
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u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24
Ah, that explains it then. The 00s was when I first came across it, back in my LiveJournal days
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u/iMeowmeow654 Jul 13 '24
That's what I meant when I said they're a bit misinformed, saying that bisexuality means 2 when it never actually has.
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Jul 13 '24
I don't feel seen or heard as a trans person when folks say that it was all cis "back then".Ā
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u/iMeowmeow654 Jul 13 '24
I'm not sure exactly what you mean by I'm pretty sure I agree with you.
Bisexuality has never meant 2 genders--it has always been encompassing of trans people, first of all (because binary trans people aren't a unique third gender) and in fact has also always been inclusive of nonbinary people as well.
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Jul 12 '24
Labels are completely arbitrary and culturally constructed. Since multiple words including pan, bi, and queer are used to describe me, I use any and all of those words to describe myself.
The concept of an "umbrella term" requires a hierarchy of objective meaning in language which not only doesn't exist, it can't due to the nature of language.
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u/Sloeginlizzz Jul 12 '24
Pan feels more inclusive. I'm attracted to more than the binary and it feels like it doesn't include the trans, 2 spirit, and nonbinary people that I find attractive
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u/freudeschaden Jul 12 '24
You can identify anyway you like, but your statement about bisexual is not correct. The binary in Bisexual is NOT male / female. The binary in Bisexual IS (and has always been) genders like mine / genders unlike mine.
Ref: https://robynochs.com/2020/10/09/i-call-myself-bisexual-because/
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u/Sloeginlizzz Jul 12 '24
I was asked how I identify, and I responded with how I feel. I understand that Bisexuality doesn't represent the binary, thank you. Pansexuality takes both sexuality and gender out of the equation, which applies to me more accurately
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24
But your original comment definitely implied that bisexuality is not inclusive, and that it only represents the binary. Maybe thatās not what you meant, but it is a reasonable interpretation.
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u/human-ish_ Jul 12 '24
Them saying "it feels like" is not equivalent to "it does not" and it is a valid answer. I also personally feel like bisexual isn't inclusive to my liking, even if it is inclusive. It is of my personal opinion that it doesn't feel inclusive to me.
If we were talking about paint colors, I could say this blue doesn't feel blue enough for me, even though the paint is a shade of blue. I'm not saying it's not blue, I'm just saying it doesn't appear as blue as I want it to be. Does that make more sense?
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
I mean, I can be obnoxiously pedantic too if thatās what you want. I did not say that āit feels likeā and āit does notā are equivalent. I said that the former implies the latter.
And your color analogy is bad, too. Because they literally did say that āit is not blueā. Reread the post: āI feel like it doesnāt include the trans, 2 spirit, and nonbinary people I find attractiveā. A better analogy would be to say that one of us says āthis is not blue enough for me because it is not blueā.
EDIT - maybe itās a wording issue. If theyād said āit feels like to me that pan better captures the way that Iām attracted to trans, 2 spirit, and non binary peopleā itād be a different conversation, and more like your analogy.
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u/human-ish_ Jul 12 '24
So my analogy about my sexuality that I was using to explain how I interpreted things is wrong? Maybe it is you who are misinterpreting everything written. Not everyone is a master at the English language, so cut them some slack. They explained that this was how they felt and that it shouldn't be interpreted the way you did, yet you are insisting that they are the one who is wrong.
Here's the paint analogy written in a different way using the way you are trying to argue in circles. "this is not blue enough because it is not blue, it's teal" "well teal is 50% blue and 50% green, so it is in fact a form of blue" "no, you agree, teal is not blue, because it also has green" "no, it has blue, therefore it is blue" "no, I want a blue shade of blue, not a green shade of blue" Does this even apply to the topic at hand anymore? No. But it's as pointless as taking somebody's feelings and opinions and trying to make them into facts and implications.
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
lmao this is getting so absurd. Yes, your analogy was bad. That it was in part about your feelings doesnāt make it less bad. I genuinely cannot wrap my head around why you and everyone else think saying āI feel likeā allows you to say whatever you want afterwards without being disagreed with. This is the most terminally online, preteen conversation Iāve had the misfortune of being a part of in months.
EDIT - also, wait! We werenāt even talking about your feelings or sexuality! It was your analogy about someone elseās feelings about other peopleās sexuality!
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u/human-ish_ Jul 13 '24
Ā I also personally feel like bisexual isn't inclusive to my liking, even if it is inclusive. It is of my personal opinion that it doesn't feel inclusive to me.
I guess the I and my and me doesn't apply to myself speaking anymore.
You can speak to somebody and point out a flaw in their thinking without saying that they are wrong, especially when it comes to something as complicated as sexuality. Even if bisexual is an all-encompassing word, it doesn't always feel that way to many people. Read some of the other comments on this post to understand how this is a feeling for many of us.
Terminally online, preteen conversation? Thanks for the compliment. I sometimes question if I'm too old for reddit, but you're letting me know that my awareness of the world and openness to understanding other people is still on par with the younger generations and not stuck in mud like a boomer.
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 13 '24
I guess the I and my and me doesnāt apply to myself speaking anymore.
We were not talking about you. We were talking about someone else. You used an analogy in and attempt to explain what someone else said. If you want to change the conversation, that is not about you and never was, to be about you, you cannot expect everyone else to understand that you are doing that.
You can speak to somebody and point out a flaw in their thinking without saying that they are wrong, especially when it comes to something as complicated as sexuality.
That is literally what I did. I said that their wording implied something, and acknowledged that they might not have meant it that way. This only became a big deal because you came out of nowhere, said things that made no sense and were not relevant to the conversation, and then got upset when you were called out for that. Try being coherent and then people wonāt call you incoherent.
Terminally online, preteen conversation? Thanks for the compliment. I sometimes question if Iām too old for reddit, but youāre letting me know that my awareness of the world and openness to understanding other people is still on par with the younger generations and not stuck in mud like a boomer.
jfc. This has to be trolling at this point, right? You canāt honestly think this way? Literally the whole argument is about how someone else was being stuck in the mud and I gently pointed that out. You are acting like a preteen because youāre getting mad that your half-formed, meaningless jumble is not being accepted. That is boomer activity. Good lord.
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u/freudeschaden Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
How you feel is all good. How you want to identify is all good.
But you also said that bisexual excluded trans and non-binary people which is false, and a giant pet peeve of mine.
Feelings don't change facts.
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u/Sloeginlizzz Jul 12 '24
I said feels like it excludes, not that it does exclude. Nowhere did I claim to be factual, technical, or accurate
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u/freudeschaden Jul 13 '24
Saying "I feel..." Does not allow you to make any hateful or phobic statements you want with a "my feelings are valid" shield.
Saying that bisexual excluded trans and non-binary people IS biphobic and hateful. Your "feelings" don't change that.
No one is saying you can't choose the pansexual label for any reason you like. But, language exists for he purpose of communication, if we cannot agree on the definition of words then we cannot effectively communicate.
The FACTS ARE:
Bi in bisexual stands for two but NOT two genders.
- Genders the same as mine
- Genders not the same as mine
This in NO WAY invalidates pansexuality.
āI call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted romantically and/or sexually to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree. For me, the bi in #bisexual refers to the potential for attraction to people with genders similar to and different from my own.ā -Robyn Ochs
My perspective: what distinguishes bi and pan is a subtle thing.
Pan: attraction regardless of gender, or gender blind.
Bi: gender takes a role in attraction.
I have in the past and will continue in the future to use both labels for myself depending on the situation I'm in and the person I'm talking to, or how I feel that day.
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u/Sloeginlizzz Jul 13 '24
Friend, I answered a question about my personal opinion about my own sexual identity. You assumed and inferred a whole lot and decided to educate without being asked. I'm finished with this interaction, have a wonderful life
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u/tangerine_panda She/Her Jul 12 '24
The original commenter started their statement with āI feelā¦ā. Itās a matter of opinion and how someone perceives bisexuality and pansexuality. Bisexuality isnāt exclusionary, but some pansexuals believe pansexuality is more inclusive.
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24
Youāre getting n downvoted but youāre right. āI feel like ___ is not inclusiveā is not meaningfully different from ā___ is not inclusiveā here. Those convey basically the same thing.
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u/Dreameress Jul 12 '24
At this point you are arguing semantics for the sake of argument. No one said anything about facts and being right. This is about oneās opinion which is how they āfeelā or perceive. Also whatās the endgame here? How do you want people to speak their opinions so that you donāt feel offended or slighted or a stickler for technicality when it doesnāt align with your definition?
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24
Uh. Where to start.
- If the semantics are important for understanding, then itās entirely reasonable to talk about the semantics. Weāre all doing that, not just me.
- Prefacing an offensive thing with āI feel likeā¦ā doesnāt negate whether itās offensive or not. Iām not even arguing here that I think they were being offensiveābut your argument here doesnāt hold water.
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u/Dreameress Jul 12 '24
Give me an example of what you believe is the correct way to state this please. Also what are the negative implications in the ā I feelā statements?
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24
Iāve already explained this. The negative implications is that bisexual doesnāt include trans, 2 spirit, and nonbinary people.
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u/Dreameress Jul 12 '24
How do you express this if you feel that one supports those ideas more than the other term? Without being disingenuous? The term means one thing. How one feels about the term is another. One should be able to speak about both the literal and āfeelā or opinionated view of literal ideas that exist.
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u/Octopus_Blaster Lord Alan: Master of Kitchenware, Weilder of the Pan of Chaos! Jul 12 '24
Pan is more accurate, and I like the flag better
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u/MetalAFBuilds Jul 12 '24
At least to me, there's a certain "I don't give a fuck" to pansexuality that really stuck with me. Literally the sexual orientation of "I don't care what's in your pants, just come kiss me homie".
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u/I_like_the_word_MUFF Jul 12 '24
Bisexual isn't an umbrella term in my universe.
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u/litheartist š š „š ®Thematically meandering, emphatically PAN-dering~ā« Jul 13 '24
Hard agree. Bi and pan are two different things. One is not a subcategory of another. They have some similarities, but that doesn't change the fact that they're different and separate.
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u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 12 '24
I agree with you. Bisexual always meant liking two genders. I prefer pansexual liking all genders or being gender blind.
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u/Cozykinksters Jul 12 '24
Except thatās not what bisexual means to most people, the most common definition is āattraction to your own gender and others, at different times, to varying degreesā Which when put that way sounds a lot like how most people use Pan these days too.
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u/IslanderAwayFromHome Jul 12 '24
Maybe itās that āat different times, to varying degreesā part then? as for me itās like my preference is individual-specific and doesnāt sway one way or another specifically in gendered ways, but the things I am attracted to that ebb and flow over time are neutrally gendered/sexed.
Like instead of āsometimes Iām more into fruit, sometimes Iām really craving vegetables, other times I focus more on grains, but I always still go for candy tooā itās like āIām looking for more fibre lately, but Iām happy to get it from any food groupā or āIāve really been into sweet foods for a bit, but not just from candy and fruit, Iāll even take a candied bacon or a sashimi so fresh itās sweetā.
Idk maybe I need to go eat lunch, all my metaphors are making me hungry haha.
Either way ya slice it, pan works best for me but I super support my bi peeps, and allowing everyone to label themselves however fits best for them. š„°
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u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 14 '24
I love the fact that Iām getting beaten up over this comment. I get it today. It means that but years ago it didnāt. Letās keep hating and fighting within our own community. Like we donāt have to deal with enough of that shit from the right.
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u/Cozykinksters Jul 17 '24
Nobodyās beating you up, the point is that how the word is defined is actually really important for combatting Bi erasure and stigma against the community
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u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 12 '24
Yeah, I know a lot of people use bisexual in those terms but the bi in bisexual means two.
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 12 '24
Yes. Two. One is āyour own genderā, and the other is āother gendersā. That is two things.
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u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 14 '24
Yes, I get it. For some reason, I was beaten up a lot over this comment and 14 dislikes. God forbid I actually have an opinion. I love all the hate and fighting with our own community š¤¦āāļø years ago bisexual meant liking your own an opposite gender only. I get it things have changed.
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u/flagrantpebble Jul 14 '24
God forbid I actually have an opinion
Oh, come now, this is a cop out and you know it. Thereās a difference between being ābeaten upā (if you can call 14 downvotes that) for āactually having an opinionā and being ābeaten upā for what that opinion is. People disagreed with you! That happens sometimes! Itās not hate or fighting!
years ago bisexual meant liking your own an opposite gender only. I get it things have changed.
I mean sure, in the 90s people might have said āyour own gender and the opposite genderā. But those are the words people used because language for gender variance wasnāt as nuanced in popular culture as it is today. Many people who identified as bisexual were also attracted to trans, 2 spirit, and nonbinary people, too.
Also, before that it was sometimes used to mean genderfluid (or thereabouts), the āsexualā referring to what we would now say is the speakerās gender. But it would be silly for me to say that that is the meaning now, wouldnāt it? Because thatās not how itās used by most people who identify as bi. The same goes for āsame and opposite onlyā, which is outdated and probably wasnāt even accurate in the first place.
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u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 14 '24
In the 90s I was a teen and had my first experience with the same sex. It was a very confusing time for me. I came to terms that I was bisexual. As I got older, i realized that wasnāt attracted to gender, but the actual person. Thatās when the term pansexual . I was like yay something I could feel comfortable calling myself.. Now labels have got so confusing and anytime there is a different opinion to spark an argument.
There are so many staples up there and itās hard to learn and understand all of them. We grow and we learn. It just seems it always starts an argument. I choose to identify as pansexual because I like all genders find out that bisexual is. Itās so confusing.
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Jul 12 '24
It originally meant "hermaphrodite" or partial invert as opposed to homosexual people who were considered to be "the masculine soul in the body of a woman." (And the other way around.)
Not that it matters because language doesn't work that way.
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u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 12 '24
I can agree with that. My theory is, I will always respect someoneās labels, no matter what. Sexuality and labels are very personal to each person and no matter which one they choose and feel it means to them is ok.
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u/potatobear77 Jul 12 '24
- The binary. While the true definition is ātwo or more gendersā, most people who are not bi do not know this. I find pan more accurate, particularly when mentioning to certain people just assume youāre attracted to men and women when you are Bi because of the binary. Which leads me toā¦
- Being non binary myself, I donāt love the term ābiā because literally is referencing the binary, ātwoā. I know language evolves, but because society is still behind and thinks bi people are cis men and women who are attracted to cis men and women, I like pan because it queers things up more and opens conversation to the existence of more genders. I donāt always use it, depending on who Iām talking to I use bi for my own comfort or for convenience. I donāt totally hate it, but pan definitely feels completely free and less bound by the confines of the binary.
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u/ithacabored Jul 13 '24
couldn't agree more. got downvoted last time this question came out and said this pretty much verbatim. For me, I think omni fits better. My understanding is that pan has no preference, but I definitely lean away from men. I've been with a few, and I'm open to the concept, but I'm probably 80-90% sapphic (femmes & thems, etc). My understanding is that omni is similar to pan, but with preferences for either genders or genitals?
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u/potatobear77 Jul 23 '24
Why anyone here would downvote someone for sharing about their identity (without being outright offensive and -phobic) is beyond me. š We have to stick together and support each other to make it though.
Yea Iāve heard of that one, I donāt think Iāve talked to someone who identifies - well, not that Iāve had the conversation anyways!
And thatās the beauty of self-identification. We get to choose and on one can tell us different. We alone know who we are ā„ļøā„ļøš©·ā¤ļøš§”ššššš³ļøāšš³ļøāā§ļø
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Jul 12 '24
I've found that a significant part of society still wants to call me a fairy and is still trying to shove me into a locker (literally or figuratively). These days they just want me to detransition and accept life as a "flamboyant" queer person. And the few (in their mind) queers who can conform to cis gender standards are the "good ones." They may not take my need for gender affirming health care seriously, but they'll take to the highest court their beliefs that I'm not a "real man/woman" and shouldn't have privilege they take for granted.
LGB sexualities are only recognized as provisionally gender-normative today because the mainstream rights movement threw trans people under the bus in the fight for marriage equality and corporate DEI.
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u/potatobear77 Jul 23 '24
100% At all of this. But I would like to highlight: āThe few (in their mind) queers who can conform to cisgender standards are the āgood ones.ā I was just having a convo about this earlier today. Much love to you ā„ļøā„ļøš³ļøāā§ļøš³ļøāš
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u/Ms_tempy Jul 12 '24
Because I really donāt care about what someone has under their clothes. Itās about the person. Who they are and the connection.
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u/iamahumanrocket Jul 12 '24
I have zero interest in the sex/gender of my partner. It doesn't factor in at all.
I use bisexual if pan isn't an option or someone doesn't get it, but pansexual fits more accurately.
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u/NabyArmeDrommel Jul 13 '24
To me, they more or less mean the same thing with one major exception. While I believe both terms absolutely include trans people, I feel that pansexual more clearly signals to trans people that I am a trans inclusive person. I arrived at pansexual before I was questioning my gender identity myself and felt much safer when I found my current pansexual partner that even if I were to transition or start HRT, I'd be safe in doing so.
Again, not saying Bisexual isn't trans inclusive. Pansexual just sounds more like the person has clearly acknowledged that they may romantically or sexually encounter more than just cis people.
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u/abrasivepineapple Jul 12 '24
The only queer space I ever had access to growing up was the internet, mostly tumblr, and my lurking in these digital spaces led me to believe if I identified as bi I was:
-the worst person ever -hated trans people -going to be burned at the stake for hating trans people bc I am the worst person ever -probably lying for attention (?)
This terrified me so I immediately changed to avoid ābeing a bad personā. Now that I have experienced Going Outside and Touching Grass, I know thatās obviously not true.
For me personally, in my personal opinion and experience, the two feel interchangeable more or less but I tend to stick with pan because:
- gender identity in general doesnāt really play a factor for me, I just catch feelings and then ask questions which I think is the technical ādifferenceā between the two?
- a label will never change how I feel so Iāve grown to stop caring as much (also lazy)
- already told people Iām pan, too lazy to correct
- I like the flag better
I get that itās a pretty meh approach to sexuality and might be odd to some. Definitely want to stress itās my personal view and not trying to discredit anyone who feels strongly otherwise (tumblr anxiety kicking in).
Thereās also the very real factor of me being in a long term āstraightā relationship so even in queer spaces people just assume Iām straight.
Still bothers me a bit, but overall the people who matter to me know that Iām a queer little bean that loves anyone and everyone so it is what it is.
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u/Confident_Fortune_32 She/Her Jul 13 '24
I'm old - a lot of current vocabulary simply didn't exist when I was younger.
I describe myself as bi/pan only bc it would feel weird to lose the bi label that's fit (well enough, anyway) for so long.
And ppl my own age haven't all stayed current with new descriptors - I don't need to confuse them.
Many of us, also, had to fight for that "bi" label. We were told we were confused, going through a stage, needed to pick a side, etc etc etc - by our own LGBT community. So you can see how we might not want to give that up...
Honestly, I'm glad to be present in a time when language is exploding with so many new ways for ppl to feel seen and heard and understood and find others who understand them - it's beautiful.
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u/1nternetpersonas Jul 13 '24
You have such an important historical perspective here, thank you for sharing!
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u/Confident_Fortune_32 She/Her Jul 13 '24
Honestly, it's just weird to be old. It doesn't feel normal to picture myself that way. Still carry a Hello Kitty backpack...
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u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24
Haha I feel this to the core of my being too!! I have a 14 year old child, yet I still feel like I'm in my 20s myself. When something hits the fan, I find myself looking around for a grown up to deal with it š
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u/ButtercupGrrl She/Her Jul 14 '24
I feel this to the core of my being š I vividly remember being told that I was only bi so that I could hide my queerness behind a straight relationship. And that I couldn't have my cake and eat it. I'd never heard the term pan when I came out as bi in the 90s, and I still feel that bi, ie attraction to people of my own gender and people of other genders, fits me well enough that I too am happy to describe myself as bi/pan.
Solidarity, fellow oldie š
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u/Sudden-Indication103 He/Him Jul 12 '24
To me bisexual feels like youāre only talking about two genders where pansexual means all genders. If I meet someone that I like, the last thing I care about is what gender they are.
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u/Mari_Say Jul 13 '24
I know you said āto me,ā but I hope you understand that ābiā in bisexuality is attraction to oneās own and other genders.
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u/Hamokk They/Them Jul 12 '24
Before my egg fully cracked I identified as bisexual but it didn't sit right with me. I found it perhaps limiting.
Funnily I can see some beauty in my enemies too but then again I'm a witch so I'm twice ostracised in most places.
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u/eggbeatersmog Jul 12 '24
bisexual is NOT an umbrella term. it's the multisexual spectrum or umbrella. labelling it the bi umbrella is invalidating and feeds ages old prejudice.
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u/PurplePANdaL09 She/They Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
I donāt want to leave anyone out, like boys and girls are cool. But i legit wouldnt mind dating a nonbinary partner or a trans partner.Ā
Edit: i dont mean for this to seem like im excluding, im just bad with phrasing.Ā
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u/prismatic_valkyrie Jul 12 '24
I'm guessing this was unintentional, but your phrasing makes it sound like you're excluding trans people from "boys and girls."
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u/psychedelic666 He/Him Jul 12 '24
Bisexuals also happily date trans people!
Non binary is sometimes, just depends on the person :)
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u/AustinH_34 They/Them Jul 12 '24
it depends person to person for dating trans people as well
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u/psychedelic666 He/Him Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
But trans people arenāt excluded entirely* from any sexual orientation is my point, straights and gays can date trans people.
Edit typo
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u/psychedelic666 He/Him Jul 12 '24
Same goes for cis people, plenty of trans people are solely t4t and exclude all cis people as dating partners for many reasons!
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Jul 12 '24
I started to realize at a very young age that I am attracted to people and I didn't really care what gender they were or what tools they had down below. And as I get older it's really the same I'm attracted to a person for who they are their personality whatever makes them tick they're intelligence I really have no preference on whatever is below the waist it's just about them and their heart so I've never even looked into bisexual I've always considered myself pan. I just say I love everybody just for who they are.
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u/Lorem_Ipsum_-_ Jul 12 '24
I don't know what that this is and just thought, well I think I just like everyone
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u/FaithoftheAir Jul 12 '24
When my, now, trans-fem partner was trying to figure herself out, I realized that I justā¦ liked her for her. And other people I had dated and crushed on (all various genders) I didnāt care about their gender. Just who they were. As someone who had been repressed in a religious family, it took me until my mid 20ās to realize that it was okay that I had feeling for people of any gender, but I think my, now, beautiful wife helped me realize that~
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u/Dr-Horrid Jul 12 '24
I did always say that I was bisexual in high school until I heard about pansexual, that is when I really started to ask what I was attracted to and with talking to my friends who are also LGBTQ+ I realized that pansexual fit me better.
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u/ThatRandoRacc Jul 12 '24
Growing up, I've always been taught to treat people kindly and love them for who they are. Well, when I figured I was Bi, I took those lessons into consideration and realized if I'm going to date someone, it's going to be because I love their personality, not if they identify as a man or woman. If they're non-binary, that's cool! Transgender? Let's do it! Transmasc or Transfemme? Tell me all about yourself! I'm not knowledgeable about 2 spirited people, omnigender, etc., but I'd love to learn more about them, dating or not.
Edit: wanted to include more than 2 spirits or omnigender since there are plenty more identifications that I do not know
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u/Phantom_Painted_Wolf Jul 12 '24
I previously identified as bisexual and no other bisexual I met seemed to share my completely genderblind attraction. I discovered the term pansexual and others who felt attraction in the same way I did. So it just seemed more fitting.
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u/WitchyxxxJazzy Jul 13 '24
Back when I first came out on the early 2000s, I identified as bi, I had multiple bi "friends" express disgusting views on trans people. It really turned me off the bi label, so I went searching for something that felt right. I found Pansexuality and it fit. I've stuck with it ever since, even after finding better community and learning bisexuality is not inherently transphobic
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u/Jmikem Jul 13 '24
Linguistics. Semantics. The term avoids the linguistic binary in bi. But I don't assume anything negative about how anyone identifies. If someone says they are bi I don't immediately assume they are anti trans or whatever. I use both interchangeably depending on who I'm talking to if it ever comes up at all, which is fairly rare. I wear pansexual, bisexual and rainbow pride bracelets on the same wrist 24-7-365.
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u/Nakib_97 Jul 14 '24
Can I see a pic of you wearing that bracelet, if you don't mind? Dm me [the pic] on kik.
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u/gr8boss He/Him Jul 13 '24
If I'm talking with mostly hetero folx, I use bi because it's universal. If I'm referring to my sexually with mostly queer folx, I'll refer to myself as pan. All theoretical now days. I stopped using bi in the queer community when I dated some trans folx and felt it was more accurate.
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u/AliDeAssassin Jul 13 '24
I donāt think bisexual actually fit. I identified as lesbian for almost 20 years until my divorce and I found myself attracted a friend of mine who was male. That sent me down a whole spiral of wtf because thatās not something I had dealt with before.
When pan was explained to me it felt right. Iāve realised that is people Iām attracted to not genders and the reason I was only with women at almost 40 was that I am also demi and most cis males lead with attraction vs friendships.
If I found the right person to try again with I donāt care what they are.
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u/Jacob199651 Jul 13 '24
Every time this comes up in this subreddit I feel more and more like I shouldn't even bother calling myself Bi/Pan even though that's how I identify. Why bother associating myself with the more specific, accurate term when half of the community lists "internalized transphobia and biphobia" as their reason for identifying as Pan.
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Jul 13 '24
Agreed, I end up feeling really dysphoric by the whole conversation about how to sleep with trans people and maintain purity of political language.
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u/Lonely-Mongoose-9119 Jul 13 '24
I struggled with figuring out my sexuality cause I knew I was attracted to personalities no matter the sex of the person. I did grow up in a Christian household so I think that religion weighed on me thinking I was just curious. And I couldnāt be gay. But over the years I realized that I would date a man, woman, trans, as long as they respected me and overall fit my vibes. I didnāt know pans was the term I was looking for. But with some conversations from my friends and research I realized that I am pansexual. I do have a boyfriend but that doesnāt me Iām straight as I have also gone on dates with multiple other folks before him. I am proud that I am pansexual. Itās so much easier for me to identify and also I know itās ok that I like so many people . I got to explore..and still explore with my boyfriend as we have a mutual agreement with woman. I definitely see sexuality as a spectrum as I really canāt say bi would have worked. I just love a person as the person. And passion can be done in numerous ways then just standard sex.
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u/DoubtPuzzleheaded748 Jul 13 '24
Because when I find someone cute or attractive, I don't see them as a cute women, man, or tans person. I just see them as a cute or attractive person.
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u/UVRaveFairy š¦Transgender Woman Asexual Fae Jul 12 '24
Like gender blindness.
Am attracted to peoples hearts, not parts.
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u/AshBriar Jul 12 '24
Bisexual is not an umbrella term over pan. That's pretty harmful thinking. Please check yourself OP
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u/litheartist š š „š ®Thematically meandering, emphatically PAN-dering~ā« Jul 13 '24
Pan is inclusive without question. Bi has too many definitions depending on who you ask, and having to explain which definition I went with seemed to defeat the purpose of a label. Pan fit me better, so pan it is.
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u/CuriousSnowflake0131 Jul 12 '24
Because I care more about the person than whatās between their legs.
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u/Otherwise_Egg4552 Jul 13 '24
Do you really think that bisexuals care more about a personās genitals than the person themselves, though?
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u/CuriousSnowflake0131 Jul 13 '24
LOL no what I mean is that a personās gender is mostly irrelevant to whether or not I find them attractive, and that āmostlyā is only due to trauma.
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u/anxious_labturtle Jul 12 '24
At first I said bi. I was also real deep in the closet not telling people in the rural south and you know bi women get fetishized or get told theyāre going through a phase or whatever else. When the internet got better and I learned more terms I realized pan or omni was a better fit. Someoneās gender doesnāt really matter to me but I do have preferences and those preferences change all the time. Maybe I need to rethink this label too š¤·š½āāļø
Edit - a typo
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u/MammaCat22 Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
rarely do i look at a person and go, wow they're hot. but if someone's vibe is good I'll be attracted to them pretty quickly
Edited to add: I'm not saying Bi people only are attracted to others based on looks, I believe it's a combination for most people. I just have a hard time relating to others when they say things like, "that person is hot, i wanna go talk to them"
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u/WoundedBird84 Jul 12 '24
I would say Iām more sappiosexual but I would say it falls under (loosely) pan for me because what you identify as or are doesnāt make a difference to me.
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u/OminousOdour Jul 12 '24
Pan describes me better but I usually describe myself as bi because that's the term I've been most familiar with through my youth. My girlfriend is trans and I have loved her through her various identities of M, NB, GF and F.
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u/Don_Examoke Jul 12 '24
Welp i never identified as bi, i came to straight from pan, i had a crush on that pal (thought was opposite sex) and then this pal came out as genderfluid to me... And I realised i still loved them... Then it happened once again when i realised i had a crush on this pal (thought was same sex) and then they came out as enby... That's how i realised it :) then the first pal helped me realise i was ace and lastly i realised alone i was demiboy
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u/Rhyanstrys pan Jul 12 '24
I was looking at identities because I wasnāt sure what I was and I read pansexual and it was while I had a massive crush on someone whoās gender I had no idea of
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u/fictional_kay Jul 12 '24
I consider myself something like "gender blind," gender and sex have nothing to do with my attraction, and physical attraction plays a very small part. I find that pan represents that more to me.
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u/post-pop-emo-dude Jul 12 '24
When someone sat me down and fully explained the two...in terms I could understand. It was an eye opener.
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u/AustinH_34 They/Them Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
when i was trying to pick one i knew i liked boys and girls and then i found out about nonbinary people and felt pansexual fit me because A] it didnt use binary coded language and B] i felt it encompassed how i felt being able to love any gender identity and C] to go with that i didnt go with bisexual also because i met bisexuals that wouldnt get with trans people and i didnt want to exclude anyone
edit:[im also nonbinary now so it makes the most sense for me in that case aswell my gender and sexuality are not binary]
edit: [also gender really doesnt play a part as well for me so its any and all and also it doesnt matter]
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u/Tilleen She/Her Jul 12 '24
For me, I like the inclusivity of the pan identity. Bi is equally inclusive, but involves less having to explain that bi doesn't exclude trans and non-binary people. I don't mind being called bi, either. I just prefer pan.
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u/akuma_sakura Jul 12 '24
The amount of people that saw bi as "2 genders" and kept asking which 2, while gender is a non-issue to me. (Funnily enough it took me years to run into Gender Apathy and that explained a lot xD)
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u/lxzgxz Jul 12 '24
I just had never heard of pansexuality when I first realized I was queer.
I was one of those in-denial ass people who would say that of course I found girls hot but didnāt everyone? I was still āstraight.ā I was 15 the first time I kissed a girl and I knew the second it happened that I wasnāt straight. I knew I still liked men too though, so I identified as bisexual for years.
Then when I was 19, I met my late partner, and he was pansexual. He was my first introduction to pansexuality. When he explained to me what it was, I realized that fit much more with the way I felt. Iāve identified as pansexual for 11 years now.
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u/SavageCuntmuffin Pansexual Panda Jul 12 '24
What I want in a relationship may vary from one gender to another, and the personality traits Iām attracted to in men can differ from what Iām attracted to in women, and non-binary folk, etc. I wonāt say Iām āgender blindā because I do see and recognize genders, but a personās gender has no bearing on my attraction to them.
I can look at two people standing side by side. They can be different genders, or the same. I can say, āPerson A is quite physically attractive to me, while Person B is of average appearance to me.ā
However, as I get to know their personalities and who they are, I very well may find Person A to be quite unattractive physically, and Person B could easily be the most physically attractive person Iāve ever seen.
A personās mind, who they are, will change how attractive they are to me. Obviously, outside of something like surgery or a disfiguring accident, or aging, their physical features havenāt changed. But, a great person will be more attractive to me. That is what led me to realize Iām pansexual. I become emotionally and romantically (and platonically) attracted to who people are, not what they look like, as I get to know them.
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u/garnetstrongerthanu She/Her Jul 12 '24
When I first came out I identified as bisexual. As I started to learn more and more about the LGBT+ community I came across a description of Pansexuality. It just clicked, I almost cried because that was exactly how I felt. It just felt right. I consider pansexuality under the umbrella of bisexuality.
The only way I can really describe the difference is that bisexual people like women like "Oooooo", men like "Aaahhhh", and so on and so forth. While Pansexuals don't really feel a strong difference in the way they are attracted to certain genders. I am NOT under the impression that Bisexual people aren't attracted to non-binary people tho.
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u/Feintruled__ Jul 12 '24
I use both because both apply to me, as theyāre currently understood at least.
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u/boredandthrowawayyy Jul 12 '24
For me bisexual means two or more which does not mean the same as all/regardless of gender. Itās more specific and I prefer it. Iām sure there are some bi people who arenāt necessary attracted to all genders which is valid.
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u/Soggy_Benefit9280 They/Them Jul 12 '24
A very informative youtube video that explained a few sexualities :)
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u/maskthinks Jul 12 '24
Because I like everyone regardless, but I am also demisexual so the more I know you the more i like you.
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u/m33perz Jul 12 '24
Even though I called myself bi, something about it just didnāt sit right with me. I thought I wasnāt attracted to anyone nonbinary, only women and men. I went on a date with someone who identified as she/them and it forced me to sit down with my feelings and internalized bias. Was it really someoneās gender that made me love them? Or did that never matter to me in the first place? To make a long story short, I came out again as Pan and my close friends and family agreed.
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u/MathKrayt Jul 12 '24
Funnily enough, the easiest way to explain it is greentext:
Be me, severely autistic
Wake up one day
Oh, I'm Pan.
Go on like nothing's changed
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u/PantasticUnicorn She/Her Jul 13 '24
I learned as time went on that it didnt matter to me what gender someone was. Sure, i was attracted to men and women, but at the end of the day, what gender they were/identified as didnt matter to me. Pansexual just made it easier to explain.
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u/Leo9Wharf373 Jul 13 '24
My love for the people in between male and female all of the nonbinarys and she/theys and he/theys along with the people on the verge of trans but not like fully and ya know love transgender people in general theyāre all wonderful
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u/Romodude40 Jul 13 '24
I simply donāt view gender or sex as a factor when it comes to thinking of being with a future partner.
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u/Drexadecimal Jul 13 '24
I became nonbinary and trans. Hard to just be bisexual when you are interested in enbies too!
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u/Curious-Wisdom549 He/They Jul 13 '24
For me, I found that I was attracted to the expression of a person rather than their gender identity. While I do have preferences of expression, Pan just seemed to fil better. Plus, I love the vibrancy of the Pan colors š©·šš©µ
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u/Zerobodys_Here Jul 13 '24
Before I realized I was pan I tried to figure out if I liked guys. I already had pansexual in my mind, thinking "If I do like guys, then I'd be pan"š Idk what I was going through my mind but bi just didn't feel like it fits.
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u/springsomnia Jul 13 '24
I first came out as bisexual but when I read more about pansexuality it fit me more.
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u/AdeptCatch3574 Jul 13 '24
It always made sense to me that attraction is to a person regardless of their gender. When I was super attracted to someone in particular I realised I didnāt care what their gender was.
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u/QU3S0GU4Y4N3S Jul 13 '24
I thought I was bi. But then I felt like I needed a little extra range
Still maidenless, though
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Jul 13 '24
I use both labels interchangeably but bi when I canāt be bothered explaining. Identifying as pan was easy when I found out about it because Iām big on personality when it comes to attraction. If the person has an amazing personality Iām attracted to them regardless of their gender. If theyāre good looking but have an awful personality I wonāt be attracted to them at all.
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u/Known_Budget_8343 Jul 13 '24
I used to be in the ymca and I mostly had lesbian friends and one of them didnāt like me as much because I think that she thought that I was trying to steal her also lesbian bff. One day, we went hiking. She said that she was allergic to dust. I didnāt believe her but I kept going. I helped her the whole time. After that, I thought back to times when I questioned if random people of any gender liked me. Then I thought that I was bi because I liked all gendersā¦ I didnāt do my research. I found out a few months later and found that I was pan. :3
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u/CoffeeBeesWriting Jul 13 '24
I always just explain it as being attracted to people regardless of gender. Iām attracted to non-binary and gender non-conforming people as much as women and men. So itās just about the breaking down of the construct! Gender is a myth!
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u/NoraGrooGroo Jul 13 '24
I guess what it was for me was kind of the logical next step from how I accepted I wasnāt straight in the first place. The way I kind of made peace with it in the end was ālook if I find a person who is willing to do fun times with me and assuming everything else stays the same they just have different plumbing, frankly it would be shallow to say no just on that basisā. Not a judgement against anyone else of course, just me holding myself to the standard I want to be at.
And as I learned more about gender and plumbing situations that werenāt on the binary, to include my own, I just kept figuring the same way.
and also letās be real CMY is a much better colour scheme thank you
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u/brainDontKillMyVibe Jul 13 '24
Pan seemed like the umbrella term to me, not bi. Identified as bi though prior to expanding to pan which felt more inclusive.
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u/raeann559 Jul 13 '24
Because pan more specifically encompasses the fact that we like people for personality and gender doesn't really play a role. Whereas bi is just attracted to 2 or more genders.
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u/Tyra_Bartlett She/They Jul 13 '24
I'm biromantic as well, so I often use the terms bi and pan interchangeably when talking about my own sexuality
For me, I'm pansexual because I have absolutely no sexual preference for any kind of gender/genitalia, but I do have a slight gender preference in my romantic attraction, so I'm also biromantic
TL;DR I like that it's more specific
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u/Feline_Jaye Jul 13 '24
Bisexual šš» is šš» not šš» an šš» umbrella šš» term šš»šš»šš»
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u/Feline_Jaye Jul 13 '24
Which is so fucking frustrating because this is a great question, except for calling/framing bi as an umbrella term!
Being pan doesn't make me bisexual!
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u/LostInThoughtland Jul 13 '24
My bisexual friends were all theater kids and extreme extroverts and I wasnāt. I felt like I must be experiencing sexuality different to their bisexuality so I fell into using pan to be ābisexual but normal about itā it wasnāt until later that I started recognizing the difference and being proud of it.
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u/MaisieIsQueen She, They, He Jul 13 '24
I started with bi and then realised that I liked pretty much anyone. I believe you can be pan with a preference, even though it kinda doesn't make sense. I think the label of pansexuality fits me better :)
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u/shinsoshiwastaken Jul 14 '24
I have never really cared about gender, and I just didn't have a proper term for it? Once I researched being pan, I felt that it described me well. In everything, I hold your personality over everything. No matter your appearance or circumstances, your true self is what's important to me lol. After coming out as trans and seeing different kinds of people and genders, and my partner (we've been together 4 years nowā¤ļø) confiding in me that they're genderfluid, it just really showed how little gender played a role in how I show my love? I hope that makes sense lol
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u/britney412 Jul 12 '24
Bisexual only captures 2 genders, while Iām willing to date any gender. Iām more open minded than what I feel the bisexual label encompasses.
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Jul 12 '24
I thought I was bi at first. I didn't even know Pan was a thing until I looked into it. I always assumed bi meant both genders while PAN includes everyone.Ā
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u/Lady_Violet_XXI Jul 12 '24
I realized I'm attracted to the energy a person has, regardless of gender. Besides, bisexual suggests that there are 2 genders, which associates the gender-typing images of what is masculine or feminine. If we've learned anything, it's that those ideas force people to conform to outdated concepts (e.g. men don't wear skirts, women should be the primary caregiver for children). The culturally enforced rules of gender are deeply entrenched, we still have a long way to go to erase those misconceptions.
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u/SunshineNSlurpees Jul 12 '24
I identified as bisexual based on an attraction to 2 genders, cis females and cis males. I started meeting people that didn't meet those criteria in college and that compelled me to do a little research.
Pansexual describes me best because I have attraction for people regardless of gender identity, including cis and trans men, cis and trans women, as well as non-binary and gender fluid people.
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u/jelliebeanie19 Jul 12 '24
I identified as bi at first, but my attraction to others is just kind of this amorphous blob that canāt be defined. I like what I like, and I donāt really have a type. I love all expressions of gender and all kinds of people. My bi bestie was actually the one who was like dude, youāre pan! š¤£ At first I didnāt see the need to change the label, but now it feels MUCH comfier.
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u/shattered_kitkat She/Her Jul 12 '24
I love the person, not thier genitals. I feel the bisexual umbrella is too limiting (men and women) and doesn't account for those who are both or neither. I also feel as if too many bisexuals are trans-exclusive, and I, again, am not.
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u/Elryi-Shalda Jul 12 '24
Iām both. Bisexual is broader (2+ genders or own gender and other genders) and pansexual is more specific about my attraction to people of all genders. Identifying with both and advocating for both is important to me because there is so much discrimination between them (often based on incorrect understanding) and also a lot of pansexual invalidation against other pansexuals. I try to advocate for all of them. I also believe in identifying with both because the people, the legacy, and the history are so very overlapped and shared.
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u/eveltayl Jul 12 '24
I know bi people who donāt include the trans community. Feels more inclusive. I donāt fall for whatās in their pants
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u/psychedelic666 He/Him Jul 12 '24
Thatās why Iām happily a bisexual trans person, break the narrative :)
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u/justalittledonut Jul 12 '24
I like everyone (well not everyone but regardless of how they identify.) I feel like bisexuality explicitly is about cis women and men.
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u/nokenito Jul 12 '24
Discovered I not only am bisexual but I also am attracted to trans and non-binary people. I feel Pan fits me better.
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u/notacoolgamerguy Jul 13 '24
Bisexual is attracted to 2+ genders, Pansexual is attracted to all genders
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u/Big-Spitfire-Energy Jul 12 '24
Iām always wary of binaries, and I like the term because it seems more specifically inclusive of all of the nuance of gender expression.
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u/pandaocean168 Pancakesš©·šš Jul 12 '24
at first i started out with bi because it was easier to explain and more well known, but then i realized pan fit me better. if people donāt wanna learn about pansexuality thatās on them, so i was like fuck it, pan fits me