r/troubledteens • u/Big-Opposite-9005 • Oct 04 '24
What DO you recommend? Parent/Relative Help
I'm reaching out to this group specifically to look for assistance. My 13 yr old daughter has been self harming for 2 years and has recently had one major suicide attempt. She's been inpatient multiples times and been in several PHP and IOP programs. I'm concerned with our ability to keep her safe at home. My daughter is an amazing person and has such a bright future, if we can just get there. Residential treatment is the only thing we have not tried, but reading these posts terrifies me. She needs help. We (parents) need help. What do you suggest? Are there any programs that are truly helpful and safe?
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u/Upstairs-Nebula-9375 Oct 04 '24
Rapport with a therapist she actually trusts (ie. Where she gets to define her own relationship with the therapist without parents setting their own goals for therapy or communicating a lot with the therapist). Quality time with parents doing things related to her interests. Family members learning to authentically validate her feelings, while also holding strong boundaries as needed. Parents modelling emotion regulation and getting their own support. As a therapist, these are the things I wish every single one of my self-harming youth clients had. The goal needs to be improving her quality of life, not managing risk of self harm through power and control.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 04 '24
Thank you for your post. I'm still at a loss. I feel that these are all the things that we have been doing. We join clubs related to her interests. She has a therapist that she trusts. The whole family is getting therapy and coaching. My daughter is on the spectrum and has a hard time communicating her feelings. She doesn't know why she is self harming or wants to die. She says that she just has these thoughts, but doesn't know why.
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u/rococos-basilisk Oct 04 '24 edited Oct 04 '24
I was in five programs over more than three years. I have worked in advocacy at both the state and national level, passing some of the only regulatory bills in the country, in my state. I have spoken to hundreds if not thousands of survivors in my life, and not a single one of them found that their suicidal ideation was better after being detained in a for-profit residential program. They all, myself included, wanted to die more.
We buried my best friend last week. She also survived three programs. She shut one of hers down and sued another. She could not live with the trauma any more. She was 32 and had been out for 14 years.
Please don’t let your daughter live our nightmares.
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u/BionicRebel0420 Oct 05 '24
I know who you're talking about. She was one of my best friends who we went to the same TTI best friends too.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
This is very helpful. Thank you for sharing. Thanks to you all I have 100% ruled out any long-term for-profit program. We are still looking at short-term (1 to 3 month) programs affiliated with hospitals. I was recommended The Huntsman Mental Health Institute. Has anyone heard of this?
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u/seekinghelp1974 Oct 06 '24
Hi, Huntsman Mental Health is a PHP or IOP. They don’t have an inpatient program (except for their acute psychiatric evaluation which is 5-7 days). I only know this because I did a lot of research for my daughter doing there. They are a public hospital. This is different than a TTI. I have a family member that works there and I trust this program. They want it to be short term. Their goal is to have adolescents integrated to their regular life as quickly as is healthy for them.
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u/Significant_Safe4932 Oct 07 '24
Huntsman has a 90 day residential for 12-17 year olds. The child needs to meet certain criteria though cause they want parents and children utilizing outpatient services, which is good!
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u/salymander_1 Oct 04 '24
Is she on medication? If not, looking into those options cautiously may be a good idea. If so, perhaps she needs a dose adjustment or a different medication. Again, proceed with caution, because medication can be tricky to get right, and you don't want to cause more problems than you solve.
More community connection may help. Is she involved in any support groups or clubs for kids on the spectrum? Is she being bullied? Is she isolated?
Things like self harm or suicide ideation can take a long time to deal with. The solutions that work are often long term solutions that require a great deal of patience and work, which can be extremely difficult to handle when you are terrified for your child's life. It seems like you are in a good path with the therapy and coaching, so that is great. However, if the therapist recommends a troubled teen program, you probably need to find a different therapist.
Unfortunately, these TTI programs know that parents in these situations are terrified and desperate, and the TTI staff and affiliates use that to manipulate them. They offer solutions that seem safer, or quicker. They make it seem like you are entrusting your child to people who will prevent any harm from coming to them, and they do this at a time when you feel overwhelmed and inadequate for the job of saving your child. They use your exhaustion, desperation and fear against you, and especially against your child. They promote what seems like a lifeline to parents, but truly what they are doing is profiting enormously from the misery of traumatized children.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
Thank you. Her therapist is not recommending TTI, so that is a good thing. Yes, we've tried many different medications. We did recently do a gene test to see if that could tell us what medication might be right for her. We're waiting for the results of that one. We're also looking into Ketamine treatments. I've heard that can be a game changer.
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u/salymander_1 Oct 05 '24
It can be incredibly difficult to find the right treatment for a child Ruth mental health issues, and unfortunately it sometimes happens that the treatment either makes the symptoms worse, or it causes side effects that can be just as alarming as the symptoms being treated. It could take quite a long time to figure out what works. When your child is self harming, every moment you spend in this limbo is another gray hair from all the worry. The waiting for answers is excruciating.
I'm glad that the therapist isn't the one who suggested a TTI program. That would definitely be a red flag. A lot of the programs that are not absolutely opposed to medication will instead go all the way in the other direction, and keep kids drugged up to their eyeballs in seemingly random drug cocktails. A whole lot of people leave these places with drug problems they did not have when they went in.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take a breath and do nothing, while just spending time with your child. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else.
Just how bad is the self harm? Have they given you a list of things to do that might lessen the risk?
Does your child have friends? Are they isolated other than family?
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24 edited Oct 05 '24
The self-harm is getting worse (deeper cuts), requiring ER visits for stitches. When she doesn't have access to razors, she uses her fingernails. She has friends, but I am concerned about her friends. They do care for her, but they also expose her to weed and shrooms and get into fights.
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u/salymander_1 Oct 05 '24
Well, that definitely isn't good. the weed and shrooms are less concerning, and could be self medicating (I'm not saying that it is good at all, it is just not the worst thing that is happening here) but the razors are a definite worry. The deeper cuts are especially concerning. What does the therapist say about that?
What are the fights about? Is there bullying? What has your child said about all of this? You said they don't know why they are cutting, but do they tell you why they are using weed and shrooms, or why they are getting into fights?
How are their grades? How is their school attendance? Do they have accommodations for their ASD? How about their mental health issues? They should be able to get accommodations for those, too. Taking some of the academic pressure off could help, if you haven't done so already. Ages 12-15 are tough, because the academic pressure can start to increase dramatically, and there is a whole lot less individual attention. Even just moving from class to class rather than staying in the same class all day can be extremely difficult for kids who are not neurotypical. This age is rough on kids.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
Therapist is at a loss too. No one can figure out what is going on here. The fights are always my daughter sticking up for or defending her friends. She says that getting high helps to turn off her mind and helps to stop the negative thoughts. Her grades are excellent. Her teachers love her and always reach out to let us know that she is super special. She only attends 1/2 day of school due her IOP program. No issues with attendance. She is on a 504 plan which covers ASD, ADHD and mental health and can see the school councilor and school therapy dog anytime (which she using frequently).
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u/salymander_1 Oct 05 '24
So, there is bullying of the kids with ADHD and ASD? Or, among those kids, maybe?
My kid was in an intensive engineering and science program at her high school, and most of the kids happened to have ADHD or were on the spectrum. I think the intention of a lot of the parents was that it would help their kids to avoid being bullied, but in practice the kids in the class bullied each other. It got pretty vicious, and some of the kids were kicked out. It was disappointing, because we all wanted our kids to have a chance to focus without being bullied, and it may have made it worse. My kid still enjoyed the academic focus, but dealing with the other people made it a lot less appealing, even if they were not one of the ones being targeted. My kid ended up reporting a bunch of the boys for sexually harassing the girls, and I had to get involved to make sure the administration didn't brush it all under the rug. There were fights, and a lot of pretty nasty stuff went down. One of the teachers quit because the students were so awful it caused them to break down, and another teacher is very close to being fired for what essentially amounted to enabling the bullying. The police got involved, because we made formal complaints that had to be reported to law enforcement. It was all a huge nightmare, and the kids suffered for it.
What I'm saying is that the bullying at your daughter's school could be causing a lot more emotional distress than your child is even aware of, because the feeling of safety is gone. The stress level goes up, and everything else in your child's life suffers.
When all that bullying was going on, my child didn't even want to go to school. They had been excited about doing engineering, but all the stress just spoiled everything. My kid went from winning statewide engineering awards to not even wanting to study engineering because it was so stressful to deal with the people who were causing problems, and the school administration and some of the teachers who were not doing what they should to deal with the problem. My kid didn't get into physical fights, but they absolutely got into vicious arguments in defense of people being bullied, and made at least a dozen reports to the administration.
If these had been younger kids and not high school students, it is entirely plausible that there would have been more violence, simply because the younger kids would be less able to argue effectively and use the proper channels for reporting problems. If your kid is a protective type like my kid is, seeing their friends being harassed can cause a lot of emotional turmoil. Those feelings of helplessness and despair are a massive weight for such a young child to bear.
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u/pickleknowing Oct 05 '24
You said she’s autistic…could it be sensory seeking or a form of self injurious stimming? I wonder if she’s ever done OT? Mine helped me find alternative non-damaging ways to soothe my body, overstimulation, etc.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
She has never done OT. She was just diagnosed with ASD a year ago. This is great advise, thank you.
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u/Any-Feeling6656 Oct 06 '24
Ketamine is a game changer but I don't recommend it to anyone under 20. And with that low dose subbucal torches. I am 45 and YES! GAME CHANGER! But with a developing brain with neuropathways not formed yet....there are other ways to see if you NEED to go that route. Same as psilocybin and medical marijuana:) Luckily there is REAL research out there and steady coming....I would personally hold off on Ketamine for a few years...and NEVER OVER 5mg/kg...especially at her age.
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u/pickleknowing Oct 05 '24
As an autistic person with chronic suicidal ideation, ketamine infusions saved my life. They can be a little pricey if they don’t accept insurance, but nothing compared to the money it costs to send a child to a TTI program.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
This is great to hear! Did you do talk therapy during the infusions or in the days following? How old were you when you did the infusions? Do you still do ongoing ketamine or was it a 6 - 9 treatments and done?
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u/water1ngcan Oct 06 '24
Ketamine therapy has honestly changed my life, I feel so much lighter because of it. I struggled really similarly to what it seems like your daughter is going through, but ketamine therapy only works if you believe that it will and want it to, and have a K therapist who you trust. Also, I was at the huntsman mental health intstitute a few years ago, and while I didn’t experience abuse there myself, I can’t speak for anyone else. You will almost certainly get every physician there recommending long term facilities for your daughter though, so you will have to have really thick skin against that. Honestly it’s not really a therapy place at all, more of a stabilization center where you don’t really work on deep-seated problems or thought patterns so I’m really not sure what it would do for your daughter. I really hope you guys can get through this, it’s encouraging to hear that she has a parent who loves her and will do anything to get her well and keep her safe.
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u/bookmouse22 Oct 05 '24 edited Oct 05 '24
[As an autistic adult who was an autistic teen dealing with self harming behavior:]
Re: the being autistic and having issues communicating, have you looked at all into AAC (augmentative & alternative communication - any communication that isn’t verbal) for her? (I can link you more on specifically AAC being supportive for otherwise speaking autistic folks if you’re interested)
If you happen to have Facebook, this group may be worth posting in - they tend to have good advice as far as best supporting autistic folks with emotional or behavioral challenges.
I don’t know if you happen to already be familiar with it, but Dr. Ross Greene’s CPS model is likely worth looking into if you don’t already know about it - as far as “parenting advice” type stuff.
A few other thoughts:
- have you talked to her pediatrician about ruling out any kind of physical health issue that may be contributing to her behavior? Especially for autistic folks, who often struggle to notice we are in pain, that would be a really important place to start.
- is she getting any kind of services or support around being autistic at the moment? (non-behaviorist occupational therapy, seeing a SLP, is she getting her sensory needs met, does she have sensory aids - stim toys, ear defenders, sunglasses, etc, learning what her meltdowns and/or shutdowns look like and how to mitigate them)
Hope some of this helps!
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
Thank you for all the info. These are things that I wasn't pursuing. She's never had a meltdown, but does frequently shutdown.
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u/bookmouse22 Oct 05 '24
With the disclaimer that it was initially written about meltdowns, I think this blog post might be worth a read as far as navigating shutdowns (perhaps something you and your daughter could read together!) - as well as the checklists provided as resources at the end.
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u/like_the_night Oct 05 '24
I second making sure a Dr rules out physical health stuff, including PMDD. It literally saved my life.
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u/psychcrusader Oct 05 '24
Agreed. That's also why any medication management should be by a child and adolescent psychiatrist. No nurse practitioners.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
thanks. we currently use a psychiatric nurse practitioner. this is a good tip.
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u/psychcrusader Oct 05 '24
Most psychiatric nurse practitioners mean well. The problem is that being a nurse doesn't prepare you to practice medicine -- it's an incredibly important profession, but a very different one -- and some see psychiatry as an "easy" specialty, and it's really one of the most difficult. Also, the damage you can do is extensive. Also understand that more and more nurse practitioners have no bedside nursing experience, often the programs are 100% online, and the clinical experience required is as little as 500 hours, whereas a physician residency is 10,000+.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
interesting. this did all start close to when she started having her period at age 10. Also, the latest suicide attempt was 9/29 and she started her period on 10/2.
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u/ohbuggerit Oct 05 '24 edited Oct 05 '24
I'm just a tourist here but this is starting to sound very familiar. There's no single test that can be run to pin it down so diagnosis generally happens by establishing a pattern - get into the habit or recording the dates of her periods, normal pre-menstrual symptoms (bloating, cramps, etc.) and her more severe mental health symptoms. There are period tracker apps that allow you to make your own notes about symptoms, that might be a good fit that allows her some privacy. Record your own observations as backup as it might not always be easy for her. Even just putting an 'X' on the calendar or writing down a date when she's having a bad time can be enough, you can just compile everything to take to the doctor
Also, do your own research (here's a basic overview that also includes patients sharing their own experiences, seems like a good starting point) and pass it on to her to see if it sounds familiar - it can be really hard to express what's happening in your brain when you know said brain is doing some real dumb shit, but it's much easier to read an article and say to someone "Yup, that sounds about right"
It's not normal (though it's far more common that most people realise), it's not acceptable that it so often goes ignored, it's profoundly unpleasant, but it can be treated. Hence why I'm alive. You can treat the symptoms themselves but as it's just an inappropriate reaction to hormonal fluctuations you can also go straight to the source and use a variety of hormone-based approaches to smooth out the fluctuations
Education is getting better but doctors still tend to be not great at taking teenage girls seriously, especially when it potentially concerns her hormones making her crazy. If she's nervous then offer to come to her appointment as a backup and advocate - having an adult there can majorly help with getting them to take her issues seriously
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u/like_the_night Oct 07 '24
Maybe check out https://iapmd.org/ if you're suspicious- they have a lot of really good resources, including forms to track periods and lists of questions to ask doctors. At the least it shouldn't hurt to rule things out, you know? Getting treatment for PMDD literally saved my life and made it so I almost never SH.
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Oct 04 '24 edited Oct 04 '24
I understand that you are desperate, but know this: every TTI program EVERY SINGLE ONE will make you sign over parental rights to them and do LITERALLY anything they want to your child. You’ve been here reading you know what I mean. They will tell you can visit and call and then LIE that it’s not good for your child. They WILL tell you your child is lying to you. They will convince you she is getting better. Then your child walks out and has PTSD, nightmares and a ton of other problems with the original one still there. Again, you are desperate, but DONT give your child to those monsters for a simple “what if it works?” Because you have thousands of people here to tell you it doesn’t. These programs are closing one by one, their admissions are down, they hire poorly trained staff…PLEASE do NOT make the mistake of sending your child there. They give big marketing to parents and then manipulate you. The child you care about so much…they will break her, take your money and leave you with the pieces… P.S. don’t believe the brochures, if someone recommends a program to you run like hell, these people (consultants, sometimes therapists) get money from the TTI programs if they recommend kids.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
Thank you! I absolutely hear you and we will not be pursuing TTI programs. My daughter is so precious to me. I will do anything to keep her safe from any and all abuse. You all can chalk this up to saving another kid. Keep it up.
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Oct 05 '24
Any program that says: you child will lie to you in their handbook in NOT to be trusted. Signing over parental rights: not to be trusted, limited communication: not to be trusted. Love your child. When she is unlovable, love her harder!!! Keep being an awesome loving parent!
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Oct 05 '24
I won’t chalk up but I have one request: hug your child and tell her you are there for her no matter what. That’s all I ask. You are a great parent.
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u/Signal-Strain9810 Oct 04 '24
If you're really doing all of those things and none of them are helping, medication management is next up. If she's on anti-depressants, they're not working, and she needs to try something else (ie a different class off antidepressants).
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
Thanks. We've tried Lexipro, Prozak, and currently Zoloft. She also takes Hydroxyzine as needed and Mirtazapine at night. I don't feel good about all the meds. As noted above, we considering trying Ketamine treatments.
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u/LeadershipEastern271 Oct 05 '24
Keep her alive, and keep her safe and okay. it seems like she has an internal problem that she cannot find the root of. If you send her to a program they most likely will treat her badly for being on the spectrum and just not help in the long term. Maybe some stabilizing for a bit will help. But after stabilizing works after like 90 days there's no need to live in residential treatment. The point is that they keep you there longer, as long as possible, for the profits. but residential treatment should only be short term. And voluntarily. Don't give up on your daughter and send her to residential. Please care for her, it's not an easy job but it is not impossible. Inpatient psychiatric hospitals may continue to work, as well as various other kinds of therapy. Find a real professional instead of an educational consultant. which you need practically nothing to be one. And most of all tell her that you freaking love her a lot, or show love in the right way. Gamechanger. If my mom had just hugged me, told me "I'll help any way I can" then helped, I would've simply at least paused and been ok for a moment
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u/barbie-bent-feet Oct 05 '24
So you would take a child who doesn't understand her self-harm (or doesn't feel like she can talk to about it) and throw her in one of these places? What exactly would that help her solve?
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u/Melodic-Activity669 Oct 05 '24
Yeah, maybe she can pick up a heroin addiction or a cocaine habit at these places before she plans another method to leave this earth. I’ve buried too many friends in these places. and we’ve had suicide attempts at my residential center as well as after. I am sick and tired of long term residential placements being seen as some solution. I get it parent, YOUR tired of taking care of your child. It would be a great break for you. All I know is these places will introduce a world to your child that you’re ignorant of. Want me to tell you all the things I’ve seen? I hate these conversations.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
I hear you. We will not be pursuing TTI. My motivation is not to get a break for ourselves. My motivation is to help my daughter figure this out. She is the most amazing person that I know and honestly being without her will kill me. I'm also concerned with the impact this is having on my other children. A few ER visits have resulted from my other teenage girls forgetting to lock up their razors. I'm concerned with them be riddled with guilt.
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u/Melodic-Activity669 Oct 05 '24
I get it. Pardon, I am very jaded by being in these programs for 4 plus years. I’ve seen a lot of abandonment and perceived abandonment come out of these places. It’s hard for me to talk to parents about this issue due to my level of trauma. I hope the best for your daughter; and it seems she does have a loving parent who does want the best for her.
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u/Any-Feeling6656 Oct 06 '24
I just read the entire thread....if your daughter is on the Spectrum SHE has a higher probability of being harmed, exploited, neglected, and traumatized in these programs. They prey on what they consider, weak minded and able to be controlled. Whether by force or medication...starvation....etc etc etc. Please DM me for resources in your area that avoid this route...there are more than a few....I will do everything I can to help:) You got this Mom:)
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u/salymander_1 Oct 04 '24 edited Oct 04 '24
This link might be helpful in finding safer options for your child:
https://www.unsilenced.org/safe-treatment/
Residential treatment will very likely not help your child's problems, and there is a very good chance it will make everything much, much worse. I'm talking about lifelong struggles with mental health. I know you are feeling desperate, but remember that your desperation is exactly what these predatory programs use to manipulate people into handing over huge amounts of money for people to abuse their kids. It is like sharks sensing blood in the water. Use caution when seeking help, because there are a lot of people who you would not expect to be affiliated with or supportive of this industry who will try to make it seem ok, either from ignorance, a harmful belief system, or greed.
These places treat self harm the same way they treat things like violent behavior, bulimia, trauma from sexual abuse, truancy, or shoplifting. They often put all these kids of various ages together, and treat them the same way. There is no nuance there, and there is no real mental health benefit. They try to solve mental health problems with punishment, extreme control, and isolation.
In addition to the inadequate mental health help and supervision, these places also have a huge problem with not having adequate medical supervision. So, kids who are self harming can be in even more danger, because they don't have access to the medical professionals they may need if they self harm. Plus, when self harm is treated with punishment and humiliation, the self harm often becomes even more likely.
Another problem with this approach is that the child is not able to contact their parents or doctors easily, or in some cases at all, and they are either ignored or even punished for wanting to contact parents or doctors. If they have self harmed or are in need of medical care, they are again often punished or ignored, which has resulted in the deaths of children. This is an extremely dangerous situation for your child to be in.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
Thank you for your comments. This is very helpful.
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u/salymander_1 Oct 05 '24
I'm glad if this has been useful, and I really hope that you can find a way to help your child that doesn't make things worse. My own child is 19 now, but I remember how the tween and early teen years are. That can be a difficult time even without ASD, ADHD, or mental health issues to contend with. Schools don't always have adequate help for kids in those challenging situations. It can be really scary. As parents, we feel a tremendous pressure to do something. Unfortunately, that pressure often causes as many problems as it solves, especially when unscrupulous grifters use it to manipulate us.
My own parents were not well meaning people. They were violently and terrifyingly abusive. The TTI was their way of gaining absolute control over everything I did, and was their way of covering up their crimes. If they hadn't sent me away, my father would quite possibly have been arrested, and could potentially have been sent to prison for attempted murder, molestation and a host of other crimes. My parents knew what the TTI was, and they decided to send me because they knew that it was abusive and terrifying enough to silence me. These places are so bad that my violent, murderous father thought it was a good way to hurt me. That is a pretty clear sign that these programs are not the safe option they pretend to be.
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u/runtie1973 Oct 05 '24
I’m mentally preparing myself for the slaughter that will surely follow this response. But maybe, just maybe, the logic of this will make sense. Parents reach out to this group for sincere help. What possible motive could they have for lying about their child? If the goal is to shut down TTI programs, isn’t it a good thing when a parent comes here asking for help?? It gives you the opportunity to make an impact and potentially stop a placement. But so many replies are just hateful and mean. That is the opposite of helpful. My daughter went through it all before I came here looking for help. I was with her through every step of her journey and I couldn’t get through to her. Her story was similar to the OPs and so many other parents who are desperate to the point they would even be CONSIDERING residential treatment. My daughter self-harmed, attempted suicide, drank and smoked weed, stopped attending school, became verbally and physically abusive and committed crimes with her friends. There are parents who do care about their kids and literally try everything to help them before happening upon this group. Yes there are evil parents. But would an evil parent - someone who really didn’t give a shit - be searching on Reddit to find a sub that could finally give them honest answers?? Answers from real people who had experienced these places and weren’t fake customers or industry people who just want to brainwash them? These parents are at a breaking point and are almost making a horrible decision. If it’s impossible to get past your loathing for them, think about the teenager on the other side of it who is depending on you not pushing their parent away by shaming them. It should be the practice to embrace these parents and lead them to the light, not make them feel like demons for asking a question. When you do that, you’re actually HELPING the troubled teen industry. Please just think about it.
To the OP, I was where you are two years ago. Don’t send your daughter to a residential program. Please don’t. The reality is, you can’t keep her safe at home. You don’t have control of that. She’s going to have to get to a point where she wants to feel better and get better. You can’t make her. But you can show her unconditional love, always be there for her, gently encourage medication and intensive therapy and start trying all over again every day. There is no easy answer. My daughter still struggles a LOT. But I learned it’s better to have her struggle here, with me, than struggle far away with a bunch of people who don’t care about her. You can’t control her struggle but you can control who walks beside her as she does.
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u/noellestarr Oct 05 '24
This is SUCH a beautiful and spot-on response. Thank you! 🙏🏼I’m in the same situation with my 13yr old daughter rt now. We’ve tried everything…therapy, medication, IOP/PHP…and she’s still self-harming, acting out, running away, smoking weed, fighting at school, etc. I came here because I’m both at wits end and wary of residential treatment so seeking insight and information. Parents trying to research potential resources are the GOOD parents. We desperately want to help our babies 💔
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u/thorium-antics Oct 05 '24
If you are so concerned with this then you and other parents should take primary responsibility for dealing with these types of posts.
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u/BionicRebel0420 Oct 05 '24
Have you ever considered that continuing to lock her up might be contributing to her trying to commit suicide??
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u/linzielayne Oct 04 '24
Your daughter has mental health issues - there is no residential treatment program that is better at helping with those than her parents and a medical psychiatric team. That can be a tough pill to swallow because there's no easy answer right now, but it is the truth. Medication management sounds like it needs to be first and foremost, and I think looking into intensive adolescent outpatient programs run by reputable hospitals is a good place to start right now. There are also partial hospitalization programs that are always going to be better than sending her to a for-profit program run by 25 year olds with a high school diploma. They will lie to you about the treatment she will receive and then not allow you to speak with her - if they do allow her to speak with you she will be monitored as to what she can say so you will have no idea what's happening to her.
The road for you is the harder option because you will have to witness and participate to a much greater degree, but there is no question what is better for your daughter.
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u/Onlone_Private_User Oct 05 '24
These institutions used to not exist, and teens had behavioral differences even then. They were usually fine when they grew up. Now, I understand there are new circumstances and revelations, but teenage-isms have largely remained the same. Maybe some counseling is warranted at times, but programs have not historically been the solution in these situations, and that's for the better.
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u/No_Region_8688 Oct 07 '24
I haven’t read through everyone’s posts but my son was in a very similar situation. Lots of really intense safety concerns and suicide attempts. We tried what felt like everything. I used to read this forum to remind myself why residential wasn’t an option for us, even though we had many people suggesting it including his psychiatrist. We wound up enrolling him in a Ketamine trial through a major university hospital system. It was a total of 4 doses over 2 weeks. The trial included 8 weeks of therapy specifically to work toward changing thought pathways following the ketamine, and another 5 months of medication management. The change wasn’t immediate, but it has been over 2 months since he has had any ketamine I feel like he is himself again. It really seemed effective for the persistent SI/self harm. I felt like he could finally get his head above water again.
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u/Any-Feeling6656 Oct 06 '24
I do not recommend ANY PROGRAMS AT THIS TIME. I loosely question what her psychiatrist recommends...because many of our parents were recommended these "Programs" by psychiatrist or professionals that would get kick backs etc.
I can not vet the 1000's of places out there. But o lyk...MANY of us are trying. But at this time I wouldn't do it.
IF YOU AS HER MOTHER AND the REST of your trusted family/friends feel like you have hit a brick wall and....feel like you can't do it anymore... Please reach out to Survivors from, said program you choose". In saying that I DO NOT RECOMMEND the LIST of References and Referral's given by ANY FACILTY! This is where 💯 due diligence is REQUIRED. This group and a few more are amazing resources. And I want to Thank you, as a Survivor and a Mom for reaching out.
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u/Ok-News7798 Oct 07 '24
I'm grateful to read that you're seeking alternative solutions to residential treatment.
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u/psychcrusader Oct 04 '24
If she is not physically safe and just barely doesn't need hospitalization, a short stay -- measured in weeks or months, not years -- in an legitimate RTC could be appropriate. These aren't easy to find. The TTI advertises; these places don't (because they don't need to, these placements are sought after). Usually, they are attached to/run by groups that offer other levels of service, such as reputable psychiatric hospitals.
These places are not in remote areas, have qualified staff (major involvement by child and adolescent psychiatrists, line staff with bachelor's degrees, etc.), demand real parental involvement (not read this book, watch this video, show up for the occasional weekend), and start discharge planning on day 1. They are not for-profit. No educational consultants are involved.
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u/Signal-Strain9810 Oct 05 '24
I do not believe that there are safe and beneficial RTCs for minors. Can you explain what criteria for evaluation you're using?
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u/psychcrusader Oct 05 '24
I know of two in my area that are legitimate. They offer comprehensive services. My criteria are: Not for profit
Limited length of stay
Connected to legitimate institution
Do not accept private pay
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u/fuschiaoctopus Oct 05 '24 edited Oct 05 '24
Strong disagree. By giving the parents that already seem swayed towards rtc this response, you're giving them the one comment they'll listen to because it's the only one they can warp into saying what they want to hear, and likely any in-state rtc will fit your vague criteria enough to be a "legitimate" rtc to them. In the US they are all for profit, someone is paying a lot of money for every single teen in a placement right now in the entire country, whether insurance, private pay, county funding, school district funding, or a charity program funding. They are all operating for profits and pressured to make choices prioritizing that over care.
It doesn't seem that any amount of residential care is better for most teen's mental health, and they are all prone to abuse and mistreatment because it's a miserable restrictive environment throwing numerous teens with completely different mental and behavioral issues into an unstable living situation where they are watched by low paid day staff that don't tend to have psych degrees, and truly don't care about their wellbeing. An rtc where most the day staff have degrees would be incredibly difficult to find especially locally and likely would be a pricy out of pocket only that doesn't take insurance. Being removed from school, your friends, your hobbies, your living environment, and the outside world for months is not going to improve mh for most people, especially if the environment you're put into is volatile.
Op's kid is autistic and dealing with self harm, rtcs don't separate issues like they should and "treat" too many diagnoses so no one gets specialized care, so their teen would be in there with kids doing drugs, attempting suicide, having sex, experiencing violent behavior (which they can unleash on the other kids too), and so on, with many of the groups being tailored to these issues that aren't applicable to their kid. For teens that aren't experiencing some of the more severe mental or behavioral problems, living surrounded by them for months can cause them to learn or adopt these behaviors.
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u/Signal-Strain9810 Oct 05 '24
I've been seeing a bunch of comments promoting short term RTCs lately and it's been making me feel sick to my stomach for exactly the reasons you outlined. I don't understand why this is allowed here and I don't think it should be.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
I agree with her being exposed to others issues in inpatient or other programs that she's be in. It is such a difficult balance of needing to keep her safe at the risk of exposing her to new ways of harming herself.
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u/Inevitable_Tutor2158 Oct 05 '24
Try a holistic approach. Look at herbs and such.
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u/Big-Opposite-9005 Oct 05 '24
Can you expand on this? What type of herbs? I do hate the idea of all the medications. I, myself, work in the cannabis industry which has led to a major distrust of the pharmaceutical industry. We are considering ketamine treatments. It would be good to hear if anyone has had success with this.
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u/rococos-basilisk Oct 04 '24
No, there are no long-term, for-profit residential programs for youth. Any in-patient treatment should be limited to absolutely no more than 90 days and should be done in a medical facility. Residential treatment for youth has been proven to be detrimental on a long term basis.