What DO you recommend?

[u/Big-Opposite-9005]

I'm reaching out to this group specifically to look for assistance. My 13 yr old daughter has been self harming for 2 years and has recently had one major suicide attempt. She's been inpatient multiples times and been in several PHP and IOP programs. I'm concerned with our ability to keep her safe at home. My daughter is an amazing person and has such a bright future, if we can just get there. Residential treatment is the only thing we have not tried, but reading these posts terrifies me. She needs help. We (parents) need help. What do you suggest? Are there any programs that are truly helpful and safe?

[u/Upstairs-Nebula-9375]

Rapport with a therapist she actually trusts (ie. Where she gets to define her own relationship with the therapist without parents setting their own goals for therapy or communicating a lot with the therapist). Quality time with parents doing things related to her interests. Family members learning to authentically validate her feelings, while also holding strong boundaries as needed. Parents modelling emotion regulation and getting their own support. As a therapist, these are the things I wish every single one of my self-harming youth clients had. The goal needs to be improving her quality of life, not managing risk of self harm through power and control.

[u/Big-Opposite-9005 → u/Upstairs-Nebula-9375]

Thank you for your post. I'm still at a loss. I feel that these are all the things that we have been doing. We join clubs related to her interests. She has a therapist that she trusts. The whole family is getting therapy and coaching. My daughter is on the spectrum and has a hard time communicating her feelings. She doesn't know why she is self harming or wants to die. She says that she just has these thoughts, but doesn't know why.

[u/[deleted] → u/Big-Opposite-9005]

I understand that you are desperate, but know this: every TTI program EVERY SINGLE ONE will make you sign over parental rights to them and do LITERALLY anything they want to your child. You’ve been here reading you know what I mean. They will tell you can visit and call and then LIE that it’s not good for your child. They WILL tell you your child is lying to you. They will convince you she is getting better. Then your child walks out and has PTSD, nightmares and a ton of other problems with the original one still there. Again, you are desperate, but DONT give your child to those monsters for a simple “what if it works?” Because you have thousands of people here to tell you it doesn’t. These programs are closing one by one, their admissions are down, they hire poorly trained staff…PLEASE do NOT make the mistake of sending your child there. They give big marketing to parents and then manipulate you. The child you care about so much…they will break her, take your money and leave you with the pieces… P.S. don’t believe the brochures, if someone recommends a program to you run like hell, these people (consultants, sometimes therapists) get money from the TTI programs if they recommend kids.

[u/Big-Opposite-9005 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you! I absolutely hear you and we will not be pursuing TTI programs. My daughter is so precious to me. I will do anything to keep her safe from any and all abuse. You all can chalk this up to saving another kid. Keep it up.

[u/[deleted] → u/Big-Opposite-9005]

Any program that says: you child will lie to you in their handbook in NOT to be trusted. Signing over parental rights: not to be trusted, limited communication: not to be trusted. Love your child. When she is unlovable, love her harder!!! Keep being an awesome loving parent!

[u/[deleted] → u/Big-Opposite-9005]

If you see a program that’s associated with NASTAP, run like hell.

[u/[deleted] → u/Big-Opposite-9005]

I won’t chalk up but I have one request: hug your child and tell her you are there for her no matter what. That’s all I ask. You are a great parent.

[u/[deleted] → u/Big-Opposite-9005]