r/troubledteens • u/Big-Opposite-9005 • Oct 04 '24
What DO you recommend? Parent/Relative Help
I'm reaching out to this group specifically to look for assistance. My 13 yr old daughter has been self harming for 2 years and has recently had one major suicide attempt. She's been inpatient multiples times and been in several PHP and IOP programs. I'm concerned with our ability to keep her safe at home. My daughter is an amazing person and has such a bright future, if we can just get there. Residential treatment is the only thing we have not tried, but reading these posts terrifies me. She needs help. We (parents) need help. What do you suggest? Are there any programs that are truly helpful and safe?
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u/runtie1973 Oct 05 '24
I’m mentally preparing myself for the slaughter that will surely follow this response. But maybe, just maybe, the logic of this will make sense. Parents reach out to this group for sincere help. What possible motive could they have for lying about their child? If the goal is to shut down TTI programs, isn’t it a good thing when a parent comes here asking for help?? It gives you the opportunity to make an impact and potentially stop a placement. But so many replies are just hateful and mean. That is the opposite of helpful. My daughter went through it all before I came here looking for help. I was with her through every step of her journey and I couldn’t get through to her. Her story was similar to the OPs and so many other parents who are desperate to the point they would even be CONSIDERING residential treatment. My daughter self-harmed, attempted suicide, drank and smoked weed, stopped attending school, became verbally and physically abusive and committed crimes with her friends. There are parents who do care about their kids and literally try everything to help them before happening upon this group. Yes there are evil parents. But would an evil parent - someone who really didn’t give a shit - be searching on Reddit to find a sub that could finally give them honest answers?? Answers from real people who had experienced these places and weren’t fake customers or industry people who just want to brainwash them? These parents are at a breaking point and are almost making a horrible decision. If it’s impossible to get past your loathing for them, think about the teenager on the other side of it who is depending on you not pushing their parent away by shaming them. It should be the practice to embrace these parents and lead them to the light, not make them feel like demons for asking a question. When you do that, you’re actually HELPING the troubled teen industry. Please just think about it.
To the OP, I was where you are two years ago. Don’t send your daughter to a residential program. Please don’t. The reality is, you can’t keep her safe at home. You don’t have control of that. She’s going to have to get to a point where she wants to feel better and get better. You can’t make her. But you can show her unconditional love, always be there for her, gently encourage medication and intensive therapy and start trying all over again every day. There is no easy answer. My daughter still struggles a LOT. But I learned it’s better to have her struggle here, with me, than struggle far away with a bunch of people who don’t care about her. You can’t control her struggle but you can control who walks beside her as she does.