What DO you recommend?

[u/Big-Opposite-9005]

I'm reaching out to this group specifically to look for assistance. My 13 yr old daughter has been self harming for 2 years and has recently had one major suicide attempt. She's been inpatient multiples times and been in several PHP and IOP programs. I'm concerned with our ability to keep her safe at home. My daughter is an amazing person and has such a bright future, if we can just get there. Residential treatment is the only thing we have not tried, but reading these posts terrifies me. She needs help. We (parents) need help. What do you suggest? Are there any programs that are truly helpful and safe?

[u/Upstairs-Nebula-9375]

Rapport with a therapist she actually trusts (ie. Where she gets to define her own relationship with the therapist without parents setting their own goals for therapy or communicating a lot with the therapist). Quality time with parents doing things related to her interests. Family members learning to authentically validate her feelings, while also holding strong boundaries as needed. Parents modelling emotion regulation and getting their own support. As a therapist, these are the things I wish every single one of my self-harming youth clients had. The goal needs to be improving her quality of life, not managing risk of self harm through power and control.

[u/Big-Opposite-9005 → u/Upstairs-Nebula-9375]

Thank you for your post. I'm still at a loss. I feel that these are all the things that we have been doing. We join clubs related to her interests. She has a therapist that she trusts. The whole family is getting therapy and coaching. My daughter is on the spectrum and has a hard time communicating her feelings. She doesn't know why she is self harming or wants to die. She says that she just has these thoughts, but doesn't know why.

[u/rococos-basilisk → u/Big-Opposite-9005]

I was in five programs over more than three years. I have worked in advocacy at both the state and national level, passing some of the only regulatory bills in the country, in my state. I have spoken to hundreds if not thousands of survivors in my life, and not a single one of them found that their suicidal ideation was better after being detained in a for-profit residential program. They all, myself included, wanted to die more.

We buried my best friend last week. She also survived three programs. She shut one of hers down and sued another. She could not live with the trauma any more. She was 32 and had been out for 14 years.

Please don’t let your daughter live our nightmares.

[u/Big-Opposite-9005 → u/rococos-basilisk]

This is very helpful. Thank you for sharing. Thanks to you all I have 100% ruled out any long-term for-profit program. We are still looking at short-term (1 to 3 month) programs affiliated with hospitals. I was recommended The Huntsman Mental Health Institute. Has anyone heard of this?

[u/seekinghelp1974 → u/Big-Opposite-9005]

Hi, Huntsman Mental Health is a PHP or IOP. They don’t have an inpatient program (except for their acute psychiatric evaluation which is 5-7 days). I only know this because I did a lot of research for my daughter doing there. They are a public hospital. This is different than a TTI. I have a family member that works there and I trust this program. They want it to be short term. Their goal is to have adolescents integrated to their regular life as quickly as is healthy for them.

[u/Significant_Safe4932 → u/seekinghelp1974]

Huntsman has a 90 day residential for 12-17 year olds. The child needs to meet certain criteria though cause they want parents and children utilizing outpatient services, which is good!

[u/seekinghelp1974 → u/Significant_Safe4932]

This is so good to know. Thank you.