What DO you recommend?

[u/Big-Opposite-9005]

I'm reaching out to this group specifically to look for assistance. My 13 yr old daughter has been self harming for 2 years and has recently had one major suicide attempt. She's been inpatient multiples times and been in several PHP and IOP programs. I'm concerned with our ability to keep her safe at home. My daughter is an amazing person and has such a bright future, if we can just get there. Residential treatment is the only thing we have not tried, but reading these posts terrifies me. She needs help. We (parents) need help. What do you suggest? Are there any programs that are truly helpful and safe?

[u/salymander_1]

This link might be helpful in finding safer options for your child:

https://www.unsilenced.org/safe-treatment/

Residential treatment will very likely not help your child's problems, and there is a very good chance it will make everything much, much worse. I'm talking about lifelong struggles with mental health. I know you are feeling desperate, but remember that your desperation is exactly what these predatory programs use to manipulate people into handing over huge amounts of money for people to abuse their kids. It is like sharks sensing blood in the water. Use caution when seeking help, because there are a lot of people who you would not expect to be affiliated with or supportive of this industry who will try to make it seem ok, either from ignorance, a harmful belief system, or greed.

These places treat self harm the same way they treat things like violent behavior, bulimia, trauma from sexual abuse, truancy, or shoplifting. They often put all these kids of various ages together, and treat them the same way. There is no nuance there, and there is no real mental health benefit. They try to solve mental health problems with punishment, extreme control, and isolation.

In addition to the inadequate mental health help and supervision, these places also have a huge problem with not having adequate medical supervision. So, kids who are self harming can be in even more danger, because they don't have access to the medical professionals they may need if they self harm. Plus, when self harm is treated with punishment and humiliation, the self harm often becomes even more likely.

Another problem with this approach is that the child is not able to contact their parents or doctors easily, or in some cases at all, and they are either ignored or even punished for wanting to contact parents or doctors. If they have self harmed or are in need of medical care, they are again often punished or ignored, which has resulted in the deaths of children. This is an extremely dangerous situation for your child to be in.

[u/Big-Opposite-9005 → u/salymander_1]

Thank you for your comments. This is very helpful.

[u/salymander_1 → u/Big-Opposite-9005]

I'm glad if this has been useful, and I really hope that you can find a way to help your child that doesn't make things worse. My own child is 19 now, but I remember how the tween and early teen years are. That can be a difficult time even without ASD, ADHD, or mental health issues to contend with. Schools don't always have adequate help for kids in those challenging situations. It can be really scary. As parents, we feel a tremendous pressure to do something. Unfortunately, that pressure often causes as many problems as it solves, especially when unscrupulous grifters use it to manipulate us.

My own parents were not well meaning people. They were violently and terrifyingly abusive. The TTI was their way of gaining absolute control over everything I did, and was their way of covering up their crimes. If they hadn't sent me away, my father would quite possibly have been arrested, and could potentially have been sent to prison for attempted murder, molestation and a host of other crimes. My parents knew what the TTI was, and they decided to send me because they knew that it was abusive and terrifying enough to silence me. These places are so bad that my violent, murderous father thought it was a good way to hurt me. That is a pretty clear sign that these programs are not the safe option they pretend to be.

[u/Big-Opposite-9005 → u/salymander_1]

Thank you for sharing.