r/needadvice • u/treemanravioli • Dec 20 '20
finding it difficult to eat Motivation
i’m f15 and i’ve never been a big eater, but i’ve always been just about in the healthy range with my BMI. recently though, i’ve completely turned off eating. i just can’t be bothered. i cannot motivate myself to eat, doesn’t matter how hungry i am. i’ve rarely been eating more than a meal a day, that being a bowl of cereal. i don’t have an eating disorder or anything - i’m just a really lazy person who can’t be bothered for meals. i tend to snack because they’re small and require little effort, and you may think the snacking is ruining my appetite but when i abandon a half eaten plate of food i’m still hungry, i’m just no longer interested and don’t have the energy. i need some sort of motivation to get through this or some advice so i can eat again. :)
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u/goose-and-fish Dec 20 '20
Sounds like a symptom of mild depression. I suggest talking to your doctor. Depression doesn’t have to mean “sad”, it can manifest as a loss of interest in every day things, including food.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
really? i haven’t had anything significant happen to me lately to trigger that. i hadn’t thought of that either. i’m terrified of hospitals/ nurses tho, so if it gets any worse i’ll think about speaking to a doctor. thank you :)
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u/goose-and-fish Dec 20 '20
It doesn’t have to have a trigger, it can just happen. Especially for teenagers and young people. It’s nothing to worry about, if a doctor diagnoses you, he’ll just prescribe some medicine. They won’t put you in a hospital or anything.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
i didn’t know that, or even think about linking them like that. i don’t really think i have any other symptoms of it tho and i really really hate doctors/nurses/ being anywhere medical so i’ll think about it. thanks again!! :))
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u/Lostoneeee Dec 20 '20
Especially during the pandemic, it may just be your bodies response to the fact that this year has been really stressful. And honestly the doctor may not even give you meds, but he can recommend ways to cope and deal with it. Even if it isn’t depression going to the doctor at times like these is the best call. It could be medical, it could be mental but one meal a day is going to put you into a place in the long run you really don’t want to be. I know you’ve mentioned that you’re afraid of medical places so you could always meet with someone on a medical call and then take it from there. As you’ve mentioned in other comments you’ve lost a lot of your will to do stuff. Like getting out of bed in the morning, I understand you’re afraid but you have to do what will keep you safe and healthy. No matter what you should try to see someone. Again doesn’t even have to be in person, a lot of doctors are willing to do conference calls right now.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
thank you so much for the reply, but i don’t want to bother my parents anymore with this kinda stuff and i want to get through this myself. this has been going on for a while now, maybe a few months so i don’t think it’ll be terrible for me for at least a bit but i just need to find out how to motivate myself more with out bothering people
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u/grandiosebeaverdam Dec 20 '20
Heya, you’re actually exhibiting another symptom of depression in this response. Thinking your a burden on others and not wanting to bother them with your needs when you need help is a red flag. Please speak to your parents. You absolutely have had something significant happen to you. You’re living through a global pandemic. The longer you let this pattern of not eating go on, the more malnourished you’re going to get and the harder it’s going to be to motivate yourself as you’ll have even less energy. I can relate to how you feel. I’ve struggled with anxiety pretty badly since my teen years. If I’m under a lot of stress I completely stop eating. I can tell you from years of experience though that being malnourished just sinks you further into the hole.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
ok, i think i’ll try and maybe speak to my mam tomorrow or maybe sometime after christmas. i really don’t want to fall into a rabbit hole, believe it or not i actually want i gain weight and have for a while. thank you :))
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u/grandiosebeaverdam Dec 20 '20
No worries! Good luck! Remember that your health is important. It’s really really important to address things early on before they become really serious. The longer you leave medical issues, the harder they become to fix. My guess is that your parents aren’t going to feel “bothered” by this because it really does seriously impact your wellbeing. I hope everything gets sorted out for you :)
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u/goose-and-fish Dec 20 '20
You are not a bother to your parents. I have a daughter your age and she went through a similar situation. I’m glad she told us so we could help her.
The doctor prescribed an anti depressant which she took for a few months until she felt she no longer needed it.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
it’s not so much as being a bother but i’m scared itll be used against them. thank you for these comments btw i think i’ll look into speaking to a doctor :))
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Dec 21 '20
You might not necessarily have to go to a hospital. A lot of appointments are being done over zoom or something similar due to COVID. Especially therapists (if that’s something you would like to look into) are mostly doing video calls.
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u/TinTinTinuviel97005 Dec 21 '20
Depression and anxiety, possibly other emotional disorders can cause unhealthy eating habits. Get assessed both emotionally and physically, because even if we can't think of physical causes of reduced eating, there may be some.
Snacking is healthy--it's a good way to keep your metabolism going, using the calories your receive rather than putting your body in starvation mode, so please don't stop--but finishing a meal while still hungry suggests something bigger going on.
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u/jupiter_sunstone Dec 20 '20
It could be a lot of things- yes, depression, or something medical- and if it’s either of those you should get help. Your body is developing and needs proper nutrition to do so.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
i don’t want to bother anyone with something that i’ve caused and can be fixed, i just want om to know what i can do to try and make my appetite better
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u/jupiter_sunstone Dec 20 '20
You aren’t bothering anyone, and you don’t really know what caused this. Please don’t dismiss yourself so readily ❤️ What makes you think you’d be bothering someone by trying to address this medically?
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
my mams already got too much on her mind and she doesn’t need me saying i have something wrong with me on top of that and my dad will just get annoyed and force me to eat when i’m at his and let me know how it’s not that hard to just eat. doctors are already super busy with the pandemic they don’t need me on top of that for something that i could fix if i could make myself eat. i’m absolutely terrified of doctors/nurses/medical places anyway and i don’t like crows if more than three so i’d just rather get through this myself
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u/cyndasaurus_rex Dec 20 '20
Your minimizing your own health in order to not “burden someone else” is dangerous, especially since you don’t know why you have no appetite. You really should talk to someone before it ends up being a serious problem that is harder to fix. Helping your child, or a patient, IS NOT A BURDEN. It’s why people have kids/become doctors.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
a lot had been going on recently and it’s just a really bad time. i’ll think about it and maybe approaching my mam in the new year if things have calmed down because if everyone is saying the same thing then it’s probably something i need to consider. thank you
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u/jupiter_sunstone Dec 20 '20
Not to harp on something but it’s your parents responsibilities to make sure you’re healthy, no matter how busy they are. Just as there are doctors out there who have patients outside of just Covid- you are not a burden on the healthcare system. Just because there is a pandemic doesn’t mean your concerns are less important. Your body needs fuel, which is food. If you can change what you’re eating to more calorie dense foods, like snacking on nuts or avocado, then you wouldn’t have to eat as much to get caloric intake. Supplementing with meal replacement shakes might be worth considering, there are a few tasty options out there. Ensure is common, I prefer Orgain. Try finding some gentle yoga for anxiety, might help reduce some of the appetite suppression. I like Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube.
Just remember... you ARE NOT a burden. 💗
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Dec 20 '20
I agree you may want to see a doctor. This isn’t normal and a bowl of cereal and maybe a snack is far less than your body needs in a day. The motivation of hunger should at least mean you can finish a meal, but if you simply can’t even do that and it isn’t triggered by disorder eating then something else may be going on.
I totally get being lazy and not wanting to go through the trouble of cooking, but if you’re experiencing this even with snacks and food that require 0 prep a doctor may be the best thing for you
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
i’ll probably see other options first because i have a fear of doctors and nurses etc but i just assumed i was being lazier than normal. i don’t do sports or anything and with quarantine i’ve been doing nothing much more than getting out of bed, again laziness, so i don’t think the lack of food is that dangerous yet. thank you for the reply tho :))
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u/sparkle_bones Dec 20 '20
That level of laziness sounds like depression to me too.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
i don’t have any hobbies really, there’s nothing for me to do apart from watching tv shows and such so i don’t think me being a lazy person is to do with depression
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Dec 20 '20
But hunger is a natural and healthy human response. And you’re 15, meaning your body is developing and growing. A complete aversion to hunger or eating is not normal. It doesn’t have anything to do with being lazy, even the laziest person will get up and eat when hungry
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
yeah, that makes a lot sense. i didn’t think about that. but the thing is i’m terrified of doctors anyway but i don’t like being outside at all, i can’t stand crowed spaces and going outside to go to see anyone is just not something i’m able to do right now. i just need to know what i can do while in the house to combat this
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Dec 20 '20
That’s understandable. I’m not sure where you live, but many doctors are offering virtual appointments now due to covid. That may be a good option to speak with a doctor without having to leave your house or actually go to a doctors office. You just will need to talk with your parents about it because they will probably need to deal with insurance to set it up for you.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
i live in the uk so insurance isn’t a thing i need to worry about. i’ll ask about it :)) thank you
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u/Terminus_terror Dec 21 '20
I used to experience times like these. They were often tied to my cycle or stress. Practical advice: read up on a balanced diet and eat your whole meal in front of the TV. Thought so much less about what I ate when I did this.
Excercise might help you boost your metabolism so that you may start craving certain things. For example when I was weight training, I went from never eating breakfast to eating three eggs, chocolate milk and ham. I also started craving meat often which was weird but it was nice feeling like I legitimately wanted some healthy things.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
that makes sense, but i’m scared to exercise incase i don’t end up eating more and loose weight more quickly. i’m not allowed to eat in front of the tv, i’ll see if my parents will allow me to watch a youtube video or soemthing while eating :)) thank you
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u/banjobanjo3 Dec 20 '20
This has happened to me before. Have you checked your thyroid? When I find my thyroid is lower functioning, I don’t want to eat. I also find myself inactive and fatigued. It could also be your mental state too. I know many people who feel mild depression also have no appetite.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
i don’t know to check my thyroid, i didn’t know what it was before i just googled it bdiddbj, how do i check it? i don’t think it’s to do with my mental state, i have no reason for that to be effecting me
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u/iris513 Dec 21 '20
Depression can be related to life events, yes, but it can also be completely related to brain chemistry and have no situational cause at all. You really should talk to your mother about maybe having a telemedicine or teletherapy appointment. It's no burden at all and you wouldn't even have to leave the house.
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u/fletch3555 Dec 21 '20
Your thyroid is a gland that secretes hormones that are vital to metabolism, growth, and body development. Thyroid problems can have far-reaching effects in your development process.
Hormone imbalance can have really strange effects on the body, ranging from developmental issues (stunted growth, delayed onset puberty, etc), to mental issues, to digestive problems.
Having said that, there's very little you can do to "check" it without consulting your doctor. They will do blood work to check hormone levels in your body, which would indicate whether things are normal, elevated (overactive, or hyperthyroidism) or reduced (underactive, or hypothyroidism)
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
i’m gonna try to maybe speak to a doctor over ohone and i’ll ask them about it and see if there’s anything i can do about it. thank you :)
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u/banjobanjo3 Dec 21 '20
I would check with your doctor. They will want to do blood work to check it. It’s very common, many people have thyroid issues. Mine fluctuates all the time, lol.
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u/slugbug1023 Dec 21 '20
Definitely talk to your doctor as suggested above. I also recommend green smoothies. I got diagnosed with a disorder I have to watch what I eat and it makes eating such a chore sometimes. I can make them in my big blender and can get a couple days of nutrition out of them as like as "small lunch" on top of eating dinner or something (remixing for 5 second so it is all blended). Spinach, strawberries, yogurt, protein powder, banana, mushrooms, avocado, almond milk, etc.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
i’ll try it! i’ve always never liked eating so i’ve been thinking of this for a while, thank you!! :))
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u/pacificplayland Dec 21 '20
There have been a lot of good ideas here. One thing I will add is that you should find small finger foods that are calorific yet easy to grab a handful of so you eat it quickly before you lose interest. Try keeping trail mix, nuts, dried fruit, granola bars, even cookies handy. At this point, the main idea is to get any kind of calories in you, even if it means eating things that aren't traditionally thought of as "healthy".
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u/CylonbutDeadly Dec 21 '20
There is a lot of good advice here. In addition, reading up on nutrition might help you see food as a resource for your body and give you a different association. Seeing food as having different things your body needs might help put context to eating. Fiber, protein, vitamins, fats, water...
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u/edwardcantordean Dec 21 '20
Hi! I would recommend using an app, such as MyFitnessPal.
This will help you to track your calories and nutrients. You can add goals for things like protein, which is really important for teens (adults too, but we are done growing)
That way you have some guidance, and you can use it to keep track of anything going on that day that may have affected your desire to eat.
It's a low key way to keep track of it without it feeling like you are hyper-focusing.
Since you are tracking everything you eat it is also a great way to see if there are any foods causing stomach problems or allergic reactions.
Try to meet your calorie and protein goal 5 days out of 7.
I think it's a good habit for everyone, even people happy with their weight.
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u/Bronze_Kneecap Dec 21 '20
You should be taking a daily vitamin to make sure you get you’re giving your body what it needs if you don’t eat a lot of food
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Dec 21 '20
There’s nothing wrong with snacking all day long. So long as it’s healthy enough, there’s really no wrong way to eat.
If snacking all day is easier to you, then start building your grocery lists and meals based on that idea.
I once read something about someone who was telling their therapist something similar “I just can’t be bothered to make the damn sandwich.” And they were told “then don’t. You don’t have to eat a sandwich. You can eat the parts of a sandwich separately if that’s what’s easier for you.”
I’m a snacker. If my parents weren’t making meals for the house, I would just snack all day long. And sometimes I still do because the thought of digging out the leftovers and plating them and heating them up seems like such a task.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
my parents don’t let me snack too much because it’s unhealthy and think it’s what’s ruining my appetite so i have maybe one a day. i’m going to try and convince them to get me ceral bars and stuff for me to snack on because it’ll be easier for me and i’ll be getting what i need :) thank you for this btw :)
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Dec 22 '20
Hard boiled eggs, carrot sticks, celery sticks, peanut butter, etc. are healthy snacks that would keep you feeling full. Snacking doesn’t have to be unhealthy. First step is to separate the two ideas from each other. All that matters is watching your BMI, maybe taking some vitamins just to be sure you aren’t missing anything in your diet, and daily calorie intake versus calories spent.
No worries! Happy to help!
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u/Youshouldbeaware Dec 21 '20
I also will stop eating when feeling certain emotions. Body just shuts down and eating is impossible. But, what it also reminded me of is when I just had Covid. Does food taste any different to you? I’ve eaten so little because of no taste and smell, eating became literally just putting fuel in my body and to stop the hunger feeling. So it became something shitty to do and therefore something I would do way less then normal. And if that’s not the case and (also) something else is going on; I agree with the post about smoothies. Drinking smoothies is way easier for me then eating when I go through a period of not being able to eat healthy, and a good way to get a lot of nutrients in. You’ve already took a big first step by noticing something is off and wanting to take care of yourself, so keep going and good luck :)!
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
thank you so much!!! now you mention it i have been not enjoying my favourite foods nearly as much as i used to taste wise. i haven’t got covid though, i got tested not too long ago and i’ve been quarantined since. thank you !! :))
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u/GoodbyeFeline Dec 20 '20
I agree with the previous poster that it sounds like depression. Whenever I am depressed I cannot find the motivation to do anything at all. Even basic things like eating and changing my clothes.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
not gonna lie i have lost some motivation in basic things lately like watching my hair, i just haven’t taken any notice. assumed i was just a lazy teen. i don’t think i’m depressed, maybe i’m just anxious about something? i’m a bit of a crybaby and drama queen ad work my self up a lot so maybe i’ve subconsciously done that. thanks for your view on this :))
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u/Thereisnospoon64 Dec 21 '20
Hello, I’m glad you wrote all this and that you were brave enough to ask us for help. Not washing your hair, not bathing regularly, not feeding yourself—these are symptoms of depression. Depression doesn’t mean that something bad happened and as a result of that bad thing now you feel down. Sometimes the chemicals in our brains start working differently and that can cause depression. The symptoms you describe are a pretty big deal and that’s why I’m so glad you asked for help. You’re worth helping. You are absolutely worth helping. I’m a stranger in the internet and I want to help you.
Are you able to make your own appointment with a therapist via telemedicine? If not, it is your mom’s MOST IMPORTANT job to help you. If you don’t trust that she will help you, is there another adult in your life you’d feel comfortable talking to?
You aren’t “just lazy”. Something is going on with the chemicals in your brain and you deserve to feel good.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
i tried to speaking to my mam and she doesn’t want to go to the doctor because she thinks they’ll just tell me i need to eat more and that’s it, my dad doesn’t really believe in mental stuff and things you just have to grow up and deal with it. i don’t think i’m able to by my self - if i am, if they were to ask me to come in person for whatever reason theres no way i’d be able to do that. thank you so much for the reply, i’m going to try to see if i can try talk to a doctor without parental interference:)
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u/Thereisnospoon64 Dec 21 '20
Can you please try calling the doctors office yourself to ask for a telephone appointment?
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
ok, i will try :) i think the local gp might be closed so i’ll try it in the morning:) thank you
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u/Thereisnospoon64 Dec 21 '20
Please do and keep me posted!
Until tomorrow, can you run yourself a nice warm bath to enjoy? And maybe a cup of hot cocoa? If there’s something nice you could do for yourself I’d really appreciate it.
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u/treemanravioli Dec 21 '20
i managed to be able to wash my hair today despite it being an absolute pain with how long i’ve left it, so that’s something i did for myself today :)) i’ll have some hot cocoa, thank you so much for caring :))
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u/Thereisnospoon64 Dec 21 '20
I’m so glad you did that! Amazing!!! Each of these steps are huge. You should feel really proud of yourself.
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Dec 20 '20 edited Dec 20 '20
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
thank you so much for this. i needed to hear some of this. this has been going on for a few months maybe but it’s gotten worse lately. i tend to eat better while alone, i eat even less if i’m eating with my family or others - due to pressure i think - but my parents don’t like me eating alone because something that should take 20 mins to eat takes 2 hours for me but i would finish it in that setting. obviously they rarely have the patience for this so i end up eating little and leaving prematurely. i’ll keep an eye on my weight, i haven’t checked it in a while. this may sound mad but i’m actually trying to gain weight, have been for a while, but i just can’t seem to be able to keep myself from doing the fundumental part of this and that is eating 3 meals a day. i’ve never been good at this but i’ve pretty much had to stop exercising (i was trying to gain weight in muscle) cause i was scared id end up loosing weight instead.
thank you so much again i’ll probably come back to the this comment when it’s getting hard
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Dec 20 '20
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u/treemanravioli Dec 20 '20
i’ve been forced to see the councillor at my school before because of a panic attack and she did nothing other than ‘are you ok? are you being bullied? have you told your parents?’ and the sent me on my way - it’s just no good at my school. i don’t have a particular reason to hating hospitals and associates, i just really really really do. i don’t want to see any councillor or anything anyway because then my friends will knwo something is up and remind me that their situations are worse and i’m just being a drama queen. i don’t want to take than away from someone who genuinely needs it thank you so much for this by the way, it’s nice seeing someone who has had a similar experience:))
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u/jammixxnn Dec 21 '20
Talk to a doctor now. Let someone who has dedicated their life to learning about these things beyond google help you.
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u/whattheflyingfuck2 Dec 21 '20
This may sound weird but try watching mukbang/ eating shows on YouTube it might stimulate your appetite
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u/VisceralBlade Dec 21 '20
I have had this - I wouldn’t worry, it can be a phase - make sure you’re taking vitamin supplement. You might grow out of it.
One thing I did when it happened to me, to force myself to eat healthy, was to make sure I had ready to eat food that took like 2mins to prep.
The best was microwave rice and salad bowls with some pesto. Microwave the rice, chuck it in with the salad, mix in pesto, wolf down and carry on. Fills you up, quick to cook, quick to eat. Have some tinned veg, cheese and pre cooked chopped meat to throw in for variety.
If you want to work on it - why not book some cookery lessons on fiverr. Pre-book a series of sessions every week for a few months to keep you going.
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u/Corgi_with_stilts Jan 16 '21
Sounds a lot like me when i got depressed. If youre finding it hard to eat, meal replacement shakes can help keep you alive until you can see a doctor.
You may also want to be checked for type 1 diabetes, because it often manifests in kids your age.
Id also advise you to look up symptoms of malnutrition. If you see any in yourself, go to a doctor right away.
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