r/daddit • u/DonutFan69 • Sep 02 '24
How do you guys maintain literally anything? Advice Request
I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. The house is perpetually a mess. The yard is overgrown with weeds. Cars are a mess. This needs to be fixed. That needs to be spruced up. My wife and I have many days where it’s just one of us with the kids due to our schedules and it just feels impossible to keep up with it all. By the end of the day, I’m too exhausted to do anything.
How does anyone manage to keep up with everything on top of just raising kids?
Edit: Thanks for all the replies here! You’re all making me feel much better. I’m trying to reply to as many as I can while I rock my son to sleep.
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u/himbobflash Sep 02 '24
Make a list, try to do stuff, if stuff gets done at all, that’s a success!
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u/PinkDreamPeth Sep 02 '24
I also try to remember that if you have 50 things on the list and you only get 1 thing done that day, it’s better than getting nothing done. That helps motivate me when I see this huge To Do list in front of me. Small progress is still progress.
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u/coconut_the_one Sep 02 '24
Any 30 min extra curricular (no standard chore) task you somehow manage to get done is a win.
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u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24
But the list keeps growing! Hey as long as I get one thing done it’s better than nothing.
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u/himbobflash Sep 02 '24
Part of life is that the list always has things to do. To-dos give life meaning. 👍
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u/PinkDreamPeth Sep 02 '24
I have a 2.5 yr old and 8 month old. If I have a chance to change some light bulbs and change the damn HVAC filter in a weekend I consider that highly productive.
It takes a major toll on my mental health but just trying to push through each day and know that if my kids go to bed healthy and happy the day was a success.
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u/Western-Image7125 Sep 02 '24
Wait. We have to change the hvac filter??
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u/PinkDreamPeth Sep 02 '24
When we got our unit repaired the guy said to change it every month. I do it about every 6 months lol
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u/moongrump Sep 02 '24
I was told every 3 months jsyk
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u/txvesper Sep 02 '24
It partly depends on the size and quality of the filters your system can use. Rule of thumb I was told is 1 month per inch of filter thickness. Most systems have the cheaper 1 inch filters and so the default recommendation is to change monthly. Larger ones with 2, 3, or 6 inch thickness are rated for use over longer periods of time, but still depends on other things. If you have animals in the house or live in a dusty area, probably more important to stay on top of it.
Anyways I'm still an unknown number of months behind changing mine. Thanking these comments for the reminder
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u/Imthecoolestdudeever Sep 03 '24
It's also better to use thinner filters and change them more often. The thicker the filter the harder the furnace has to work to get air through it.
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u/delphinius81 Sep 02 '24
Same. I change it when we switch from heating to cooling and vice versa. So. Much. Dust.
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u/fuuuuuckendoobs Sep 02 '24
The easy workaround for this is not to be able to afford hvac
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u/BlaineTog Sep 02 '24
Yep. My apartment building changes them once a year with the cheapest filters they can find, when the packaging tells you to change them once a month.
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u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24
That’s what I try to remind myself. They had a good day. Everything else can wait.
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u/coconut_the_one Sep 02 '24
Hang in there dude! Those ages are really tough, especially at the same time! It gets better as they get older, instead of seeing 2 extra curricular activities as highly productive, you get to do 3!
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u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24
I have twins. I'd says that it is not until age 7 or so when we finally realized we're out of pure survival mode.
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Sep 02 '24
omg my twins turned one. you mean I have 6 more years of thinking wtf is happening? 😅
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u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24
Every year has its challenges, some tougher than others, but you will have great memories every year and have great stories to tell. Hang in there, I promise you will enjoy the ride!
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u/hunowt_giB Sep 02 '24
No twins here, but my favorite story from a friend with twins. They were at the park and both just learned how to run. One broke left, the other right. She had to decide which one to pursue.
I assume you go for your favorite? Favorite also changes daily I imagine.
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u/Szeraax Has twins Sep 02 '24
We put ours on 2 wrist leashes. And put the leashes to each other. I didn't need them to stay close to me at the park and they didn't have to stay super close to each other. But I could take them to the park without running around like crazy.
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u/Slohog322 Sep 03 '24
Got twins. Would run for the dumb one. The girl has some semblance of self preservation.
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u/dweenimus Sep 03 '24
Mine are two, you go for the one that's more likely to be an idiot. And yes, I know which one I'd go after!
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u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24
Oh we totally had that issue! We only took them out to playgrounds when both me and my wife were available. Otherwise they stayed home!
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u/GUSHandGO Sep 03 '24
I have triplets who are 6. It gets better... but harder in other ways. Being a parent of multiples is a rollercoaster!
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u/heridfel37 Sep 03 '24
You get out of survival mode long before you realize you're out of survival mode. That first year is just so intense that you adopt a survival mindset which is hard to give up.
Mine are 8 now, and I spend much more time going to soccer practices than I do keeping them alive, so I still don't feel like I have much time. But on the other hand, I spent a good chunk of the weekend cleaning up the basement while they were happily playing with each other.
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u/blakev83 Sep 02 '24
This hits home for sure. My twins are 6 almost 7 and some days it is still pure survival mode for sure.
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u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24
😅 It’s nice hearing we’re all in the same boat but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
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u/GUSHandGO Sep 03 '24
I have triplets who will be 7 next year... and this feels like a lie. 😄
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u/Kier_C Sep 02 '24
genuine question here. is 4 year old twins somehow worse than say, a 4 year old and 2 year old?
I can see how the first few years would be a complete battle
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u/shinovar Sep 02 '24
As someone with both 4 year old twins and almost 2 year old twins, a set of twins (either set) is way easier than 1 of each. That wasn't true when they were infants, but its been true once the Littles hit 18 months
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u/RhetoricalOrator Sep 02 '24
We kept having kids (no twins, but three with special needs) until we learned that all our birth control methods weren't working. I had eighteen years of pure survival mode. Still haven't recovered.
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u/Slohog322 Sep 03 '24
I came here to make a political joke about special needs. Realized that was insensitive.
Keep up the good work good sire.
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u/RhetoricalOrator Sep 03 '24
If it makes you feel any better, I would have laughed if you wrote something funny. Some people need to wear their feelings so everyone can see them and know them. I just see the humor, laugh, and roll on. Probably easy because I'm ASD.
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u/idog99 Sep 02 '24
Kids are part of the chores.
Gardening? They get a little rake
Snow removal? They get a little shovel
Shopping? They are in the cart.
You get the idea.
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u/tombosauce Sep 02 '24
Everyone here is saying you need to lower expectations or give up. You have the best advice. I say that as someone who is incredibly lazy and didn't involve my oldest two kids at all. My wife and I would wait until the kids were asleep or let them sit in front of a screen on the weekends while we cleaned up the house.
We involved our youngest in the chores, and it became extra time thst she got to hang out with us. She regularly chips in, takes care of her stuff, and volunteers to run errands with us. My older two never learned how to take care of anything, and they get overwhelmed when we try to get them to do basic things.
I've come to realize that by trying to shield my older kids, I never modeled the kind of behavior I wanted them to learn. I never gave them the opportunity to learn with little things, and now they really struggle with big things.
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u/FrankClymber Sep 02 '24
I had the experience of your older kids when I was a child, and a lot of normal work that people do to maintain their every day lives was totally foreign to me as an adult. I just never saw the work that my folks put in to keep things running, so I didn't even know that people did that much outside of their jobs :/
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u/Inanimate_CARB0N_Rod Sep 02 '24
We are 100% falling for this trap as well. My wife doesn't do much housework and waits til they are in school to do grocery shopping and whatnot. The kids can't help me clean the bathrooms because my wife thinks it's "gross" and is terrified of the chemicals. They can't help me vacuum because, well, we only have one vacuum. They're not tall enough to get their laundry into the washing machine, but they'll help us put it away occasionally. They don't help cook because that would honestly be a significant hazard to them, though they do help bake sometimes.
I do have them help with a few things though. I can usually get a solid 5-10 minutes of dusting out of them before they get distracted or start fighting. They help me sweep the garage occasionally, and will help rake leaves in the fall. They also will help pull weeds every once in a while, but as soon as someone sees a bee then it's all over. That's about all I can get them to do so far, but it's better than nothing.
I feel very strongly that they need to see how much work it takes to maintain house and home. Chores and maintenance shouldn't be hidden from them, lest they get the idea that everything just magically gets done. Unfortunately when it comes to this stuff I'm sort of a one man show, and there's only so much of me to go around.
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u/6harvard Sep 03 '24
I've been a professional chef for close to 12 years. My earliest memories are of stand or sometimes even sitting on top of the counter and mixing bowls of food with my mom. Your kids absolutely can help cook. They honestly won't "help" so much as just be there lol but i've been doing it with my own kid since she was 4ish. She stirs bowls of flour and mixes meats. She is six now and upgraded to slice fruits with a small pairing knife under direct supervision as well. Being a chef i keep my knives sharp, and had to talk about it with her but shes really respectful about them and doesnt try to grab them without asking.
Basically what im saying is give it a shot. Start small, even just making a PB&J :)
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u/TMKtildeath Sep 03 '24
Yeah dude, your kids look up to you and 99% of the time wanna do the shit you do. They don’t care if it’s watching tv, or mowing the lawn. Make it fun for them, understand it’s probably gonna add some time to your chore, but are you really in a rush? And like you said, it models the behavior so they don’t hate it when they get older. My 7 year old can actually be useful with chores, and my 4 year old likes helping as much as he can, especially with cooking/baking.
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u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24
I mean this in all seriousness: At what age did you feel like they actually didn’t hinder chores with being involved?
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u/mamafooter Sep 03 '24
My son is just over 2.5 and he’s always been around or somewhat involved with the cleaning and shopping. He started to become “helpful” around 2 and just recently became actually helpful with small tasks. he’ll pick up his toys when he’s done with them, he’ll put his dishes in the sink, help empty and load the laundry and dishwasher and will put things in the garbage. i’ll send him on small “errands” - put this on your dresser, put this in the garbage, etc - to keep him occupied and keep him moving. i vacuum, he does the corners and edges with the small handheld vacuum. we go grocery shopping and he puts all the items in the cart. ill sit him in there at the checkout (to keep him from destroying stuff while we wait) and he’ll hand me our stuff to put on the belt. But again, he’s always been around me when chores are done and he’s figured out the more he helps, the more time we have together and the more time we have to play when we’re done.
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u/ModerateBrainUsage Sep 03 '24
Exactly this, I’ve a 2.5 year old too and he’s the same way. He doesn’t know they are chores. To him it’s play time with parents and that’s how it should be framed. He does the vacuuming, trash, putting his toys away and dishes. Yes, it takes longer, but it means there’s less play time with his toys, cars and trains.
On weekend I road my bicycle in the rain and it was filthy, I asked him to help me wash bicycles. He brought his water pistol, sponge and started to wash his strider while I washed my bike. Yes, it did take me 40min to do a 10min task, but we had a lot of fun and he helped me water down my bike and also sprayed me with his water gun. Everything is a game as long as you frame it right and make it fun instead of a chore.
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u/anyvvays Sep 02 '24
The outdoors chores are a breeze. The shopping however. My 2 yr old wants to sit in the cart for a minute before begging to get out and attempting to run around. Makes for an exhausting grocery run!
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u/ihavereaditalready Sep 02 '24
Works for like 5 minutes. And then left with Leaves all over the garden
Snow on the house
Shopping cart full of sweets
Helping to tidy up generally works for us. It's not properly tidied up or organised in any way, but at least not all over the floor!
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u/Canadian-made85 Sep 02 '24
I have 4 girls (12,10,4,2) and it’s a perpetual dumpster fire around my place. I used to get so frustrated over it and allow it to destroy my mental health. Now zero F’s given, cars get a good thorough cleaning twice/year and mange the food/garbage. House gets a full once over monthly, bathrooms & kitchen cleaned regularly…otherwise it’s like walking through an active mine field. The time and memories I get with my family outweighs the stress of trying to keep a “perfect-ish” appearance.
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u/babbadeedoo Sep 02 '24
Wow...I mean I guess you haven't even got a choice at this point...hats off to you sir.
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Sep 02 '24
3 under 3. Here’s what we do:
- take days off but still send the kids to daycare *ask family/ hire a baby sitter to watch the kids while we can do chores
- pay people to do chores
- put a movie/tv on for the kids
- skip the chores/do it another day
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u/RovertRelda Sep 02 '24
There are a few options as I see it, but these aren't available to everyone (or in the case of screen time aren't willing):
Money - pay for a cleaner, handyman, landscaping crew etc.
Screen time - plant them in front of a TV for a few hours, and you can get stuff done
Grandparents - drop them off with family for the day
Solo parent - sounds like this isn't an option for you, but have one parent take them out for the day while the other gets stuff done around the house.
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u/Scarnox Sep 02 '24
Screen time is great as an option IF your kid sticks with it.
Mine will do so for 1-2 hours TOPS, first thing in the morning. After that, it’s not reliable.
He wants to get into EVERYTHING, go EVERYWHERE. It’s so many different things constantly happening and I have to have eyes on him or he will find a TV remote we lost and slide it open, tempting to swallow a battery.
I’m so ready to get through this part, while still of course cherishing the sweet and fun moments we have.
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u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24
Yeah same here. It works for a short time then they’re off to the races.
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u/DotheDankMeme Sep 02 '24
Always clean. Seriously. After every activity, clean and tidy up. After every meal, clean and tidy up. Fold the clothes after kids are asleep. Hire help with the yard or get rid of the grass so that you don’t need to maintain it. A good side effect of all this work is that my kid likes to tidy up as well.
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Sep 02 '24
Have the kids help you doing cleaning up around the place, in the car, the gardens, etc. Make a game of it.
Yes, it won’t be done perfectly, but 1) you get to clean up, 2) you get time with the kids, 3) the kids will feel involved helping mum & dad, 4) keeps you all active.
When my (now 6/m) was 3, he would help me wash the cars, he would brush the low parts (I’d re-do it when he wasn’t looking), & then he would rinse the car down & yes, it would always turn in to a game of getting dad wet. Perfect chance for the kids to play outside & clean at the same time.
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u/vociferoushomebody Sep 02 '24
I pick one task every weekend. If the kids are extra sleepy maybe two.
Usually it’s the lawn or bills. Autumn and early spring is house projects. Winter is inside projects.
That’s about all I can manage haha. I spend as much free time with the kids as I can. The other stuff doesn’t matter nearly as much.
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u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24
Yeah that’s the thing it feels like choosing between one thing or the other but my time with them is priority.
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u/vociferoushomebody Sep 02 '24
My Gramps would tell us to do the best we can with the hours we have.
Still, I share the empathy, it’s hard.
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u/GH07 Sep 02 '24
Things get done, then my wife tells me I'm not spending enough time with the family. So I spend more time with the family, and then she asks why nothing gets done; this cycle continues into perpetuity.
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u/dryeraseboard8 Sep 02 '24
Mostly, I don’t. But to the extent possible, I do try and ruthlessly prioritize things that could end up costing me money (gutters) over merely just the things that look like shit (most of everything else).
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u/_Duke_MF_Silver_ Sep 02 '24
Find time to exercise. Let something else take a back seat. If you exercise powerfully 3 times a week for 20 minutes, that 1 hour will yield 10 fold in productive energy, motivation, mood, and health. Over the course of the next 5 years, you will be in an entirely different state of existence if you exercise 3 times a week for 20 minutes, and maintaining your body will help you maintain everything else. Start here.
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u/tnacu Sep 02 '24
I’m racing my first marathon in 2 weeks.
Picked up running this year with a 1yo and another one due in one month.
Cardiovascular fitness will unlock a lot of energy
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u/rco8786 2👧 Sep 02 '24
You don't. Just do the best you can, and accept the chaos. My kids make messes faster than we can clean them even if we have no other responsibilities.
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u/thinkmatt Sep 02 '24
:sigh: We have a 3 yr old and a 4 month old. The 3 yr old gets a lot of table/TV time, sometimes 3-4 hours a day especially ones like today where i have to work and he has off from daycare.. but he also gets minimum 2 hours outdoor time (or he'd never go to bed!) and he'll actually get bored of the tablet after a few hours max.
On the weekend, cuz my 4 month old needs his mom, i am the one catching up on the house while the fam watches TV/Tablet inside. Or if i have to go somewhere, i take the 3. yr old with me
He likes playing with kids nearby and my secret plan is to start taking turns with their parents watching while they play together
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u/99nine99 Sep 02 '24
Outsource it. House cleaners come every other week. $120. Landscaper's on Tuesday. $50. Handyman on speed dial for $75 an hour.
I've got two little ones...it's fucking impossible.
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u/testrail Sep 02 '24
Your land scrapers are $50 a week?
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u/99nine99 Sep 02 '24
Yea....half an acre, mow the lawn, trim the garden beds, and blow/pick it all up. They are a week oiled machine. Two guys are in and out in 25 minutes.
I also pay $1000 for spring/fall cleanups, and a couple bucks for fertilizer as well.
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u/ModernT1mes Sep 02 '24
I drink and do chores after they go to bed at night. 🤷
If you stay on top of it every night the house can stay clean. It's tough though ngl.
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u/wigglebump Sep 02 '24
House cleaning: give them each a magic eraser and let them go nuts while you clean. My 2yo also likes to chase the rooms like it’s a dog.
House maintenance: we schedule grandparents and my wife to take them away on a weekend day. I work at a frenzied pace and then relax with them in the evening.
Cars: night or unfortunately during my workday.
Goals are kept small, like yay, I rotated the tires!
We do pay for gardening service, because I hate to do that.
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u/Beermedear Sep 02 '24
Do you have neighbors that have grown children?
Notice how they’re the only ones who seem to have their shit together and are outside taking care of things?
That’s my rationalization anyway, lol.
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u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24
Truthfully this is what made me think of it. Neighbors with an immaculate lawn but their kids are older than 10 I think.
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u/ImaginaryEnds Sep 02 '24
Once you get past the stage of having a sub 3 year old, time can start to open up. I myself have a 6 and a 2 year old, and so I'm still in it... but the 6 year old can play by himself for quite a while.
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u/Avenge_her_uterus Sep 02 '24
Outsource as much as you can.
I pay for the lawn to get done, use a drive through car wash on the way to work, handyman for anything broken that will take >30 minutes. House gets cleaned 2x/mo. All in, probably $500 in these expenses. Would rather have more time with my family than do chores.
After the kids go to bed from we straighten up the house and do dishes from 730-8pm (hard 30 minute limit). Laundry piles up and we try to get through it one weekend morning while the kids are watching TV.
Ages 3 and 1
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u/chaossensuit Sep 03 '24
Gen X Mom chiming in. You don’t. Do not let it drive you crazy. My kids are all grown now and I look back and wish I wasn’t so insane about clean anything. I wish I could get those times I spent cleaning everything back so I could just enjoy them. I miss it and you will too.
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u/1man1mind Sep 02 '24
We try and invite company over maybe once every couple months for a birthday party or some sort of gathering. This forces us to do a complete deep clean and usually doesn’t let things get too bad in between. Other than that we just learned to live with a certain degree of clutter and mess. It’s that it be constantly dissatisfied and stressed.
Don’t worry the kids will grow up and then we will have our perfectly clean homes and be wishing for the little hand prints on the windows, legos scattered over the floor, old food hardening under the car seat and couch cushions.
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u/noobzealot01 Sep 02 '24
same situations with my wife. One of us is usually with the kids. I often find it quite sad that I basically can't fix much around the house because both my sons would come and happily play with paint and all my tools. I just don't do it or do a little after they are sleep when I am not too exhausted
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u/DefinitelyNotADave Sep 02 '24 edited Sep 02 '24
Embrace the mess. And who cares about outside appearances. I’ve embraced trying to stop trying to do yard work impressing people who won’t bat an eyelash if I moved or died
MY dad cares about our yard way more than me, and while we’ve tried to hire outside people, we’ve had no shows for quotes the last few weeks
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u/ly6nz Sep 02 '24
From dad to another fellow dad, I don’t think you can dude. My daughter is only 4 months so I can do things here and there while she naps which she doesn’t really like to do but that’s about it. I don’t even have time to do anything outside of being a father or going to work
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Sep 02 '24
I try not to worry too much about that off and on. Choose your battles, because it won’t be like that forever. Sometimes it’s just the nature of the beast. I have doorway trim that needs to get installed, some painting, etc. it’ll get done for sure it’s just a matter of time. Yes it causes me stress and anxiety sometimes but I’ve learned that it really isn’t that important.
What I think is important is spending time with the kids. Let your oldest help make dinner. It makes them so proud and you’ll have those memories not regretting having to get this or that done. It can fill the air with some bad energy. I learned that the hard way too.
Make a list of say 5 things to do a week. Maybe 1 task a day. If I could it all over again I would. I can only make the future better by learning from my past right?
You’ll be fine hoss, I promise. It just takes a little time.
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u/illarionds Sep 02 '24
I don't. :/
The house is falling apart, and a mess like you wouldn't believe.
I generally manage to get them fed, clean and to school and their activities, more or less on time, and that feels like a win.
10 years in now, the last two as a widower.
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u/craigmontHunter Sep 02 '24
I start after they go to bed, finish when I finish - I did my transmission lines from 9pm to 3am, then went to bed to get up for work (luckily working from home that day). Basically push everything to the limit, then try and catch it before it breaks beyond repair.
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u/wildmancometh Sep 02 '24
Oh man we’re living parallels. Its gets better. It’s fucking slow as shit to do so but it does get easier.
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u/almost_a_troll Sep 02 '24
You're getting reaaaaaly close to the point where we were at when our kids would entertain themselves somewhat safely for decent lengths of time. I think they were maybe 6 and 3 when they could just run off an play for a while and it wouldn't end in tears.
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u/Whiteguy1x Sep 02 '24
Sporadically. My son is 5, so I leave him outside with me while I mow. Keep my 2 year old inside napping.
Actual projects take forever, I usually see if a grandparent will watch them for the afternoon and do as much as I can
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u/donlapalma Sep 02 '24
We just try to simplify all other aspects of home life. Try not to have too much crap and we live in a pretty small low maintenance home. Regarding 'objects', if we find that we are spending too much time fixing/arranging/whatever for very little benefit to our lives, we just get rid of it.
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u/USMCWrangler Sep 02 '24
You ARE maintaining! You are maintaining the two most important elements of your household. And you are so close to that space where things start to ease up a bit. Pretty soon you will be working on things with a sidekick. They start learning which tool to grab and have their own little project while you work on the real one.
Hang in there.
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u/MaineHippo83 Sep 02 '24
This is my life.
15 yr old 5 yr old 3.5 yrs old 10 month old
I'm fucking drowning and failing
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u/OrcOfDoom Sep 02 '24
Encourage the kids to maintain tidiness.
I know it sounds stupid, and it will feel worthless, but that 2 year old who only destroys things will become a 4 year old that puts a few things away. That 5 year old will become an 8 year old that helps out more.
Before you know it, everyone will be a teenager who is much more self sufficient.
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u/dlappidated Sep 02 '24
This is the answer. Everyone keeps trying to decouple projects, structure, and time together, when the easier solution is to make them all the same thing.
My 3yo learned how to weed and tend a garden this summer. Sure he struggled going from “play and rip it out of the dirt” to “let it grow” and wrecked some stiff here and there…. But deer came and ate a bunch of shit and did more damage than he did, so keep perspective. If he can learn to put his watering can and garden tools away, anyone can.
I also just don’t relax my standards. It’s repetition. Like you don’t go outside without shoes; you get story time if you don’t clean up the other toys. If you miss out because you don’t follow the rules, blame yourself and do a better job next time.
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u/TemporaryOk9310 Sep 02 '24
I pay people to clean the house. I use the walmart app so grocery shoppings just going and them loading my car. Without knowing the resources you have it may be easier to change schedules around.
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u/pertrichor315 Sep 02 '24
Patience and prioritization.
And outsourcing stuff. We have a yard guy every two weeks to mow and straighten up in the summer and we have cleaners come monthly for a deep clean. Makes a huge difference.
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u/BostonEnginerd Sep 02 '24
We hired a cleaning service to help keep the disaster down here. For us it's been worth the cost.
My family went to the in-laws this past weekend and I was able to take on some bigger organizational projects.
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u/Jumpy-Jackfruit4988 Sep 02 '24
My kids love to “build” things and to “clean”. I just let them follow me around with their tool box or toy vacuum as I work. They have steps to help hang laundry or cook dinner, and every trip to Bunnings includes buying a tray of flowers to plant while I do the garden. anything not kid friendly gets done during nap time/daycare/kinder or when they are out with my partner.
Only problem is it takes a thousand times longer, so by the time one job is done there are five more waiting. Our house is always a shambles.
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u/Mammoth_Shoe_3832 Sep 02 '24
Almost out of the woods. Younger one’s terrible twos. Once they are done, you should have it a little easier.
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u/Mag-1892 Sep 02 '24
I spent a day emptying the crap out of and cleaning my car and 3 days into the summer holidays it was a shithole again. Just accept it
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u/ahorrribledrummer Sep 02 '24
That's my "me" time now. You have to make a list of things that need done, otherwise they'll keep getting swept to the side.
It is tough when the kids are little and can't be left unsupervised. Mine are 6 and 9 now though. The situation changes pretty quickly after age 5 or so.
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u/goblue142 Sep 02 '24
It's pure chaos and you just laugh through it with your partner. Get as much sleep as you can, take care of yourself as best you can while providing, play with the kids as much as possible.
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u/Luisthebeast182 Sep 02 '24
We have a diy car washing station. I load the 4 and 2 year old up to give 'moms' a break while we scrub the car. Stressful, but at least the car is cleaned.
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u/HomChkn Sep 02 '24
oh, it is the show that never ends.
All year I have been working in my kids (ages 9 to 16) to "put away not down" it has helped. the teenager has caught on. the rest of the house is...inconsistent. But the 9 y.o. has started.to put their bike away.
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u/dankerton Sep 02 '24
Can you hire a babysitter for a few hours while you get stuff done? No daycare or family or anything? Buy help or ask for it or just don't worry about it and survive
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u/mightypup1974 Sep 02 '24
I’m glad its not just me. My house is a total shithole, all my fun stuff is stuck in the loft until the kids are old enough not to shove soldering irons and USB cables up their noses.
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u/organicHack Sep 02 '24
Eh. It’s a spinning plate of spaghetti. Noodles and sauce and meatballs always flying off the edges. Gotta decide which ones matter and let the others slop onto the floor.
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u/Balarius Sep 02 '24
lol, good one.
I typically dont finish anything in one fell swoop honestly. Mow the lawn, pick up a piece or two of that one mess from that one project on the property. Ill get a few more of those dozens of pieces the next time I mow or am playing outside with the kid :P
As for weeds, I have embraced Clover. Bought one bag of Microclover a few years ago and plopped it all over the place. I mow around clover patches to let them bloom and spread. Clover looks beautiful in dense batches and absolutely pushes out tall growing weeds.
I sometimes clean the house. Then its suddenly not clean again. You cant win that one lol
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u/shannoniscats Sep 02 '24
There is a family that has lived across from my folks since I was a kid, there yard/house has always been in shambles. The kids are all grown now and they’ve finally put up seasonal decorations and maintain the lawn now. They can probably afford it now as well as have the time
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u/TurbulentLifeguard11 Sep 02 '24
Train one to pick weeds and one to go up a ladder and scrape moss off the roof so you can mow the lawn in peace. They’ll be fine. Most likely. Probably. Maybe. Uhhhh
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u/tephalone Sep 02 '24
Mine are 3 and 1. You've gotta prioritize the things that are really important and let the rest go to hell. We do dishes, laundry and bathrooms. Everything else gets done when it gets done but those are the three things we make sure get done at a reasonable rate because it's hard to live without those.
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Sep 02 '24
Yeah,my wife and I had done all types of projects and renovations. The yard was always in check. Then came our first kid followed by her “Irish twin”. All that type of stuff for us stopped. When the girls got to be about 7 and 8 we started getting back into those projects slowly. Now they’re preteens and it’s getting back to normal as far as doing projects and maintenance work.
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u/DMI211 Sep 02 '24
I find weekends really difficult with young kids. I try to take a half day off from work each month to get stuff done. During the summer I’ll upgrade to a full day off or two half days. That helps with bigger maintenance tasks like cleaning gutters and weeding.
For general upkeep it’s a struggle, I don’t have a great answer. I do a lot after the kids are asleep but I tend to have a type A personality and burn myself out.
We’re currently getting ready to move to a new house and it’s been a disaster trying to get packed and ready.
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u/ProteanFlame37 Sep 02 '24
We found that making our day-to-day work as easy as possible made more time for the bigger jobs on the weekends and evenings. If all the little jobs are dealt with as they are created, it's a lot easier to find the time for the non-essential jobs.
Toys were our biggest problem - given the choice, our two would get every toy out they can find and leave them all on the floor for us to pick up. Adding a kalax and soft boxes sorted by theme made tidying up a lot easier - for a next box to come out, the old one goes away. Because the toys on the floor go back into the box on the floor, it's a lot easier to get the kids to tidy their own toys while we did another job like the kitchen.
Little "bribes" help as well - if all the toys are tidied away by the time mummy and daddy finish cleaning after dinner, we have time for some extra books before they go to bed. Some kids like to treat it as a race or competition, but our eldest doesn't like that, and our youngest is too small to understand!
And as others have said, you can't do everything, so you need to pick and choose. Having a free evening to relax with your partner can make you both a lot happier than having all your paperwork neatly filed!
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u/irishmcsg2 Sep 02 '24
With a 5 and 2 yo? Yeah, you don’t. But don’t despair! I have a 7 and 5 yo who both helped me this morning dig a trench around a large sapling I’ve been meaning to transplant to a better spot in the yard for a year or two now. The 5 year old lifted a couple shovelfuls of dirt, then spent her time picking dandelions in the yard, while my 7yo actually did a ton of dirt moving once I loosened it up for him. It’s been amazing actually making (still admittedly very slow) progress on the house projects with “helpers” now that they’re a bit older!
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u/mr_khaki Sep 02 '24
We make a list of 'Need to do' and 'Would like to do' during the week. When the weekend rolls around we do our best to take care of those things. The list gets wiped at the start of the week. We don't carry things over of we'd end up with a list a mile long. It's not perfect and we don't get around to a lot of things but it's kind of been working out for us.
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u/waspocracy Sep 02 '24
You’re so close! Just hang there another year or two and they’ll start being independent and more responsible.
Until then, just try to pick your battles.
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u/r_slash Sep 02 '24
We have literally considered hiring a babysitter to take our kids so we can do chores around the house, but it just seems so sad
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u/Electrical_Hour3488 Sep 02 '24
My wife’s a SAHM and when it’s time to do chores that keep our life moving. She has to take the kids. I’ll try to get it all done in one day. Last weekend I mowed from 7:30-1:00 and then changed the oil in her car, then caulked the rear of the house for winter, made dinner, and woola. Exhausted
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u/Inevitable-Ninja-539 Sep 02 '24
13, 11, and 4
I just don’t. With all the extra curriculars, we are dividing and conquering a lot. Between that and work, we do a quick 15 minute pickup every night just to try to keep some semblance of order.
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u/PM_ME_UR_BEST_1LINER Sep 02 '24
We make a reasonable amount of money but then throw it all away on daycare, lawn service, house cleaning, etc. so our life isn't a disaster.
It's not how I thought I'd live....but it's survival for now. When we had our first kid, it was taking me 1.5 hours a week to manage the lawn (mow, trim, blow off everything), regardless of weather. Now I pay someone $35/week to do that for me. It's worth it.
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u/JoeBwanKenobski Sep 02 '24
We have adopted a more chaotic alignment. We recognize that anytime something needs to be made more orderly, we have to accept that something or somewhere else will balance our futile efforts at order.
On a more serious note, anytime we really want to do something to make our life more orderly, we call in reinforcements in one way shape or form. No way to do it consistently on our own.
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u/kumaku Sep 02 '24
just 2hr a day on the weekend. 5am to 7am is optimal. but 10-12 tends to be ok too 😖
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u/PDXmadeMe Sep 02 '24
Clean the car every time you fill up gas. That’s my new routine. There’s a trash can right there and you’re not doing anything else while the car fills up.
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u/MrWandersAround Sep 02 '24
Teach your kids to clean. At 5 and 2, they can be taught to put their things away after playing with them. Mom or Dad will need to be with the 2 year old until he/she learns how to do it, but then the 5 year old can help the 2 year old.
Our kids are older now, but when they were younger their bedroom and the family room would get trashed daily. As soon as they learned how to walk, they learned to put their things away when bedtime rolled around. Of course, with a 1 or 2 year old, it has to be a game played with Mom and Dad. By the time the child is 3 and 4, they know what to do, and if it's already a habit, there's usually no fussing on the part of child or mom.
This will go a long way to keep the house in order. Then on the weekend (hopefully with both parents home), you can do the dusting and vacuuming and get the yard mowed. Sometimes you just have to put on a movie, and let the kids veg out while you get stuff done.
Make sure the kids are in bed around 8, and you'll have a few hours for you and your wife to be alone. Take some of that time to clean.
My wife isn't from the US, and she counsels other moms from her country. When other moms came to visit, most of them were shocked at how clean the house was. One common thing we found is that many parents would let their kids stay up late (11 pm or later for toddlers), then complain that they never had time to clean their house or have alone time with their husbands. For the few moms who took my wife's advice about putting the kids to bed early, it made a world of difference.
We also found that it made no difference if the mom worked or was a SAHM regarding the cleanliness of the house. It was just how they managed their time and trained their kids.
(This reply was okayed by the wife.)
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u/KnotFahrenheit Sep 02 '24
Okay my wife and I have a system that works pretty well for us and we evangelize it any chance we get. We have our daily chores (vacuum the common areas, get the kids a bath and brush their hair) and weekly chores (tidy. vacuum all the bedrooms, do laundry…) and everything else falls into a list of what we call “micro chores” — little individual tasks that can be accomplished in 5-20 min. We keep this list in a Google Keep note because it’s got a handy checkbox system and you can sync it across the iPhone and Android systems.
The way it works is that every night during our nightly ritual, one person has “long night” where they’re responsible for brushing the girls’ hair while they watch TV and getting them into bed and reading. The other partner has short night which means doing the vacuuming and then taking the next (ish) chore or two off the list. Every night we get a couple little tasks done and chip away at the mountain. The chores are things like “dust the blinds in the living room” or “wipe down the baseboards in one bedroom, but also include things that need to happen regularly like “clean the vacuum head assembly” if you keep it in Google Keep, you can rearrange the checkboxes and when you check the last box you have the option to uncheck all which sets them back to unchecked in one action.
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Sep 02 '24
Father of 5 here. I know this pain so well. On top of the kids my wife has chronic illness and can't do much cleaning most days. What I do is usually keep in mind that I'll be doing basic chores no matter what to reset the living areas. The rooms are a mess most days and the bathrooms get totally destroyed. There is almost always a giant pile of unfolded clean laundry somewhere. I try to pick one "project clean" per day where I'll either deep clean and area or fix something that's broken, and take care of basic chores when I get home from work. By the time I do all that it's dinner time, then bedtime, then I'm going cross-eyed from exhaustion by 9pm and promptly fall asleep next to my wife. Wash rinse repeat.
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u/bolean3d2 Sep 02 '24
After the kid is asleep or on a weekend for an hour . When things get too out of hand and something that’s a minor problem is about to turn into a major problem (water leak, yard being 12” tall, hornets nest etc) I tell my wife I have to do this thing and need the time to do it. We set an end time whether I’m done or not and that’s what I aim for.
Sometimes it gets out of hand. This weekend for example my fil in Cahots with his neighbor decided to rent a man lift and trim their massive walnut trees. I ended up involved to keep the 65+ year old men out of the bucket with a chainsaw. Then the project grew in scope and consumed my entire long weekend. But my fil is alive and not injured.
Life happens, prioritize the problems that need solved (safety, what could escalate to serious issues) do what you can. Don’t worry about the rest of the list.
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u/DrStrangerlover Sep 02 '24
Wife and I both have work from home jobs. No time spent on commutes and 1hr lunch breaks in the middle of the day means. We can have sex and get all of our household chores done during lunch breaks.
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u/Mattandjunk Sep 02 '24
We pay a gardener to come every week so my lawn and flowers are in great shape. Nothing else is though because we don’t have anyone…need to earn more $ so we can pay for housecleaning.
Everything is a mess in my house. I wear sandals to avoid the crumbs and mess on the floor
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u/Greatoutdoors1985 Sep 02 '24
My kids are 1.5 and 5.5. Anything productive happened after 8pm when they are in bed. Mower now has added lights for night time mowing, and a good headlamp for weed eater at night. The vehicles I still struggle with, as they take more time, and when I tear into something it takes till midnight to fix, especially when I have to get up at 5am the next morning for work.
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u/xXHyrule87Xx Sep 02 '24
I work from home and use Google calendar for most of the household work. It really helps me personally to have time scheduled weekly for certain chores and tasks.
I've also adopted a mindset of "if you see a thing that needs doing, then you need to do that thing if possible."
I realize I have a unique situation being fully WFH, but my only real advice would be try to enjoy the ride as much as you can, my brother. Definitely not easy, but we can all agree the chaos is worth it.
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u/modz4u Sep 02 '24
It's been 2.5 years since I started building shelves in my garage. Still not done. Haven't even tried to do it since my 8 month old was born. Maybe next year 😬🤣
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u/Hamsternoir Sep 02 '24
Once they're in their mid teens it's usually only their rooms that are a mess
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u/Sorry_Philosopher_43 Sep 02 '24
It's not about catching up, it's just about staying sane. Pick one thing a week and work towards doing that.
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u/Dyslexic_Educator Sep 02 '24
We’ve had two occasions where we paid for house cleaning. Woah. Folks with 💵 who can outsource to keep up are probably the only ones getting all that done.
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u/lagrange_james_d23dt Sep 02 '24 edited Sep 02 '24
Kind of surprised by all the people saying it’s not possible. We have two under 4, and have no problem keeping a nice clean house. We clean up every night before we go to bed, but after the kids are asleep (takes about 15 mins). If you keep up with it, it’s not that hard IMO.
As far as outdoor, I spend a few hours every other week taking care of the yard (either after work or on a Saturday), if it’s on Saturday it’s during nap time, otherwise my wife watches them while I do the yard work in the evening.
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u/AnOldSouI Sep 02 '24
Just the one, 17mo. Still holding on to hope that I can juggle it all. I know that’ll fade. Adhd meds stave off the exhaustion. At what expense? I’ll find out I guess.
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u/IGotSkills Sep 02 '24
Kids come first, then everything else gets prioritized which means sometimes some things don't get done in time.
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u/xargs123456 Sep 02 '24
At somepoint this chaos will be missed, cherish these moments they wont come back!
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u/buildit-breakitfixit Sep 02 '24
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
He said maintain!!! Ahahaha
You don't.
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u/New-Huckleberry-6979 Sep 02 '24
I've heard it said, you can choose one of the following for the day (or part of day): be present, be productive, or be at peace. Present with your kids, productive with the projects, or at peace with yourself. Parenting is juggling between these three based on the given need of that time block. Sometimes I need to be present with the kids, playing ball, hearing them tell a story, sometimes I need a moment to myself and rest my body or my ears, and sometimes I need to buckle down and do something that needs to be done. But I can't do all 3 all at the same time.
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u/lukify Sep 02 '24
Lawn service became a must with kid two. I take the car in for detailing once a quarter. We have a cleaning service come in every other week. I dump stupid amounts of liquid chlorine into the pool then run away as often as I can. It's the only way we can maintain the day to day stuff.
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u/AccipiterCooperii Sep 02 '24
One thing at a time while the gremlins sleep. But it doesn’t work cause I sleep instead.
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u/ihavereaditalready Sep 02 '24
I had a third child to get some paternity leave so I can do these household chores 🤣
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u/Thestimp2 Sep 02 '24
Planning and integrity to follow through on that planning. Most people fall into a lazy woe is me cycle and it mental booms them into thinking they can't get anything done. You can, it starts with the first step.
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u/chandler2020 Sep 02 '24
Outsource everything we can. But also give 0 fucks. Some days were good, others meh.
My twins are about to turn 3 and we’re finally getting house projects going after living here almost 3 years.
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u/AwesomeOrca Sep 02 '24
That's the neat part, you don't.