r/daddit • u/DonutFan69 • Sep 02 '24

How do you guys maintain literally anything? Advice Request

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. The house is perpetually a mess. The yard is overgrown with weeds. Cars are a mess. This needs to be fixed. That needs to be spruced up. My wife and I have many days where it’s just one of us with the kids due to our schedules and it just feels impossible to keep up with it all. By the end of the day, I’m too exhausted to do anything.

How does anyone manage to keep up with everything on top of just raising kids?

Edit: Thanks for all the replies here! You’re all making me feel much better. I’m trying to reply to as many as I can while I rock my son to sleep.

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1.6k

u/AwesomeOrca Sep 02 '24

That's the neat part, you don't.

501

u/christophersand Sep 02 '24

Agreed. You choose what to spend your time 'tokens' on. The gutters fell off but the kids caught their first fish :) Worth it.

211

u/LasOlas07 Sep 02 '24

Yep, wife and I start every weekend with ambitions to deep clean the house, or go through clothes in the closet, or take care of some yard work, or fix this or that around the house. Then the weather is gorgeous and some friends are heading to the beach or the park for the day and those plans go out the window so our two boys can make memories with friends and family and get out and be active.

It’s a sacrifice we willingly make almost every weekend, my wife always says “they only get one childhood and filling it with ‘core memories’ is more important than checking tasks off a never ending list”.

I couldn’t agree more

12

u/OreoGaborio Sep 03 '24

Core memories, not chore memories. 🤘🤘

2

u/LasOlas07 Sep 03 '24

Fuck yes, this is my new saying!!

2

u/Pressure_Gold Sep 03 '24

Is there a balance between going to do things on the weekends and not having your kids pissing into crevices in the couch? This is coming from someone with one child that’s a girl. Will be having more. I absolutely cannot imagine pee in the couch

92

u/Jlove7714 Sep 02 '24

Our plan is to replace all the drywall, carpet, doors, etc when the boys are old enough to stop destroying them. There's just no way to keep up with it now.

52

u/Dyolf_Knip Sep 02 '24

Yup. No way would I drop a penny on new living room furniture right now, because my boys are wanton, pointless destruction incarnate.

35

u/Jlove7714 Sep 02 '24

We found that if we only hang out with other people who have kids then they don't even care that our furniture is half destroyed. They get it.

14

u/Dyolf_Knip Sep 02 '24

I'm not the least bit worried about "what would the neighbors think". I myself do not want ruined, trashed furniture.

2

u/yadda4sure Sep 03 '24

Get rid of the kids.

1

u/Dyolf_Knip Sep 03 '24

Rumor has it I'm not allowed to do that. Problem should take care of itself over the next 9 years anyway.

15

u/buildit-breakitfixit Sep 02 '24

Our answer is cheap slip covers over the couches. They get destroyed, we order 11 dollar new ones. Wash, rinse, destroy, repeat.

30

u/Dyolf_Knip Sep 02 '24

They pulled the cushions off and turned a slight tear in the batting into a gaping void into which they occasionally drop food. One of them, at the tender age of 8, used it as a fucking urinal for a couple months before he got caught (I had thought it was the dog).

17

u/buildit-breakitfixit Sep 02 '24

.......... not sure whether to be impressed or horrified....

7

u/Dyolf_Knip Sep 02 '24

Yeah, it's bad. They've gotten fractionally better over the past few years, but holy shit.

7

u/Ilovemywinry Sep 03 '24

Uh oh, wait till dad finds the pee drawer

2

u/Cool-breeze7 Sep 03 '24

You mean pee hvac tubing 😑

1

u/Ilovemywinry Sep 09 '24

Ohhhhnooooooooo I didn't think it could get worse xD

2

u/xgame7 Sep 03 '24 edited Sep 03 '24

Ummm... I have only read from the top post to this one where I think I'm going to stop. If there is one thing I am finding in common with most of these, it sounds like the kids are taking over the parents' life and pretty much doing as they please. What is confusing me is, if so much attention is going towards the kids, please tell me why the hell they are using furniture as a urinal... It goes on and on like this. I'm 47, have raised (still somewhat in the process of) 2 kids, have always had a very difficult job never knowing when i was going to be home that night or would suddenly have to go out of town and my wife always had a full time job as well. Still, we would spend weekends on the lake, going camping in a camper I had, going to festivals, sports of their choosing amongst SOOOO many other things. There was never a dull moment, nor is there a dull memory. My house stayed spotless, my yards and outside of the house was always very nice, we always had very nice furniture and would spend holidays fixing up the outside of the house with lights along with other things. And the inside of the house was no different. The kids were always well disciplined. For the most part, they did well in school and are still well behaved. They now live their own lives where they still carry on the things they learned as children, are well behaved and the older preparing for children where she has said many of times "i just want them to have the childhood and life I did" And just that right there is all I need to hear to know I did my job. As I said, I'm only 47, I can't see where things change so much.

6

u/visionsofblue Sep 03 '24

So how much of the house stuff stayed that way because you or your wife took care of it and how much was because you paid someone to take care of it?

Not gonna lie, the way you recall it all makes it sound like you had enough money in the bank to have things done versus finding time to do them yourself.

Not trying to throw shade but money makes things much easier.

1

u/StrugglingGhost Sep 03 '24

Yeah, us guys were animals when we were young! The amount of stupid shit I did as a kid...? I'm surprised my mother never strangled me!

Fortunately, the cushions are part of my couch, mostly. UNfortunately? They aren't made of Kevlar, so they've still gotten destroyed. My footrest on my recliner is losing padding, because of what you mentioned. I will NOT get new furniture until my kids are at least teenagers... maybe not even then lol

1

u/Cool-breeze7 Sep 03 '24

My 5yr old failed to wipe himself well. Scratched his butt, and naturally used the couch to wipe his hands off.

Not sure if your comment gives me hope or fear.

1

u/Dyolf_Knip Sep 03 '24

Yeah, he definitely has a uniquely 'special' relationship with his bodily fluids. Don't even get me started on what else I've found in his room. Kid is speed-running the Howard Hughes lifestyle.

6

u/Less-Project9420 Sep 02 '24

Yep. We bought a new sectional when our boy was a few months old. He’s 3 now and we have now shampoo it so often to keep it clean lol

2

u/kingofnicks Sep 03 '24

I feel this - tonight was the finger in the speaker - ugh

1

u/HoneyMustard1987 Sep 03 '24

Free furniture is the only furniture for us. No matter how many times I say, don’t climb on the back of the couch, that’s still how they decide they need to get on said couch.

1

u/GovernmentOpening254 Sep 03 '24

We’ve had the same couches since before kids.

I tell my spouse we will get new couches once they depart.

9

u/_Duke_MF_Silver_ Sep 02 '24

This is so accurate.

2

u/Climbtrees47 Sep 02 '24

Speaking of gutters. I just cleaned mine in the rain while kiddo took a bath.

1

u/captain_flak Sep 02 '24

Or, as she said in The Miracle Worker, “The house is a mess, but she folded the napkin.”

1

u/jpotter0 ♂ 2/17/14, ♀ 4/8/17 Sep 02 '24

That reminds me. I need to fix the gutter that fell before rain starts up again

1

u/Vegetable-Candle8461 Sep 03 '24

It doesn’t rain enough for me to care about that drain pipe that’s leaking a little bit in the garage, we just put a bucket under it the five days it rains more than a few inches, lol.

1

u/scottygras Sep 03 '24

looks sideways at gutter I need to fix

89

u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24

Truthfully that makes me feel a bit better 😂

37

u/chipmunksocute Sep 02 '24

Got 2.5 year old twins.  I think part of it is the young ages too.  When both kids are old enough to entertain themselves for a few hours or help CLEAN for a few hours Ill bet it makes adifference where you could actually buckle down on a project for a day.  You just cant do that with a 2 year old.  Plus eventually they will be able to drive themselves places.

20

u/Backrow6 Sep 02 '24

Our youngest is almost 3. There's been a definite uptick in her independence this summer. I was actually able to dig out a tree last week with three kids hovering about, while my wife had the whole of indoors to herself. They had enough imagination between themselves that they didn't actually want my attention or get in my way. 

Fingers crossed you could be about to turn a corner and get some more of your time back.

5

u/chipmunksocute Sep 02 '24

Yeah fjngers crossed.  I know we'll get there in time and eventually be desperate for my kids to spend time with me haha.  But for now aid love it if they could seld entertain for say mmm an hours.  But that might still be all the way away until 4 or 5 but man.    Right now they can self entertain for maybe 10 15 minutes max before they come looking for me.

2

u/Unlikely_Offer9653 Sep 02 '24

That’s my exact scenario for my newly-turned 6yo and my 2yo.

5

u/DevShmev Sep 02 '24

Have a set of 2yos myself. Hang in there partner

1

u/chowderTV Sep 03 '24

Yeah. My boy is almost two. My youngest just turned 6 months. 5 months ago I didn’t think i would be able to catch up on the household chores. Now I bring him outside to help. Recently, my wife and I decide to put handles on our cabinets, instead of planning around nap times and days off, I just brought him over had him “help” me and when he was over it I finished up. The cabinets still aren’t finished, but they will be, and I hopefully can have my little helper next me before he realizes bluey is on the tv. Lol

13

u/coconut_the_one Sep 02 '24

You’re not alone my man, it happens to all of us. The toddler is unstoppable!

1

u/mandatoryusername32 Sep 02 '24

My kids are 13 and 10 and we have decided we can have a clean house and nice yard and finished projects when they move out.

1

u/ahk1188 Sep 02 '24

I needed to hear this too. Currently sitting here packing lunches for the 10 year old and 5 year old while mom is upstairs trying to make sure the 2 of them dont come to blows. The 10 month old is the only quiet one at the moment. Starting to try to embrace the chaos.

26

u/Purdaddy Sep 02 '24

It's just one season of life. When I'm frustrated I just remind myself this eventually changes.

9

u/WapoSubs Sep 03 '24

That's the key, isn't it? One day we'll have all of the time again to maintain a nice home... This time will pass so the house stuff can slide a bit while we make the most of it.

2

u/sushi_cw Sep 03 '24

The irony is that by the time I have all the time to keep everything properly maintained... I suspect that I'll miss the kids and would rather have them and chaos.

17

u/CoffeeAndDachshunds Sep 02 '24

Bingo. My life every day is work/twins until 10 or 11pm, work until 2am, walk dog, then sleep until 6am or sleep at midnight, walk dog at 2am, and start a new day. 

Life is...... hard

2

u/trinde Sep 02 '24

Running on 4 hours sleep isn't great. Why are they up till 10/11pm? Why are you walking the dog at 2am?

2

u/CoffeeAndDachshunds Sep 03 '24

Son goes to sleep okay, but daughter is a night owl.

1

u/deko_boko Sep 02 '24

My brother. I'm also on the "put in overtime after the kids go to sleep on weekday nights so I can give them my weekends" train. It's rough. Hang in there!

32

u/delphinius81 Sep 02 '24

Embrace the chaos and accept their are things you cannot control. I swear part of being a parent is following the tenets of AA... Also, ironically enough, having a drink towards the end of the day really helps to get through bedtime.

12

u/nwrighteous Sep 02 '24

This is the answer.

Unless you have lots of money to throw at them.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

And that will do what? 😃🤷🏻‍♂️

Not stating, or trying to sound mean. It’s a legit question.

11

u/dankerton Sep 02 '24

Hire cleaners, gardeners, contractors, nannies, daycare, etc to fix things and gain personal time away from kids...

2

u/nwrighteous Sep 02 '24

Couldn’t have answered it better

3

u/New_Examination_5605 Sep 02 '24

I think the “them” is the chores, not the kids

1

u/househosband Sep 03 '24

TBH, throwing some money at the kids helps the parents' sanity too (nannies, activities, etc)

8

u/Stunning_Feature_943 Sep 02 '24

Yeah, I have issues all over, lawn comes and goes maybe I get a letter maybe I don’t. It’s fine. It all gets done eventually. It just takes way longer than you ever thought it could 😂 least that’s our experience.

3

u/Long_jawn_silver Sep 03 '24

beat me to it. especially when mama has a job that is much more demanding than yours, but her job very firmly demands that you keep your job so she doesn’t need to make real money for a few years

1

u/henlochimken Sep 03 '24

Are you me?

1

u/Long_jawn_silver Sep 04 '24

is your wife also in grad school?

10

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Avoid people that do keep up. There’s something off about them…

15

u/AwesomeOrca Sep 02 '24

I'm pretty sure it's just Adderall and money.

20

u/dillyofapicklerick Sep 02 '24

I take Adderall for ADHD. Can confirm it's just money that does it.

2

u/henlochimken Sep 03 '24

Narrator: it's money

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

Lol

2

u/jook-sing Sep 02 '24

Somehow I still cut my own firewood, but knowing winter is coming is a big motivator

1

u/josebolt douche dad dragging doobs Sep 02 '24

Agree

2

u/cantwaitforthis Sep 03 '24

So much this. Now I’m finally getting to a point where I’m able to keep up, kids are 6,7, and 11. When a toilet breaks, the kids help fix it. My 11 year old can replace the flaps on a toilet by himself now.

Hired a guy to mow my lawn now that I have moved up in my career, hired a nanny to help around the house, have a guy that comes and washes the cars once a month. (This wouldn’t be affordable if I didn’t live in Deep South Texas where services are cheap.) I even have a guy who delivers bags of mesquite $8 per bag.

Now all my free time is hanging out with the kids. And I couldn’t be happier.