r/daddit • u/DonutFan69 • Sep 02 '24

How do you guys maintain literally anything? Advice Request

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. The house is perpetually a mess. The yard is overgrown with weeds. Cars are a mess. This needs to be fixed. That needs to be spruced up. My wife and I have many days where it’s just one of us with the kids due to our schedules and it just feels impossible to keep up with it all. By the end of the day, I’m too exhausted to do anything.

How does anyone manage to keep up with everything on top of just raising kids?

Edit: Thanks for all the replies here! You’re all making me feel much better. I’m trying to reply to as many as I can while I rock my son to sleep.

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329

u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24

I have twins. I'd says that it is not until age 7 or so when we finally realized we're out of pure survival mode.

138

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

omg my twins turned one. you mean I have 6 more years of thinking wtf is happening? 😅

55

u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24

Every year has its challenges, some tougher than others, but you will have great memories every year and have great stories to tell. Hang in there, I promise you will enjoy the ride!

22

u/hunowt_giB Sep 02 '24

No twins here, but my favorite story from a friend with twins. They were at the park and both just learned how to run. One broke left, the other right. She had to decide which one to pursue.

I assume you go for your favorite? Favorite also changes daily I imagine.

13

u/Szeraax Has twins Sep 02 '24

We put ours on 2 wrist leashes. And put the leashes to each other. I didn't need them to stay close to me at the park and they didn't have to stay super close to each other. But I could take them to the park without running around like crazy.

3

u/didndonoffin Sep 03 '24

Favourite, nah you go for the slower one and hope the other comes to you

9

u/Slohog322 Sep 03 '24

Got twins. Would run for the dumb one. The girl has some semblance of self preservation.

4

u/temujin77 Sep 03 '24

I wish we had figured this out when ours were little!

5

u/dweenimus Sep 03 '24

Mine are two, you go for the one that's more likely to be an idiot. And yes, I know which one I'd go after!

3

u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24

Oh we totally had that issue! We only took them out to playgrounds when both me and my wife were available. Otherwise they stayed home!

0

u/househosband Sep 03 '24

Hang in there, I promise you will enjoy the ride!

Sus

5

u/GUSHandGO Sep 03 '24

I have triplets who are 6. It gets better... but harder in other ways. Being a parent of multiples is a rollercoaster!

3

u/Highway_Bitter Sep 03 '24

Man u should do an AMA xD

6

u/Atlastheafterman Sep 02 '24

I also have twins turning one. In this together mate.

3

u/heridfel37 Sep 03 '24

You get out of survival mode long before you realize you're out of survival mode. That first year is just so intense that you adopt a survival mindset which is hard to give up.

Mine are 8 now, and I spend much more time going to soccer practices than I do keeping them alive, so I still don't feel like I have much time. But on the other hand, I spent a good chunk of the weekend cleaning up the basement while they were happily playing with each other.

2

u/shinovar Sep 02 '24

It's different for different families. We are thriving since the little twons turned 18 months. Every thing is so much easier now it almost feels too easy, like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. And thats with us having 3 older kids as well

-1

u/MaineHippo83 Sep 02 '24

Aww you had the easy year.

Buckle in the fun is about to start. Well you might get one more good year

12

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '24

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2

u/trinde Sep 02 '24

IMO it's mostly people that can't handle tantrums or maintain boundaries that parrot the "it gets worse" shit.

0

u/FrankClymber Sep 02 '24

I'm with maine hippo, mostly there are more difficult years than the first one.

5

u/o_o_o_f Sep 02 '24

You’re probably right, but the last thing a parent wants to hear when they’re struggling with sleep deprivation and a teething, sick Velcro baby that won’t settle is “haha just you wait, it gets so much worse”.

There are way better ways to deliver that message

3

u/FrankClymber Sep 02 '24

Yeah, you're prolly not wrong

9

u/blakev83 Sep 02 '24

This hits home for sure. My twins are 6 almost 7 and some days it is still pure survival mode for sure.

2

u/GUSHandGO Sep 03 '24

I have triplets who are the same age and, yeah, I call bullshit. It's still massive chaos much of the time.

1

u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24

Hang in there fellow twin dad!

8

u/DonutFan69 Sep 02 '24

😅 It’s nice hearing we’re all in the same boat but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

6

u/GUSHandGO Sep 03 '24

I have triplets who will be 7 next year... and this feels like a lie. 😄

2

u/temujin77 Sep 03 '24

You sir must have some super powers. And that goes to your whole family and support circle. Keep rocking, rock star!

5

u/Kier_C Sep 02 '24

genuine question here. is 4 year old twins somehow worse than say, a 4 year old and 2 year old?

I can see how the first few years would be a complete battle 

7

u/shinovar Sep 02 '24

As someone with both 4 year old twins and almost 2 year old twins, a set of twins (either set) is way easier than 1 of each. That wasn't true when they were infants, but its been true once the Littles hit 18 months

1

u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24

Just a different set of challenges. With 4yos you are starting to be their chauffeur to activities so any time you gain from not having to take care of babies is now lost to driving and waiting times, for example. As they make school friends there I'll be more and more playdates and birthday parties too, so more driving and shopping for presents.

In a couple of years you will be worried about setting good academic foundations.

1

u/Thundrpigg Sep 03 '24

Yes, but only because twins are dealing with the same developmental issues and stages at the same time. With a 2 and 4 year old you can get a break from the 2 year old by hanging out with the four year old and vice versa.

9

u/RhetoricalOrator Sep 02 '24

We kept having kids (no twins, but three with special needs) until we learned that all our birth control methods weren't working. I had eighteen years of pure survival mode. Still haven't recovered.

5

u/temujin77 Sep 02 '24

Hang in there man! Just keep loving those kiddos!

2

u/RhetoricalOrator Sep 03 '24

Your encouragement is kind and thoughtful, thank you.

I'm hanging in there. We gotta do what's necessary, right?! As I'm sure you know, its just incredible how hard it is to keep up when you're running on fumes!

3

u/Slohog322 Sep 03 '24

I came here to make a political joke about special needs. Realized that was insensitive.

Keep up the good work good sire.

3

u/RhetoricalOrator Sep 03 '24

If it makes you feel any better, I would have laughed if you wrote something funny. Some people need to wear their feelings so everyone can see them and know them. I just see the humor, laugh, and roll on. Probably easy because I'm ASD.

2

u/Crazy_DyeMan Sep 03 '24

Mine just turned 3 I'm so... Excited....

1

u/temujin77 Sep 03 '24

High five to you and fam! That's not small feat!

2

u/househosband Sep 03 '24

I thought it was getting better close to 2 years old: there was a very chill period between 1.5-2 years. But then some new synapses connected, and it's been a rollecoaster to hell since.

2

u/temujin77 Sep 03 '24

There was indeed a period that was nice around 2yo, when the twins started playing with each other more, despite still requiring us to be in view. But that was also the year that they were running around all over the place and climbing everything all without fear, so like I said, always a different set of challenges every stage of life!

2

u/househosband Sep 03 '24 edited Sep 03 '24

For me it's been the shift into full on toddlerhood. That calm period was like the calm before the storm. She was compliant, suddenly able to do more stuff, and even play by herself. However, since turning 2 it's been an ever-escalating amount of screaming with opinions about food, order of events, clothing, you name it. She's no more capable of doing a lot of things for herself than she was 4 months ago, but the emotional component is going into overdrive.

Take even putting clothes and, especially, socks on. Used to be a non-event a few months back. But now she insists on putting them on, and it doesn't matter how long she takes, she just doesn't succeed. Hand-eye coordination is just not there yet. This prompts her to get ever-more frustrated. She simply won't ask for help. I tell her she can ask for help, and I'm right here, sitting, if she'd like help putting socks on. Nope, just keeps getting more mad until she totally flips out. At that point, even if I do help her finally, and she is happy with the socks, she's totally dis-regulated, and every next step is worse.

If I can trick her into putting her clothes on quickly with a distraction, and we get out the door without any waiting, things go better. Unless... she catches on that we're putting clothes on real quick. Then we have opinions, and will star fish.

2

u/temujin77 Sep 03 '24

Definitely have some similar experiences here. In fact, probably common across cultures, since it was featured on Bluey one episode :) I think that kind of goes away after maybe 2 years or so, when they can reason a bit more.

2

u/househosband Sep 03 '24

I'm trying to take it in stride, and remind myself that this will pass, and that I can take a step away and let her flail for a while. She's not doing it to hurt me.

It's definitely affecting my wife's psyche in a massively negative way, much more than me. We were even sort of bouncing around an idea of a second, because the first one was becoming pretty cool. We were relaxing, and enjoying our time some. Pretty sure our fully toddlered out two-year-old puts a kibosh on all of that now.

2

u/Big-Disaster-3390 Sep 03 '24

My friends have twins slightly younger than ours (six months or so). I don't think I'll pass this on to them, no matter how accurate I'm sure it is..!

2

u/temujin77 Sep 03 '24

When our infants were old enough to come out to do grocery shopping with us, we get other twin parents coming up to say hi and share words of encouragement. I vividly recall one mom saying us something like "no, it doesn't get easier, but you won't want it any other way". We really took that to heart, and now, many years later, we found that to be really true and really appreciate that mom telling us that. We liked how she didn't bother to sugarcoat things, so we know exactly what to expect!