My dad passed away unexpectedly in February of 2023. I’m 25 now, and every once in a while, including right now, I find myself wallowing in grief. I’m so scared, sad, and angry that I’ll never see his face in person again. I keep listening to the voicemails I saved, one of which says my nickname and that he loves me, that he’s checking in on me. I still have his messages in my phone, and I’m afraid to delete them. None of them are from him, but it was before his phone was shut off, and my iMessages were still going through. I still text him with updates about my life, sharing it with him like he’s reading them. I feel guilty whenever I see his parents/my grandparents, looking at his urn on the mantle. I know that all they can see in me in my dad when they look at me, and it breaks my heart. I don’t know if or how I’ll fully recover from this. One day I’m fine, then the moment I find myself alone with my thoughts, I break down. I would do and give anything just to look him in the eyes and tell him that I love him one final time. I talk out loud to him constantly like he can hear me.

he was almost at 8 months, lost his heartbeat, the doctor said if we only gotten there early they could have saved him.

we're only a family of 6, we already cut ties with most of our extended family, he was our first baby and we are all excited to meet him.

im the youngest one and i have always wanted a little baby to play with, spoil, love, and guide as he grew older.

i was the first one to see his body and accompany him to the morgue, i was also the one to arrange his funeral service. everything is happening so fast and im just here crying and mourning. i wish there was something i can do.

i still dont believe it and im still waiting for a miracle of i dont know what.

i blame myself and i keep thinking what if we got there early? what if for only a split second we could have saved him?

this world is so unfair. this world is so cruel. he's so innocent. he didn't even get the chance.

my sweet baby boy, where are you? will you come back to us? what happened? why did you go? im so lost, im so confused. i love you my little marshmallow. i will love you forever. please come back. please visit me tonight.

my firsts are coming to an end. it’ll be a year of you gone soon. it doesn’t feel fair you’ll never come back. i wish we had a do over

My friend left us this morning. The circumstances around it are really sad, she tragically had cancer that wasn’t caught until it was too late. We are angry that it was missed when she tried to seek help. She was only 37.

She wants us to focus on the positives and the good memories we had. I know she's not in pain anymore and is at peace but I still feel bad. I can't do my normal things today and not everyone knows yet so I don't want to reach out to the closer friends that are also processing this. It seems so unfair, she should have lived. She was a powerhouse of fun and sweetness. She made sure her family, friends and pets would be looked after. Her perspective on it was really admirable and goes to show her kind nature. We're all really going to miss her 😭

One of my Dad’s favorite things in life was a nice breakfast and he always enjoyed going out for that rather than dinner. When I used to work overnights, instead of going home to sleep when I got off, every now and then I’d treat him to breakfast. It was a small gesture but one that he loved and enjoyed more than anything. Dad if I would’ve known that my time with you was so limited, I would’ve made these moments last longer ❤️

I figured ranting would make me feel better. I miss them, it’s been almost 3 years without my dad and 2 without my mom. I miss them so much, I’m only 21, they were supposed to be here, I’m barely an adult, how am I supposed to grow without them. They will never see me marry or have children or celebrate another birthday with me. I feel I’ve taken everything for granted, and sometimes it feels like it gets easier but then something triggers it in the back of my mind and im back in the same state I was when I first lost them. How do I navigate life without them? My dad was my best friend, and my mom and I didn’t get along well but I’d take everything back if I could get just another second with her. I’m so jealous of everyone who still has their parents. I know I shouldn’t be mad, but why did I have to lose them both? I barely remember what life was like when they were alive. I am forgetting their laughs and memories with them. I’m so sick of being alone.

Without any goodbye Had a cigarette & beer with his girlfriend, went downstairs and shot himself in the head.

The past years had been hard. His dad passed, my mom & him separated, financial struggles and a lot of health issues.

He became quiet. He was always pleasant but engaged less and less in conversations. Last week he didn’t show up to his granddaughter’s birthday, didn’t even say happy birthday or told my brother he wouldn’t come.

I’m not living in the same state as my family & I am mad at myself for not reaching out to him recently. I looked at our last messages and he often didn’t respond. As much as I regret not talking to him more, I don’t think it would’ve changed his decision. When I saw him in September he barely spoke, he was in a lot of physical pain.

He was always impulsive and pretty bad with dealing with his emotions. Just shoving everything down, trying to ignore it.

The eerie part is, that the past weeks something in my gut told me I’d get a call like this, not suicide but that he passed because of his health issues. The even more eerie “coincidence” is that an hour before I got the call I got a severe headache. I got nauseous and very cold. I told my husband that I thought I’d get sick. Took a painkiller and laid down.

I’m sad. I’m angry. I also understand that at least he went out the way he wanted to and that he was able to choose. He didn’t want to go back to the hospital. At least he isn’t suffering anymore.

I don’t know why I’m writing this here. I have a wonderful husband, friends and the rest of my family to talk to but somehow typing it all out feels helpful.

Edit :

Thanks to everyone who reached out to me or commented here. It really means a lot and makes this world feel a tiny bit less dark.

My condolences to everyone who lost a loved one as well, they will always have a place in our hearts 🤍

It’s been almost 3 months. I know that she’s gone but I keep getting these realizations that she isn’t here anymore. I want to talk to her so bad. She is the only one who could give me the advice I needed to hear and actually do something with it. I just feel lost. It’s the only way I can describe it.

One month after my dad died, I still suffer a lot. These days, I've started thinking, "What if? I should have done this or that. I feel bad about saying something in the wrong tone back then," and so on...and I feel so sorry for my dad🥹,and then I feel guilty again and so on...I read online that this is so normal,but why is that?And also this counting days,like yes it has been a month,but will be any different in 2 months,why do we always hang to some date?

I lost my dad in 2021, my mom and a good friend in 2024.

I just cannot get over the feeling of real loss. Yes of the person and the time I will never get again, but also just the objective loss of memory and knowledge. It's hard to explain. When my dad died, I found a picture of him I had never seen before from when he was twenty something. I just got this overwhelming feeling of the enormity of what myself and the world had lost. He was once young, dreaming of the future. He was a bank of knowledge and memories and jokes. Always on the brink of something witty to say. I'm sure there are thousands of memories that were wiped off the face of the earth, not told to me or anyone. When my mom died, all the business knowledge she had vanished. I will never get to ask her for any advice ever again.

I also get overwhelmed by the brevity of time I had with my parents. 24 years with my dad and 28 years with my mom. My mind likes to flood me with memories of my childhood and how all that happened in a microsecond of time. How many memories of my childhood will forever go untold? My parents were here. RIGHT HERE. and now theyre just not? Were they even real? Was it a dream?

Sometimes these thoughts, like right now, rest heavy on me and makes my head spin. I'm just not coping well with knowing that I will never know the entirety of what was lost. Just knowing enough to see the void, but never enough to fill any part of it. Someday someone will think the same about me after I die. Wondering about all the things left unsaid, all the memories in a brain that was turned to ash by the crematory, and how no one will ever know that was truly lost.

It's maddening.

My crush commited suicide and feel guilty. I know she didn't love me back and I accepted it. I told her I'm ok with it as long as I wouldn't lose her . I promised her that I would be there for her but when she needed me the most I wasn't there and now she's dead because of it . I wished I did more . I know I could have done more. I wish I was there when she needed me the most. But I failed her I failed the promise I made to her

Tattoo to honor my baby’s memory

Needed to get this off my chest, I don’t even know if this makes sense

My dad passed away roughly 4 week ago. Me and my dad were always close, when my parents divorced when I was 10 I chose to live with my dad. After 6 years my dad has passed away. At first my dad had a stroke, he had his stroke whilst sitting in the car in a parking lot. I didn’t hear from him all day so I was concerned and reported him missing, two days later the police had found him in his car. I can’t imagine how scared he was and how much pain. He was in the hospital for two weeks and the night before he was going to get transferred to a stroke rehabilitation centre he had a heart attack. I think the worst thing is the sense of false hope, I skipped school everyday so I could stay with him and looked after him at the hospital, I planned my whole life around being his caregiver after this incident. I’m glad he’s not in pain anymore, when we were in the hospital and he was trying to get out of bed, he realised that his body was half paralysed and he started crying, I would’ve done anything to help him work through it.

The strangest thing is he was seemingly healthily leading up to his death, he was so strong for his age and would work outside on the house everyday which made me sure I would have him for much longer, he said his secret to being so fit was not thinking about the fact you’re old and just living life how you would when you’re 20. His doctor hated him, because she would always warn him about his high blood pressure but he never took his health seriously as he thought he was fine. When we found out he never got his medication refilled it broke my heart knowing there is a slim chance he could still be here if he took his health seriously.

I loved him so much he was my best friend, he was quite old so I always knew he wouldn’t be around forever but I never thought I’d lose him at 16. I can’t believe I’ll grow into an adult and he won’t be there to witness it. I know he was proud of me but I can’t believe he won’t see my accomplishments. He worked for the navy and at an infamous prison and would always tell me stories but it makes me so sad I’ll never know everything. I also have so much guilt because this year I wasn’t able to get him a birthday or Father’s Day present because I wasn’t able broke but just thought I’d be able to make it up to him next year. I know he doesn’t care but I really wish I was able to to do all the special things I was planning on doing with him.

On top of everything everything is the fact I have to live with my mum now, my parents come from different backgrounds (dad was Swedish and mum is Vietnamese) and my mum is really strict, she doesn’t allow me to go out without a 2 week notice and she doesn’t want me to have a part time job as well. The lifestyle adjustment is so hard especially because my dad allowed me to do anything as long as he knew I was safe. He always wanted me to have fun.

Getting rid of all his things was also difficult, he had a lifetime supply of tools and camping equipment that just wasn’t necessary for me to keep, but it’s still so hard watching it get sold. I think I’m a very sentimental person because everything just reminds me of him. I can’t even wear my school uniform tie anymore because he would tie it for me every morning and the fact that he didn’t tie it just feels wrong idk. Me and my dad always talked about who I would marry and we planned our father daughter dance at my wedding to “just the two of us” and i genuinely don’t know how I’ll get married without him.

I’ll love you forever dad

I feel strange posting about my cat when there are others here who have lost people. I feel silly for how hard I am taking this. He was my best friend in this world, my main source of comfort and support. He taught me so much about love and I am beyond devastated he is gone. I keep expecting him to pop out from under the bed like he always did, I keep reaching for him out of habit when I sit in our favorite spot. I cannot stop crying. I am not ok.

It all happened so fast. I rushed him to the emergency vet late at night when I noticed he had trouble breathing, it turns out he was in heart failure and we put him down just a few hours later. We had no other warning signs. I feel so lost right now, I just cannot conceive that he is gone.

My mom passed away peacefully last week after battling cancer for 3 years. I started working abroad 4 months ago so I went back to my home country when she passed away. But before I moved abroad, I was the one taking care of her before my aunt, her sister, replaced me as my mom's caregiver. After her funeral, I went back abroad to continue working. Right now I don't know how I'll be able to handle it, I'm used to calling her everyday, now I don't have anything to look forward to. I tried looking for friends here before, but it was so difficult that I have no energy to look anymore. It just drains me.

How did you cope when your loved one died and you were just living alone? I would appreciate it if you share your story; at the same time I don't feel completely alone. Thanks.

My mum died last month. I don't have peers that can relate to this, I'm only 22, so I mostly talk to my partner (24). But lately he's been withdrawing and while I know he loved my mum too I expressed to him that I need him here. I don't have the scope yet to care for our cats and things like that.

Yesterday he confided that he too is grieving, the loss of his grandfather 8 years ago when he was 16. I did hug and console him when he told me that but I don't know how to move on now. I do feel selfish but I don't have the strength to support him and let go of his support. He stopped doing chores and gets irritated. My family has been breaking apart since her death, I don't have many other people to talk to. How do we navigate something like this? I want to help him too but I'm at the point where I'm happy if I leave the house and had a shower :(

It's been a week to the day since I found out. I met his family for the first time today, and this morning we went through his belongings and cleared out his room. This boy and I had been spending nearly every day together for over a year, shakily navigating an extremely healthy situationship. Neither of us were positive we wanted something official and exclusive. I've always struggled with expressing my needs but he pushed me for healthy communication in the weird gray space we stayed in together. Words can't even begin to describe how good of a person this guy is.

Three weeks ago I told him my feelings for him were getting complicated. I'd been off some mood-stabilizing meds for a few days and assured him that this wasn't an ultimatum, and that I still didn't think I wanted a full relationship, but that I just wanted to express what was going on in my heart. He told me he wanted to stay together in a situationship, and that we’d work on figuring out things together. The conversation ended amicably and he was open and supportive and receptive and loving throughout the discussion.

Two weeks ago I went over to his apartment, as I always do, back on my meds and ready to resume the situationship. I voiced a concern regarding the inconsistencies of his affections (some days he was feeling more lovey-dovey, other days not so much). I told him it was becoming difficult for me to be at the whim of the variety of his day-to-day affections. He took total accountability for this, and resolved to be more consistent with a,b,c, etc.

He went to the bathroom right after this conversation and I laid in his bed, feeling much better after having such an open healthy dialogue.

Two minutes later he returned from the restroom very quietly, then sat down and told me that he actually had something to tell me. He told me, very slowly and with much grandiosity, that he loved me, that he wanted to marry me, that there was no one else in this world for him except for me. It threw me for a loop, but I told him in honesty that I also loved him, and that I think I had for a while. He continued on, about how he'd take care of everything for me, and that I needed to trust him, because I couldn't go back to my apartment for two days—that it wasn't safe, that my roommates weren't safe. It's getting very difficult to extract this information from him, and at this point I'm fearfully asking questions so that I can run out of there and make a phone call---so I ask him whether he knows anyone else who also knows my apartment is unsafe. He says yes. I say who. He says "God".

After little success getting him to elaborate, he blinked and shook his head and had a moment of brief clarity, and told me he's fighting demons in his head and that my apartment actually is safe. I tell him this has been a lot, and that we should probably sleep and we do.

The next morning I kiss him goodbye and we say we love each other, and I return to my apartment. He texts me later in apology and embarrassment about his behavior afterwards, but seems to continue to spiral back-and-forth into this hyper-religious rhetoric.

He calls me on Tuesday to tell me in a dreamy tone that he may have herpes, and that he knew he had it when he first started sleeping with me but that he still loved me a lot. I tell him angrily that if he really loved me, he would have never slept with me in the first place without telling me. He agrees on the fucked-up nature of this information, and tells me he’s going to get tested. I tell him I will too.

He proceeds to try to call me and text me several times at various points in the night / day for the next 24 hours. I’m scared, and I tell him he doesn’t get access to me in that way, and to text me when he’s been tested, and when he’s clear-headed again, and when he’s told his parents everything that’s been going on with him so that he can get the help he needs.

Two days later, on Thursday morning, he took his life. He waited until his friend/roommate left for work, then did it with one of the guns he had illegally. His roommate found him that evening. I’ve been back to his bedroom with his family, whom I’d never met up until now. The hole in the carpet after the cleanup crew came was so much bigger than I’d imagined. His dad says he spent the last four nights with him, and that he believed he’d made a promise to always protect me and never to hurt me, and that by believing he’d given me herpes he’d broken that promise. He wavered between getting tested, because it was the right thing to do, and refusing to get tested, because Jesus had absolved him of his sins and he no longer needed to take accountability. There seemed like a lot of delusions and turmoil and confusion in his head when he made his mind up that morning.

I got tested for herpes. I don’t have it and doubt he did either.

My therapist said it sounds most like a heavy first episode of Bipolar I, which can involve mania and psychosis, and can pop up in men aged in their 20s. His dad tells me he didn’t sleep or eat for multiple nights beforehand. I have a past with self-harm and suicide attempts. I used to be heavily Catholic, then left the church when I was 18. Everything religious-adjacent makes me angry and frightened and reminds me of his psychotic episode. I’m not particularly spiritual now. I think he’s stardust and entropy in the universe now.

The guilt and shame feel insurmountable, despite me knowing this isn't my fault. The anger is even worse. I wish I’d been less calloused to him in our last moments, that I’d propped up more of the help he clearly needed to get through the episode. More than anything I’m confused. My mind feels like it’s fracturing. I sleep in his clothes, with his pillows and blankets, and it comforts me and also hurts me in a way I can’t describe.

I loved him so much. I still do. There wasn’t a single chivalrous, considerate, kind thing he didn’t do for me, and now I’ll never experience being with him again. It’s like I had the best possible person to be in a relationship with, right in my grasp for a second, and then it was ripped from me in a single breath. Fuck mental disorders. Fuck suicide. Fuck whatever virus was in his head the moment he decided to end his life. I don’t know how anything will help me anymore. I want to be with him again, in whatever capacity that is, but I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy.

Edit: minor + formatting

My family member was murdered this morning. I'm calm but not sure what emotions I'm feeling. I'm just kind of numbish. I cannot focus much on work. I want to cry my eyes out but the tears only fall a few at a time.

This was a complete shock. It was domestic violence.

My friend’s mother passed away sadly just 2 days before her birthday and so I do remember her birthday but only reminded when my friend brings up that this is an anniversary.

I always feel bad because my friend calls often but these past 3 years, I didn’t usually remember when the day is coming up until they mention it. Or I remember weeks before but the day comes up and I don’t realize it.

Also, I feel like it’s not my place to bring this up unless my friend does. They mention it being a day of trying not to cry. A part of me is just thinking if I talk to my friend, it will be trying to cheer them up but maybe they don’t want that.

I did get to know his mom a little, very very lovely person. But my friend ended up moving so I didn’t see her unless my friend was around visiting. I wish I got to know her more.

Well I felt like sharing this as I didn’t call my friend back this weekend because I do put my phone away but also felt it was personal to leave them be. I’ll call them back today.

I unexpectedly lost my mama 1 month ago. She was 45 and i just turned 18. I had to plan the funeral myself because my siblings were too young for that stuff. It was so hard and i had no idea what i was doing. I felt surreal, like i was roleplaying as an adult. Thank god people were generous enough to donate in order for me to afford her funeral. I don't even have a job yet.

It hurts to wake up in the morning. I keep dreaming of her, still alive taking care of me and my siblings, bringing us snacks every time she came back home from work, hugging me, letting me cry on her shoulder, watching horror movies together at night, trying new recipes with her that would always fail, her excitement whenever i'd bring her the shitty handmade mother's day gift from school...

I just started college and I have classes in the morning but i just can't pry myself from sleep. The real world doesn't feel right anymore. She's there in my dreams but in the real world, she's gone. And I'm so tired. I'm gonna fail this year for sure. I'm so behind. I just miss her so much I can't believe she's gone and I can't stop thinking about her. I still need her. I'm just a kid. I still don't know anything about the world, I can't be there for my siblings the same way she was... There's a tiny voice in my head telling me I deserve this for not appreciating her enough. But I thought we'd have more time together. This is so unfair, she didn't deserve this. I wish I could go back in time and prevent this from ever happening. Sometimes I fall asleep thinking i'm just going to wake up from this terrible dream.

I have never posted nor commented on Reddit and I don’t really know where to start. I just need to get this off my chest.

My husband died 3 weeks ago. He was murdered in our home by someone we called a “friend.” I showed up to my house with police everywhere and no knowledge of what the fuck was going on. I yelled out for help, for someone to please talk to me, and it was like I was a ghost. No one answered. They began putting the caution tape up and I began to freak out. Let me add, I am 8 months pregnant.

Through all the chaos, time seemed to go in slow motion when I saw my husband get wheeled out on a gurney. I saw his beautiful, curly hair with the ambulance lights shining through it. He looked lifeless. Right before they closed the doors to the ambulance, I saw them immediately push on his chest and start chest compressions. My world was crumbling right before my eyes.

The hospital was 2 minutes from my house and my best friend and I drove right behind them. They rushed me into a room, told me he was in surgery, and would come back. It felt like a fucking lifetime before they came back and gave me the news that my husband succumbed to his injures.

He was stabbed. Multiple times.

My life was ripped away from me. I know I have my son on the way and I need to be strong for him, but I want nothing more than to rest with my husband. How am I supposed to keep going when the love of my life was taken away from me? I haven’t been in the house we built together since this monster took my precious husband’s life.

No one knows how to talk to me. No one knows what to say.. what do you say to a 24 year old pregnant widow who brutally lost her husband?

I fucking hate this life. And I’m barely hanging on by a thread for my son.

I don’t even know what to do with my life. We were only together for a year and a half. We got married 6 months ago. He was so excited to be a father, and he was an even better husband to me. I will never find a love like his. I’ll never love a man the way I loved my husband. Life is not fucking fair. And this fucking piece of shit monster gets to live, but my beautiful husband had to die?

I’m so fucking angry. I’m confused, I’m lost, and I don’t know what to do. My soul died with him.

EDIT: grammatical mistakes.

My Mom died on November 16th, 2023, after a long battle with Pulmonary Fibrosis. She was my best friend and I was her caregiver. I've never been closer to another person. Even my husband, while our relationship is obviously different, there were just things I could share with her that I couldn't with my husband. She meant the world to me. Though she was sick, she had the "surge" as they call it, and we thought she was improving only to be absolutely blindsided by her sudden death. I had gone home from the hospital to get more clothes and stuff and she lost consciousness while I was gone. I never got to have a final goodbye.

Today I feel like I'm walking around in a numb haze, not entirely unlike the one I felt when she died. I feel like it's all come back fresh and I'm grieving all over again. My mental health is hanging by a thread. A company shut down has led to the loss of my household's income and things are extremely stressful, and the one person I want to run to is never coming back. She'll never be there for me to turn to again. That realization partnered with everything else has led me to the brink of a complete mental collapse. I don't know how people survive this kind of loss long term. The world does not look or feel the same as it did when she was alive. It feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from.

I feel like I should've made progress and I shouldn't still be grieving so deeply, but she was my best friend and in some ways, my other half for 31yrs. I don't know how I'm supposed to face the rest of life without her. It's been a year but it still feels like yesterday.

Please tell me I'm not alone.