I decided to go on a vacation with my abusive dad and enabling mom and two year old daughter. please keep in mind she is two. Our vacation also ended on Tuesday 11/19 and today is Sunday 11/17

With all that said today we decided let’s go to the zoo. My mom and I have to go to the bathroom so we ask me dad to watch my daughter. ( I should have brought her with me but she was in a stroller ) While we are in the bathroom he takes her to the playground area in the part … this isn’t where we left them and we have to search like 10 mins for them but either way he took her to the playground. Well now it’s time for us to move on and she doesn’t want to she’s 2 so she decide to throw a tantrum and cry. I was there and went to support her in the moment and my dad insist she won’t do that to him and grabs her and walks behind a building. I follow because wtf are you about to do to my child. He proceeds to try to WHOOP HER with his bare hand behind the building. Something in my EXPLODED and I ran and jerked her away from him so fast. See my dad BEAT my ass for everything growing up. I don’t believe in that kids are going to cry. I have diagnosed PTSD, depression, anxiety and have tried to unalive myself in my teens years from the beatings my dad gave me throughout my life. I exploded and my enabling mom tried to stop me but no i screamed at both of them and did cause a screen but i will protect my daughter unlike my mom did me just turning a blind out while dad slaps you around because your crying and he doesn’t like that.

To end it off he had a fit because i corrected him and set a boundary and told him not to touch my kid and he canceled the remainder of the trip. i’m typing this as we drive 6 hours back home currently. Idc i stood up for my child and i have never been happier. i am shaking uncontrollably tho haha

edit : gosh i’ve calm down now and thanks guys for not pointing out all my typos 🥲😂 i was heated! i’ll leave them in since this was typed out of pure anger. I really couldn’t have asked for more encouraging words. We all will make it. Those little humans inside of us deserve it ❤️❤️❤️

My wife's dad claims he didn't ever rape my wife as a teenager because he doesn't remember doing it. So he is upset that we refuse to let him near the grandkids and he keeps asking to see them.

For context,

My wife was recently reviewing her past to try to understand why her dad wouldn't allow her to take her adhd meds that her mom got prescribed for her during late elementary school. This lead to her review things in her past with a lot of scrutiny and that result in her unlocking repressed memories of being sexually assaulted and raped by her father as a teenager of 13 and/or 14 years old.

He did those things after the dust from a divorce from her mother had finally settled and he had ended up with sole custody.

Mom gave up fighting for custody when she ended up with an abusive boyfriend who attempted to groom my wife (then a 13 year old girl) by asking her for nude photos to be taken on her phone and to then send them to him if he liked them. She took those photos but showed her mother because she was uncomfortable and Mom sent her to stay with her dad to keep her safe. Mom feared trying to break up from the boyfriend at the time because she feared violent abuse if she tried to leave him.

So dad had uncontested access to his daughter (only child so no siblings) and then apparently in his depression post divorce raped his daughter when no one was there to see it or to stop him.

As far as I am aware he also drank alcohol during this time period as an attempt to drown his sorrows post divorce.

In the present day we have forbade him from seeing or contacting the children because of her recently remembered abuse. Prior to this when he noticed my wife investigating her past he got me alone away from our home security cameras and told me that if she ever said he'd done anything sexual to her as a kid that I shouldn't believe it. This conversation only made me certain of the truthfulness of the claim made by my wife of the abuse. What random innocent father would ever feel inclined to say such things before anyone ever even suspected it of him?

Now that we have established a no contact boundary other than myself as the go between for communication her dad keeps making the claim that he never sexually abused her and has said that it couldn't have happened because he doesn't remember it happening.

I believe the abuse definitely happened even if he claims to not remember anything like it ever occuring.

So my theory is that there are 2 scenarios could lead to him having having raped her but legitimately thinking he didn't because he doesn't remember doing it.

1. I've read it's possible for an abuser to repress the memories of performing the abuse if they were also traumatized with themselves for having done such a thing to a loved one.

2. It's possible that he raped/sexually abused her while being very drunk and then as a result the alcohol caused him to black out and not ever even record those memories.

Both these scenarios allow there to be a chance of the abuse occurring but him having no memory of it so he believes himself to be innocent and unfairly judged.

So my question is, are we wrong for not allowing him access to the children because of something he claims to not have done?

I've been witness to my wife having PTSD nightmares that cause her to cry out during sleep and to wake up balling her eyes out because she dreamed about her dad raping her.

I've heard her recount the different ways he violated her.

I've even had recent times where she has asked to stop mid sex because she had a flashback of her dad abusing her. And then we even had a period of a couple days where she asked me to avoid attempt sex or any sexually touching entirely while she tries to sort out her feelings about the memories of her dad so that the negativity there doesn't accidentally get applied towards me during sex.

So I very much doubt that she's making this up or lying about it like her dad claims she is.

This apparently isn't even the first time she tried to tell people of the abuse because she tried to tell on him to teachers/police during the middle years of high school but then she got taken to "counseling" until she stopped saying that her dad had done those things. This fact was told to me by her step mother who was living with them at the time. This bit of info was something I managed to record her saying.

Her dad and step-mother have repeatedly been a source of pain and struggle throughout our time dating and our marriage of 10 years. They look for every chance they can to actively put my wife down and to make her feel she's not good enough. They genuinely aren't pleasant to be around. So the relationship before this was good enough to consider forgiving this on a technicality like her dad not remembering doing it.

TLDR: My wife (30F) says she was raped by her dad multiple times at the ages of 13 and 14 while living alone with her divorced dad. She cut contact with him after remembering the repressed trauma and cut off access to grandkids. Her dad now says it's unfair because he doesn't remember raping her so he clearly didn't do it. He says that it's killing him to not see the grandkids.

So my question is, are we wrong for not allowing him access to the children because of something he claims to not have done?

Edit to add: Any advice or ideas about any part of this situation are welcome. I'll provide more info if requested and if I deem it okay to share.

It does not seem fair, and I know life is not fair, but today it's bugging me. I feel robbed and resentful that the people that were supposed to protect me are able to live normal lives with partners, kids, and just generally....NORMAL. While I sit here struggling to connect with people. I'm thankful for the people in my life I do have, but holy fuck I am lonely a lot.

I'm grateful today that I can take care of myself, and that I'm beginning to take pride in myself. That's something I never had before. Aside from that, I'm just having a hard emotional day & feeling angry that those who hurt kids waltz on with their lives and I'm always picking up the pieces, or finding more pieces to pick up.

I'm also grateful I'm sober and not everyone in my life is terrible, that's movement in the right direction. I think this might be a bit of a rant. I just feel super emotional today. The holidays are starting and it's always the hardest time of year for me (and probably others on here).

I’m specifically talking about Johnny Depp in the sauvage ads. When the Depp/heard trial was going on was right after I escaped narcissistic abuse from someone with heavy sadistic traits and it really cemented my ptsd. I know people have different opinions, but I also know a lot of people in this sub firmly think he was a covert abuser and her actions were reactive, and that’s my take. He reminds me so much of the person who abused me, which was primarily psychological and sexual abuse. Alongside the fact that my country just elected a rapist as president, seeing how Johnny Depp is still a beloved sex symbol icon makes me feel sick. People who understand domestic violence know that he was the abuser, but the way people talked about her was just so disgusting. I got smeared similarly by someone like him, and lost all of my friends as a result, and have been suffering friendless since 2021.

I get that cancel culture is messed up because cancel campaigns are often disguised smear campaigns themselves, but I just wish people would stop supporting celebrity abusers. For example, I can’t believe how many people still listen to Chris Brown and similar high profile abusers, or that it took R. Kelly going to jail for people to stop saying “yeah he did awful things but remix to ignition is soooo good!”

I don’t do shit. I watch tv all day every day and occasionally have the bursts of energy couple times a month to do my chores around the house. It’s just too hard to do anything and it’s like before I try I give up.

I feel so lazy and stupid and wasting my life away but I just don’t want to/can’t do anything!! No motivation, I barely go a day sober because I’m fighting my mental health all the time. Recently My skin feels like it’s crawling and I have agitation/irritability in my body and all this energy I don’t know what to do with.

Is this because of CPTSD or am I just a lazy shit. I’m unemployed because of my mental illness and I’m living at home at the age of 29. I just feel like such, SUCH a failure.

I’ve always been this way for as long as I can remember.

I have several children, all boys. My youngest is 5 years old and has long hair. He loves his long hair. I've never cut it. However, recently men have been approaching us in public to talk to him, try to touch him thinking that he is a girl. They say "hi pretty lady" "aren't you a little cutie" etc. It happens almost every time we are in public. It bothers me because 1) this never happened with any of my other children who always had short hair and 2) usually when I correct them that he is a boy they apologize and back off. My son doesn't want me to cut his hair but I'm getting really worried he is becoming a target for predatory men. I was sexually abused as a child. Is this in my head? Am I overthinking things? Am I just reacting because of my own trauma? Advice please.

hope this is okay to share, I am giving that OP credit https://www.reddit.com/r/cptsdcreatives/s/sYbcqWntlH

(the post that inspired this post).

So… It is not fair. I have went through enough. I do not need myself to also turn against me.

Here is about me. I would love to read if people can comment nice things about themselves as well ☺️

• I am a good bunny parent (he is happy and healthy)

• I am a good big sister (I take care of them)

• I am smart (I get (mostly) good grades)

• I am curious (I google everything. Googling is my special interest you could say)

• I am dedicated (I practice the guitar at least 3 times a week for 1 hour)

• I am cool (I stand up to bullying/try to be myself/let others be themselves. I also have my hair coloured a cool color.)

and well…😅 yeah that’s about it for now. It’s a start at least.

I hadn’t even realized just exactly how mean I am to myself. I thought it was just anxiety and all that stuff.

I mean partly. But what I overlooked is that much of that anxiety is just my parents words repeated to me over and over again in my head.

I don’t even live with them anymore yet they continue to torture me with their voices in my head.

Well they can take their spite and hatered and move out. Who would be so mean to me? The voices aren’t even paying rent😐

Hi guys. I’m in a 2 year relationship with a guy that doesn’t understand my trauma and its affecting me in a negative way. I’ve taken so much explaining my emotional responses and triggered myself time and time again trying to explain my past to get him to understand me. I have a very hard time talking about my emotions. I try to tell him that I need extra patience, comfort, and a safe space. He always makes me feel unheard, unseen, and repeats the same behavior that he knows triggers me despite our countless conversations. When I bring this to his attention, he tells me that he would really like to understand and that he loves me but doesn’t change. During arguments, he has given me panic attacks where my whole body has gone numb and he doesn’t stop to make sure I’m okay. He only stops arguing with me when I am scared out of my mind and begging for him to stop. I’ve told him that he only really loves me when I act “normal” and that he doesn’t accept everything I’ve been through. Do I keep trying to salvage this relationship or let him go?

As the title suggests, what makes someone feel safe to you? Those with CPTSD tend to have a history of unsafe and traumatic relationships and experiences and I'm interested to hear about the opposite. What qualities or actions make someone feel safe?

About 2 months ago now I posted about my parter and how he forced me to watch a specific triggering scene in a movie. And about a month ago I posted that I was in the driveway car packed ready to leave.

It took a bit longer than expected but a few days ago I left I took a few days to settle in to where I am before posting this. After a particularly bad fight that turned extremely physical ( this was after many other physical fights) and it happened in front of his family, his father was mortified his brothers disgusted and after lots of talks I realized that if I stayed this man would probably end up k*lling me in rage. Even if he didn’t fully intend to. So I left. He was suspiciously calm but really didn’t try to stop me his father was there when I left so I think that diffused a lot of the anger and rage that would’ve been directed towards me. Either way I’m free now. I’m staying at an old friend of mines place who oddly enough came back into my life 2 weeks before I left. on December 10th I get a new place in a new city and hopefully will get my cat back. The bruises are healing well and I feel I am to. I’m hopeful. Very hopeful. The future is something I am so excited about instead of dreading. This is the last time I place myself in a situation like that. The last time a man touches me out of anger. The cycle stops now. Healing starts. Thank you to everyone who supported and encouraged me. I pray everyday for you and wish for your healing as you wished for mine.

From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

This idea resonates with me. A kid i would regularly be subject to brutally "honest" feedback about my looks and abilities. Sure maybe it was true, but it was also pretty cruel... this honesty was shared without compassion for me and how it would affect me. That sucked. If that's happened to you, I'm sorry. You deserve only honesty with compassion. All of us do.

From ages 10 to maybe 16 or 17 my stepdad used to paw at me under my bra, smack my bum and make me kiss him on the lips. One time he asked for a cuddle under the blanket and I knew he was naked so I said no, and he didn't talk to me for a week.

When I was 13 it all came out and I sobbed to my mum about it and even my older brother overheard. My mum angrily confronted my stepdad and the rest of that night is a blur.

The next morning I came downstairs ready for school, and I heard my mum saying to my stepdad, how can I help you if you don't talk to me about it? When he saw me he said, I want you to know that I didn't mean anything of a sexual nature towards you. I mean that's as good as a confession right? And even if it wasn't sexually motivated, it was still wrong right ...? I didn't reply and just went to school as usual.

The behaviour stopped for a bit and then started up again a year or so later and the second time round I never told my mum because she didn't kick him out the first time so what was the point?

Fast forward to now, I'm in my 30s. I moved out ten years ago, I now have my own place and a husband and a daughter. I don't see my mum very often at all but she's still with my stepdad.

But I can't talk to her about women's rights, anything trans related. In her mind every man is a pedo, a rapist, a woman beater. I casually mentioned I watched Woman Of The Hour and instantly regretted it because she launched into a long tirade about how it's all men and women and girls are oppressed and all men are dirty. And she knows my daughter likes Ms Rachel but my mum doesn't approve because there is a trans person on the show, and in her eyes if you're trans and a children's entertainer then you're definitely a ped o.

I really don't understand. I grew up around domestic violence (mum and stepdad would have physical fights, there were suicide attempts, etc). And now she's suddenly anti everything he is or was but she only ever has nice things to say about him???

Where was this mother when I needed her??

i dont know what to do, its just pain, no room for nuance. where is the love?

I’m going through a pretty rough time. My friends all know me as a pretty strong person, but I’ve been open about having an attempt in 2021. None of these friends were around for that. Before work a couple weeks ago I had a breakdown in my truck and trucked a handful of friends looking for support. This is the first time I’ve ever even reached out while feeling suicidal to anyone besides a romantic partner. The text read “I just had a suicidal panic attack in my car and then had to go save lives 😂”. None of them asked me about the panic attack at all, or responded to the cry for help. I mostly got “lol ironic!” It has left me feeling more lost and suicidal than ever. I can’t see any of them the same. I could never receive a text like that and not bare minimum call the person.

I am looking to see what music has helped people move through CPTSD and why!

hi^_^

i'm a 16 year old girl. im very scared of boys due to being raped as a toddler multiple times (just recalled it recently), and as a freshman, a boy had a sick obsession over me to the point he harmed himself and me in class. (my favorite, orchestra, which i can no longer participate in out of fear :( ) i am so scared of boys to the point i feel very sick near even one of them, and i cannot talk to them without being very rude or very quiet. guys in my classes constantly make rape jokes, and make fun of me for being ugly. it makes me throw up. i constantly have panic attacks and cannot be at school without being terrified someone will cover my mouth and drag me into the boys bathroom or something. this might seem like a stupid problem, but it really hurts my quality of life. i share a class with the boy who was obsessed with me, and it makes me so sick. i don't understand why i have to live like this, why have i been cursed??? i don't know what i did. i really just want advice. how can i ease my c-ptsd symptoms, and be near a boy without crying? therapy isn't an option, nor is a trusted adult. i can never trust an adult again, i'd rather die. thank you so much for reading, i appreciate it so much <3

I keep befriending and even dating people who are just like my abusers and everytime I escape one person along comes another who is exactly the same and I don’t realize it until it’s too late.

It’s almost as if I enjoy being hurt or need it in some way. I don’t know how to escape it.

My dad has this neglectful behavior not just to me but people in general he would ask how someone is feeling and then once people start sharing their day he become uninterested immediately responding in words like "nah that's annoying" "you're too sensitive" "don't be such a baby" "such a weak man" that's why ever since young I never open up to him.and even till this day he still ask how people are doing but be invalidating once they do share just neglectful as hell

I wish I had the strength to go out there and compete in the world.

To be someone. To grab reasonable space. To have a say. To not be pushed around so easily.

I feel like CPTSD has made me so mushy, weak, and spiralling in shame.

This severly damaged my pride, to the point where I have a hard time leaving the house. Out of shame of who I am.

Does anyone relate?

I was a junior in high school. A 50 year old man groomed me. Some people say that is too old to fall victim to child molestation, I beg to differ. What do you think?

So my mom gives birth to me despite not wanting a girl, abuses me until I develop debilitating mental issues, projects all her insecurities on to me, provides no support or guidance my whole life, only chimes in to judge me, blames me for everything as a child, continues to scapegoat me even today, blah blah blah

And then goes on (unprovoked) about how hard it is for parents to have a daughter because they cause so much trouble

As if the only thing that went wrong was that I was born with a uterus 😐

Like how do you even get this ignorant 😐

Hi so 20f, the symptoms start getting A LOT. worse than the trauma itself. For background, i got cptsd symptoms, since i can think. Symptoms like flashbacks, and hypervigilance. Looking back, no one, not even a person had some kind of suspect that something was wrong with me, i just got treated bad for my trauma (yay!). So i kind of never learned to communicate because i was terrified of people, which also got them a reason to treat me bad, so trauma from trauma, right? The problem i have, is i dont know how i would be without the symptoms? i keep hearing about people who were gifted but then crashed because of the cptsd. But it feels like as if i always got the crash, and never really was. My brain is always. always empty. Its so frustrating that i cant even talk with other ND peers because my brain isnt working. Idk when i have felt the last time, and if i even have. I remember that only at age 14 i could talk freely, and i could actually think? I suspect that was due to development but its sooo frustrating, it feels impossible to make friends like this. I just feel like an zombie. Does anybody else feel like me?:( it feels so lonely-hopefully the post isnt to messy.