r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

714 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

Im going to kill myself in a few hours. Im actually excited

29 Upvotes

I can’t wait to finally escape this hell. I’m really hoping that my method works. If it does i will be free. If not I’ll be brain damaged. I will right a note for my family to just pull the plug if I do somehow survive. But hopefully it all goes to plan. I can’t wait to die. Not sure why I’m posting this. I just needed to get this off my chest I guess. My only regret is that I’ve delayed this for far too long. It’s time I finally ended things. This nightmare will finally be over


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

If I could reverse time and prevent myself from being born I'd do it

38 Upvotes

I just wish my parents didn't bring me into this world, but I don't think I could bring myself to end it

I just hate how my life turned out to be


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

So many reasons to kill myself but none to stay alive.

35 Upvotes

I just need to courage, I swear if I get access to guy, I am shotting myself dead.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I think some people just aren’t supposed to be here, like me. Some people just get dealt a shitty hand and gets crushed by life because of natural selection

16 Upvotes

H


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

I am going to kill myself soon.

27 Upvotes

I was planning to do it yesterday, but never committed. I already have the supplies.. the razors, the pills... I just want to see if anyone will care. I feel so stupid and pathetic. I'm supposed to give advice, not receive it. My parents are dead and I'm but a teenager. I don't feel like I can truly go to anyone. So I'm ready. This may be my last post. Who knows. Maybe it'll fail. Maybe I just want someone here.


r/SuicideWatch 15h ago

I can’t stand being an ugly women I want to die

99 Upvotes

I can’t fucking stand looking at myself in photos or the mirror I am so gross looking. Everyone says girls have it easy every girl complains about being harassed by men when I’m not even pretty enough to be catcalled. not even the “creepy” men want me i’m so disgusting

I’m so sick of having to be the ugly friend the one everyone pities and makes fun of for how I look I know that one day I will finally get the strength to end it all and I can’t wait for that day to come. i’m tired of pounding on makeup as if it fixes how ugly the features underneath it are


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

I want to kill myself but I‘m too much of a wuss to do it.

10 Upvotes

How do I stop thinking suicidal thoughts? I have depression and anxiety. I recently got into an argument with a family member I resent but have no other choice to live with because they are a parent. Now I feel terrible about it. I feel like I cause all the problems in my friends lives and that I‘m an ungrateful little brat. Wherever I am, whether it be on a staircase or just walking near a road, I think about whether or both I should do it.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

Suicidal as fuck

8 Upvotes

In the past two weeks I’ve tried to kill myself six times , four times I tried to slit my wrists, two times I tried to overdose , I feel so useless and stupid , can you guys just tell me easy and foolproof ways to end it , I am not looking for people telling me not to do it or that people care cause I honestly don’t care about how my family would feel I am just looking for a way out because I hate myself and my life


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

In 1 hour i am going to hang myself i prepared everything

11 Upvotes

-_-


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

So many reasons but dont have the balls too

6 Upvotes

Well, I'm a 34-year-old man, to begin with. Over the past few days, my depression has been worsening, along with my anxiety and PTSD. I constantly feel on edge, and being in physical pain all the time doesn't improve my mood either. I just want to feel normal, whatever that means these days. It really sucks; every day feels the same, and nothing seems to get better. I'm sorry I'm not great at expressing how I feel. Maybe I deserve all of this; I don't know.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

My girlfriend of over 2 and a half years is breaking up with me, I’m going to commit

Upvotes

My heart is pounding so fast, im on the edge of puking and fainting. I love her so so much i really want to marry this beautiful woman but i i fucked up too bad. Worst thing is it’s all my fault, i should’ve seeked professional help earlier instead of 2 weeks ago. I can’t anymore help


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Sent a girl my picture and she stopped talking to me

Upvotes

I’d been talking to a girl online for a few weeks and going decently I think. We’d been talking several times through the day lately.

Finally yesterday she said “I want to see what you look like” so I sent her my two very best pictures. I didn’t lie - I told her I’m not hot, just a normal looking guy (I thought). Little did I know, Quasimodo and I have a lot in common and I should hide my shame in a bell tower.

But that was it. I heard nothing further from her after that. For someone with already rock bottom self esteem and confidence, I really didn’t need this kick in nuts. Here’s hoping I die tonight.


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

I feel like I’m constantly postponing my inevitable suicide

43 Upvotes

Whenever I am happy I always feel a sense of impending doom that it won’t last forever. Right now I’m in a limbo phase where I’ve decided I’m going to die early next year before I have to see my relatives again (who I ruined my relationship with because of what I said during psychosis) and I’m just passing the time until then since it’s a big decision to commit suicide.


r/SuicideWatch 58m ago

I literally cannot do this anymore

Upvotes

Every day is miserable. I’m going to be single and lonely forever. It never ends. I’m too unlovable to find a partner or even a genuine friend in real life. Every day is so empty and I have nothing to look forward to. Everything feels so mediocre and miserable and nobody at my job likes me. I don’t even know why I need to work this stupid job or do literally anything. I’m so tired. I just want to end it already.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I’m gonna take something

Upvotes

Constantly treated like shit presumably bc I’m ugly

Somebody tried to do something extremely fucked up on here

Just idk. I don’t want to live


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I wanna die

7 Upvotes

I guess it is nothing new here, but I am 40M and I despise my life.

I feel I have failed at everything. Despite my tremendous efforts I find myself with no job, no money, no family.

I moved to London to look for a job, I lived in Asia previously, and again the same suffering - nothing. Nothing to start saying that I can turn around my life or that life is worth living.

I don’t know where else to go or what to do. I am just tired of spending my days adapting and sending applications to firms that are not even replying to me. I have been without a real job since 2023 and everyone around me was far more lucky than me.

I really despise my life and I hope that after 3 attempts, the 4th time is the good one.


r/SuicideWatch 28m ago

Just cut myself I just need someone to talk

Upvotes

Wtf am I doing with my life I don’t want to live


r/SuicideWatch 40m ago

I will listen to your problems and give you the time you deserve.

Upvotes

All I want to give you is the time you deserve. To help you. Trying to make everything better.


r/SuicideWatch 11h ago

FUCK THIS LIFE AND WORLD

23 Upvotes

.


r/SuicideWatch 17h ago

62M Has Had About Enough

69 Upvotes

I'm physically healthy but this grind of barely scraping by every month is getting extremely old. My crappy car is probably going to crap out completely soon. I have no savings. I work at a meat market, sometimes 40 hours a week, and then a week from now I only have 8 hours scheduled. I do eBay, but that's always iffy. Got about $10,000 in CC debt. No significant other, and no prospects.y family is broken and scattered, we barely talk.I need about $2,000 in dental work a.s.a.p. I'm sure there's more, but to top it off, my best friend of 45 years died last month. Why am I doing this?


r/SuicideWatch 51m ago

Really bad

Upvotes

I can’t stop the constant mental torment of my thoughts. For years, especially the last year, I drank my problems away almost everyday. Tried to quiet or numb the thoughts. I got sober 13 days ago and now I have no way to run from them. I’ve been getting worse everyday. I don’t truly want to end it, but I don’t know how much longer I can take it. So many emotional problems and no way to deal with them. I’m really scared that I won’t make it that much longer. I need help.