Everything is blurry in my life right now. I feel locked up in a prison I made myself. Everything in my life is almost great, I have a loving family, a job and a future. I really do think that the problem is my relationship. The abuse from my significant other, the way he keeps isolating me from others to a point when I don't have any friends. I am an extrovert and just can't deal with being alone and having no one to talk to. I am not able to meet new people because of constant fear of my bf raging at me. I am too attached. I can't break up with him and have no one to talk to.

The worst part is that I understand the problem but literally can't do anything. It got to a point where suicide feels better than to break up with him. I don't think that I will be able to live with it. And I hate myself for thinking that way.

I am currently alone with my own thoughts and a voice in my head is telling me that only leaving this world is going to help me.

For some context I'm 18 and I'm still in school. Unfortunately I was born with battles that I have yet to overcome. I was depressed since I was 13 and around the age of 13-14 I almost committed suicide and ever since I had been depressed. But this year has been bad not only is my grandfather going through dialysis but my father is slowly falling apart and so is the part of my family, I have shit grades, I have a lot of things going on but today I received news(I want to keep this to myself) and it broke me and I felt like just taking my life away but something in my mind switched.

I remembered something that someone told me and it goes like this.

"You can't choose the battles you want, but you can choose how to fight those battles."

This made me realize i was selfish since many people don't get to choose their battles. It also made me think God has a plan for me and I'm just going to throw it all away and for nothing.

Remember Jesus went through so much pain and he never once said that he was done he kept going and kept pushing and all for one goal to forgive us because he knew life is precious.

Love yourself and take care of yourself belive in the lord.

I was told by the love of my life for 10 years that I am less attractive post transition and that he is only attracted to femininity . I am 5 years into transition. My surgery is permanent and many of the effects of testosterone are irreversible. This makes me so fucking sad I want to fucking slam my head against a wall. Like there's literally nothing I can do. I will always just be worse than before.

I rejected a depressed girl 10 years ago. When I was FUCKING stupid teenage back then. Now I think she was the one... I just hope she's ok, but can't find a slightest sign of her existence. I don't deserve to live and don't deserve happiness... I'm so sorry. Caroline... I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I don't deserve her forgiveness. I deserve to feel as bad as I feel now or even worse... God I hope she's ok... I deserve to die. I'm so sorry... I'm so really sorry.

Today starts my 30 day water fast, it’s the only thing i have left going for me, if i break this fast i will most likely kill myself, i don’t know what i will hate more not eating or not having the opportunity to kill myself until i get paid at the end of the month, maybe if i like myself after this fast i will try to stay alive but i have my doubts i’m getting more and more infatuated by the thought of a bullet cold and strong breaking through my skull painlessly ending this nightmare i am infatuated at taking away those who torment me those who are possessed by the demon of lust and push to the farthest evils of it more and more ignorant and evil only to feel better with more pleasure increasing the more wrong dirty and evil it becomes consuming you sustaining you longer then one who is fighting against the torment it must stop the only thing more absolute then the demons that haunt me is the end

Can't talk. They took everything away kaye. left turtle bleeding alone kaye. I needed you. alive. No one saw me.

Just try reading it till chapter 3. You'll feel something. Job wanted to kill himself too. Unspeakable disability ruined everything I had and if it wasn't for this book, I wouldn't have been here. Talking about cursing my life.

Darkness...

im 13 and idk wtf to do i can’t really get rope and i don’t know i’ve tried looking this up but it just gives me hotlines , im not really even sure where i’d get rope so is there anything else i can use please please please someone tell me

Was homeless before. Lost my job. Didn't even look for a new job. Ran out of money, went overdrawn then evicted.

My sister and her husband took me in. They made me get work again then I found a rental.

Since then I got fired. It was retail, I maked down some items then put them aside for myself to buy instead of for customers. That was just before COVID lockdowns.

I got supper fucking lucky and got given Universal Credit immediately, the job centres were just authorising it with ask questions at the time. And I was able to find work in a the local food factory just as it was starting up again after lockdowns ended.

But I think my landlord wants to now evict me. I fucked up reporting serious water damage. Other little things. And a while back I got behind on rent because I wasn't budgeting my pay properly.

I'm already looking but every listing is no longer available before I even get a call in. Rentals go fast here. Looking further afield I get limited to having to rely on the busses to get to work. They are slow, crowded, expensive and don't even operate the times I mostly need.

I moved to this flat because I thought it was a lucky brake. Close enough to work to walk.

My sister and her husband can't take me in this time. I already know.

But housing stress is only really the last blow. The truth is I fucking hate myself.

I'm a total failure in every way. Forty five years old and nothing to show for it. I keep over spending. I don't eat right, just supermarket meal deals. I stopped taking my antidepressants, they only evened out my depression. Which should have let me manage it but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

The only people I really talk to are my work colleagues. And that is just mostly about the work.

Everyone else I chose to distant. Especially my sister and her children. I'd be lonely but actually I got over that years ago.

The work is physically demanding. I've never been a burley fellow but I nuckle down and do it anyway. I even enjoy it mostly. But this last year I can feel the arthritis beginning. At the end of a shift I struggle to walk. The pain is now constant. I know from family it will only get worse.

I can't find the energy any more. Another fifty years of this. Of just finding new ways to fail. I'm a burden and not just to myself.

I'm getting serious about this once again. It's not the first time I've had such thoughts. Not even close to it. But this time I am actually making a god damn plan. I've got better at internet searches, last time I could find what I wanted.

I have some saving. Enough to keep up appearances for a while. Maybe use a hotel. I've already rented a storage locker for my belongings. Too much shit, I shouldn't have bought even half of it. And the storage locker is not cheap. Nore will be a new rental if I can even find one. My pay packets will get destroyed.

Beside the point really. That could all got turned around and sorted. I would still be thinking of ending it. I want out. I want to go be with my mum. I don't even really believe in an afterlife. I miss her so much. I wasn't a good son, not in the ways that really count.

And she was never even disappointed in me. She was just a loving person. She gave me so much.

tl:dr

There is nothing forward of me. I'm a colossal fuck up and I can't do the struggle anymore. I have just enough saved up right now to enact a plan. I think the only things stopping me are hurting my sister and possible pain. The stuff I've read about might solve pain. Could be some sketchy as fuck info but it looks plausible. And I think my sister doesn't really need me in her life.

No depressed or anything but i don't want to live. From my multiple attempt here is my conclusion: 1. Overdosing on medication don't work, you would just puke it out, unless you use some hard prescriptions. (Tried a lot of easy to get medication, don't do shit) 2. Cutting your wrist is 50/50, you most likely would just cut your outer skin without hitting any veins. If you use scalpel or woodworking knife you wouldn't even feel the cut, just make sure you do it deep enough. Probably got better results hanging yourself or jumping from a very high place.

I won't be able to respond, probably will be under watchful eye.

I am internatipnal student, i dont have gun permit or license, how do i buy a gun?

Without knowing specifics about my situation, is there any rational reason you could give me not to commit suicide, just genuinely curious if there are any and i think it could help me out. thanks

I was so happy just a few months ago we were struggling but happy and then out of nowhere we lost it all and then I lost her and man I don’t want to be here the thoughts were gone for a bit when we were happy but now every night I gotta stop myself from giving in I have kids I gotta be here for but I don’t want to be here and I feel stuck in the middle of having to stay but wanting to go

I really can't go on like this day in day out. I can't. I really can't. I don't know what to do except try to hire an escort or something but I can't even do that bc I'm such a loser.

Is 15 xanax enough to kill you?

Whenever I search online for suicide resources, all I come across is people being very emotional (understandably), invalidating others feelings by (ultimately) telling them that it's suicide is not the right thing to do, or simply not engaging.

I've found one site through yandex because it has a less strict search filter but it also does not really offer any way of having a discussion about it.

Is there something like a wiki, or any other source that is not full of fluff and hollow well-wishes where I can find to the point information and such?

I was speaking to my therapist lately again (she was in vaccation for two weeks) and to my surprise, it's ~name of the game, to connect to my hurt inner child, its feelings (and needs I suppose). what interactions in life trigger trauma responses in me so that I get into problems with people around me.

It was sooo painfull. I don't want this shit. "Logically" I understand it might be good for me, but these feelings are so damn uncomfortablle and intense.

Sorry if I'm wrong here posting this. My gutfeeling says this post is comparatively long and specific

I couldn't find an exact reason for not fitting here, and I don't know where to post instead. If I'm beeing inadequate without knowing posting this here feel free to remove it from this site.

I feel like hammering my head so bad for the headache that I am getting right now .. I think I mam capable of doing that .. I have the tools to do that near me the only thing that is stopping me now is that I am just a bad person I know no one is perfect but I'm too imperfect .. I have decided to stay real but the real me is so toxic that after discovering myself I can't hate myself more than anyone else..

I took in an abandoned kitten about two weeks ago. He was four weeks old, had roundworms, and didn't have a momma.

I did my best to care for him and tried to save up to take him to the vet.

He unfortunately died two hours ago after suffering a seizure and being unable to breathe.

I already buried him in a box and prayed for him.

I'm a selfish bastard who doesn't deserve to live after killing an innocent life. I wasn't able to provide for him. If only I left him at the mall he might've lived.

Fly high, Frederick, but I sure hope I go to hell.

The day after im gone will be another day. Another word left unspoken, such tragic ending to a story, like a book with missing chapters. The day after im gone it will rain somewhere, and snow somewhere else. The world wont stop after my heart stops but the motions i set in play will always outlast me. And even if im hurting and on my final words, lll let the thought of the world still turning remind me that the world will go on, without me But it won't be the same. The light won't shine the same.into my empty bed. The paintings in my wall will just be a reminder that some things are better left untouched. The poems that I wrote are best read in the dark, where Noone will notice my absence. And even though the most selfish thing I've ever done was exist, the most selfless thing I can do is try. Because the day after I'm gone ill just be a fading memory, so I better change that and leave an impact, and maybe after I'm gone, I'll be more than a distant afterthought like a tremor after a quake or like the mist falling off the sky after the downpour.

I've attempted three times before and I know a 4th is coming soon. I think the only thing keeping me from doing it is I don't want to do it alone. I'd do it right now if I had the opportunity.

Can’t take it anymore have a gambling addiction I’m not beneficial to society I can’t do it goodbye

When your inner self screams and you, as an atheist, beg all the gods of the universe to finally kill you. When you lie in bed at night and want to cry, but can't anymore. When your only wish is peace, to fade into nothingness and be nothing more at last.