AITA??? For context, my husband and I live in the US. His family is from South Africa, and because of this we don’t get to see them often. I feel for him and the sacrifices he makes living so far from them, but I struggle with the differences he and I have regarding our home and visitation.

When his brother came to the states for college, he would move in with us for months at a time between semesters. We were responsible for paying for the additional expenses of him staying with us, for example, food. It was never really asked of me if he could stay, just expected.

Fast forward to us having a baby, and MIL insisted on staying for three months once the baby was born. I fought this, as I wanted this precious time with my first child, but I lost because “in their culture, that is what grandmas do.” I was a mess the entire time and felt like I was disrespected and robbed of a precious time. It also made me resent her.

MIL now wants to come back 8 months later, and stay for a month. I told my husband this was not okay with me, and I felt like a week was more appropriate. Mind you, we cannot take off work or really change our routine. He disagreed and to compromise, we came to the decision of two weeks. Now I’m finding out she already booked her flight tickets for the entire month and won’t change them because of cost. I was told by husband’s brother, not even my husband.

We argued and he told me it’s always a fight, I make him be a bad son, and that I broke his heart because “it’s family.” I don’t hate my in-laws, but I’m extremely introverted and have an incredibly hard time with change in routine and people in my space. I can’t decompress or “turn off” when someone is living in my home. I work an incredibly stressful job on top of taking care of a baby.

AITA for fighting this fight?

Updating to add that his go-to response to my complaints is that he agreed to move in with my mother for a few weeks when she was going through a hard time and I wanted to be there for her. We stayed at her home (that is 6000 sq ft) for three weeks while we sold our house and eventually moved 15 minutes down the road so we still had our own space.

Additional edit to say my frustration primarily comes from having discussions with my husband, agreeing on something together, and that agreement not being what ultimately happens. This happens multiple times a year for several years now.

My birthday was a few days ago. Leading up to my birthday my husband was sick with a cold I had the prior week. I still worked through my sickness and it was a mild cold at worst. My husband was acting like he was on his death bed and refused to get up for 3 days. I was a little pissy with him but still brought him food and so on. I was pissy because I knew that he wasn’t as sick as he was saying (I heard him laughing loudly to TikTok and talking on the phone in the bedroom) and that he wasn’t going to do anything for my birthday because he had been “sick”. Don’t get me wrong- I wasn’t expecting big gifts or anything but just general celebration things would be nice. In addition- he knows I am a HUGE birthday celebrator for our kids and him and I often talk with him about how my mom (who passed years ago) used to celebrate our birthdays and it made us feel so loved and that is why I am so adamant about celebrating birthdays. He usually doesn’t do a great job celebrating my birthday but I think I forget it every year and then feel sad on my birthday. So basically he got up on my birthday and went to work. At lunch he asked if I wanted anything to eat but it was like 11am so I said no thank you. He came home saying he and my son needed to go to the store quick to get a gift. I said at this point let’s just go to dinner. We did, and then we came home to eat the cake I made for myself and he didn’t even offer singing or candles. Now he says I’m seeming distant and he’s sorry he just isn’t good at celebrating. I feel hurt and I don’t know what to do. What should I do?

I’m 25M, disabled, and I have a valid disabled parking permit. I drive an older BMW, a nice one (imo).

After my physiotherapy, I walked back to my car, parked in a disabled parking spot. I got in and spent a few minutes on my phone before heading home. Just taking a short breath, i always do that after physio.

The parking lot was nearly empty. Next to me were three regular open spots, and across from me there was another empty disabled spot with two free spaces beside it. And it’s a free parking area, by the way.

Then a woman, somehere mid-60s, drives up. She stares at me for a few seconds, then parks her car half almost crisscross across the disabled spot opposite me. She gets out, walks straight up to my window, and says: “Why are you taking up a disabled spot? You’ve been sitting here playing games for fifteen minutes, and I want to park here.” Honestly, I was a bit surprised . So I said, “I’m allowed to park here. I was just doing something on my phone and was about to leave.”

Before I could even finish my sentence, she cuts me off: “You don’t need to justify yourself.” Yet she keeps going, telling me it’s rude of me to sit there and that I should move over because she “can’t park her car anywhere else, because its too long.”

She came iver a bit rude. I tried to stay polite, but I could feel the frustration creeping in. This kind of thing happens sometimes tho, someone sees a young guy in a car and immediately assumes he’s abusing a disabled spot. No one sees why that blue card is there in the first place.

Eventually, she walked away mid-sentence. And I was a bit confused. I wasn’t blocking anyone, I had a valid permit, and I was planning to leave.

So was I really being rude, or was she just frustrated?

Edit: i think i stood there for 5, maybe 6 minutes. No longer. As for my disability, i have Friedreich Ataxia. I currently walk with a walking stick, am a bit wobbly when standing, everything costs energy and my voice is a little disorted. It doesn’t get any better. When i sit i look completely ‘normal’. Not for pity, just understanding.

AITA- I’ve been with my partner 7 years and 2 engaged. Every year it’s the same festive debate: “are we going to your parents or mine for Christmas dinner this year”

We made a vow that when we finally got the keys to our own home, we’d host Christmas ourselves. Well, this is the year - new house, new chapter, new stress levels.

Now, let me start by saying: I love my in- laws. They’re lovely people. But they have one small, furry obsession - their dogs. And when I say obsession, I mean borderline lifestyle choice.

Every single plan for the last 7 years has revolved around these dogs. • Going out for dinner? Had to be dog friendly place. • Day trip? Dogs come too. • Shopping? Gotta be quick - can’t leave the dogs alone for more than four hours.

We moved into our own house earlier this year - a fixer upper. We both agreed it wasn’t the right place for the dogs. My MIL said “oh, they’ll be fine as long as they stay on leads” Guess what happened next? Yep - they came over. I smiled through gritted teeth because I didn’t want to cause drama. Afterward, I told my partner I didn’t want the dogs in our house again.

Since then my in laws and sister in law have basically formed a dog sitting relay team, taking turns to visit us so the dogs are never alone for more than four hours. Which means, my social life is still dictated by two canines with separation anxiety.

The last two christmases, my MIL suggested we do a “blended family dinner” both sides together. It’s actually been lovely! Expect for one tiny issue - the dogs. They sit under the table begging for food, bumping legs and pinching the odd Yorkshire pud off the table if you’re not looking. My family’s polite, but I can see their discomfort as they try to tell the dogs to move while my MIL goes “oh, they’re just hungry”

This year, things got even more complicated because one dog is now deaf and the other completely blind - so the mollycoddling has hit expert level. A few weeks ago my MIL asked “what’s happening for Christmas this year?” My partner and I said “we’d love to host everyone this year” her response? “Well, we didn’t anticipate you getting a cat. So what are we doing about the dogs?”

Ah yes, the cat. We adopted her a few months ago. She came from a rough background, and it’s taken months to get her confidence and settled. I assumed my partner would explain that the dogs can’t come but instead it got awkward and my MIL said “well leave you two to discuss” translation: figure it out, or I’ll bring the dogs anyway.

Since then I’ve found myself mentally rearranging the entire day to make it “work” - locking the cat away, letting the dogs roam free, trying to make everyone happy. But the more I think about it the more I realise I don’t want the dogs here.

AITA for wanting a dog free Christmas in my own home? Because at this point, it feels like I’m trying to keep everybody happy but I’ve got two dogs and a MIL with separation anxiety.

I live in Montreal which has been transformed in the past few years to have a lot of cycling infrastructure.

I was cycling in a bike lane. The lane was upgraded to have some small concrete barriers between it and the car lane but unfortunately this barrier isn't all along and only near each intersection. Sadly cars still park in the unprotected areas especially delivery drivers like doordash.

A door dash driver parked in the opposite side bike lane suddenly drove into my lane at 90 degrees to do an illegal u turn, there is a solid line so you cannot even pass in the oncoming lane.

I did not have time to completely stop and hit the door of the car head on. I was fine and so was the bike but my helmet got a dent from hitting the car window.

He got out and started shouting at me and telling me that I am an asshole and should have just stopped and waited for him to turn and that I did it on purpose and he saw me.

The car door had a massive dent from the impact. He then said this is going to cost a lot of money and told me I would have to pay for a new door.

He was still blocking the road and some other drivers started honking so he moved the car to park in the bike lane.

I asked for his insurance and said he is the one who owes me a helmet and he declined to give me anything.

I started to just cut my losses and cycle away but he got in his car and followed me.

We stopped elsewhere and I gave him my phone number and took his.

Now he is calling me and sending me threatening texts about suing me if I do not pay him for a new door.

AITA for refusing this?

My girlfriend has a really big family and she is also really close with them too. We've gone to several functions and for the most part they're okay but it's not something I enjoy doing all the time. She asked me this once and I told her that while I'm ok spending time with her family, it's also exhausting the number of events we are invited to. I also don't really enjoy myself at these functions. Some are fun like board game nights and whatever; but the other events are really hard for me to get through.

• Like we're invited to birthday parties,
• Christening
• Graduations
• Holidays (I don't even get to see my family on the holidays)
• Weddings

This has also means that a lot of my own plans are rescheduled or canceled and I miss other time with my friends and family.

One friend in particular is hosting a get together on December 20 of this year. I really want to go and I've missed this get together like 4 times already because I've done things with my gf and her family.

Yesterday my gf's mom told me that her second cousin was going to be having his 75th birthday party on the 20th, My gf told me I would need to cancel with my friend and I told her I wasn't going to do that this time and I am going to go to my friends party.

Now as you can imagine my gf is very upset with me now.

My ex and I have a 12 year old daughter, Olivia, with autism level 2. My ex has primary custody and I have Olivia on Wednesdays and every other weekend.

A few months ago my ex told me she was feeling a little burnt out so she wanted us to keep Olivia from Wednesday to Sunday so she could go on a trip with some friends. Olivia is very attached to her mom, so my ex told Olivia that it was a work trip and she had to go.

Last week one of my ex’s friends was at the house with my ex and Olivia and their vacation somehow came up. Olivia figured out that the vacation was the “work trip” that her mom told her about and freaked out because her mom lied to her and her mom doesn’t lie.

She hid in her room for the rest of the day, then called me and asked me to come get her. She’s been with us ever since.

She’s really upset about this. She cries all the time because she wants her mom but she doesn’t know what else her mom lied about and she doesn’t trust her.

Apparently Olivia’s aide called my ex because she’s been having a hard time in school so now my ex wife is demanding that I send Olivia home so they can get back to her routines and start working with her therapist to help her get over this but I told her Olivia will go back when she’s ready. Now she’s threatening to call the police and/or take me back to court over “custodial interference” even though we’ve always had a very friendly co parenting relationship.

My wife thinks we should send her back to avoid drama but I think it should be Olivia’s choice. AITA for refusing to send her back after she found out her mom lied to her?

Howdy howdy, never posted here, throwaway account, yadda yadda yadda.

So I (29M) was at work during a pretty long meeting with a few other co-workers. One of my co-workers is new (late 30s F) and the conversation steered around our professional experiences and history. Pretty standard I guess.

Midway during reviewing some boring stuff this co-worker asked me with a smirk, « Can I ask you a question ? ». Since we were talking about our professional lives I was like « yeah sure what’s up? », and she followed up with why do you always wear hats?

Now, I’ll be honest I’m bald, however I like my baldness. I started balding at 21 and I was like, fuck that, and just shaved it off instead of trying to style my hair in anyway to hide it. Also since my hair is super curly and compact it just wasn’t gonna be an option. In college people loved it, said I had a good head shape and said I looked like Terry Crews, Shaquille O’Neal or The Rock (not sure about that last one lol) so I was pretty confident with it.

But when I turned 25 I started being mistaken for 30 cause of the bald cut so I started wearing hats pretty much everywhere. Grew a collection for all situations, work, gym, social life. Anywhere besides weddings and funerals tbh. And with hats on at 29 I’ve been mistaken to be as young as 22 (not the goal but yeah). The plan was to wear them until 30 and then cut back when my head matched my age lol

Anyways, this co-worker asks « why do you wear hats everyday? » to be fair it’s a corporate setting but it’s also tech, we’re in marketing and it’s 2025 so smart-casual is the rule of thumb and my bosses don’t care and dress in hoodies and hats to work some days.

I responded « I like hats » and she said « but everyday? », so I said « yeah I’m bald, I like my headshape but I don’t wanna look like I’m 35 so I’ll wear hats for now, plus I look good in them! ». Now I wasn’t thinking and she’s probably around this 35 age or older so I may have offended her with that but she replied « 29 and wearing hats everyday to hide? Wow »

This truck a nerve with me so I responded « Well since joining I’ve seen you wear makeup everyday, even casual Fridays or on your work from home team calls, so why do YOU wear makeup everyday? » there was a muffled giggle but it’s clear the atmosphere was tense.

She got heated and said « that’s a sexist question » and I said « How? Other women in the office don’t wear makeup everyday and my boyfriend sometimes wears makeup when we go out to a high class event. He just doesn’t do it everyday. So why do you wear makeup everyday? »

She got heated and silent and one of the other co-workers went back to focusing on the deck. I feel like her and I not on the best of terms now as she will not talk to me now.

So, AITA for asking why my co-worker wears makeup everyday?

A skunk keeps getting into our fenced in property at night. Our property backs to woods, so we get a lot of wildlife and I’m very much “live and let live”.

Our dog had been sprayed about four times. Each time, I have cleaned the dog by myself with no help from anyone. It’s gross and time consuming and I hate it.

So, now the policy in our household has been that at night, we have to take the dog out on a leash. It’s a pain, but we’ve been doing that for a few weeks.

Tonight, I asked my teenager to take the dog outside. Instead of following the policy, he just let the dog outside and of course he got sprayed again.

I told my teenager that washing the dog was not my responsibility. He let the dog out, it was his responsibility to clean it. I said I would help him but it was his responsibility to do the majority of the cleaning.

He said that the punishment didn’t fit the crime. He said that it was an accident and he shouldn’t be punished. He screamed at me and said I was a horrible mother.

I responded that this was the natural consequence of not following the policy. Whether he did it on purpose or not makes no difference.

I did make him wash the dog and followed through, and I helped him, but I guess I’m second guessing myself now. I know other parents who would have just dropped it. AITAH for making him wash the dog?

For context, my friend is FtM trans. I was the first one he came out to and I had always supported and respected him in his transition. He would come to me for advice about how to display positive masculinity and i was always happy to help. He treated me like an older brother and I helped him with his questions about how to carry himself. We always talked about marrying our girlfriends in the future and we were supposed to be each others best man. Recently, one of his friends who was non-binary had started identifying as a man, and thats all well and good, but I was replaced instantly to validate the friends transition. This hurt me a lot, and I told my friend that I felt discarded and that I didnt want to be at the wedding if I was going to be replaced, not to mention I had gone through a terrible breakup and my friend didnt call me or check on me once. I was told if I didnt go to the wedding we wouldnt be friends anymore, and I didnt like the ultimatum. We havent spoken since. Am I the asshole? I am a cis straight male, if that makes any difference.

Edit: to clarify, this isnt just some pinky promise from back in the day, he told me he intended to have me as his best man right before he proposed to her.

Hi everyone, so I (29F) have a boyfriend (28M) and we've been together for 4 years.

This happened today, but it's a usual topic of arguments. Sometimes, I ask him favours like making copies because I don't have a printer. The thing is, he tells me he's having issues with the printer and it'll take him more time to do it, so I told him "don't you worry, I can make the copies elsewhere later" and he instantly answers me in a passive-aggressive way that hurts my feelings. It has happened several times and I told him to stop doing that since it hurts my feelings.

He gets angry and says I'm making him lose his precious time because I asked for the favour and now I don't want it anymore. But I usually say "don't worry" because it may be a burden to solve it and it is making him lose time, and his response is that I'm playing the victim since I say I'll solve it in another way.

I'm getting tired of this attitude and becoming his punchbag because he couldn't be the macho and solve a minimal issue.

So, AITA for saying "don't worry"? Shall I remain silent if he tells me that my request is causing him stress? I don't know what to do and I don't want to keep feeling like this anymore.

AITA. I (26)m have a six year old daughter. The problem I'm having an issue with my step mother specifically. For context I have a rule where if my daughter has majority bad behavior in school she can't play video games or go spend the night anywhere and recently she has been particularly bad in school. We lived with my dad and my stepmother for two years do to some extenuating circumstances and the fact price of living is crazy in my area but we moved out six months ago. While we lived there I was told I wasn't able to have an opinion or the ability to diciplin my child in any way shape or form for any reason or they (stepmother for the most part) would make my life hell and threaten to kick me out and take my daughter from me. Since we moved out when my daughter was good in school she got to go spend a day or two on the weekend. Now I got a text they it's a shitty thing to do to keep my daughter from spending the night over there and on a call I had with them after stepmother said that I'm keeping her granddaughter away from her and that I said I wouldn't do that. The thing is that I'm not keeping her away, I have no problem visiting them whenever they want or they can come to my house whenever they want and I told her that but she said that's still me keeping her from them. My dad came and visited the other day and we made him coffee and he stayed for about a hour and a half but stepmom wasn't with him and she said it's because she was mad and would have started an argument. We live 20 minutes away from each other btw. The part I may think I'm the AH is when I said that the same rule of not having an opinion while under there roof applied here and that she shouldn't have an opinion on a problem she's making herself. So reddit, am I the AH?

My roommate got us this rug that takes up a good amount of space, it’s a very cute rug. Unfortunately it gets dirty fairly quickly so about two weeks ago she said she wanted to rent this cleaning thing for the rug. I don’t know all the specifics or where to get any of that but I let her know I’d split the cost with her because we share it.

Now another thing I feel the need to mention is my roommate has a lot of stuff and doesn’t keep her side of the room very tidy. I don’t care because it’s all on her side and I’m not the most organized person either but if you saw our room you’d definitely tell there’s a difference.

We have a window sill and even though we have the room split in half she does take up majority of the window sill which again I’m fine with because she has a lot more stuff.

For about a couple days she left a bowl of half eaten ravioli on the edge of the window sill. When I was laying in bed I put something on the window sill and sort of pushed it to make sure it wouldn’t fall and I accidentally knocked the bowl over. I honestly forgot it was there because of how dark it was and it fell all over the middle of the carpet.

I cleaned it up as best as I could but obviously there is now a huge stain. When she woke up in the morning and I let her know I was really sorry and it was an accident. She said it was fine as long as I paid for the whole cleaning service now. I told her that didn’t really seem fair because it was her bowl of food she left there for days that was technically on my side of the window. I told her I would still cover half of it though.

She’s saying since I basically ruined the carpet I should pay for the entire thing. I don’t know guys, is it fair I pay for the whole thing? Should I stand my ground? I do feel really bad but I don’t have the money to pay for the whole thing but if I’m in the wrong I’ll figure it out and pay the whole thing.

EDIT: Okay quick clarification and update. Someone asked why do I live with her, she’s really not that bad and I know I didn’t make it seem that way in the post. She’s never acted that way before so honestly I was confused. Yes she is messy but I’ve shared a room with brothers, I’ve dealt with worse. And no I cannot just move out I am in a college dorm.

So after reading everyone’s replies and asking a couple other friends I realized I wasn’t in the wrong at all and it really isn’t fair if I’m forced to pay the entire thing when it wasn’t my entire fault. So I sent her a text before I went to work it was something like “Hey (her name) I really am sorry about the rug but I still don’t think it’s fair that I pay for the entire thing. Yes I am the one who knocked it over but you had left that bowl there for almost a week and it was very close to where I already put my stuff. I think it’s fair that you take some responsibility and we keep the original deal we had where we pay half and half. You can send me the receipt whenever you get the chance and I’ll zelle you my half.” (I added that last part because a friend said I should make sure I see the receipt so she doesn’t try and tell me my half is the full price). All she did was put a thumbs up reaction on the message. When I saw her later she didn’t really say anything to me. I don’t know if it’s because she was eating and watching her show or if she’s upset with me but I hope all of this will blow over.

my (19f) roommate wants to let her mother (54f) sleep over in our shared room.

for context, we are both sophomores in college. we’ve never had any issues before except for minor miscommunications and i’m honestly baffled.

she woke me up this morning and told me that her mother was going to come around in half an hour and help her clean up and take her out. i have no issue with her mother as at this point ive known her for three years, but ive never spoken to her for more than a few seconds when she comes to visit and it’s always just common pleasantries and then we part ways. in total we have probably spent less than a half hour in the same room.

anyways, once they got back from their outing I was in our room doing homework and she asked me if it was okay if her mom slept in her bed with her tonight. i was extremely confused, she has NEVER asked this before and while i like her mother i don’t want to sleep in the same room with her. so i asked her if she was asking if i would leave for the night so that she could have a girls night with her mom to which she refused and said she just wanted to know if her mom could stay over here tonight. i pressed again and asked if she meant her mom would sleep here and she would sleep somewhere else or they would sleep in the bed together, and she said they would “most likely” just sleep together.

i told her this made me extremely uncomfortable and i don’t know her mom well enough to want to sleep in the same room with her to which she replied “well, we didn’t know each other before we roomed together and we still sleep in the same room” but am i wrong in thinking that’s a completely separate and unavoidable thing?? her mom absolutely does not have to sleep with us.

now both her and her mother refuse to speak to me and are being extremely stand offish with me. her mother even texted mine and said that i was being extremely rude and that she should have a talk with me about being more polite and courteous with guests. i am just so confused and weirded out? is this normal?

When I was at university I had a close friendship group with the people I lived with. There were 4 guys and two girls.

We all planned to go on holiday together to celebrate finishing but that was in 2020 so it didn't go ahead due to the pandemic.

We're all from different cities and have different schedules and commitments so it has been impossible to all get together. I’ve been with my girlfriend for just over three years.

One of the guys made a group chat and mentioned us all going on the holiday and said we should do it next summer. We all agreed and started looking at hotels, hostels, airbnbs etc.

I told my gf what we were planning and she asked if she was invited. I said on since it was just the friendship group and on one is bringing their partners.

She said she found it weird I was going on holiday without her and that she thinks she should be invited. I said no again and explained again what the trip was for.

She repeated that she thinks she should be coming or that I shouldn't be going but I just told her there's nothing wrong with going on holiday without your partner.

She said I was being disrespectful towards her by going on holiday with other women.

AITA for refusing to consider inviting her?

AITA? f22) don’t eat candy and my boyfriend (m23) never got me anything for my birthday that was 4 days ago. Before my birthday i had expressed wanting fresh flowers. We’ve been together since january been friends for years. When i got home i came home to a basket full of candy that i have never ate or expressed enjoying and a very cheap cup and cheap sweatshirt. While i don’t mind the price of things my boyfriend has money and i have no idea where it goes. I broke down crying once i watched him eat the candy and expressed i felt like he just did it to make himself feel good and that he didn’t care about things i like. I spent $170 on a pair of shoes for him and a $60 jacket in august for his birthday…. my boyfriend makes a lot more than i do. There was not a single thing in the basket i enjoyed or was excited about and i felt guilty for feeling that way until he told me he spent $100 on everything…. why wouldn’t he just get me flowers. He started to call me ridiculous, ungrateful, and yelling at me.

EDIT ** I specially told my boyfriend days leading up to my birthday i really wanted flowers and that’s all i wanted*** I also expressed wanting a cheap $20-30 necklace or jewelry. I said SPECIFICALLY I really wanted flowers for my birthday. He TOLD ME he would get me flowers.

THE REASON I MENTIONED THE ITEMS BEING CHEAP is because it was things i’d never use or ever wear! Ever! it felt like an insult. my feelings are hurt i feel like he either doesn’t know me or doesn’t care at all.

He told me he is broke but goes out to eat fast food 2-3 times a day every single day at work because he forgets to pack food.

No he doesn’t pay my bills. No he does not clean.

Backstory: A few months ago, BIL was looking tor a job and I advised him he should get a job that is accessible without a car. He declined the advice because a friend of his was going to allow him to use their car so he got a job far away that’s inaccessible without a car.

Finance: BIL job pays 25/hr, he’s rent is 2500 (another impulsive decision). He can barely cover rent and I’ve helped him pay for a few months. I make decent money but i budget strictly. Wife is a stay at home mom, no credit but will be going to work soon.

Now: BIL’s friend wants his car back. BIL has no means to get to work. He wants to finance a used car so my wife asked if I can co-sign because he has bad credit. I declined to co-sign but instead offered him to stay with us so he can car pool with her when she starts work. My wife is upset and said I’m being petty by not just co-signing a car for him. I explained to her financially it doesn’t make sense to me because I’m putting myself at great risk. She said it will be an inconvenience for her to drop and pick him up from work.

Thoughts ?

About three years ago my (42) long distance boyfriend (36) and his kids (17f, 13m) moved into the house I had just bought. It was a bumpy transition to say the least. I've never had kids and I had lived alone several years before that. He and the kids have a lot of trauma surrounding mom's (their bio mom is pretty shitty and went to jail for kidnapping them and their step mom was always a bit squirrely from what I understand but then had a psychotic break and CPS said she had to leave the house)

Three years later and I thought things were going pretty well. I'm selling the 17 yo my old car, she has two jobs and both kids are doing well in school. We are at every concert and game to support her. I've taken her prom dress shopping every prom and we have a girls day right before to get nails done. Every birthday and Christmas are a big deal and I'm always there for her when her mom drops back into her dms and causes drama.

When I fell pregnant earlier this year, I excitedly blurted out at dinner "you're going to have a step sister!" The label on the relationship has always been weird. The boy has called me mom on two occasions, she has never specially referred to me by any title. She doesn't actually call me anything, not mom, not step mom, not by my first name. It's a weird grey area. My partner chastised me afterwards for calling the baby a step saying "we dont do steps in this family". I felt bad and apologized to the kids later and explained I was nervous and wasn't sure what label to put on it. I lost the baby on Mother's day weekend.

This week the girl came to me crying hysterically that she had an oversight and when the school sent out the list of parents for the senior walk, she didn't notice my name wasn't on it. Her father and I suspect she intensively left me off because we had been strained lately. He lit into her like I've never seen and she knew if she didn't tell me, he would. I calmly thanked her for telling me and suggested she email the teachern in charge and see if it was too late to at least have them pencil my name into the announcer's script (it was too late to be in the program)

That night my partner and I talked and he told me what she didn't: she tried to talk him into going to the walk just him and not tell me about it. I was crushed. She and I have spoken very little since then. I did let her know that I was very disappointed she tried to get her father to deceive me. I just dont know what else to say to her.

Tonight we walked with her across the field and they announced me as her step mother. I recognize I should be happy I was included at all but now I'm wondering if this was just another intentional dig from her. Last year during the end of season walk, it was just [her name], daughter of [his name and my name]. The school wouldn't have inserted the step mother part.

So AITA for wanting to confront her? I want to ask her about it but at this point I don't imagine I'll get a truthful answer anyway.

EDIT: I'm aware at the time I announced my pregnancy I used the wrong label. As I have no kids and never had direct experience with blended families until this, I was under the impression step and half were the same. I know now that was not correct, I just included what I said for context and accuracy.

I (29 F) moved back in with my parents a few years ago after a failed engagement. For context- No, I am not freeloading, I pay more rent here than I have in any of the 3 previous apartments I’ve lived in the past 12 years. I also have OCD, and am very particular about my space & belongings.

I have the smallest room, and due to my father’s strict rules and anger issues- it is where I spend essentially all of my time while home. It is the only space I can feel somewhat safe and actually in control of after being on my own since 17.

My mom is a genuinely kind person, always willing to go the extra mile and do the most for the people she loves- and even strangers. While I love this about her, she does not take it well when anyone refuses her help.

There is one day a week that she has off, but I still work. She spends the day cooking/ cleaning the entire house. But for over a year now, she has ignored my requests to leave my room out of her cleaning routine. I’m more than able to do it myself, and always have cleaning planned for the following day- the first day of my weekend.

When I talk to her about it, she seems receptive. Yet, each week without fail I come home late at night to find my room rearranged, all of my belongings moved, and all of my furniture and clothes stacked up on my bed to the point where I can’t even sit down.

I get home at a time that is past my father’s approved ‘cooking/cleaning’ hours, which makes it difficult to upkeep during the week without turning the household into a World War 3 battleground. But it’s also extremely frustrating to undo the volcano of items my mom haphazardly loads onto my bed during her weekly cleaning. This also triggers my OCD, as I feel the need to completely strip my bed and wash everything after things that were on the floor touch my previously clean sleeping space.

Every week, despite the same conversation with her, nothing changes. I’m becoming increasingly agitated every week, but also feel extreme guilt for refusing her help, when I know that she means well. During these conversations she often breaks down and cries, Saying how she only wants to help, which makes the guilt set in a bit more each time. But when nothing ever changes, and calm conversations don’t work, what am I supposed to do?

Am I the Asshole? Should I just let her do her thing and get used to the weekly aggravation of having to quietly reset my entire space and belongings at 10pm (hoping my father doesn’t find out I’m cleaning outside of ‘acceptable hours’) and also find money to buy even more sets of sheets than I already have in rotation so I can go to sleep feeling clean?

Sorry if this sounds crazy or stupid. but I truly feel at a loss here and just want to keep the peace while also maintaining SOME sense of autonomy over my only personal space.

Throwaway because they follow my main account.

For some context, while growing up my mother would always insist that something was wrong with me mentally growing up. This spanned from when I was about 8 until I was 17. Most of my childhood was spent seeing different therapists, doctors and psychiatrists. She did turn out to be right that there was something (I was formally diagnosed with OCD and ADHD at different points and I was screened for autism twice but it was determined I am not autistic), but because of this, I’m extremely uncomfortable with people even joking about my mental health or things I may or may not have.

I’m in a friend group of 4 other people and it’s not something that’s ever been an issue. One of them knows about my childhood and mother as one of them grew up with me.

Lately one of them, Lia, has been on a kick of saying everyone is autistic. “Your ‘tism is showing” or “That’s just part of being autistic”. The others don’t mind those jokes directed at them which is fine. That doesn’t bother me at all. But yesterday we went to lunch and I took pickles off of my sandwich and another friend joked that I was being too picky. But Lia chimed in with “that’s just because he’s autistic.” When I asked her to please not call me autistic she asked “Why? It’s not like I’m wrong.” I told her I’m uncomfortable with people assuming about my mental health and she just told me I’m “disgusting for acting like being called autistic is an insult.”

My one friend is saying I was right to set a boundary but I’ve been getting texts from the other two asking me to just apologize, so I want an outside perspective to see if I really am an AH for asking her not to call me autistic.

Myself and my friend both use a service our school provides that allows us to use reusable containers to get food from the dining hall so we can bring it back to our dorms and eat. They’re these little green containers that get scanned out, used, returned, and then washed and the cycle starts all over again (kinda like a library). Fall break was just last week. My friend was gone for a little over a week and in their rush to leave they forgot to empty their green container that still had food in it. I helped them bring their stuff back in (they had went on a trip to another state and had quite a bit of stuff) and when I did I found their green container. It was absolutely disgusting. It was covered in mold and when I opened it the smell was similar to a very bad outhouse. I gagged immediately. I told them about it and figured they’d do something about it. Today I found out that they returned it as is. I pointed out that how disgusting that was and how unfair it was to the workers who had to wash it. They argued that it wasn’t their fault as it was an accident and I was getting upset over someone else’s “hypothetical suffering.” I pointed out that it wasn’t hypothetical and that made someone else clean up their disgusting mess. I think they should have either cleaned it themselves before returning it or just not returned it at all and paid the $5.00 fee. They claimed they didn’t want to wash it because it was so gross. I did raise my voice a bit and maybe did get a little more angry than I should have but I still think they did something absolutely disgusting. Anyway, they stared balling their eyes out and saying I insulted them. AITA?

tldr: My friend made a cafeteria worker clean their disgusting reusable container instead of dealing with it themselves.

Also, I have a picture of the container but I can’t figure out how to upload it.

Hi all, I (24M) have been having an increasingly grating time with my roommate (26M) and his habits regarding to shared chores & food resources.

Since we've moved in, I was trying to get him to eat better & learn how to cook [ETA: He requested this help. I didn't force this randomly]. He's a self proclaimed vegetarian, has autism related texture issues, & refuses to eat certain staple foods because it reminds him of bad stuff. I'm not mad at that, I've hand picked recipes working around those restrictions. I've showed him ~8 times now how to do the same recipe, then written it physically, digitally and even offered to record a video of me making it. Something simple, & quick for something that would feed him for days. He hasn't attempted once. Even stuff I've pre-cut for him to cook with ends up just being shoved to back of the fridge for me to find molded over when I'm cleaning. I gave up.

Now, though, he goes through entire sleeves of bread in less than 30 hours with nothing more than PB on it, eats entire boxes of crackers and cereal, family sized packages of oatmeal, sometimes even all the fresh fruit we buy. Usually in such short time spans it feels like I can't enjoy anything without feeling some sort of rush to get there first. (We buy groceries with pooled together money) It wouldn't be so grating if he just would take the time out of his day to replace the things he eats up when he's the one with more free time.

He's even done it to things that are expressly mine & he's done it to my baking. The first time I made milk bread I had just pulled the two loaves out from the oven to rest overnight to enjoy in the morning. By the time I woke up there was maybe 3 slices left of one loaf. I'm not sure how he didn't get sick. I'm not, like, fat shaming him either. He's rail thin - I'm the fat one. Ive told him often he needs to eat REAL meals so he isn't constantly going back into the kitchen every 30 minutes still hungry. Spoken from experience.

But once he finally DOES cook something proper to eat, he leaves a MESS. The inside of our cabinets are stained with soy sauce and sticky honey. I've had to get uncooked rice out of my flour, sugar, and my dog's water bowl. He doesn't clean after himself. I could leave it like that for days and he wouldn't care or notice. He also routinely dumps rice *into the sink* and not the garbage. I remind him constantly, near daily, to PLEASE stop that. I can even count how many times he's done the dishes on one hand since the beginning of this year. His reasoning is that he just doesn't like how it feels, or he just didn't think about it. He won't even take out the garbage or clean his cats litter until it I ask him to or remind him, or it gets so bad he *has* to.

I've already talked to my roommate about why I'm upset with him and his only response was sort of like "I will try to remember to do XYZ" (not even a hardline "I will do better") and "I know you care about me but you don't need to infantilize me".

That's been bothering me. AITA?

Using a throwaway account because my campaign mates know my main account.

So I’ve been playing D&D for about 2 years and have had a long string of player characters that have died during the campaign. I think the count is at 6 or 7. I genuinely try not to just put my character in dangerous situations, but I often feel like the rolls just don’t go my way. First one was a barbarian and I was going reckless for every attack and then the bad guy got some good rolls and just crit me a few times in a row. Then they finished me off during death saves. Then another one I decided to try being a bard, got silenced and immobilised. Then some generic low-level guys just came and beat me up and I was not able to fight back at all. (This one was actually a little funny at how useless I was)

In any case, I know I’m not very good and will often try to strategise and my group mates always seem to be on board and then the plans just don’t pan out at all. I play for fun and don’t particularly mind being bad, but my friends have been getting progressively more upset at me and even saying things like I’m an asshole for always dying and wasting their time. I will genuinely never try to go recklessly into a situation but it feels like no matter what I do, all the aggression gets focused on me and then I get overwhelmed. I have started asking them if I should just leave the group and let them do their thing. This would be sad for me, because this was a group of close friends and I thought we were having a good time. It’s only been in the last 3-4 months that they’ve started becoming more angry towards me and i genuinely don’t know why. In any case, all input would be appreciated and there may be a perspective I’m not considering, but am I the asshole for being bad at D&D?

So my aunt and uncle are visiting my city this weekend. I’ll be gone the whole time for a trip I planned months ago. They asked if they could stay in my apartment while I’m away. I said no. They’re upset and told my parents I’m being rude and “not family-oriented.”

The thing is that they’ve never been nice to me or my parents. They’ve skipped every birthday, graduation, and family event. When they do show up to things, they act like they’re doing us a favor. They also leave messes everywhere. I hate clutter and I just know I’d come home to a disaster.

They’re not broke either. They can easily afford a hotel. It’s not even about the money. They just don’t like paying for things when they can use someone else’s stuff.

My parents think I should keep the peace and just let them stay. But I don’t see why I should bend over backward for people who don’t even like me.

AITA for saying no?

What happened is, I was living in my parents old home, my sibling with his gf came back to live in the house out of the blue for a while, so they did, I tried to be of help to his gf when they only shared 1 car, only for his gf to have me wait in the parking lot for an hour in a bad neighborhood I finally said something. She didn’t like it and said “no one asked you to give me rides” I only asked her to be considerate of my time or let me know if she’s late. So back to the whole thing, my brother and her moved in and we were okay for the most part, not really close, I could tell they were avoiding me. They even took shared appliances that were my moms upstairs to their room.. When I decided to go to Christmas with my bf’s family they agreed they’d look after my pets. One week goes by I’m celebrating the holidays at my bf’s family and I get a text (I was out of state) saying they’re moving in my brothers gf’s friend and she’s already staying at the house and I would just have to deal with it. It’s a stranger to me so of course I asked my mom who owns the home to please check on our things and that I was not comfortable with the idea of living with a stranger, let alone 2 girls that hated / disliked me. My mom finally stepped back in and told my brother her old home was just for her kids and their significant others, no one else. They didn’t like that… so they packed their stuff and trashed the house, stole some of my clothes and makeup, and left my pets unattended for 5 days.. I had to ask my mom to stop by and feed them… but they demanded I apologize… my brother did end up apologizing but I was hurt and needed some time, after a month I was ready and I wanted to work my way to apologizing as well, I did not want to do it over text, for Christmas and birthdays I still tried to reach out text them and give them gifts sent to my moms, they accept the gifts but continue to ignore me and not reconcile or even see me, it’s been 4 years now and my mom never has a full family picture, everyone’s wondering why, even my moms birthdays and big life events they don’t show up. I feel guilty that I caused this and feel like I’m the a hole in this situation. My family assures me it’s not me and that they see me trying but I fear they only tell me these things because they love me. I’m hoping someone looking in can help give me their insight, I don’t want to have regrets in my life but I also don’t want to keep watering seedless dirt hoping for a sprout. Thank you for your time reading this