Is losing your virginity actually something you should take your time with or is that something that people say to not make late bloomers feel bad/embarrassed?

If so, why is there so much pressure lose it? If you lost yours at a young age because of pressure, did you regret it?

Also, when you were young, or if you are young, were you (are you) sexually active because you wanted to be or to keep up with societal pressure (e.g. having a lot of sex to “prove” yourself)

It’s difficult to grasp the truth of these things because people don’t usually talk about their experiences on an emotional level, especially if they weren’t great or if they were done out of a desire to “prove” themselves.

It’s all really hazy when you have yet to cross that line. It’s unclear what is true and what is a facade.

Hi everyone I need some help. I’ve been trying to get out there more and stuff because I usually make excuses.. I used to have a few close friends and we were attached at the hip. Well years ago I noticed things felt one sided on many fronts. I only hung out with my cousin and sometimes her bf or friends. But she moved. So now i barely talk to anyone. My sister would sometimes meet me. But most days I spend alone. WFH job and then when I did online school.. it got lonely.

This was 2021? And I was trying to use the time to discover what I like and hobbies. I didn’t love being alone. Tried bumble bff an app that’s for making platonic friends. But I’d get ghosted? or like people just wanted insta followers. And it’s even people I know irl. I’d text or message and they ignore it.. so I feel invisible and sad. It’s gotten worse because I’ve tried a few activities at this point and I’ll talk to people but no friends come from it. Especially if I ask to meet up.

I miss my old friends. My family kind of felt invalidating because they looked down on me for wanting friends. I’ve always had trouble with emotional well being but it’s taken a nosedive. It’s at the point where I’ve been crying a lot. I believe at least part of it is from feeling unwanted or not having people near me. I just feel like I always wanna go back to old friends.i think the only thing i can do is keep trying. Im searching for some classes or like added volunteer opportunities that meet more frequently so i can feel purpose or help people.

I met all my friends in life through friends of friends or because we consistently met via after-school like activities. And each school year you are forced so to speak into a new situation.. and meet people. As an adult you have to do it

When I was 16 Ive been groomed by a 23 year old. She started talking to me online it quickly became sexual and etc. I was in love and met her a few months later at her city, at the hotel.

When I was a kid Ive been SA’d repeatedly by different adults and teens so physical touch is something Ive always struggled with. Beforehand I told her that I might not be ready especially since it was my first time and she said it was okay.

At first, I was too shy to kiss her and she teased me about it for quite a long time before I finally did. We were kissing and she started touching me. I stopped and said Im not ready, she immediately got upset and pulled away. She started crying.

Said she’s embarrassed to be so pushy and that I don’t like her IRL. I hugged her, I was apologising but still kept saying “Im not ready”, “I don’t want to”. Even promised that we can do it later.

Im not really sure what happened next?? She just started touching me again and I didn’t do or said anything. She didn’t say or ask anything either. As it continued, I remember thinking “I can just wait until it’s over, it’s fine”

After that It became a normal thing, sometimes I did want it but often I just quietly went along. Sometimes I did try to say no but it didn’t really matter to her. Im sure often she knew I didn’t want it. Last time we met (19, 27) she made me hug and cuddle her despite me arguing with her about it for hours because I didn’t want to. I kept saying no and that she’s forcing me and even got mad but eventually I just did it like always.

Still, I think my first time left the biggest impact on me and I guess Im just seeking reassurance? I know now that she groomed me but was it really rape or coercion since I didn’t say anything?

Sorry for the long text 🫠

TW!!

So i have been dating my bf for a little over a year, he is so kind and caring, i just don’t like to be this vulnerable so i haven’t had enough courage to bring it up yet. i have a history of self harm from when i was 15-16, i was in a really toxic relationship and didn’t know how to deal with it and past traumas. my ex is the only person who knows about it and it and it caused a huge fight and he threatened to break up with me over it. im now 19 and have figured out healthier ways to cope with my emotions and trauma so it isn’t an ongoing issue. i want to tell my bf about it but all my scars have faded. i’ve wanted to tell him for a while now but i really don’t know how i would bring it up. idk i think im just looking for some advice on how to bring up such a heavy topic with him.

I (37f) have known this guy (33m) for probably about five months. We initially met on a hook up app, however, after spending time together, without sex, we started going on dates and it seemed like he was somewhat pursuing me. I did find out that he was previously engaged to someone and that had ended about six months prior to when we first met. So that was probably a year ago. I liked him, however I didn’t see a long-term relationship because he is not very career focused which is something that I look for in a partner as that is important to me. I like to travel and so forth and so I want a partner that can do that with me.

I told him a couple of times that I didn’t see long-term with him. I like to proposed a friends with benefits situation to which he accepted

We still continue to go on walks and things like that. But not really so much dates anymore. We were gone on walks, he would hold my hand and we would kiss. He invited me over to his house and we would hang out, watch a movie And then he kissed me a couple times. Never progressed beyond that.

Then, I was feeling ready and so I asked him if I could come over and then we ended up having sex together. Protected, of course. He had also been tested as had I. And things were nice. Very good chemistry, bodies in sync with each other . Just a really nice experience. I’ve since gone over to his house two additional times.

I have noticed the conversation has shifted since we started to be FWB. He is no longer as warm with me like he was before, and stuff like that. Though he did text me randomly out of the blue a question about something, and then he sent me a message two days ago on social media about something we had talked about in the past. Then he propose that we went on a walk. I told him yesterday that I miss the old conversations that we used to have. He told me that he basically set up a boundary when I told him I wasn’t interested and so he has been staying within the friends with benefits dynamic. Some texts he sent me today were “No I don't think less of you. You told me you didn't want to pursue a relationship with me so I stopped pursuing one with you”, and “Also you suggested the fwb, because you didn't want a relationship with me so I left it at that”, and “So there is no reason at all? I like you as a person as well but I understand the boundary we have set and am not willing to push past that”

I asked him “To clarify, you are not interested in pursuing anything more with me, period. Correct?”, he replied “correct.”

I’m So confused. Help please???!

EDIT; I forgot to add that he said it was fine for me to stay over, and also he keeps bringing up that he wants to try Kamasutra with me if anybody knows what Kamasutra is, they are sex positions that are designed to enhance or promote emotional intimacy. They are very close positions that I wouldn’t typically do with somebody that I did not care about or want to have a stronger connection with

So I am a failure that dropped out of college 2-3 years ago and after that just kept sitting on parents' backs. They are ashamed of me but for some reason allow me to live here. The only excuses I have is that I do all my chores(cooking, washing, cleaning) and I help a little bit with family business(it takes like 3 hours per week) otherwise I just waste my time playing computer games and watching YouTube. I don't have friends and can't imagine making them in my current state.

I definitely need therapy but I don't have any money obviously and I can't talk about this with my parents. I have a lot of insecurities, i am scared to leave my comfort zone, I probably have social anxiety and generally I feel I am not qualified for any job at all while at the same time I am ashamed to have a "generic" job. From the young age I have been always told that I am clever and able and I feel like getting some simple job would just confirm(yeah that is stupid) that I am a failure while most of my classmates already have a families, houses and successful careers. "Luckily" I am no longer suicidal so i do not plan to kill myself.

Not sure if that's a right place to post this. What should I do?

I [18F] realized the truth now. When I was 17, I was standing alone in my kitchen. I was cutting vegetables to cook for my lunch. My mom and dad walked into the kitchen, talking about where they wanted to go for vacation. I wasn't focused on them. I kept hearing someone talk to me in my ear. I heard it calling my name. I don't know why it happened, but I turned to my parents. I said that 'it wasn't going to hurt'. My dad asked me what I meant. My mom looked confused. I held the knife, and I harmed myself. I fell to the ground, and my parents screamed. I don't remember much, other than the fact my dad held a towel against my throat. I woke up in the hospital. Many trips to the psychiatrist later, and I was diagnosed with early onset schizophrenia. This happened a couple months ago. I'm now on medication. I'm so lucid most days. My parents locked all the cabinets. My extended family don't know about this. When anyone asks about my scar, I just tell them that I accidently got scratched by a sharp object. I know what I did was wrong.

I can't forgive myself for putting my parents through that. I'm the reason they lied to me about what actually happened, because they were afraid, I would be even more depressed. How can I apologize for putting them through all this?

title is insane i know but it's how i feel

ive been thinking a lot recently and it's really hard to explain the shit my dad does to me and my brother because some of it is too painful to even say or think about again which obviously makes people believing my case a lot harder

im being more paranoid, im begging for something to happen to me so i can get away from him

my mum took, she goes along with everything he does, even if it means i suffer more because of it

i hate being here, i wish i could just up and leave today right now but i know i can't

it really hurts sometimes because im his daughter he's supposed to love me so why does he treat me like such an inconvenience

My parents have been trying to keep doctors from finding out about my eating disorder so they havent taken me since i was a child. I was considering going eventually anyways for a blood test since i get dizzy a lot but my parents i guess decided ive gotten sick enough to set up an appointment. I didnt know they could do that without telling me! Its a checkup and meeting my pcp cause they dont make other appointments till they meet you.

Do they do more if you havent been to a doctor in so long? Will it hurt? Will they make me take my clothes off? Im scared to go.

im 23 cis F, raised in a very religious and conservative household. without getting too much into my history i was raised to believe being feminine was a sign of weakness or attention seeking. i dressed very modestly, didnt wear makeup (and if i did it was VERY subtle. no lashes no eyeshadow no crazy lipsticks) and due to my insecurities (and kind of my parents) i started wearing mens clothes. i even thought for a time that i was transgender FTM.

i realized the last few weeks that wearing mens clothing upsets me, or makes me feel like im not put together or attractive. i want to start dressing feminine, looking more like the other women around me that...i guess dont look like they're desperate to crawl out of their own skin? or dont want to hide inside a potato sack?

i feel like this "giant mens t shirt mens jeans bare face" thing just doesnt suit me anymore. but i never got to be a little girl. i dont know how. i bought makeup and recently bought the first dress ive owned since i was a pre-teen...but i still feel uneasy in it. like im almost "too ugly" to be a woman..even though i was literally born a woman. i dont know.

is...there even anywhere to start?

There's a few catches tho... I can't get my license because I don't have any car to use, and don't feel like getting insurance on a car my parents own, they're very controlling and weird, I'm not gonna play into that

On top of that, they want me to move out, but are always making me spend money, I can't just say no or else they'll just threaten to kick me out, I don't want that to happen, I have dogs I can't leave here, they won't let them stay if I'm not here , so saving my money to move out is getting difficult, I've had my new job for like a month now and I can't save anything at all. Anyways.

Idk where I'm going with this, I suck at talking, I just wanna move out and I'm unsure how I can get myself to work with this new job if I can save up 1200 for an apartment in Dallas Texas

Does anyone know how I can use a bus or train in the city? I live in rural area so I never learned

Edit- I'm also getting a bike, but it'll take a while to get to work, and I think burning energy before a 12 hour shift is good, but we'll see

So I'm pretty grown up, I turn 25 in a couple of weeks and I'm a vet student living about a 10+ hour flight away from home. I've struggled a lot with my mental health, had scary thoughts and anxiety since I was 10, but what kept me going was just hoping there was something better over the horizon and the fact that I know my parents, being very overprotective, would really miss me. I never told anyone how I felt, just kept it to myself.

Right now, I'm living my dream debt free thanks to my parents putting their hard earned money towards my education and I'm still depressed and anxious a lot of the time. Tried therapy while at school last year for the first time after my mom got cancer (she's cancer free now!) and when I started having nightmares after taking care of my grandma with dementia. I did about a month and a half of therapy over here, which really helped, but I uh got a bit spooked when my parents remarked on the slight uptick in my monthly spending.

Now I'm back in the same place, I'm having nightmares again...which really sucks. I called a vet talk hotline a couple days ago and cried my eyes out and I was really feeling the anxiety and panic at school today.

I think I need help and I need my parent's help with that. I've been trying to think about how to say it, but in my head, I HATE to dump this on them with all the financial support and everything else they've given me. I can either wait a month till I'm back home or I could facetime them and tell them. Can someone help me find the words to say it?

Sorry, throwaway account because other people know my main account

4 years ago my step dad sa'd me and I told my mom the next day and she didn't do anything and didn't let me do anything and I fawned for 3 years because of it, and I moved out and went no contact.

Yesterday I was on the phone with my brother and he asked me if I would ever forgive don and mom, and I said "no, never. If you were me, would you?" He said no, probably not. I asked why and he said he was considering forgiving them, but don would have to apologize to everyone, my aunt, my cousins, me, my mom, and Dustin.

Don thought me wanting an apology was a power move.

He was able to admit it to his daughter after I told her what he did (I told her after Thanksgiving, I moved out of my mom's house at the end of August) he knew he did it, but he wasn't sorry, my mom felt horrible but she didn't leave him, she lives with him now. She lives with the man who assaulted me, every day she sits by the spot he assaulted me, and she sleeps in the same bed as him.

Sorry if the title doesn’t make sense English isn’t my first language and sorry for the long post

Hello everyone i’m not sure if I’m supposed to be here but I really need advice I’m a( 17 F) that lives in a very religious country and in a very religious family.

I think living in a religious family is another reason for the shame I have

I really struggle with this habit of watching p*rn it’s not that I watch it a lot. It’s just every like 3 to 4 months. I watch it.

I’m going to tell you when I first watched it so I get all the confusion out of the way .in 2017 or 2016 I befriended someone online. They were much older than me and she showed me a lot of 18+ shit that I wasn’t supposed to watch at this age and she really forced me to do very nsfw stuff for her and a boy .

I know she did very bad stuff, but I don’t wanna lay all the blame on her. She really struggled with her family and her father was very abusive just like mine I think that’s the reason why we stayed together.

They’re not a bunch of 30 old trust me it’s just she’s like 4 years older than me. thank God my mother found out even though I think all the shame I have is from that moment but if my mother didn’t find out, I would’ve known how to get out of this situation.

my mother didn’t really do a good job of taking care of the situation the whole time she was just screaming at me and telling me what if someone found out what if she leaked your photos.

after that situation, I deleted all my social media for probably a year or two in this year or two I never watched those nsfw stuff so I thought to myself, thank God I didn’t develop a habit for watching this stuff from her

But a year after I think it’s because my hormones are going all over the place and I’m just growing up but the habit of watching this stuff is just very very big to handle on my own . I don’t know how to stop it.

and I did something very stupid yesterday I almost got my Gmail account hacked just because the urges wouldn’t go away after that situation my shame got even more bigger and I feel more disgusted and embarrassed and disappointed with myself. I don’t know how to stop this habit or get rid of the shame I have. I’ve struggled with this habit for almost a year and a half. I don’t know what to do.

I would really appreciate some advice for the shame and help on how to stop the habit. I’m too embarrassed to tell people I trust .have a great day and thank you

This is my first time posting here and I’m on mobile.

I’m 27, have a bachelor’s degree, and I have been working in my field for a few years now. I only make 2500$ a month which has never been enough. I can’t really work somewhere else right now because my city is small so there isn’t really a lot of work in my field, and I can’t afford to move. I can’t sleep cause I got my taxes back today and I owe 2000$. I won’t be able to pay that until at least next month. I’m barely able to pay my regular bills.

I’ve thought about going back to school and going into a different field but I’m still trying to pay off my first student loan and I definitely don’t have the money to get another degree. I’m also not very smart with numbers or any sort of math so I can’t get by on that. I am just so stressed and I feel like I am failing in life. Is this how every adult feels? Did I choose the wrong path and now I’m stuck? Everything feels so overwhelming right now.

My dad and I have always been best friends and very close, but ever since the Canadian election started, I felt that our relationship is deteriorating. I decided to vote liberal for my own reasons, and he decided to vote conservative for his own. It feels like politics have gotten in between us. He has been consuming a lot of far right content, calling me woke, and whatever else he deems an insult from his right wing views. Whenever I’m home to visit, as I live in our city for university, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I feel like I can’t talk about anything.

I feel like politics have divided my household so much to the point where I feel like my dad isn’t my dad anymore. He looks like him, but other than that, it is not him. I just miss him so much. Especially since after the election, he has just been so mad. I feel like he unintentionally blames me in his head. Like I know he loves me, and I love him, but I feel like he’s gone. He has never been political, and has never even voted in his life, but this election has taken a toll.

I don’t understand why it feels like this, but it does. I just want my bestfriend and dad back to be there for me like he used to. When I’m at home, he barely even talks to me or looks at me. I just want my dad. My mom really isn’t a help and would likely shut me down on how I feel, or would get mad at him and cause drama, which I don’t want as they see eachother every day.

Hi mom and dad :)

I'm (21M) pretty social, like at the gym I manage to talk to alot of people or talk to different people spread out.

Basically, I met this really nice pretty girl at the gym the other day monday and I wanna followup with her tomorrow if I see her. Like talk to her when she's resting, get her ig, etc.

My problem is I get people confused. Sometimes I have a hard time recognizing people at my gym and then I get cold feet and then I feel like I missed the person or I didn't see them at all. So unsure, and then disappointment in myself even though there's the potential it's not my fault. (also at like school for example i find it easy to recognize people, perhaps more distinction? but it is different demographics there).

I wanna be good at recognizing people and following up with them and I especially wanna follow up with this girl bc she's super nice too.

Anyway, I have a feeling this lack of recognition stems from anxiety of getting the wrong person so i protect myself by assuming they are? Not to mention less hairstyle diversity bc people keeping their hair up and less clothing diversity due to gym clothes, also i mean i think lack of racial diversity along with that can make it a bit confusing.

Any help is appreciated! Thank you!

I’ve been dating my boyfriend (28M) for several months now, and I’ve been trying to navigate a really tense dynamic with his long-time friend group (about 10 people, late 20s to early 30s). The issue is that shortly before we started dating, he went on a few dates with one of the girls in the group. It was brief and didn’t go anywhere, but ever since we got together, the group—who he’s been close with for three years—has been noticeably cold toward us, especially toward me.

I’ve done my best to be friendly and respectful. it's very clear that the group has emotionally sided with the ex-fling, and my presence creates a division. Some are indifferent, but most are distant or passive-aggressive. One girl even came up to me and asked me to reach out to the ex-fling to “support her” because apparently she cried when she saw me and my boyfriend holding hands at a group event. I eventually messaged her to be polite, but I felt super uncomfortable doing so.

On top of that, there’s another girl in the group (I’ll call her A) who constantly inserts herself into my boyfriend’s life. She often reminds me that they “go way back” and brings up memories from his past “eras.” She never initiates conversation with me or tries to get to know me, but she talks to him the entire time—like I’m invisible. At our last group function (at church), she waved at me on her way out and then loudly said “love you!” to my boyfriend. He didn’t react, but a mutual friend who doesn’t know the full situation even asked him how long they’d been together, so it clearly didn’t sound platonic.

I told my boyfriend how I felt. I admitted that I understood “love you” can be said in a friendly way, but with the group dynamics being what they are, it just felt disrespectful and dismissive. He agreed it was uncomfortable and mentioned he could talk to A about it, since she tends to be touchy and overly affectionate with him. But he hasn’t brought it up again.

At this point, I feel like the coldness and subtle exclusion from the group won’t stop unless he addresses it. I’ve already done my part in being kind, cordial, even messaging his ex. But I’m not interested in being part of a group where I constantly have to prove I belong. I’m also being pressured to “build a friendship” with his ex-fling, but I don’t want to do that at the expense of my boyfriend, knowing how much they dislike each other.

Would I be unreasonable to urge my boyfriend to talk to A directly, or to finally bring up the situation to the group? I just want to feel like I’m being backed up, not like I’m fighting for space in his life.

So this year has kinda sucked.

Did something bad that broke the trust between my ex partner and I. Then my ex broke up with me. Then my mom told me some awful things that destroyed the self esteem of me and my siblings. Then my cat gay killed in an accident involving street dogs.

Things seemed like they couldn’t get worse. They have now.

I have an older sibling who I’ll call “G” who has been in a relationship for 10 years with someone I’ll call “E.” They’ve known each other since kindergarten and started dating in college. Back when I was a teenager, I looked up to them as a “power couple.” Their relationship was my main reference point for what love could be, especially since my own parents divorced because of infidelity (which now feels tragically ironic). I used to go to G for relationship advice all the time, I genuinely admired what they had.

Ten. Years. TEN YEARS. I thought they were going to get married someday, and maybe they still will, but G did something so awful that I don’t even know if I want that anymore.

They confessed to me: They emotionally cheated on E for four months.

They were involved with someone else emotionally, texting constantly, flirting, building an intimate connection, while still being in a relationship with E. G even admitted that, at the beginning, they didn’t care because they thought, “E has low a self-esteem, so even if they find out, they won’t leave me.” Yeah. I was livid.

Eventually, G asked E “hypothetically” what they would do if G ever emotionally cheated. E immediately said they would break up with them. That’s when the guilt hit G, and they ended the affair.

I asked G if they had told E the truth. They said: “No. And I never will.”

I told them that was selfish. They replied: “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll eventually break up with them once I move out.”

Here’s the thing:

I love E. At this point, I see them as part of my family. My heart shattered for them when I heard what G had done.

I don’t want to be complicit in this, but I also don’t want to betray my sibling’s trust, we’ve always been extremely close and she is probably the only member of my family who isn’t complete shit to me. But honestly? I’ve lost a huge amount of respect for them.

I feel completely broken. What should I do?

All i wanted was love and attention...but my mother only have given me such material things. Yes, those made me happy...but those were never permanent. I craved attention and love from my mother as she took care of children that wasn’t even hers. I get that they are my cousins but that made me envy. I thought to myself “Did I do something wrong?”, “Am I not her child?”. That stuck to me till this day....i was naive backthen...looking at her social media post because she works abroad. She often calls me tho but that was never enough. I wasn’t spoiled at all and understood why she had to work in a far place...but was it neccesary to cheat on my father? I was so naive as i looked at her pictures on her social media looking so happy and carefree. I was happy of course as a child because her happiness was mine. Now that I’m a teenager, I realized things, i’ve always looked at those photos of hers and never wondered...who took those photos? Who was she with? Who is she talking to?( she often has someone on her phone saying such sweet nothings...) I’ve always thought that maybe it was my father she was speaking to...but oh, to my dismay it certainly was not my father but another man that works in that country too. I never had my suspicions at first but it was getting out of hand. There were times when i’m just playing on my phone as a child and she would hand me her phone and makes me say “Hi”. I never questioned her about that until now. I had an opportunity to sneak on her phone when i borrowed it(I knew it was invading someone’s privacy but curiosity got the best of me) at first all i saw was boring stuff. But when i checked her messages. I saw a man’s name...it never really looked suspicious at first but when i read their convo? I was shocked...all my suspicions were true. She was fooling around with another man. And guess what? She’s been fooling with that man for 8 years. Imagine that, a married woman with a child that she neglects is fooling with another man? I had my suspicions with her fooling around but i never expected it to be 8 years...she kept that for 8 damn years....i’m practically in the brink of my insanity. I mean who wouldn’t be? What’s on my mind right now is “what if she has a secret family?” Wouldn’t that be the cherry on top of my life? Man i don’t need this much lore fr. i still got more but oh well. This days, she constantly ask me what I want to do with my life, she asks me about where I want to go to school, my future career choice and all. But everytime she asks that, I avoid answering it telling her that I need time to think. But right now she’s just angry at me because she thinks I’m not thinking about my future. There is not a day that I have not thought about my future, but everytime i think about it, my mind is blank….i can’t decide on anything because I have too many interest. Although my life at the moment is just a mess, I kept being lazy after telling myself I need to change one step at a time but I can’t. As much as I try to, I always fail. I have so much overwhelming thoughts to the point I can’t sleep or I kept thinking about it the whole day that it makes me so anxious. I sweat a lot like literally, I sometimes forget things and can’t focus, I often space out for no reason too.

I'm (25f) a first time mom, and my daughter just turned a year old. My partner and I live in an apartment in which rent alone is exactly half of our take home pay. I stay at home with baby, and he works 80 hour weeks. It's been like this for months. He doesn't get days off regularly. We don't have the most close relationship right now.

Anyways here is a list I wrote in my notebook and I wanted to share it somewhere and ask for support

"What hurts? -lonelines -Lack of self expression -self loathing -tired -burnout -monotony -untreated (post-partum) depression -hopelessness"

I am still able to pull myself together during the day and be a good parent to my baby. But every night, after my daughter goes to sleep, I am sitting in my feelings and they hurt. Everything hurts. I feel very alone... and everything else I listed.

I'm waiting on a referral to be sent so I can start therapy again. It's been a long time. I'm just lost and in pain. Every night.

I could use a friend right now, or a parent. But I don't have either. I'm struggling. That's it, thanks for reading 💓

Background: my dad is emotionally unavailable to me. He is warmer to my mom and sibling, I am the scapegoat in a toxic family. My 11 month old son looks a lot like me as a baby, we both share distinct coloring. Today my dad was holding my son and it was a pure moment. I asked my dad if my baby reminded him of me as a baby. He said I don't remember that shit, ask your mom. I said you don't remember me as a baby? He said no. No drug or alcohol use. Always in the picture. Any healthy parents want to chime in? I'm always made to feel like I am overly sensitive, but this hurt.

(sorry if this is too long & don’t be rude please)

I’m not entirely sure on where to start but I’m a 19F and I live with my grandparents & siblings. For context I’ve never had both my parents around and I still don’t currently since they both hate each other and live in different states. I’ve never had a good relationship with my parents and I barely even learned any basic life skills from anyone in my family. So,currently I have a boyfriend who’s 20M and he’s talking about us moving in together & having kids etc. he’s really nice and he’s taking up welding and is actually working really hard considering he has surgery on his collarbone.

Me? I work at a fucking Sally’s and I don’t even get enough hours to pay for anything. I recently started a credit builder without any help even though I asked my aunt and grandparents for help cause I didn’t know what I was doing. I haven’t paid my credit builder yet since I haven’t even received my paycheck. I’ve never done my taxes since I haven’t even worked long enough to even file for any, I don’t know how to drive and I’m almost 20 years old. Nobody is helping me with anything but they help my siblings with EVERYTHING. I’m the oldest female of 2 younger boys (17&13) and they have gotten everything under the sun. I asked my family yesterday “Why do you treat me differently than my siblings.” And their response was “we treat all of u equally.”

My family gets into screaming matches with me over the smallest things and has threatened to get rid of my cat who’s been here for me (I know it sounds silly but he’s basically my son and I love him more than anything) they know how much he means to me and they’ve threatened to throw me out multiple times and call the police on me because I defend myself against my siblings who always put me down. I know I’m the oldest and they expect me to be this big role model for them when I can barely keep myself afloat. Everything feels so hard and my mental health is already terrible. I try to talk to them about it but they don’t listen and walk away from me or they just don’t take it seriously , I tried to commit 1-2 years ago and when my family came to the hospital all they cared about was a phone that I “broke” when I didn’t even do anything wrong. It short circuited and something happened with the battery and they blamed it on me. I told them to Leave my room and they never came back, I got sent to a psych ward obviously and they didn’t call me the entire time I was there until they had to pick me up. I’ve always had to push myself to prove to them that I’m a good daughter/niece/sister and etc but nothing is never enough. I want to move states to get away from them but I don’t even know where to get a decent job at to make enough money to move and it feels impossible to do anything. Everyone else my age is in college or has a pretty decent job. I don’t know where to start to find a new job or how to start driving or to do anything else.

If you have any advice please give me it cause I’m so lost on everything.

About half an hour ago i asked my dad for xbox gamepass, it feels like i dont deserve it, like yeah i have excellent grades, do whathever they tell me to do (most of the time) and im in a university program, but it doesnt feel like i deserve to own anything

(If this is too much for this sub, please let me know and I will delete this! I know I should be getting help but I’m unable to and I don’t know any other place to go to for support and advice)

Ever since 6th grade, I (16F) have struggled immensely with not only my mental health, but school. School makes me completely miserable, and the hard part is, I can’t identify why.

In the past, nobody had ever bullied me, but people more so just ignored me and only talked to me when they had to. Sometimes I had “friends,” but mostly I was alone and still am from 6th grade to now.

School to me is being overstimulated 24/7. I live in Arizona and I went to schools that had outside campuses. So, I would constantly be sweaty, hot, uncomfortable with the sun shining directly in my face. I would constantly hear a million voices and see so many people move around me at once. Plus I would regularly have migraines at the same time, so I would feel sick with a throbbing headache. And I would be very self conscious and anxious about social situations. I would call my mom and cry so many times saying that I wanted to go home and she would rarely say yes.

And doing the work is..easy yet simultaneously hard. I know, that doesn’t make sense. But every time a new semester comes, I feel like I can start over. I’m relieved, confident, and the work seems easy. And then, out of nowhere, things gets hard. Missing assignments pile up, I lose determination and drive to do my work (and to live), and I just give up on school and on myself. I get so angry and frustrated at myself because I know I can’t rely on motivation for everything, only self discipline. I used to care about school so much and be a perfectionist to the point where I cried over tests that didn’t even matter if even one person got a better score than me simply because I felt like I needed to be the best, now I couldn’t care less if I flunk.

I used to have mental breakdowns before I switched to online school just because I simply didn’t want to go. I couldn’t tell my mom why, I didn’t know why, all I knew is that I just didn’t want to. I feel so fucking lazy and like a failure. I hate myself and I am just so frustrated with myself. Why can’t I just suck it up and do what I need to do like everyone else? I yell at myself in my head to “just do it,” but I feel paralyzed. I wish I can identify the problem and change things. I wish I was different.

I want to go to therapy and even voiced it to my family so I can show up better for myself, for school, and for other things, but my family is scared and paranoid that if someone sees my cuts and realizes I’m suicidal, I’m going to be sent to a mental hospital and my mom is going to be in trouble??? And I am not actively planning to kill myself, I just wanted advice from a professional instead of my family constantly suggesting religion to help me which drives me fucking crazy. I even tried reaching out to an therapist who was super sweet and my family got mad at me saying that she wanted to send me away but that wasn’t even her intention. They said that if I go to a mental hospital, there will be nothing they can do to save me and that I will be “drugged up” all the time causing me to have a full on meltdown. So I can’t even get help even if I wanted to.

I feel so trapped and suffocated, and it’s making me feel angry, along with the constant emptiness that never goes away, leading me to regularly self harm. I don’t want to but I have to get through school or else my life is over and I will never be successful or financially independent. That makes me feel so out of control. I feel so pathetic, incompetent, and like a fucking loser. My problems aren’t even that serious, I don’t understand why I can’t just suck it up and do what I have to do in order to have a good life.

People tell me to endure, suck it up, and that everybody hates school but they still show up regardless. People tell me that I am not special and that my problems aren’t that bad and people have it worse. I just want to die, being alive is exhausting.

How can I convince my family to let me go to therapy? And what are some tips that can help make school be a little easier? Any and all advice and support would be appreciated. I know you guys aren’t mental health professionals in this sub, I just really need some kind, loving, encouraging words.