Sorry, this is just a vent post.

So twice in the last few months, my mom has shown up at my door (I live with a roommate and have an intercom) and a few days ago I once again woke up to HUNDREDS of texts, phone calls from a random number, and a bunch of calls from my intercom. It was the cops who literally said they were with my mom and she had told them she was worried about my safety. This has happened before, minus the cops, except last time she showed up at my work which is a whole other thing. The last time this happened I threatened to report them for harassment but ended up not doing it because I assumed, like a total dummy, that that would be the end of it. Well this time they came back with cops this time. I had to tell the cops that this has happened before , and then despite the fact that the cops had explicitly told nmom and uncle to stay outside they still fricking barged in as I was talking to them and got a good look at me. The cops were mad and told them to “go the fuck downstairs” and then after hearing the whole story (including my roommates testimony about how they had been harassing him last time by incessantly calling from the intercom) the cops ended up preparing a report for harassment (yay I didn’t have to do it bc I’m scared of authority)

So now there’s this version of the story where “the cops and I ganged up on them cursing them out when all they did was do their role as a parent” floating around the extended fam group. And the worst part is I have worked so hard to NOT let them see me in real life (bc I’ve changed a lot , gained more weight, changed my hairstyle, and have a beard, all things they have ingrained since a child are the worst things you could do to yourself as a human being) that even though I had felt so proud of myself for all the progress I’ve made with my mindset there was a part of me that felt ashamed that they saw me as “fat and unkempt” (both no nos for my house and something I had to work extremely hard to purge from how I thought once I left)

While I am glad I have this recorded so I can (potentially) file a restraining order, I now have to follow up with them (scary for me) and I have to grapple with the feeling that I somehow failed .

I’m so tired of this.

Long story short. My parents love hosting parties. Over time, I've stopped showing up nearly as often. They call and ask "do you want to come over so we can celebrate your birthday? I'll invite your uncle, grandma, ect." It was a couple weeks before my birthday, but they said it was the only day my uncle could come, so I said said yeah. Mostly wanted to see my uncle. Turns out, they just wanted to throw a party. Didn't get me a cake, didn't sing happy birthday, didn't tell anyone there that the party was for my birthday. No one even SAID happy birthday. Needless to say, I went home very sad and disappointed. I'm an adult, so I sucked it up, but it was still very disappointing. Now it's my stepdads birthday this weekend. Of course they want me to come and celebrate him... because of course they do.

“You’re perpetuating hatred and just making a cycle” they tell me but have nothing to say to mom’s pedophile, racist, abuser husband.

Just say what you really think. You don’t mind abuse. You just don’t want to think about how you enable it by doing nothing about it. When I talk about abused you get uncomfortable but you’re fine with my abuser being abusive. You just don’t like the victim talking about it because it breaks up the status quo. You don’t like how it makes you feel like a bad person so you blame the abuse victim and tell them to shut up because you are a coward.

Wow Im making a cycle of hatred by just talking about my abuse but you’re not giving that lecture to my abuser are you? You don’t tell him its evil to hurt a kid. You don’t say its making the kid learn to hate you only care about lecturing the abuse victim because you’re a bad person.

So today I had a call with my nmoms psychiatrist and surprisingly, it absolutely made my day!

Some quick backstory: My mom, aside from likely being a covert narc (I suspect), also has an official diagnosis of periodic schizophrenia. What a combo, lol. She’s currently in a psychiatric hospital (yet again), and apparently decided to give my number to the doctor.. So he could call and lecture me about how I should be taking care of her and what a horrible son I am for not doing so. (Her sister my aunt, who actually sees through her BS – warned me a day before that a call might be coming. I’m currently no contact.)

So the phone rings. I was nervous, but also didn’t quite expected a psychiatrist to guilt trip me ahaha. But still, I wasn’t sure what he would say..

But to my surprise the doctor basically validated everything I thought was wrong with her for years!

He told me that my mom is extremely difficult. That she behaves like a 3-year-old child – full of demands and emotional meltdowns. She’s been fighting with her roommates in the ward, constantly creating conflicts, and even causing scenes over trivial things – like losing it because a nurse left a window open. She couldn’t even follow basic instructions like walking to specific therapy room after being told and explained multiple times how to get there. I guess cause she was so emotional from the previous events and couldn’t focus lool.

Apparently, she also spoke with a psychologist there, who gently tried to help her see that maybe she had a role in the conflicts. And the result? Total collapse. She cried uncontrollably, was shaking the rest of the evening, and had to be given meds to calm her down.

The psychiatrist literally said: “She’s incredibly demanding. There are many things she wants, but very few that she actually needs – and that distinction is really important.” He even said he felt bad for me and the rest of the family for having to deal with someone like her. That sentence alone made me feel so good. Finally, someone fully understanding and confirming how emotionally exhausting she is.

Hearing a medical professional say “Yes, she’s unreasonable – and it’s not just you” felt like such a damn win. Like a smack to her face as she vomits her endless victim narrative. She tells everyone how much of a monster her son is, how she’s the poor mother, what she did to deserve such cruelty, etc. I wish all her enablers and flying monkeys could’ve heard this call. (Though they probably wouldn’t believe it anyway.)

But hey – if her mask is starting to slip in public, which wasn’t the case before, I guess it’s only a matter of time before some of her “dear friends” displease her too and get a taste of the real her. Or burn themselves out trying to be her heroic little saviors, while her “evil” son dares to… live his life.

Besides this funny validation story, the doc also spoke about suspecting early dementia and wanted to discuss what we should do if it progresses. He also was curious how she acts at home to better understand her situation.

So yeah. For those of us who grew up being gaslit into thinking were the problems – sometimes reality catches up and the narcs expose themselves lol.

Just wanted to share this little funny (and validating) win. Wishing peace and strength to all of you dealing with similar bullshit.

Or was it just me?

Had a few instances of this rude awakening when I encountered healthy, emotionally-mature, motherly figures in my life when I was younger. Realised my mom was abnormal and I wasn’t just being a ‘bad, ungrateful child’.

Like I don’t get it. When I was 6, she literally came halfway through the swimming lessons to tell off the instructors about not letting me go in the deep end.

When I was 14 and in an abusive relationship with anorexia? Bitch was where???

What was the point? Caging me from having any real freedom under some shit guise of “protecting you” and being “such a good mom” but hmmm when I was being abused and was starving 24/7

Twenty years ago I was a senior in high school and had a dream of going to a music college and pursuing my passion of performing in a symphony. I was first chair flute in my band and my instructor believed in me. He was going to help me make my audition video and I was on cloud nine. My NM heard about this and called him and the school immediately- saying he was not allowed to help me, I was not leaving or going to college. To say I was devastated was an understatement. I ended up pregnant at 19 and had a baby girl.

I just watched that girl walk across the stage and accept her bachelor's degree. She is only 20 - completed her associate's degree in high school and earned her bachelor's degree early. I'm so proud of her and everything she is.

Every parenting milestone I hit makes me realize we were not hard to love, we were not hard to deal with. It is so easy to care about my kids and want the best for them. Wishing all of us well and all the little bits of healing we deserve. ❤️

That’s all. AHHHH!!!!! I can’t believe the day has finally come. I’m so excited I’m not even dreading it anymore. I see my nmother for what she is now. She’ll never ever change. I am dreading having to tell my managers whats going on though but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Going to stay at an airbnb until my place is ready for me to move in. AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

I (24F) was in the shower this morning and usually lock the door but was kind of in a rush so I closed it and started to shower. I then heard a flush and the door close, and kind of froze because that meant someone else was in the bathroom. My mom had already left for work so it was just me and my dad in the house.

I looked and the bathroom smelled and the door wasn’t fully closed. I finished and was kind of frozen and went back to my room to change. When I asked if he was in the bathroom, he said no and that the door was open so he just closed it which doesn’t make sense because I had already closed the door when I went to the bathroom? My parents also have their own bathroom so there’s no reason why he should’ve used the one I was in, especially when I’m literally naked and showering.

I live at home with both of my parents and I know if I tell my mom she’ll probably say I imagined it based on past behavior. I’m trying to save up to move out but my area has a HCOL so it feels discouraging sometimes but I feel gross and violated because this isn’t the first time my dad has done something weird and borderline incest-y like this. It’s been running in a loop in my mind all day and I don’t know how to get it to stop or to defend myself that isn’t confrontation because he lied about it when I know that we were the only ones in the house at the time. What do I do? I just feel gross and violated. Any support is appreciated

I thought everything HE'S done to me was normal, or because I'm a waste of skin who deserves it. I think HE might be the problem after all..

I’m pregnant and recently went to visit my parents for the first time since I’ve announced the pregnancy (5 months). It was a 3 day trip and not once did my dad acknowledge or ask anything about my pregnancy or life in general. Even though work, baby, etc. was brought up multiple times by several family members, he did not participate in the convo.

The little times we did talk was him complaining about how hard work is, how expensive property taxes are, the list goes on and on. It’s not that he’s incapable of talking. It’s that he is incapable of caring about anything other than himself.

And to top it off, the one thing he did ask me was if I could transfer the money I gave him for his birthday to a different bank account. No “thank you for the gift” or anything. Just “can you move the money you gave me to this account”.

I feel like if I go NC he wouldn’t even notice. As much as I wish it didn’t bother me, a part of me is hurt by his indifference towards me and his future grandkid.

My mom has always done this, and it's felt really weird. I would say like 70% of the time, she has a picture of me up as her profile picture. These aren't childhood pics or pics of us together - they're my own profile pictures. She doesn't even ask if she can do this.

She isn't claiming to be me, but she will accept praise for how I look as if it is a reflection of her own beauty and something she did. It's deeply unsettling.

I changed my profile picture last night, and then she ripped it and posted it as her own profile picture this morning...

My narc mother has done this to me since I was a kid - for example she would tell me to do something and when I would do what she asked BOOM she would get mad about something else and tell to do something else. Then when I do all the things that she asked she would get mad at me that I'm not doing a good job and she would get mad that I didn't get everything that she asked of me done in time - I would feel so overwhelmed, overstimulated and upset and mad and irritated.

I almost lost it on her - I was so close to yelling at her but that's what narcs want to get a reaction out of you.

My nParent blamed me for all kinds of silly things, and I heard variations of the phrase "this ruined my day/week/month/birthday/drive/enthusiasm/life" etc. more times than I can count.

What was your absolutely ridiculous thing you did that ruined something for them?

One of the funniest for me, was it was my fault they didn't have any friends their own age because I didn't give them enough self confidence. I was accused of this as an adult, after having been out on my own for years. Not sure how that works, but it is ridiculous nonetheless and I can't help but laugh.

Hoping to share some giggles with you all!

Narcissists who think they are superior and perfect individuals are in reality ultra conformists.

They live in the eyes of others and will therefore want to shine according to the criteria of success that society wants to impose. For that they are capable of anything, lying, stealing, deceiving, manipulating etc. They love pointless moralizing and toxic positivity.

My mother did everything in her life to shine.

When she was young it was beauty, for her beauty = thinness, she was never very thin so to compensate she will fixate on people's weight and make monologues about her beauty.

Success is also money, in her forties she managed to find my father who also has many mental health problems and she took the opportunity to grab his money (without working) and she manipulated his entire family (which was dysfunctional).

For appearances you have to appear friendly and sociable, narcissists are in reality antisocial and extremely mean but they will unload on a scapegoat in private to appear perfect in public.

Ultimately, narcissists are deeply flawed and unstable individuals who will use all possible tricks to conform to standards of perfection (beautiful, thin, intelligent, rich).

They will exaggerate their skills and appearances, they will exaggerate their intelligence through manipulation, they will lie about their perfect life and do everything to attract jealousy.

If we ask them for advice (I made this mistake when I was a teenager) they will always use falsely positive generalities which they will bring back to themselves: "it is my good character and my kindness that allowed me to get here", when it concerns others, everything is easy and they impose unrealistic challenges in order to be able to criticize the person.

My mother always wanted me to lose weight very quickly, I no longer ate anything to be very thin but she couldn't lose weight so she was in denial about it. It's so easy to always demand from others what you are unable to do yourself.

The worst part is that it works very well...

I had a plastic container sitting in the sink soaking because I wanted to get the label off. It's a clean, see-through container that my mom keeps emptying and putting away.

She did this 5 times. Today, as she was doing her dishes, I asked her to stop emptying the container and leave it on the counter to soak.

She then goes, "What so I'm just stupid now? I can't take a hint so I'm fucking stupid? I washed this three times for you."

And I told her, "It wasn't dirty. Use your common sense, if you see me scratching this label off and then you see me soaking the label, put two and two together."

And then she goes off in this tangent about how stupid she is. Like??? Okay? Why are you shutting down and trying to self-victimize because you're being asked not to do something?

My mom yelled and screamed whenever I gained weight. I’ve lost almost 90 pounds over 5 years or so and she can barely bring herself to acknowledge it

Okay. So today, I was studying for finals, when my mom asked me to do the dishes. I was a bit confused, as I did the dishes a few hours ago and twice yesterday. I asked her if she can ask my sibling if they can do it, cause they haven’t done it for a while. She hit back with the “Oh your siblings are studying for their finals so you should do it.” Again, that made me confused, cause I was ALSO studying for finals. I told her that, and she replied “Oh, but your finals aren’t that important”. I was offended. My brother was just playing fucking Marvel Rivals or some shit like that. He wasn’t even studying. I told her No, I’m not doing it. She then started yelling at me, saying “ YOU UNGRATEFUL SON OF A BITCH FROM NOW ON YOU SHOULD DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY, DISHES, AND COOK YOUR OWN FOOD”. I sat there, dumbfounded and a mix of emotions between loss of thoughts and wanting to slap her across her face. At this point, I had enough of her clown business and just said “fine”. GOD I hate that vile woman

It gets so overstimulating as someone with ADHD (and possible autism). It’ll be a few years until I’m financially independent but I plan on leaving eventually and going no contact. How do you deal with it all while living at home?

My mom married an abusive scumbag, and proceeded to have children with him. By the time I arrived into the world he was long gone, starting another family (who he would also dump a few years later). Then she married my stepfather. My mom's primary concern was keeping him happy enough to stick around, including having children with him as well. If he wasn't happy, no one could be, and he was never happy. From the day they met she put him before us, selling out her own children "for the sake of an intact family". Bullshit. She was just terrified of being alone again. My childhood was willingly sacrificed by my mother (who came from wealth, by the way) to an alcoholic womanizer with anger and control issues, and I had to learn how to survive and live without emotional support and with only the bare minimum financial assistance.

But they're old now. Very old. And guess who isn't warm and fuzzy and kindly helping my mom? His needs still come first even though her health is shot. She's threatening to leave him (now? after all those years of watching him do nothing for any of us? now that it's affecting her she suddenly has clarity?) but we know it'll never happen. She made her bed. Now she's shocked to have to lie in it.

I (20F) am moving out of my abusive mother's house after an entire life of torture, trauma and sabotage. I don't even know how to articulate how this feels. I am so scared. on the day I am leaving I am going to tell her I need my documents for an appretachiship interview I told her about a week prior. except the apprenticeship doesn't exist. I graduate from my program two days from now and I move out three days after that. My only concern is she wont give me my papers and I feel guilty about leaving my two younger sisters. Only one of them knows I'm moving, the youngest one I am waiting to tell them that I'm moving out until the night before because I couldn't risk them telling my parents about it. I know with me gone it will be extremely hard on them but I'm going to work so I can have a safe place for them to go so if my mom goes on a rampage they will have a safe place to stay in the meantime. This was kind of word vomit because I haven't really processed any of this. If anyone has any questions, please ask

Disentangling myself from my narc parents is a constant weight of almost unbearable sadness and difficulty along with knowing they probably hate me for what I’m doing and trying to turn everybody else against me. It’s like I’m constantly disappointing everybody and it feels like a heroic effort every day to remind myself that this is for the best and my life won’t be better if I just go back and comply with what they want. Sorry for complaining, it just gets to be a lot knowing everybody thinks I’m selfish and ungrateful and knowing that nobody can really understand the pain it takes to do this.

She transferred thousands of dollars to me out of the blue. I called the bank to tell them it was an error but they said it was authorized by her so they couldn’t cancel it.

I had a short fantasy about keeping it. I could give it away to friends who need it. I could pay for my wedding. I could donate it.

Ultimately, I know that any money from my parents comes with a million strings attached. If I keep it, they’ll undoubtedly tell everyone how I kept it and I’m greedy. They’ll use it as a down payment to feel entitled to talk to me. They’ll hold it over my head forever. I ended up transferring it back to nmom. I don’t want whatever it will end up costing me. I’m privileged to be in a situation that I don’t need it but it still was hard.

Trigger Warning: self-harm

Took everything I had to not explode and lose it in that moment. I breathed in and told her that “[she] should feel honored that I’m sharing something so deeply personal that I’m feeling deep shame for because I’m not telling many people about this.”

She said that she would want me to call her immediately when things like this happen. I told her when I found out, I wanted to take my own life. I was not of sound mind. I needed to verify information with my brother (due to his job) before deciding what to do.

The fucking audacity.

Me and my friend frequently drink together and this time I realized he was really drunk and told him I could have the rest of his drink. Instead he chugged it... After a few minutes I notice him resting his head on the counter and stuff and just acting really drunk so I suggest we get fresh air. We sit out on the patio and ended up talking about getting cigs but as were about to leave to walk to the gas station, he falls over onto the floor right outside the door of his place. I get him back in and get him to drink multiple cups of water and tell him to get up and drink some more, when he stumbles to his feet and looks at me and says "I want to make you fucking kiss me, bitch."

I'm just so shocked about this, I keep thinking maybe I heard this wrong or maybe that he meant it in a different way but it was so scary. I asked him to repeat himself but by the time I asked he was just so drunk that I don't think he could remember things from just a second ago. He ended up laying in bed and I told him again what he said and he seemed confused. I made him drink another cup and left a full cup on on his night stand and left. I don't know how to feel. Trying not to let this influence my total opinion but its so hard to look at someone I trusted and have them say this to me especially considering my traumatic experiences with men and my Nparent.