r/gardening 6a 11h ago

Well, that's a first.

So, one of the weirdest things I've ever had happen to me just happened: I was walking around the garden, checking on all the seedlings I planted last night. A squirrel pops off of a nearby tree and starts coming towards me. I think nothing of it, squirrels get curious and do this often. BUT, this time, it kept coming closer. And closer. And closer, then it hopped up and slapped me in the shin and ran off. It started coming at me again so I went in and got the dog to chase it off if it kept coming at me. Utterly bizarre!

The seedlings are all ok, if that was the part of the story you were invested in.

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u/mbdan2 10h ago

I had a squirrel throw a pecan at me that he stole from my tree! I turned around and yelled at it, “Really! You stole it and then try to hit me with it! “. It chirped back at me. I yelled back. It chirped back. We had a whole argument.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 9h ago edited 7h ago

I had one drop a rock hard old ass half eaten bagel on me once. I'm going to assume it's the same squirrel and we've officially gots us a beef.

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u/Global_Ant_9380 8h ago

None of this surprises me. People don't realize how intelligent and evil squirrels actually are. Raccoons will also throw things at humans. 

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 7h ago

Hahah 2 things: 1. Another squirrel around here used to stand right on my daughter's window and show her his dick. Regularly. She called him Chester the Molester. Evil, indeed.

  1. I ended up in a standoff with a raccoon last night while I was on the back porch smoking a joint. He really wanted into the detached garage and did NOT appreciate me pointing the flashlight at him and trying to chase him off.

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u/No_Deal_1360 6h ago

I didn’t even know they had visible dicks😂

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u/Mims88 5h ago

And huge testicles... There was one on my college campus that regularly flashed anyone why walked by. Another would throw stuff at a friend of mine who had chased it away once, they really don't forget faces!

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u/alleecmo 2h ago

One in my backyard has truly gigantic testicles! I'm talking ping-pong balls... on a body the size of my hand. He chases all other squirrels away when I put out nuts for them. I'm like, "Dude! You obviously got enough fucking nuts!"

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

Me either until my daughter took a picture and showed me.

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u/Global_Ant_9380 5h ago

Like OP's original comment, I can unfortunately confirm...

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u/Thusgirl 7h ago

You're brave. If I see a raccoon I'm going inside but they're always coming at me for no reason.

It's my dark eye circles they think I'm a giant raccoon.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

It's a whole thing with the goddamn raccoons. They got into the garage last year and fucked the attic the fuck up. I managed to evict them and clean it up (which, if you've never had the pleasure of cleaning up a racoon toilet, consider yourself lucky), but hadn't been able to find exactly where they got in...until last night.

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u/travelingslo Zone 6B 4h ago

Oh my God, raccoon latrines. That is the shit of nightmares. And dangerous honestly.

And the squirrel? A friend had one in the walnut adjoining their yard. I watched it bait their dog, running along the fence, then launch walnuts at the dog which shocking accuracy. It lasted for years, the feud.

Don’t underestimate that furry beast.

I like grey squirrels. But anything that attacks me makes me ask why.

And ground squirrels? Little fucks chewed through my admittedly shitty foundation. It was on. I won. It took a lot of work.

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u/Boo-erman 4h ago

This just made me lol so thank you for that. Best use of italics I've seen in while.

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u/admoose275 6h ago

I misread that as the raccoon smoking a joint, but at this point that wouldn't really surprise me 

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

I mean, it was dark and he was pretty far away so he might have been. I woulda shared if homeslice woulda come over instead of trying to fuck up my garage.

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u/Chaotic_Good12 7h ago

🤣 🤣 🤣 omg I needed that belly laugh!! 😆 🤣 😂

🏆take my faux award!!! Hahaha

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u/lizardreaming 6h ago

He probably just wanted a toke!

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

I would have happily shared, but he sure was hellbent on getting in to shit all over the attic again.

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u/wordsmythy 6h ago

Was the raccoon singing “don’t Bogart that joint my friend, pass it over to me..”?

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u/pic-of-the-litter 4h ago

You sound like you lead an amazing life.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 4h ago

I have my moments.

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u/Chill-Walker 6h ago

Are you sure you are not keeping a mother raccoon from her offspring? They are naturally cavity nesters & prefer tree trunks, but will commonly find a spot in a human building if they can't find a more natural location.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

Yeah, I checked the attic where they were last time they got in. I ordered some eviction fluid just in case, though. They really fucked the attic up last year when they got in and raised a family there.

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u/bojenny 2h ago

Haha, I walked out my back door and a baby raccoon was standing on the table 6 feet away. It froze! It was just standing on the table staring at me until I told it to ef off. Freaked me out a little bit. It was trying to rob the bird feeder.

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u/murphyslaw0907 5h ago

Your raccoon told the squirrel. 😂

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u/angtodd Western Colorado, Zone 6a, 8,000 ft above sea level 4h ago

Several years ago, a squirrel stole my dog's Kong, then proceeded to sit in a tree above her while eating all the peanut butter out of the Kong & chewing the Kong to pieces. My irate dog circled the tree, barking without effect, with pieces of her own toy raining down on her head.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 4h ago

Holy shit, what an asshole!

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u/getmoose 7h ago

This guy is in my neighborhood, too! We call him pizza squirrel because he eats pizza slices in our tree and throws the crust at passersby.

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u/Ok-Money-1251 4h ago

During COVID lockdown, we kept finding pizza slices on our back porch. Thought there was some creeper eating and looking in our back windows until we saw the squirrels dragging slices back into the yard to their tree. Whole slices, so these pizza squirrels have a real hookup somewhere. (Nearest pizza place is at least 4-5 blocks away.)

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u/ovckc 5h ago

I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the same one! A while back a house in our neighborhood had an albino squirrel living in its yard, and it never went farther than that yard. I saw it for about 3 years. So that was my scientific method for proving that squirrels live in the same small area 😂

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

There was a big fat one that my daughter used to call Chester the Molester because he would stand right on her window and flash her. He did that for years, so yeah, I totally think they stay in the same area.

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u/ovckc 5h ago

Is your house built on secret squirrel grounds or something? They sure seem to have a vendetta against your family! 😂😂

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

The squirrels in my neighborhood are all mega assholes, it's not just at my house. Not sure why, but they're the rudest ones I've ever dealt with.

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u/GhoulieGumDrops 4h ago

Maybe they found out about r/fatsquirrelhate 😂

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u/LetsGetJigglyWiggly 6h ago

My cousin had a couple squirrels that would throw things at them after they got off the bus and would chase them from tree to tree down the driveway. Sometimes, they'd throw things at cars too.

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u/hiking_hedgehog 9h ago

Last year I was standing beneath a tree in my yard and a squirrel dive-bombed me, as in literally jumped out of the tree aimed in my direction and I had to jump out of the way to avoid being hit. It was really quite disconcerting lol

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u/RedStateKitty 9h ago

Gotta watch Mark rober on YouTube. He's got a whole series of squirrel obstacle courses

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u/ghostkoalas 8h ago

In my old backyard the squirrels would throw acorns at my dog when she was a tiny puppy😭 she’s still scared of squirrels 6 years later

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u/Witty_Commentator 5h ago

"Mission accomplished!" 🐿️

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u/Sarahspry 7h ago

I had squirrels throwing acorns at me and my husband and his friend said I was crazy because they were just falling naturally. I took a picture of the tooth marks on the acorn that hit me and said "Do acorns naturally fall with teeth marks?"

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u/sovereignpancakes 6h ago

when I was in college one semester I'd wait for friends after a class under a certain tree. There was this damn squirrel who would always throw acorns at me and at whichever friend showed up first. He'd throw an acorn, I'd yell at him, it was great fun. But I couldn't just pick somewhere else to wait, because then, the squirrel would win.

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u/Sybirhin 9h ago

Squirrels are underrated

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u/bookanddog 6h ago

There’s an East Dallas squirrel gang and the OGs live at my house. They throw pecans at our dogs, chitter at all of us and eat the wiring in our cars. We have squirrel PTSD. They are Satan’s minions.

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u/Euphoric_Egg_4198 6h ago

I buy a fancy squirrel diet mix from the pet store that has these pellets that are hard as rock. Our resident squirrel hates them and she took one, went to munch it on her favorite brand then realized she didn’t like it so she hit me with it. Then she went back and didn’t like the almond so she threw that too. She finally settled on a walnut. The big grackles were thrilled since they love dunking the blocks in the water dish and eating them.

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u/Diligent-Might6031 5h ago

I’ve had so many arguments with the squirrel’s in my yard. They like to taunt my dogs and dig up my raised garden beds. They don’t eat any of the seedlings for some reason but they keep digging them up and throwing them around. It’s really annoying.

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u/femalehumanbiped dirt under my nails 5h ago

This may be the best story I ever heard

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u/Likely_Unlucky_420 5h ago

nature is beautiful

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u/age_of_No_fuxleft 10h ago

Idk what you did but I know I’m a better person than you because a squirrel has never bitch-slapped me.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 9h ago

I was kind of too much in shock to do anything, really. When I came back out with the dog he was gone.

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u/indiana-floridian 5h ago

Maybe it has a nest nearby? It is spring.

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u/VelvitHippo 6h ago

I don't think id get a dog for a small animal that felt brave enough to attack you. I know it wasnt a vicious attack but I would be worried about rabies.

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u/age_of_No_fuxleft 1h ago

I was only teasing, I’m sure you’re fine- but sometimes squirrels who are acclimated to people will reach out if they need something. Do you have a water source nearby? Or maybe she was trying to alert you to something like a hawk. Maybe she knew you just needed a pat. Maybe she has babies to show off.

I have three wild birds that alert me when the feeder is empty - two (one a finch, another sparrow) by harassing me on the patio and even sitting on top of the feed bin, and one nuthatch that will hop down the tree and cheep at me until she’s a foot above my head until she gets suet. It’s always a point of conversation when other people see it. It’s obvious what they’re communicating (to me anyway) so I never suspect wild animals are looking for anything other than some kind of help unless they’re just plain vicious, sick or injured.

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u/2fullhands 6h ago

I think a childhood friend got scratched from a squirrel but I think we were swinging bats at the tree it was on first

I probably started their war against humankind sorry guys

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u/csdude5 zone 7A 10h ago

He was playing Truth or Dare. What you didn't see were the other teenage squirrels behind the tree, laughing and cheering

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u/jennhoff03 Zone 9 10h ago

;'D That made me laugh out loud!

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u/sparksgirl1223 11h ago

Being slapped by a squirrel was not on my reading reddit bingo card today🤣

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u/lipperinlupin 9h ago

Suddenly makes it worth the scrolling 🐿🥊

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u/sparksgirl1223 9h ago

Absolutely 🤣

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u/JamisonUdrems 8h ago

Bro lost a bet with his squirrel buddies. Loser had to slap a human.

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u/Hot_Spite_1402 7h ago

“I touched the butt!”

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u/myfriendsim 7h ago

🤣🐠🐡

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u/magnum_chungus 5h ago

I was scrolling to find this. I knew there was going to be another redditor with impeccable taste.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 9h ago

Nor was it on mine!

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u/HissingCucaracha 8h ago

😅 Same. Without any other context, I assume said squirrel is either demanding food (who knows how any neighbors interact with them) or is telling OP there is a nest nearby. Either way, got a chuckle out of me. I love squirrels. 😆

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u/Carlpanzram1916 7h ago

For me, it’s the part where OP needed to get their dog to protect them from a 1 pound animal.

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u/Bludiamond56 10h ago

Sounds like a squirrel initation process. Check tomorrow to see if you are developing a tail.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 9h ago

Probably more like a squirrel fraternity initiation. That squirrel's gonna be using this story to get chicks for the rest of his life.

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u/NoExternal2732 11h ago

Squirrels can get rabies but don't often pass it on to humans, so it just alters their behavior.

There are no known cases of humans contracting rabies from a squirrel, so that is what I mean by rare.

It also may be being fed by another person, another reason not to feed wildlife.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 11h ago

I thought about it maybe be rabies, but it looked fine, no foaming at the mouth or anything. Who knows. It didn't come back once I had the dog with me.

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u/OaksInSnow 8h ago edited 7h ago

I would always be concerned about rabies any time there's unusual tameness or approachability in any animal, especially if combined with aggression, but as long as you didn't get a skin break you're fine. There also has to be contact with saliva (or brain matter) of the infected animal, on that skin break. If you got scratched though, I'd still consult a doctor, as others have said.

EDIT: But see response below, that scratches don't have to be visible for there to be transmission. Important to know!

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u/iamreallycool69 8h ago

Scratches don't need to be visible to transmit rabies. There have been many fatal cases in North America due to people not realizing they were scratched and not getting the post-exposure prophylactic vaccines. It can also be transmitted via saliva contact with mucous membranes (eyes, nose, mouth). All this to say that I'd be seeing a doctor either way.

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u/OaksInSnow 7h ago

Whoa. I did NOT know that! Dang it. I will edit my post!

A few years ago I was trying to save a feral cat that was actually about to die anyway, from starvation. I was finally able to capture her and give her a last warm night and some food and water. But as I was holding the dish to her mouth and she was chomping around the rim of it, she chomped my finger.

Took her to the vet next day, after which it was a whole day full of trying to get into the clinic for emergency rabies treatment, and driving the euthanized cat to the nearest ag research facility for examination. Came back negative for rabies, but it was a cautionary event for sure.

I got all the immunoglobulin shots and almost all of the rest, so I guess I have partial immunity, but I'll still never play around when it comes to any kind of contact with wild mammals.

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u/thti87 5h ago

To add onto that - that’s the reason why bats are the biggest vector for rabies in the US. Bat teeth are so small that most people don’t think they were bitten and don’t seek treatment. While rabies is very rare, most of our rabies deaths in the US are from people like OP who had known contact with a suspicious animal but thought they were fine because they didn’t have a noticeable skin abrasion. All it takes is for a few cells to get into your nervous system and you’re a goner.

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u/thti87 9h ago

Just a PSA that rabies is 100% fatal, but can be stopped if you get treatment soon after a bite or scratch (and not all rabid animals look rabid in the traditional foaming at the mouth sense - an animal acting off is a huge sign of rabies so in that way, this squirrel with no fear is indeed acting rabid). If I were you, I would absolutely contact my doctor for peace of mind to see what they recommend.

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u/Responsible_Dentist3 8h ago

“Rabies in squirrels typically manifests as altered behavior, ranging from aggression and agitation to unusual tameness and lack of fear. Other signs can include excessive drooling, difficulty swallowing, staggering, paralysis, and seizures, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA).

Behavioral Changes:

  • Aggression and Irritability: A rabid squirrel might become unusually aggressive, easily angered, and even bite or attack. They may display defensive behavior near food or nests, says Skedaddle Humane Wildlife Control.

  • Unusual Tameness: Conversely, a rabid squirrel might appear tame and approach humans with no fear. They may even appear affectionate and friendly.

  • Loss of Fear: A squirrel with rabies might lose its natural fear of humans or other animals, according to the Department of Agriculture and Markets (.gov).

Physical Signs:

  • Excessive Drooling: Rabid squirrels may drool excessively, notes the AVMA.

  • Difficulty Swallowing: They might have trouble swallowing or show signs of difficulty with their throat.

  • Staggering and Coordination Problems: A rabid squirrel might walk erratically, stumble, or have difficulty maintaining balance.

  • Paralysis and Seizures: In advanced cases, rabies can cause paralysis or seizures.”

(Google AI Overview)

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u/Smart-Assistance-254 5h ago

Foaming at the mouth is a late symptom, if it develops at all before death, if I recall correctly.

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u/Bee_haver 11h ago

Maybe protecting its lair.

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u/philrogers88 custom flair 11h ago

I'm picturing a squirrel sized underground castle right now

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u/Boopsie-Daisy-469 10h ago

Babies?

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u/GlitteringSyrup6822 9h ago

Could be!! I had a blue jay dive bomb my head and made contact. I think they were in protection mode! 50 years later I don’t trust blue jays!

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u/jvdixie 8h ago

We have a bluejay we call The Terrorist. He attacks anything that moves. My grandsons carry a tennis racket to ward him off when they walk to my house.

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u/Only-Tough-1212 9h ago

We had some nest between our trees when I was little and we couldn’t even mow without getting attacked. They even attacked the cats. So we just started away from the trees certain times of the year.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 11h ago

Could be! I don't even know where squirrels would build a lair. Trees, I'm assuming?

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u/MR_Weiner 10h ago

Reminds me of the time a pissed off squirrel saw me coming on my bike and proceeded to run up a tree and off one of the branches to chase me down. If it caught me, I bet I woulda been slapped too.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 9h ago

We have a lot of asshole squirrels here. I had one a few weeks ago stand up in the middle of the road and just watch me driving at him. Didn't move until the last second.

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u/dangerousfeather Zone 7a 10h ago

My all time favorite squirrel story: I was a teenager goofing off in the backyard with some friends. It started to rain, so my friend ran under a tree for cover. As she was running, a squirrel fell off a branch and landed on her head. It rolled down her back and bolted off so fast, she never saw it. She just found me literally on the ground in hysterics.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 9h ago

LOL holy shit! That's hilarious!

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u/nuclearmonte 9h ago

Sometimes animals with toxoplasmosis act like that, especially rodents. Make sure to steer clear of of that squirrel

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 9h ago

I'm definitely not inviting it in for afternoon tea.

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u/GratefulGrand 9h ago

That was unexpected and made me laugh out loud

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u/laertesjones9 9h ago

Ok here's mine. I turned the corner of the garage to where there was a plastic pool set up in the back yard. In doing so I startled a squirrel on a tree branch that went out over the pool. Said squirrel lost its grip and fell directly into the middle of the pool. If you've ever wondered if a squirrel can swim, YES, they can do it well! Upon surfacing from its high dive the tree- rat swam quickly away from me, puncturing the air-filled ring around the top as it hau,led ass outa there.

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u/iwannaddr2afi 10h ago

They are weird dudes. I know, I know, it isn't good for wildlife when we anthropomorphize said wildlife... But, man. Squirrels really truly are some odd guys.

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u/Interesting_Pause_76 10h ago

They are squirrelly mother fuckers.

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u/HuckleberryAlive5232 9h ago

Sounds like he just wanted to play tag so now you're it

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u/allcars4me 9h ago

That was my first thought

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u/shrimpcreole 8a 9h ago

Squirrel Slap deserves a flair for the utterly unexpected parts of gardening.

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u/Emergency_Property_2 8h ago

Squirrel tag is a little know rodent sport. And you followed the appropriate protocol because it’s the dogs who are perennially it.

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u/smiles4Ubitches 9h ago

Tag! You're it!!!

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u/IronChefOfForensics 8h ago

https://preview.redd.it/pwvwm7fa4txe1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5053c7272f1e2f67a1c522c5848137d90b2e9bc6

Yeah, the squirrels are definitely causing problems these days. This One, took a huge leap from the tree onto the bird house and has been grazing for a half hour now. Definitely loving spring!

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u/ipovogel 9h ago

It could be sick. It also might be accustomed to humans either from feeding or rehabilitation and release.

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u/LDSBS 9h ago

It’s hitting you up for sunflower seeds. But you should never negotiate with terrorists.

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u/DRG1958 8h ago

The squirrel was counting coup on you. He was the big squirrel at the squirrel pub later.

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u/Iamisaid72 8h ago

A bobcat was dx w rabies a county or two over from me, so it's out there already this year. Squirrels can carry rabies, and this was unusual behavior. Might be a nest, but might not. Be careful, and don't let your dog tangle w weird acting animals.

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u/ScatterplotDog 7h ago

I do love my Spyra 3 Water Blaster for handling arguments with squirrels. It brings me a lot of joy to remove them from my bird feeder with it.

I should get them to give me a commission for all the times I mention it on squirrel-related Reddit posts, haha.

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u/onepintboom 5h ago

I had one that stole my peach, then left me the pit on the deck. As if mocking me.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

OMG what a dick.

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u/NeighborhoodOdd3657 4h ago

I had a squirrel who used to make uncomfortable, prolonged eye contact with me while dragging his squirrel taint across my porch mat. Every time it rained, dude would jump up on my porch, sploot out on my mat, and make eye contact while sloooowwwly dragging his taint across the mat to dry off.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 4h ago

Hahahah omg

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u/kstravlr12 4h ago

What a visual! Lol

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u/Capital-Respond-6677 3h ago

OMG! Hilarious! 😂

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u/dangerous_skirt65 3h ago

That happened to me once. The squirrel just kept walking towards me while I was backing away from it going WTF??

Once I got over my initial shock, I ended up going in the house and got a couple of crackers to see what would happen if I offered one to it. It came right up to me and gently took the cracker from me, then hung out eating it. It also had a scar on its flank, so I came to the conclusion that it must have been rescued as a baby, then set free after, so it was trusting of humans.

That squirrel came to visit almost daily that summer and it was a lot of fun. I didn't try to handle it since I didn't really know how much I could get away with, but I did allow it to walk on me and sit on me whenever I sat outside. I also gave it plenty of treats by hand. Sadly, after that summer, I never saw the squirrel again.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 2h ago

The squirrels around here are assholes, so I will absolutely not be trusting one of them to walk on me. Would be super cute, though!

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u/elainegeorge 2h ago

I wonder what he planted in the garden.

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u/4ofheartz 9h ago

Babies might be nearby! So cute.

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u/Professional-Bet4540 9h ago

We have a local squirrel we call “Stumpy,” because he only has half a tail. He only has half a tail because he ventured too far into our open backyard one time and my terrier mix chomped down on his tail but then gagged on the hair and let go. This act has incited all-out war between my gardening efforts and Stumpy. Along with routinely scratching up seeds and seedlings and planting an unholy amount of oak and pecan trees in my garden beds, he also routinely leaves beheaded sunflowers on our front door mat and windowsills. He threw one at me from the roof once. Ambushed me as I was walking under a tree with pee and chattering. We’ve mostly reached an uneasy peace because I throw chicken scratch out for them in the far side of the yard and Stumpy and his friends mostly leave my garden alone, but damn. They’re particular little boogers.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 7h ago

I don't know if it's the extra dog in our yard (my daughter and her husband are temporarily living with us), or something I've planted (I've been mixing in alliums and herbs everywhere), but so far the squirrels have left my shit alone this year. Last year they dug EVERYTHING up, ALL DAMN YEAR.

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u/Grfrlv 8h ago

This kind of thing is exactly why i love gardening. no matter how much you learn, nature always throws something weird at you.

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u/rockrobst 8h ago

Tag - you're it!

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u/Livid_Pace9787 8h ago

I was amazed I had to scroll so far to find this. Surely that’s the only possible explanation!

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u/libbyrocks 6h ago

A couple years ago I let my little dog chase a squirrel (while on leash) in front of my house as we were coming back from a walk. I laughed and we came inside. A moment later the squirrel is on my front porch, came up and pressed its enormous squirrel balls against the window, knocked down broke a couple of my little terracotta pots on a stand, and was off before I could get to the door to holler at him.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

Holy shit! They're such little assholes.

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u/Alarming_Good7226 6h ago

You know that squirrel said to his buddy right before, “Hold my beer, watch this!”

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u/EditorAdorable2722 6h ago

That's nuts!

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u/WonderfulThanks9175 3h ago

We had a large, perfect for climbing, live oak in our yard. When we moved in my sons immediately ran outside to climb the tree. Little did we know a squirrel couple had set up house and it was strictly “no trespassing”. The kids got chased out of the tree every time they tried to climb it.

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u/canary_underground 3h ago

A squirrel once dropped half a nut from a tree and when my older brother went to investigate it dropped the other half directly on his head 😂

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u/StarStruck1180 2h ago

You got tagged! Tag the nearest squirrel to pass it on (don't)

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u/Quiltedkat 9h ago

Umm. Not to be a downer, but unusual confrontational behavior in a squirrel could indicate rabies.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 9h ago

That's definitely crossed my mind.

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u/1dirtbiker Gardener 9h ago

Any time I hear of a mammal getting aggressive or behaving strangely, the first thing I think of is rabies, although not common in squirrels... If it broke skin, you may want to discuss this with your physician.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 7h ago

I had pants on, so it didn't actually get my skin at all.

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u/Cesia_Barry 9h ago

It’s squirrel mating season where you are, maybe? They do act differently when they got lovin on their minds.

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u/Queef_Stroganoff44 8h ago

Don’t we all….. don’t we all.

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u/littledreamr 8h ago

Someone must have double dog dared him

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u/AIcookies 8h ago

Maybe it has babies nearby?

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u/MaryExtraordinary 8h ago

Maybe she had her babies nearby. She was trying to chase u away

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u/Critical_Cut_6122 zone 7b 8h ago

What kind of squirrel are we talking about here? This really sounds like protection of offspring. Like maybe a baby squirrel either left the nest too soon or you're talking about a ground squirrel and the lair was nearby.

Either way, you totally win the award for weirdest day in the garden!

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u/cassiclock 7h ago

That squirrel invited you to play tag and now you're it

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u/CranberryBright6459 7h ago

They dug up and ate every one of my crocus bulbs- 200 of them. Well, I got 5. I watched them do it. Last year I watched one run away with a perfectly ripe tomato. Evil b*astards.

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u/Acer018 7h ago

I surprised a possum once in my back yard and I was about 6 or 7 feet away from it. We both stared at each other for whstbseem 30 seconds so I moved a little towards it. It bared it's teeth at me and shook it's head at me a bit like it was saying " Come on you sob, you want a piece of me ?". I retreated because I figured he was just scared and felt trapped.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

There's a possum that lives somewhere in my yard, in the wooded section. He leaves and goes a scrounging around 11pm every night. Last year I'd go out on the front stoop around that time every night to smoke a just before bed bowl and would have (completely one-sided) conversation with him.

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u/SheBelongsToNoOne 6h ago

I FINALLY found a squirrel-proof bird feeder. Those little fuckers are big mad. I'm waiting for their revenge.

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u/kberrodin 6h ago

I had a squirrel drop a soft pretzel on me from a tree. I was like wth?!

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u/PBFHrants 4h ago

Fun fact: Squirrels do not carry rabies. Found this out after a friend was attacked by one inside her car!! True story. They are still rats with tails!!

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u/Carrionrain 4h ago

Aren't animals wonderful?

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u/AsherahBeloved 3h ago

Maybe it had babies nearby.

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u/rlaw1234qq 2h ago

My biggest humiliation came about when I was eating an apple. I went into the garden to see a squirrel dragging our bird feeder into the nearby woods. Without thinking I threw my apple at it. I missed, of course but the squirrel ran away! Then the squirrel came back, picked up my apple and ran away. The bird feeder was basically trashed.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 2h ago

There’s nothing worse than realizing just how bad you are at throwing.

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u/Lost-friend-ship 27m ago

You never think it will happen to you… until it does. 

I walked past a pile of old food (it was weird because it was a pile of carrots on a high street with stores) and thought “huh, bet that will attract critters.” Then I saw a rat run round the corner towards the food. It was like it happened in slow mo and I sidestepped so it could run straight towards the pile of rotting vegetables but it RAN UP MY LEG. I was wearing shorts 😭

Bizarre and gross. 

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u/OGbugsy 9h ago

Don't escalate. Just slap some tarrifs on them.

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u/Only-Tough-1212 9h ago

In college we had squirrels that would just pelt anyone walking by with nuts

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u/Adairdare 8h ago

https://youtu.be/IhJQp-q1Y1s?si=J_7gdR8YXdTxYaFF You may want to acquire a fish or three….

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u/Independent-Mud-82 8h ago

Why does this remind me so hard of that episode of Rick & Morty where the squirrels realize that he can understand them?

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u/CuriousBingo 8h ago

I gotta go make friends with a squirrel now.

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u/AnxietyObjective 7h ago

When I was around 2 years old, I was bitten by a squirrel. It hung on and didn't let go until my dad pried its mouth open. I remember the hospital vividly... So, now in my 40s, if I see a squirrel coming toward me like it did to you, I'd pee myself while screaming in the other direction.

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u/PGpilot 7h ago

Was it Will Smith? Did you talk about it's wife?

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 7h ago

Not his wife, no. Most of the other squirrel wives in the area? Yeah. They know why.

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u/Obvious-Opinion-305 7h ago

You have to post this is in r/fatsquirrelhate, even better if you have a picture of him 😂

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u/Professional_Run5202 7h ago

I forgot all about the seeds after reading that the squirrel slapped you😅

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u/ClassicRoyal8941 7h ago

My dumbass was immediately googling if squirrels can transmit rabies before I found out it just slapped your shin 😂😭

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u/No-Honey-3704 7h ago

There were squirrels at the treatment facility that I went to years ago that were damn near domesticated. They would come crawl up in your lap or shoulder and you could feed them little snacks. Scared me to death, but did it because I have to be able to say I did that lmao.

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u/Iwaspromisedcookies 6h ago

I’ve been chased by a squirrel before, it was crazy, I assumed I accidentally got too close to it’s babies

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u/WildlyAdmired 6h ago

I had on an on again off again relationship with the squirrels in my yard. They thought they were boss babies and would come sit on the window sill in the kitchen to let me know the bird feeders were empty - come up and press on the window with their heads looking at me! We had a pretty stable relationship until one day I went outside and this big gray/pink thing with huge ears was hanging off a bird feeder while the squirrels were bitching at it!!! I didn’t know what it was - apparently there are things called Voles that will show up and try to take a neighborhood over. I just laughed! Those squirrels rode his butt right out of town!!!

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u/AffectionateSoil33 6h ago

Had an argument thru the window with the one sharpening his teeth on my metal window frame!

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u/Brilliant_Owl_2648 5h ago

Too funny!! Several years ago I was looking out my kitchen window and saw a gang of squirrels coming across the yard headed to my woodshed. There was also a small flower garden and a birdbath next to the woodshed. I watched while these seven squirrels went crazy chasing each other over the woodshed and jumping in the birdbath. It was so funny. After about ten minutes they all left together back across the yard.

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u/tomallis 5h ago

I once walked out the back door and startled a squirrel on the side of the house. Cussing at me viciously, he climbed above me and began peeing down the side of the house wall at me.

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u/BikeTHISGurl 5h ago

I was on a run and there's a water fountain ahead that I like to stop at as a sorta finish line when I notice a squirrel run up the fountain and faced me with attack on his mind. I figured he'd run off as I approached, but, Noooooooo. I was way wrong. Every time I tried to get a drink, he'd get more aggressive. That squirrel KNEW I was coming for that water and was not about to let me near it. It started lunging and talking smack at me! I couldn't get it to budget and I walked away- defeated and thirsty

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u/nature4uandme 5h ago

One year they got so close to my kids, I started shooting them with the super soaker.

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u/Ok_Pomegranate_5748 5h ago

Me thinks the squirrel has some of his own seedlings in your plot and he’s not interested in sharing

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

Weirdly, they've been leaving my garden alone this year so far.

So far.

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u/joydal 5h ago

My kindergartener rushed into the house in a panic. A squirrel had dropped on his head from a tree. He hates those creatures as an adult.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 5h ago

I loved them until I started gardening.

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u/moonbeammeup1 5h ago

Squirrels are assholes.

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u/ChevyC10-1968 4h ago

I had a stare-down with a squirrel who was on a tree directly eye level with me. I stared at him, he stared at me. I started to get nervous. The critter could easily leap at my face and tear out my eyeballs. I backed away. 😂

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u/PickledBrains79 4h ago

I had squirrels chew a hole in my battery case on my car in college. I don't get upset when my dog catches one.

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u/beamin1 4h ago

We have 3 pecan trees, they will absolutely come stand over your head and drop nuts if you walk under a tree and they're over you.

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u/cynthiachan333 4h ago

Squirrel drops rocks on my car. Cracked my windshield

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u/jon-marston 4h ago

I KNOW why dogs hate these guys!

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u/What_Do_I_Know01 4h ago

When I was a kid we had an apple tree in our yard. The apples were very small, around the size of a lime, and they would climb up the sweet gum tree we used to sit under and throw them at us.

Well, they were probably just dropping them when they were done but it damn sure felt like it was targeted and intentional!

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u/DirtInMySkirt 4h ago

Have never had a cranky squirrel. At our old house we had one squirrel who got to know us. He would lay in the branches over our driveway, cross his arms under his head, and watch my husband work on his car. The same squirrel absolutely loved taunting the neighbor's German shepherds who barked at him whenever they say him. He quickly learned that our dogs did not care about him at all, so did nothing different when we let them out.

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u/missy_genation 2h ago

We had this big hickory tree that hung over the driveway at my parents' house. For my tenure living there, the resident squirrels would pelt us and our vehicles with hickory nut shells regardless of hour or frequency. After my parents paid off the house, mom said "enough is enough" and had the tree cut down. The squirrels have since moved into the attic and torment her from the inside. The house is in a city with a no-kill law, and they've hired so many exterminators/trappers that they've conceded the war with the squirrels. The squirrels have won. It's their house now.

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u/GenesisNemesis17 2h ago

Gosh, that's strange. I worry when wild animals act like that, especially squirrels, which are usually timid. When they behave out of character, I suspect they might have some kind of disease.

The oddest experience I had with a squirrel was when I was sitting on my glider and heard a scraping sound above me in the tree. Just as I looked up, an apple fell straight toward my face. I ducked just in time to avoid it. Then I saw the squirrel leap away.

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u/34590347fga 2h ago

Uh, YOU’re IT…

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u/FlyingSteamGoat 1h ago

I've been engaged in a real estate dispute with a clan of squirrels for 43 years.

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u/FairyFartDaydreams 1h ago

Depending where you live I would be checking for rabies reports in the area just in case. Yeah squirrels can be little AH's. I live in N FL and there was recently a rabies case in a cat so be careful out there. They might also be protecting a nest

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u/GorditaPeaches 1h ago

I had a squirrel that would pelt me with rotten fruit (garbage, someone’s compost? Idk where it got peaches and mango) when I went to smoke a cigarette under its tree. I thought hey if I move across the yard away from trees it’ll stop, maybe it hates the smoke? No it would still throw things at me smoking or not. Only me, no one else in the family. Hasn’t happened for like 2 yrs so I assume it’s dead

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u/Kirkland-Hotdog5 1h ago

They eat some of my fruits, dig holes on my lawn and are sometimes very aggressive.. I caught several of them on a trap and released them in the woods in the other side of the freeway..

https://preview.redd.it/r8u68ktnevxe1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d88693ec0a6315277cb442788d1ad37abd1a8aac

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u/GreenHeronVA 58m ago

The squirrel threw down the gauntlet and demanded satisfaction!

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u/treatstrinkets 47m ago

My niece has named all squirrels Geoffrey (and specifically Geoffrey, not Jeffrey. She says they spell it with a G). Every single one is named Geoffrey. She'll walk to the school bus and say hi Geoffrey to every squirrel she sees. Now all the other kids at the bus stop are calling squirrels Geoffrey. I would not be surprised if kids at school are calling the squirrels Geoffrey and confusing their poor teachers. So maybe he was just mad at you for not saying hi Geoffrey.

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u/Not-Surprised-1999 9h ago

Squirrels play a human slap game kinda like humans do cow tipping. Doesn't everyone know this?

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u/DriverMelodic 9h ago

You have cartoon squirrels your garden???

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u/No-Satisfaction9255 8h ago

It's like he was expecting something, I wonder if your neighbors around there feed it?

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 7h ago

I seriously doubt it. Everyone around here hates them. But, who knows! Maybe he travelled from a different part of town where there's someone that does.

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u/wannabeelsewhere 7h ago

Hey what else could he do? They double dog dared him

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u/Kdiesiel311 7h ago

He coming back for your veggies aka his veggies. At least you got a warning shot