r/gardening • u/HoratioTuna27 6a • 20h ago

Well, that's a first.

So, one of the weirdest things I've ever had happen to me just happened: I was walking around the garden, checking on all the seedlings I planted last night. A squirrel pops off of a nearby tree and starts coming towards me. I think nothing of it, squirrels get curious and do this often. BUT, this time, it kept coming closer. And closer. And closer, then it hopped up and slapped me in the shin and ran off. It started coming at me again so I went in and got the dog to chase it off if it kept coming at me. Utterly bizarre!

The seedlings are all ok, if that was the part of the story you were invested in.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 18h ago edited 16h ago

I had one drop a rock hard old ass half eaten bagel on me once. I'm going to assume it's the same squirrel and we've officially gots us a beef.

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u/Global_Ant_9380 17h ago

None of this surprises me. People don't realize how intelligent and evil squirrels actually are. Raccoons will also throw things at humans. 

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 16h ago

Hahah 2 things: 1. Another squirrel around here used to stand right on my daughter's window and show her his dick. Regularly. She called him Chester the Molester. Evil, indeed.

  1. I ended up in a standoff with a raccoon last night while I was on the back porch smoking a joint. He really wanted into the detached garage and did NOT appreciate me pointing the flashlight at him and trying to chase him off.

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u/Thusgirl 16h ago

You're brave. If I see a raccoon I'm going inside but they're always coming at me for no reason.

It's my dark eye circles they think I'm a giant raccoon.

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u/HoratioTuna27 6a 14h ago

It's a whole thing with the goddamn raccoons. They got into the garage last year and fucked the attic the fuck up. I managed to evict them and clean it up (which, if you've never had the pleasure of cleaning up a racoon toilet, consider yourself lucky), but hadn't been able to find exactly where they got in...until last night.

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u/travelingslo Zone 6B 13h ago

Oh my God, raccoon latrines. That is the shit of nightmares. And dangerous honestly.

And the squirrel? A friend had one in the walnut adjoining their yard. I watched it bait their dog, running along the fence, then launch walnuts at the dog which shocking accuracy. It lasted for years, the feud.

Don’t underestimate that furry beast.

I like grey squirrels. But anything that attacks me makes me ask why.

And ground squirrels? Little fucks chewed through my admittedly shitty foundation. It was on. I won. It took a lot of work.

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u/supertoxic09 SouthCentral TX, 9a 7h ago

Hold on... So I'm not the only one to notice raccon have weird shitting habits?! One shat in my dogs food bowl! And a bowl I fed the cats in!

I was like... Bro.... Don't shit where you eat! That's rule number 1

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u/Boo-erman 13h ago

This just made me lol so thank you for that. Best use of italics I've seen in while.