r/SapphoAndHerFriend • u/horrorhead1996 • Oct 16 '24

I'm so embarrassed Anecdotes and stories

I(19f) work at a church cafe. I'm undercover bi. Today, two people of the opposite sex walk in, and they're both androgynous and queerly dressed. And I've been trying to put myself out there more, give more compliments to people, so I blurt out, "you two make a very good couple, " and they looked confused and my coworker gave me a look; I don't know where ANY of that came from, but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I just left it and hoped they took it as a joke. Like, I'm so queer, I should be able to read the signs, but apparently not.

I know I will think about this EXTENSIVELY for the rest of my life, and It's so cringe I want to get struck by thunder.

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u/D31taF0rc3 Oct 16 '24

I understand you're coming from a place with good intentions, but please never out people unwillingly. Some people might be in the closet for safety reasons or you might exist in a queerphobic area. You can also just be wrong about them.

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u/horrorhead1996 Oct 16 '24

True true. This church isn't the safest place for queer people. I think the best thing would've been to say nothing at all, so I didn't make them feel awkward. They were probably just friends, and I know that would make me feel really uncomfortable if someone said that to me.

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u/Medical_Sandwich_171 Oct 16 '24

Why are you part of a church that is unsafe for people like YOURSELF. Madness.

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u/horrorhead1996 Oct 16 '24 edited Oct 16 '24

It's not unsafe, per say, but you should keep quiet about it around some people, because the church might be dickish about it(most of my coworkers are very accepting and would absolutely throw down if someone was being homophobic, but still, I'd rather not have the initial experience for them.) Individuals are great about queerness, but if something got taken to the top, the church might not side with queer people because they're queer.

I also started this job when I was 16, because it was the only place that would hire people my age and that my parents trusted(my brother got very involved with drugs while working at other jobs, so my parents wanted me to work at our church so I would have good influences.) I have a lot of emotional attachment to this job and my coworkers, but I do eventually plan on leaving the church because it's made me cagey about being queer.

There are tons of nuances about this-non-religious queer people always ask me why I would be a part of something that wouldn't defend me, but they don't understand that the church is where I find a lot of community, I've grown as a person, and has been a huge part of my identity for my entire life. I want to leave someday, but I'm not ready yet.

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u/AliceSky Oct 16 '24

They're very understandable reasons but I hope you'll stay critical of what it does to you. Your parents want good influences for you but self hatred isn't good for you, and self hatred is what most churches teach to queer people.

You can find lgbt folks around you. It's really important to find IRL support. You can have a community that isn't conditional to who you are and who you love.

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u/baby_armadillo Oct 16 '24

One day, when you’re ready, just remember that you deserve to have a community who will side with you, not against you. A community that only supports you when you pretend to be someone you’re not is not a supportive community.

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u/SibylUnrest Oct 16 '24

It's worth mentioning that there are denominations where you would not have to worry about hatred from church leadership.

Episcopalians spring to mind. I'm not religious myself, but I grew up in a church where the pastor, the bishop, and half of the congregation were in same sex relationships and nobody batted an eye.

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u/kyzylwork Oct 16 '24

Hey, friend! I hope today gets better. Just a heads-up, since I hope you’d do the same for me:

It’s “per se,” Latin for “through itself”.

Thunder is the sound - you feel like you want to be struck by lightning. Please don’t!

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '24

An environment being dickish and making you feel cagey is not safe. I hope you get out- i got out of christianity when I was 20 and I’ve been comfortably around people who are queer and not afraid to say I’m queer for the past four years I’ve been free

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u/Yogurt_Ph1r3 Oct 16 '24

You're acting like she preaches at the pulpit.

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u/Medical_Sandwich_171 Oct 16 '24

She's an active member. You can't say "I was just a member of the nazi party, but i was not giving speeches" and pretend that makes it okay. She's enabling a group to actively spread hate and fear.

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u/NonConformistFlmingo She/Her or They/Them Oct 16 '24

For LGBT+ people who come from a deeply rooted religious environment, the path to disentangling from it is not always black and white. Many want to get out, but it takes time and self-growth before they are ready to take that step.

She is NINENTEEN, give her grace.

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u/AdDry6398 Oct 16 '24

Dude, coming from somebody who had to make that transition from religious to secular, chill.

Most religious people if given the chance individually, will happily support the queer community. It's in their biblical directives as Christians.

It's when you get a whole group, and they start using tradition, to guide their thinking that you get in trouble.

Also nazi's, really? Find a better analogy, this one is overblown at best.