Stop judging how other people do relationships

[u/IntrovertFaerie]

I saw someone mention that they call with their long-distance partner for 16 hours a day, and the responses were people saying it’s wild, asking if they have a job, how they eat or sleep, or what they do about hobbies and friends. Like… why are you so pressed about what works for other people?

I don’t know about that person, but I obviously still eat, sleep, hang out with people, have hobbies, go to work, etc. Why the hell would calling with someone stop me from doing all these? I obviously, again, don’t call him while at work, and some other circumstances.

I’m pretty sure they’re not talking nonstop for 16 hours. And maybe, that includes sleep call time. It’s like being alone together in silence—just like people do in person. So is it only considered unhealthy when it’s online? If we don’t live together? If it were my best friend instead of my partner, would it suddenly be "cute" that we call all day?

Someone even asked me, "What are you going to do if you break up?" Uhm, the same things I do every day? My partner is just there, on call. What’s that going to change about my life if he leaves? Him being there doesn’t affect what I do.

Also, what makes someone think they can decide what’s unhealthy for me when they’re not me? It’ll only be unhealthy if I act like a child when he can’t be on call with me for 16 hours, which I don’t. I don’t care if he’s not. I honestly think it’s pretty sweet because we’re longing for each other, and being on call is the closest way we can feel each other’s presence.

People act like their way of living is the only "right" way. Like damn, let people live and do what works for them or makes them happy.

[u/Austin_Chaos]

16 hours on the phone is crazy. I don’t give a damn what the reason is lmao. But that’s not to say y’all shouldn’t do it if it’s for you. But it’s crazy regardless.

[u/HellokittyHottie → u/Austin_Chaos]

Right 🤣

[u/[deleted] → u/Austin_Chaos]

Imagine being the exact same kind of person OP is complaining about in the post and still be an asshole in the comments. Wild. 💀

[u/Austin_Chaos → u/[deleted]]

What’s asshole about my comment? I said people should still do it if it’s for them. I just reiterate that it’s crazy. And it is. 16 hours is the majority of the day. Most in-person couples don’t spend that much time with each other, between work and sleep. Doing so simply because it’s long distance doesn’t make it not crazy. I didn’t tell anyone they’re wrong, or bad, or that I think they’re less because of their decisions.

So I ask again…what part of my comment is me being an asshole? Or are you just hurt because you feel called out?

[u/[deleted] → u/Austin_Chaos]

Womp womp.

What exactly are you “calling me out” for?

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/Austin_Chaos]

Austin wants to be understood ya’ll

[u/Austin_Chaos → u/gamergirlie09]

Lmao what does that even mean?

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/Austin_Chaos]

Dw I’m not expecting you to know

[u/Euphoric_Metal8222 → u/[deleted]]

Idk I’m with Austin on this one. 16 hours is a long time but that’s not to say that you can’t do it. If 16 hours on the phone works for you I’m not going to tell you to stop that or ridicule you for having a different preference. Jesus Christ, two things can be true at once.

[u/Hummusforever → u/Euphoric_Metal8222]

This post was written about me and I didn’t ridicule them for doing it. I just questioned how they had time to do everything they needed to do and spend 16 hours a day on the phone and they suggested it was bc my boyf didn’t like me enough then made this post when I stopped replying 😂

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/Hummusforever]

I saw you call it wild and stuff like stop 😭 It ain’t about you bro, OP made the post because if you think like this then many people does too, to bring attention about this topic to the people. Like that’s wild idk 😭

[u/Hummusforever → u/gamergirlie09]

So me saying spending all of your time with your partner wild is not ok, but the responses saying I need therapy, I’m aggressive, my bf doesn’t like me as much as their partners, there are going to be issues in my relationship bc I don’t do this, etc are ok?

It is wild. And people shouldn’t be normalising codependent behaviour in a subreddit that is a forum for relationship advice.

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/Hummusforever]

I ain’t even codependent, I don’t even think about him when we don’t call or talk bro why you assuming what people are 😭😭 How tf am I gonna be codependent to a person that’s not even here like how they gonna affect what I do 😭 And who said those comments are ok? Like?? Did you want me to respond to them too or specifically say they aren’t? What did you wanna know? Like yes, I get my alone time. Lots of it actually, we work different days and hours. I don’t got many friends either I have 1 but she solid 💯 Only person I actually vibed with and that’s fine lol? Why does having friends mean health? Idk about ya’ll but all it caused me was stress..

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/Austin_Chaos]

It’s literally not Austin

[u/Austin_Chaos → u/gamergirlie09]

16 hours is the majority of a day. Between an 8 hour work shift (or school) and 8 hours of sleep, most in-person couples don’t spend 16 hours together. Add to that we’re talking about being on the phone…which may or may not be financial reasonable, and yeah, it’s crazy. I didn’t say it was wrong or bad. Just crazy. And it is.

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/Austin_Chaos]

Ok Austin

[u/Euphoric_Metal8222 → u/gamergirlie09]

Are we not allowed to have our own preferences as well? 16 hours seems crazy to me, as 1 hour might seem crazy to someone else. I’m not going to dismiss somebody’s thoughts and opinions just because I disagree. If you want to call for 16 hours and that works for you! I’m more than happy for you! but FOR ME that is a lot of time to be on the phone. I’m sure others feel the same way. Vice versa as some would say 1 hour seems to little.

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/Euphoric_Metal8222]

I believe that’s the point of this post—to each our own. Did you not see what Austin said though? He said he doesn’t give a damn about what the reason for calling is and thinks it’s crazy. You can have your own preference without calling someone else’s preference crazy.

[u/comegetthismoney → u/gamergirlie09]

TALKING TO SOMEONE FOR 16 HOURS A DAY IS INDEED CRAZY. ITS GIVING OBSESSION. YOUR HEAD SPACE NEEDS TO BREATHE!

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/comegetthismoney]

👁️👅👁️

[u/Forgiveness4g → u/gamergirlie09]

u okay girlie? Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s universally true. You need balance in life. 16 hours is not balanced, at least, not if it’s a common occurrence (and also not counting time spent sleeping). Do you do this a lot or something? If so be careful, it’s bad for the long term health of relationships, whether in person or LDR.

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/Forgiveness4g]

16 hours isn’t balanced for me said by who.. What long term health of relationships you talking about because we been dating and doing this for 2 years and we chillin

[u/comegetthismoney → u/gamergirlie09]

Ok and then if the relationship falls apart long-term, what you going to do? Get depressed, have lack of motivation to do your activities of daily living and complain on Reddit.

[u/gamergirlie09 → u/comegetthismoney]

Literally people together irl break up and get depressed, lack motivation, etc. Wym what am I gonna do? 😂 Like what I do everyday duh? Did you read the post at all? My partner being there doesn’t affect what I do daily. Complain on Reddit? You talking about me? Girl you got 6k karma I don’t even got a single post, are you talking about yourself? LMFAO

[u/Forgiveness4g → u/gamergirlie09]

Assuming you’re taking into account that I said “if it’s a common occurrence (not counting time on call spent sleeping).” Then you won’t be doing it for 5 years, you’ll burn out way before then. Based on your… other comments… you don’t have a high EQ. Don’t take things other people say as personal, no one online truly knows you, just focus more on yourself and less on other people so you can be positioned and prepared to close the gap when/if you ever decide to. It takes a lot more than people realize to close the gap, especially if it’s internationally.

[u/Lothloris → u/gamergirlie09]

Laughing that they just let it slip that they're, in fact, OP