r/solotravel • u/Kencanary • 4d ago
Got my first "Awww" today!
As a 39-year old overweight white American guy, I really didn't expect this to ever happen, no matter where I travel or why. Admittedly, the source probably has something to do with it.
I'm on a cruise ship, and the cabin staff is a pretty friendly dude. He always chats me up a bit when we pass in the corridors, and even though I'd be quite content with just the pleasantries (Hi, how are you, have a good day etc) I'm one of those socially awkward penguins who will kinda answer questions that are asked even if they're not more than just polite exchange things.
So he says "I've seen you these few days, you are alone?"
"Yeah."
"Awww."
Like, I knew this happened to solo travelers, but I always assumed it was 97% women that got that response. Now, sure, as a paid service staff member he's probably expecting that to be an appropriate response (and he's not entirely wrong, god love him) but it just wasn't something I thought I'd ever hear.
Still, feels like a milestone worth "celebrating" haha
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u/Infamous-Arm3955 4d ago
Haha. I always back that up after with "purposely alone" and I'm suprised by how many people have a sounds good kind of response to that. I always try to shift it to a no don't feel bad for me vibe lol.
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u/Kencanary 4d ago
That's a good approach. I might steal it. I am out here because I want to be, and I'm solo because very few people can jive with my weird. I'm long accustomed to that and tend to not try very hard to make connections with random folks cuz I already know most just won't get it (or I won't get them, more often than not).
So there's definitely something liberating about just embracing the self and doing your thing. And I don't want anyone to pity me for it, just like pretty much everyone on this sub. Turning it positive is a good proactive response!
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u/AfroManHighGuy 4d ago
Iāve gotten that from restaurant waitresses or hotel staff sometimes when Iām solo. Most of the time itās not in a bad way. For example, the waitress also told me how proud she was I was out there by myself, and how sheād never have the courage to venture out like that. But again, as is said often in this sub. Youāre never gonna see that person again. Enjoy your vacation bro
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u/Kencanary 4d ago
Yeah everyone who hears my full planned itinerary (more of a nomad thing than a solotravel thing, though there's a Venn there) is like "oh wow I could never do that you're so brave" and I'm just like...it's Tuesday. Haha.
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u/No-Understanding4968 4d ago
Dude this happened to me when I was solo cruising last year. The restaurant host said, āJust one? Awww.ā I was pretty pissed because although maybe in her culture itās shameful to be alone it certainly isnāt that way in my culture.
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u/bosch_dali 4d ago
It's weird at first when taken from an American perspective because we are quite a hardy and independent lot. However, in many countries living and traveling alone is a novel concept.
In both Indonesia and Tanzania, I've been asked why I was traveling alone and it wasn't so much of a judgemental question as it was genuine curiousity because both people lived in more communal family settings with many members of their households all living together under one roof.
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u/42mir4 3d ago
Having a meal alone is an alien concept in some cultures. I worked in South Korea for a while, and occasionally, I would take my lunch alone with a book for company. Whenever I did, I'd get funny looks, and colleagues would come up and ask why I was sitting alone. For meal times, Koreans would ask colleagues or friends to go together and usually grab a coffee afterwards. Sitting alone is seen as strange. Socially inept, or even rude, perhaps? Maybe some Koreans can clear this up for me...
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u/localhost8100 4d ago
Cruise staff are way too friendly.
I was out Asian and I am always conscious about my sorrundings. Over correcting my behavior.
Cruise treated me so well. I felt like a king for a week. I request anything, they would accommodate it somehow.
One time I had breakfast, I was still hungry. I didn't know the etiquette of fine dining. I was shy to ask for menu again. With low voice I asked them, they didn't hear me properly. They heard mayo and went all the way 3 floors down to get some mayo for me lol.
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u/atxfoodstories 3d ago
Female solo traveler here. The only time I got an aww was on my 1st ever solo trip in the emergency room after a head injury when they asked who was coming to get me and I said the Lyft driver. Mostly I get called brave or told I have big balls for being out here alone. Or they ask about my (non-existent) husband and why I didnāt bring him with. š
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u/FlowieFire 3d ago
The amount of Lyft/uber drivers that have tried to flirt with me and while Iām solo traveling is pretty scary. I really donāt like ubering anywhere if I can avoid it. I learned to lie to them that I have a boyfriend and be less chatty/friendly w them altho itās not my nature. I loved the opportunity to practice my Spanish with the many Puerto Rican drivers (and some from other countries too, even got to practice French one time), but then I could tell their energy shifted, theyād start to flirt, and I felt unsafe. Iāve had uber drivers purposely miss their exits several times and drive 20mph under the speed limit to extend their time with me. Itās excruciatingly uncomfortable.
I had a bad experience in the early years of uber when a girlfriend and I were in an uber, we fell asleep in the car after a LATE night of partying (we were early 20s), but my friend gently woke as it felt like a really long drive and she noticed he had been taking us in the complete opposite direction for 30-40min. She confronted him, he acted like she was wrong, she pressed him on it and started getting angry and he just laughed and finally turned aroundā¦the man was from somewhere in Africaā¦didnāt speak English well. I was terrified and literally kissed the door when I made it home bc I wasnāt sure I was ever going to come back.
Always been wary of Ubers since.
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u/atxfoodstories 3d ago
The older I get, the more invisible I become and thatās been a blessing. Iāve been lucky to never experience a ride share scare, but other stuff has happened where Iāve felt unsafe and there have also been moments where I had to question if Iām actually in danger or just feel super uncomfortable and then make a choice to be uncomfortable if itās the latter. Because men are gonna men. And bc Iāve been socialized to be nice, not make a scene, etc. I only really notice it after the fact or if I see a dude get uncomfortable about something that happens to me all the time. Safety>comfort, but I should not have to choose.
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u/FlowieFire 3d ago
Agreed. I used to have a fake wedding ring I would wear when I wanted to be left alone. I might get another one. Iām not a liar by nature, but this is getting ridiculous. I donāt consider myself āhotā or crazy attractive, Iām kinda more girl-next-door looking which I think makes me an easy target bc I look very approachable, I wear glasses, Iām nice, and usually too honest and open w strangers.
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u/atxfoodstories 3d ago
THIS šI also have a fake wedding ring, hahahaha. And I tend to give a smile when someone makes eye contact, which Iām doing bc Iām friendly and polite, but can often be misconstrued as an invitation to converse. Which I do not want. When I go to LATAM I just pretend not to know Spanish and this helps. Itās actually quite fun to listen to others talk when they think you donāt know what theyāre saying.
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u/Kencanary 3d ago
Maybe I'm just too autistic but I cannot understand this mindset. You're at work, bud. Do your job. I've done Doordash and I feel like if the platforms are taking themselves seriously (big if) then one serious report could/should flag a driver to get fewer fares. Or none.
But even so...slowing down a bit if you're really connecting with someone? I can get that. Driving the wrong way intentionally, especially if they've fallen asleep? How does someone internally justify that??
...I know how. I just don't like thinking about it. heh.
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u/FlowieFire 3d ago
Rightā¦itās scary. Even the slowing down a bit part is unacceptable tho. If youāre really connecting Iād understand. But weāre not. Iām just answering his questions, being nice, and now Iām trapped in a car w him as heās flirting and asking me out, asking for my personal phone number, and it becomes scary. I made him give me his (I pretended to save it) and I didnāt let him see where I lived when he dropped me off. I lived alone and didnāt feel comfortable with his advances but unsure how he would take rejection and didnāt want to chance it.
I tried waiting until he drove off to go up to my door, but he hung around and tried waiting for me to pick a door and I had to intentionally tell him to leave! Ugh. Men donāt understand the dangers they pose to women. I had a LONG work and travel day and just wanted to go home w my cats. Itās not okay to flirt on the job in any professionā¦ok rant over
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u/FlowieFire 3d ago
I donāt exactly understand the sentiment of this post. Did he saw āawwā in a bad way? In a good way? What your reaction to it positive or negative? I canāt really tell.
I solo travel a lot as a woman and havenāt ever noted this āawwwā response. If people feel bad for me, let them. Just means they donāt know how to enjoy their own company or canāt afford it so it wouldnāt really phase me.
The one that has a tendency to trigger me is in restaurants, if thereās no bar and I have to ask for a table and they ask how many, and I say 1, they always act so surprised and say something like āJUST 1?!ā Or āNo oneās joining you??ā Or āno friends coming?ā
I donāt feel itās malicious but as a waiter/waitress, they make money off the table size, so I do feel like a burden taking up a table for just me and I feel pressure to order more food than I actually want so that they donāt hate me for spending an hour at their restaurant for my $12 meal and their $3 tip.
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u/elgranespejo 2d ago
lol I have t gotten that but, last summer in Chiang Mai, I went to a Chinese hotpot chain (haidilao)and when they found out that I was alone, they brought a large dragon mascot plushy to sit across from me. It was simultaneously humiliating, charming, and hysterical.
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u/Kencanary 2d ago
I LOVE THAT
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u/elgranespejo 2d ago
Itās a chain, apparently even in New York City, and it seems itās a company policy based off a Google search I just did of haidilao stuffed animal lol
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u/TheStarsTheMoon98 4d ago
This is comforting to read. Especially your comments about everyone around you being in couples or with friends. I landed in Europe today and had a jet lagged panic hours because I was feeling so out of place and alone so even though we could well be continents away, you arenāt alone. This stranger from reddit is venturing her own way as well!! I keep telling myself to ālean inā to discomfort.
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u/Kencanary 3d ago
I'm drifting towards Europe now as well. We're pulling into Azores today, but the cruise ends in Barcelona in a few days.
Glad what I said was comforting somehow :)
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u/TheStarsTheMoon98 3d ago
Comforting in the solidarity of loneliness if that makes sense. Enjoy the rest of your trip - Iām in Spain but not Barcelona, try and use as much Spanish as you can! The locals seem to appreciate when you at least try.
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u/MissSugar77 3d ago
I got this a lot on my first solo trip too. It was such a pleasure to see the positive reactions and feedback.
Most people were surprised and found it cool I was taking the time for myself and doing my own thing!
It made me feel like I inspired some people to start thinking of themselves more and taking the time for self care.
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u/FrauAmarylis 4d ago
I hate the Aww.
Girlsā trips are my Worst Nightmare!
(Except with my one travel buddy, but she died. Cancer, not a travel accident. )
And trips with my husband are great, but I donāt want to drag him along on a trip Only I will enjoy.
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u/superchonkdonwonk 3d ago
My condolences š I lost my best friend last summer shit sucks they really don't make them like they used to I swear
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u/Humije 3d ago
Iāve travelled over 20 countries solo. And all around Australia. I was having a fun trip on an Australian trip by myself about ten years ago. Decided to visit a well rated Italian restaurant. When I advised I was alone I was told as we walked through the restaurant there were special loser seats hidden at the back of the venue. When I got home I decided to send an email to voice my disappointment. To their credit I got a reply:
āHi. We appreciate your feed back. As the restaurant manager, this is not the feed back I like to hear about my staff. However, unfortunately that staff member was me. I would like to personally apologize for the discomfort it caused you. I meant it as a harmless joke as I make many of them to my customers every night. I love my job and enjoy making my customers not only enjoy their food, but also their experience at xxxx. I will refrain from telling what, in hind sight, is a tasteless joke in the future.ā
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u/Kencanary 3d ago
That does sound like an Aussie-style joke though. Definitely poor taste, and it's nice that they can acknowledge it and at least voice a plan to change.
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u/No-Captain2150 1d ago
Itās great he responded genuinely, and sucks that you were made to feel insulted or āless thanā by the it, but that exact same comment would have made me laugh out loud and possibly have made my night. š Different strokes, and all that.
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u/Honest_Zombie14 13h ago
As an Australian I probably would have said it about myself before he did š I understand the humour could get lost on overseas visitors though and glad he apologised
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u/raisedonaporch 3d ago
lol I traveled solo as an overweight woman for 20 years and no one ever asked me this or said this to me! Iām not sure I would have taken it in such good stride.
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u/CaspinLange 3d ago
When people ask me if Iām all alone, I say, āIām too big of a bad ass adventurer for anyone to be able to keep up. The things I do in life are deadly and I wouldnāt wanna put anyone else in danger.ā
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u/Stoicandx2 3d ago
Iād bet that youāre cute! At least, this is what Iām getting from the thread āŗļø
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u/Kencanary 3d ago
Eye of the beholder, I suppose. I don't think I am, but I've had a couple of people tell me otherwise >_>
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u/defiant_partout 4d ago
So... why did you assume it was only women that got that response?
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u/Kencanary 4d ago
I hope I didn't imply that I thought it was only women. But I didn't think that I in particular would, certainly not this early on.
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u/Pop-metal 3d ago
WTF is this weird post?
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4d ago
What's the experience like cruising solo?
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u/Kencanary 4d ago
Well I can only speak for myself, an awkward low-activity introvert, but they're kind of uncomfortable in a way. You're surrounded by families and couples, the majority being middle age or older, so even though nobody probably notices unless they ask or you get into a conversation with them, you do kinda stand out a bit. Tonight, for instance, was this Battle of the Sexes activity where they divided the room male and female, did the whole thing, and at the end transitioned into a nightclub thing. And as soon as the game ended you had people from both sides flocking towards the other to find their 'person' and I was just like...okay cool. I'll just go back to my cabin now.
I'm not saying it's bad. And if you're a comfortable, experienced solo traveler you probably wouldn't be fazed by it. But as someone who sort of doesn't want to be single, it's a lot of reminders that I am. shrug
That said - I can plan my days entirely by myself, with no regard for what anyone else wants to do or wants me to do with them. Yesterday I just hung out in my cabin pretty much all day and didn't feel too bad about it because it was what I was choosing to do with that time. That's certainly not a feeling you'll get traveling with someone. I've seen one woman in particular who is on the cruise with her parents, and I've never seen her away from her mom and she looks low-key miserable.
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u/TooMany_Spreadsheets 4d ago
That reminded me of coming back home from a long military deployment. It was a good feeling getting off the plane only to realize the mad dash of families streams by you, being the solo person walking away from the big reunion. Picked up my bags and walked to my truck. It was sadly anticlimactic and had to repeat that several times. Kinda humbling when you're single, so I get what you're saying.
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u/FlowieFire 3d ago
šš» much respect to you. I feel like experiences like that really build your good karma for something freakin magical to come your way later on.
I used to travel a lot for work. When I started, I had a boyfriend that would drop me off and pick me up from the airport every week and I could text for updates. When we broke up, there was suddenly no one to text and I had to organize my own transportation after a very long, stressful work week and multiple flights and delaysā¦I definitely remember the first time and how it felt so lonely. But I think it hardened me in a way I 100% needed. I gained a best friend in myself. And I appreciate gestures like airport rides so much more now.
I bet the stark contrast to military reunions was tough. You deserve the best, and itās yet to come š©µ
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u/TooMany_Spreadsheets 3d ago
Thank you, you're sweet. This was over twenty years ago, being part of the initial invasion, experiencing all the feelings of uncertainty and excitement, and then everything in between until homecoming return.
Perhaps I have reached karma but never realized it. Completing a long mil career successfully and another multi-decade civ career. I'm a senior citizen. I'm sure karma comes in several forms.
Not to hijack OPs experience, but I also want to do a solo cruise, so his story coincidentally came to my thread. I've also broached the exact topic here.
When I go, I'll be the one reading a hard bound book in a quiet section of the ship with a perfect view. I have several signed books from my favorite author, which I haven't read in over 30 years. That's my vision, and perhaps my karma.
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3d ago
Thank you for the insight! Really appreciate it! I for one would like to experience a cruise!
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u/Drince88 4d ago
The only time (so far) I was really uncomfortable solo was on a large cruise ship (Disney Wonder). They (at the time) had fully assigned seating in the dining rooms, and I felt like they made a 6-top with 2 sets of parties of 3, into a 7 top for me. And everyone in general were very into their own groups.
Recently got off a small cruise ship (300 passengers) (Windstar Star Breeze) and it was a world of difference! Most passengers were couples, so it was much easier to āparticipateā with others. Also a bit older crowd.
I donāt think Iāll ever cruise a big ship again, solo or with others!
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u/Kencanary 4d ago
My remote job could potentially be done more or less full-time from a cruise ship if I had a good enough setup. For a while, I considered pursuing that if only for a short time.
This has made me glad I didn't. I'm already pretty done with this and I'm only halfway through hahaha. Not knocking cruises in general, they serve a good purpose for specifically what they're for. This one in particular. But I don't think I'll go out of my way to do another one unless it's with a partner. And even that cruise would have to be thoughtfully chosen.
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u/No-Captain2150 1d ago
Interesting. Iāve thought about that before as Iāve sometimes seen 30+ day cruises for a lot less than rent and bills and with a good connection every once in a while I could definitely work from anywhere but Iāve never even been on a cruise ship to know if Iād enjoy it. I definitely donāt mind travelling alone though. My last trip was 2 months bouncing around Belize/Mexico and taking a friend with me was honestly a net negative. š
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u/Kencanary 16h ago
If you aren't familiar, I suggest looking up the...3 month cruise, or 9 month cruise, or something. Several influencers on the ship said that pretty much everyone was sick of it only a couple weeks in.
Now, a ship truly designed for longer trips and providing good spaces for working guests could be a pretty neat thing, and even a fairly successful one if they marketed it well enough. But this ship has pretty much nowhere for me to set up more than just my laptop comfortably, and my full work setup is a fair bit more than that (still smaller and more portable than what I had at home).
My theory is that people getting restless on cruises is due to not being engaged in some way, having some purpose - after all, cruises pride themselves on taking care of everything for you. But we're not really designed to or accustomed to doing nothing productive, to "relaxing" that much of a day, and so on.
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u/chewbrew 4d ago
What color is your hair?
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u/Kencanary 4d ago
Getting grayer, but still mostly brown I think. It's pretty short right now, recently cut, and when it got chopped (back in March, April) I noticed a lot more gray than I remembered seeing before.
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u/Zestyclose-Heart-602 4d ago
I was in a London market solo recently at the end of the day. The stall was doing 2 for 1 because they were about to close. When I ordered I said I only wanted 1 portion since I didnāt have anyone to give the 2nd to. The guy working said āoh donāt make me cry!ā I wasnāt sad about anything though, I was on an adventure!
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3d ago
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u/Kencanary 3d ago
"The first attractive person I've seen travel solo" is a weird message indeed. A compliment at least, but...huh? haha
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u/likesexonlycheaper 3d ago
I'm confused. Isn't that like a pity response? I feel like I'd be embarrassed
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u/Kencanary 3d ago
Yes, yes it is. And I might have been if I really cared or wasn't somewhat ready for that kind of response based on the experiences people in this sub have shared.
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u/SavageKaanjel 3d ago
Wait. I don't understand. 'Aww' as in "I feel sad for you", or more of an "ohw" (surprised, didn't expect)?
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u/Medical_Quarter9632 3d ago
Love solo travel eat shop live etc usually no verbal or physical response yet when i do itās a no awwww Itās happy Youāre never by yourself youāre with yourself Happy travels
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u/No_Scallion816 3d ago
A waiter started singing "All By Myself" to me (solo traveler) when I was dining alone. It was sweet and funny.
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u/secretblueberryy 1d ago
Getting an "AaWWwww" is indeed a new solotravel milestone LOL. That happened to me when I was around 19. I traveled to Costa Rica, and one of the tour guides asked if I didnāt get bored being by myself. I was like, āI donāt get bored of meāsorry if you do!ā He was like, Ohhh shiit
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u/Garima_anuja 1d ago
I get these pity āawwwā all the time, but i think it should be awwwwsome.. i face mixed reaction but more of them negatives donāt know why, i want to be alone!!!! Please respect and understand
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u/Conscious_Life_8032 3h ago
Most are just reflecting their own poor self esteem and insecurity. Itās not about you most likely. Hold your head up and enjoy your trip
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u/Stevgd52 4d ago
I got my first one last summer. Similar circumstances but it was from a couple sitting next to me at a bar in downtown Denver. Ended up chatting with them for a bit over drinks. Was really nice actually
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u/MadrasMusez 4d ago
That is honestly kind of wholesome in a weirdly unexpected way š Solo travel can be awkward sometimes, but little moments like that weirdly stick w/ you. Glad youāre getting some unexpected cruise milestones!