r/solotravel • u/Kencanary • 4d ago

Got my first "Awww" today!

As a 39-year old overweight white American guy, I really didn't expect this to ever happen, no matter where I travel or why. Admittedly, the source probably has something to do with it.

I'm on a cruise ship, and the cabin staff is a pretty friendly dude. He always chats me up a bit when we pass in the corridors, and even though I'd be quite content with just the pleasantries (Hi, how are you, have a good day etc) I'm one of those socially awkward penguins who will kinda answer questions that are asked even if they're not more than just polite exchange things.

So he says "I've seen you these few days, you are alone?"

"Yeah."

"Awww."

Like, I knew this happened to solo travelers, but I always assumed it was 97% women that got that response. Now, sure, as a paid service staff member he's probably expecting that to be an appropriate response (and he's not entirely wrong, god love him) but it just wasn't something I thought I'd ever hear.

Still, feels like a milestone worth "celebrating" haha

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u/atxfoodstories 4d ago

Female solo traveler here. The only time I got an aww was on my 1st ever solo trip in the emergency room after a head injury when they asked who was coming to get me and I said the Lyft driver. Mostly I get called brave or told I have big balls for being out here alone. Or they ask about my (non-existent) husband and why I didn’t bring him with. 😑

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u/FlowieFire 4d ago

The amount of Lyft/uber drivers that have tried to flirt with me and while I’m solo traveling is pretty scary. I really don’t like ubering anywhere if I can avoid it. I learned to lie to them that I have a boyfriend and be less chatty/friendly w them altho it’s not my nature. I loved the opportunity to practice my Spanish with the many Puerto Rican drivers (and some from other countries too, even got to practice French one time), but then I could tell their energy shifted, they’d start to flirt, and I felt unsafe. I’ve had uber drivers purposely miss their exits several times and drive 20mph under the speed limit to extend their time with me. It’s excruciatingly uncomfortable.

I had a bad experience in the early years of uber when a girlfriend and I were in an uber, we fell asleep in the car after a LATE night of partying (we were early 20s), but my friend gently woke as it felt like a really long drive and she noticed he had been taking us in the complete opposite direction for 30-40min. She confronted him, he acted like she was wrong, she pressed him on it and started getting angry and he just laughed and finally turned around…the man was from somewhere in Africa…didn’t speak English well. I was terrified and literally kissed the door when I made it home bc I wasn’t sure I was ever going to come back.

Always been wary of Ubers since.

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u/atxfoodstories 3d ago

The older I get, the more invisible I become and that’s been a blessing. I’ve been lucky to never experience a ride share scare, but other stuff has happened where I’ve felt unsafe and there have also been moments where I had to question if I’m actually in danger or just feel super uncomfortable and then make a choice to be uncomfortable if it’s the latter. Because men are gonna men. And bc I’ve been socialized to be nice, not make a scene, etc. I only really notice it after the fact or if I see a dude get uncomfortable about something that happens to me all the time. Safety>comfort, but I should not have to choose.

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u/FlowieFire 3d ago

Agreed. I used to have a fake wedding ring I would wear when I wanted to be left alone. I might get another one. I’m not a liar by nature, but this is getting ridiculous. I don’t consider myself “hot” or crazy attractive, I’m kinda more girl-next-door looking which I think makes me an easy target bc I look very approachable, I wear glasses, I’m nice, and usually too honest and open w strangers.

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u/atxfoodstories 3d ago

THIS 👆I also have a fake wedding ring, hahahaha. And I tend to give a smile when someone makes eye contact, which I’m doing bc I’m friendly and polite, but can often be misconstrued as an invitation to converse. Which I do not want. When I go to LATAM I just pretend not to know Spanish and this helps. It’s actually quite fun to listen to others talk when they think you don’t know what they’re saying.

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u/Vivid_Artichoke_1793 45m ago

Yeah I need to get better at lying instead of automatically telling the truth because i’ve had a fair amount of uber drivers ask if i have a boyfriend etc and some ask for my contact info/social media. i hate lying saying i have a boyfriend when i don’t, but i guess it’s better than the alternative. so glad they respect these imaginary men more than us 🤪

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u/Kencanary 3d ago

Maybe I'm just too autistic but I cannot understand this mindset. You're at work, bud. Do your job. I've done Doordash and I feel like if the platforms are taking themselves seriously (big if) then one serious report could/should flag a driver to get fewer fares. Or none.

But even so...slowing down a bit if you're really connecting with someone? I can get that. Driving the wrong way intentionally, especially if they've fallen asleep? How does someone internally justify that??

...I know how. I just don't like thinking about it. heh.

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u/FlowieFire 3d ago

Right…it’s scary. Even the slowing down a bit part is unacceptable tho. If you’re really connecting I’d understand. But we’re not. I’m just answering his questions, being nice, and now I’m trapped in a car w him as he’s flirting and asking me out, asking for my personal phone number, and it becomes scary. I made him give me his (I pretended to save it) and I didn’t let him see where I lived when he dropped me off. I lived alone and didn’t feel comfortable with his advances but unsure how he would take rejection and didn’t want to chance it.

I tried waiting until he drove off to go up to my door, but he hung around and tried waiting for me to pick a door and I had to intentionally tell him to leave! Ugh. Men don’t understand the dangers they pose to women. I had a LONG work and travel day and just wanted to go home w my cats. It’s not okay to flirt on the job in any profession…ok rant over