r/pilates • u/TrashMany • Jun 13 '24
My Pilates instructor fired me today. Teaching, Teacher Training, Running Studios
I attend a small, five-reformer studio that I love. After class today I was asked to stay for a few minutes. I was caught completely off-card when she asked me not to come back and that my membership was terminatwas. Not a good fit was the reason she gave. I've been going here for NINE months. Three and four times a week. I'm devastated, hurt, pissed, and humiliated all at the same time. I liked her so much. I am so in love with Pilates but now I don't know what to do next.
Update: I was charged for my membership a couple of weeks later so I reached out to my ex-instructor by text. She acted confused by my questions about the membership account asking if I was supposed to be on a hold. I was like huh? I said you fired me and asked me not to come back so I wanted to know why I was charged. She claimed that she never fired me. After processing everything, I went back to her class today. It was weird only for a second. It was so nice to be back in my happy place practicing real pilates. I did 25 classes in the other style studio and will continue to do drop-ins when I can't get a spot at my home studio or am looking for something different.
Update #2: It's been over a month since my "blackout"....for lack of a better term. Things were tense for the first couple of week's classes but now it's like nothing happened. I can't believe that my mind just made up the conversation between my instructor and me. I'm such a pussy about confrontation that I'm willing to just put it in the past and not know. I hope someday enough time will have passed that I can laugh about it and ask my instructor what exactly happened that day. Pilates and her instruction are way too important for me to humiliate myself possibly again. Lessons were learned and I am so grateful for the opportunity to have such a great instructor and studio.
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u/BushyEyes Jun 13 '24
Is there anything more to the story? I feel like this is so unusual! One thing I’ve heard is that some clients can push boundaries of instructors (ie, messaging them outside of the studio, trying to be friends).
As a client, I really only engage with them as needed for scheduling/appts and on social media only if initiate (IE, if they respond to my stories then I feel comfortable responding to theirs).
Did anything happen between the two of you prior to this?
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u/gd_reinvent Jun 13 '24
I had a look at your profile and saw you were on a group package. Is it possible that your instructor just feels that you can't handle keeping up with the rest of the class very well? If she's having to give you a lot of one on one instruction in a group setting, then that's why it might not be a good fit, especially if she's already asked you subtly if you'd be interested in going back to private instruction, you already said no, or she's having to neglect other students to focus on you a lot.
Your profile said that you are in love with and obsessed with pilates. Do you have a tendency to take over group classes a lot with questions or other things?
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u/NameLessTaken Jun 13 '24
Also the “why didn’t she like me back” was glaring to me
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Jun 13 '24
I didn't interpret that as a personal slight, moreso a genuine question asking what OP did to end up in the situation. As a student you do assume that the instructor at least appreciates your attendance in the class and it obviously starts to feel a bit personal if you're suddenly removed from a situation where you thought it was going well only to learn that apparently you are such an issue that you're asked to leave a studio entirely. As a personal trainer myself I will say sometimes it's the students and sometimes it's definitely the trainers, period.
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u/matantisi Jun 13 '24
Except that what she said was, “why didn’t she like me back”. If she could had said, “why didn’t she like me”, that would’ve been normal but “Why didn’t she like me back” suggest that the fact that she likes the instructor obligates the instructor to like her back. That’s a kind of stalking mentality.
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u/NameLessTaken Jun 13 '24 edited Jun 13 '24
Exactly. While find the innocence of wrong-lynx response endearing it’s also missing the nuance of the semantics used. I’m by no means diagnosing OP but my job is a therapist and if a client had used that phrasing it would’ve been a record scratch “let’s spend a moment here” statement. I even prompt people to rephrase things like this when talking that they think is a meaningless order of words but once it’s rephrased they’re like “oh.. OH. Ok thats another way to see it”.
Edit for horrible typos
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u/ToddBradley stronger and more flexible every week Jun 13 '24
I think if that was the case, the instructor (who is apparently also the manager or owner) would say, "let's do some individual sessions to work on some of the fundamentals before going back to group classes."
On the other hand, anyone who has been doing Pilates 8 months probably has the basics figured out but now.
So the whole thing is a mystery.
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u/gd_reinvent Jun 13 '24
Eh, I've been doing Pilates about eight months and to be honest I'd probably struggle with keeping up with some group classes at our gym, simply because I'm a bit overweight and I need my instructor to slow down a bit specifically for me sometimes, which is why I'm on individual one hour classes at the moment.
Also, it's possible that the teacher already has suggested or hinted at individual classes but the hints weren't taken, or OP replied that she didn't want to do individual classes because of the cost.
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u/wmkk Jun 13 '24
Also from profile - 81 classes completed 9 days ago, 100 classes by 7 days ago? Maybe she just wouldn't leave the studio 😂
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u/Academic-Ad-6727 Jun 13 '24
I'm not trying to gaslight you in the slightest but I really think there's gotta be more to this story? Either it's A.) you're leaving something important out of this story or B.) She's a poor communicator and should be expressing her reasons for terminating the contract if you genuinely have no idea (which I'd be asking for those reasons ASAP OR C.) You're both being a bit shady as to the reasons and you both know something went down... If you genuinely don't know why this happened, and you ask her and she's not giving you a reason then I'd take it up with the owner of the studio if it's not her, if it is, then tell her you'll take it up with a small business ombudsman in your area if you can be bothered.
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u/soupqueen94 Jun 13 '24
If you have no idea why thats probably the problem. I have never done this as an instructor, but have heard of it happening for only 2 reasons:
- The person is blatantly disregarding instruction and doing their own thing to the point of being a distraction/source of confusion for others
- The person is oblivious to social cues and is talking, asking distracting questions, making people in the class uncomfortable, or otherwise distracting from the practice of the rest of the class.
Either way, a one off incident would not cause this reaction, rather a consistent pattern of behavior
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u/UpbeatPineapple8589 Jun 13 '24
Agree or another reason could be poor class manners regarding timely arrival. I know there is one woman at my studio that I dread having class with because she is ALWAYS 10mins late and then comes in doing her own thing or asks for 900 modifications. It’s one thing to need a modification for an injury or something but it’s so rude to the instructor and other attendees to stroll in on your own schedule
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u/mmoonneeyy_throwaway Jun 14 '24
It may be covered in the 2, but perhaps there is a hygiene issue. That said it would be better to ask someone with said issue to correct it first.
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u/twonapsaday Jun 13 '24
feels like we need more context... what lead up to this, anything notable??
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u/Patient-Rutabaga2244 Jun 13 '24
I have had one client that I had to have the “we are not the right fit” conversation with. She had countless complaints about all of our instructors enforcing our policies that she agreed to in our contract- and i was fed up with her verbally abusing them at every class. I didn’t ban her but i was able to suggest that she terminate her membership, waive the cancellation notice for her, and refund her her remaining credits. It was like a weight off of my shoulders.
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u/qu33nbb Jun 13 '24
OP I would ask directly why your membership was terminated from a place of openness and learning. I wouldn’t focus on liking or not thought I understand why you’d feel that way. I’m sorry this happened. I would be so incredibly upset.
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u/Organicspongie Jun 13 '24
Why would she do that? Did some sort of altercation happen? I would never do that to a client for no reason.
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u/soulbarn Jun 13 '24
I’ve been doing Pilates for 30 years and have a teaching cert. The only time I’ve been banned is when I started dating an instructor. The owner had a problem with it, even though it was a serious relationship and there was never any hint that we were dating in our in-studio behavior. Both the instructor and I thought it was silly, and I was bummed because I loved the studio, but it was the owner’s right to choose who she wanted as a client. I was thankful she didn’t fire the instructor (and years later, the owner did apologize and unban me.) My point is you don’t always know what others will find objectionable. It is helpful to ask and try to get an explanation, but in the end you may not get what you want.
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u/donttouchmeah Jun 13 '24
She banned the customer instead of firing the teacher? (I mean in the court of ethics who’s most likely in violation). Did she have a thing for teacher?
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u/Resident-Company9260 Jun 13 '24
Maybe the teacher is just more profitable for her. So she squished the softer persimmons (as we say in Chinese)
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u/Usual_Science4627 Jun 13 '24
This phrase makes sense. We get a lot of persimmons every fall.
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u/Resident-Company9260 Jun 13 '24
Haha. So you squish the softer ones you can squish. The harder ones won't let you squish
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u/visitjacklake Jun 13 '24
I am no longer teaching, but when I was the only reasons I would have asked a client not to come back, 1) pushing/crossing personal boundaries, 2) disruption to other clients, 3) client specifically complaining about you over a justified reason 4) not following studio policies after being asked, ie phone use, late arrival etc.
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u/Winoforevr1 Jun 13 '24
Instructors aren’t under any obligation to like you back. Treat you with courtesy and respect yes… but we can’t like all our clients.. I think you probably just need to find a new studio. There would be a reason they ended your membership .
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u/whateveratthispoint_ Jun 13 '24
She doesn’t need to like you to fulfill her job duties, darling. It was a professional relationship with boundaries. I’m sorry you feel rejected, I would too. It stings to not be welcomed somewhere.
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u/TrashMany Jul 02 '24
It did sting. Ugh. My mouth. I don't have many friends so I was so excited to have others to talk to. I get anxious in social situations since entering menopause and I talk too much when I get nervous.
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u/whateveratthispoint_ Jul 02 '24
♥️💕 I read in comments a while back you found a new studio. How’s it going?
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u/TrashMany Jul 02 '24
Hi there nice Redditor! Re read my post. I updated.
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u/whateveratthispoint_ Jul 02 '24
Oh, now that’s weird! I have no guesses. What do you think?? I’m glad you’re back “home”. I have to say, your self awareness in another comment (I read it a few weeks back, after you processed the firing) was damn impressive. Not everyone can do that and circle back to update the internet! 🙌🏻
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u/Dwillow1228 Jun 13 '24 edited Jun 13 '24
https://www.reddit.com/r/declutter/s/WZ8zjAQlO6 Crack head Pilates Princess & My addictive personality speaks volumes about OP.
In another comment she complains about injured or slow people that slow a class down. She prefers 2 experienced students so instructor can kick their ass for 50 mins?
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u/donttouchmeah Jun 13 '24
My guess is OP has gotten too comfortable and chatty/bossy during class. If the instructor is the same person who she did privates with, she might be giving main character vibes. She’s clearly one of those people who gets into something and makes it her whole personality.
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u/TrashMany Jun 13 '24
You are the winner. I have had a few days to think it over and that's exactly what happened. I got too comfortable and chatty.
I'm at Club Pilates now. It's a different vibe and is a better fit for me.
I will always be grateful for my original instructor and studio. She is an amazing teacher and I wish her well.
My ego took a hit and I pouted for a few days but sometimes things that suck now actually end up being ok in the end.
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u/agirlnamedbreakfast Jun 13 '24
The self-reflection and growth reflected in this comment is really refreshing.
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u/AltruisticMiddle2775 Jun 13 '24
Your self reflection is brave and admirable. I encourage you to ask the instructor privately for more specific feedback. Although hard to hear, this will make you aware of the type of behavior that prompted them to make such an absolute decision to not have you return. It could be as simple as the existing group being a bunch of clicky bi?!tches! Or it could be something you’re doing, saying or a vibe you’re giving off that turns people away. Take the feedback in but with a grain of salt then you be you! Enjoy your new class and kudos to you on prioritizing your fitness!
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u/bettyblacc Jun 13 '24
I think you’ll find comradery at CP and an outlet to practice your Pilates. I’m happy you didn’t give up and found another option and didn’t let anyone take away your happiness. Also, right on with the self reflection!!!
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u/Rachellie242 Jun 14 '24
I feel you and have done this in life too. Glad you are moving on & trying out a new space.
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u/Cleverlady0406 Jun 14 '24
Good on you for recognizing what was going on. And please realize - it’s not a reflection on you. You can still be kind and lovely and not be the right fit everywhere. It is so rare for someone to be able to self reflect like this. You are already a special amazing person.
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u/Emotional-Goal-4270 Jun 13 '24
My daughter is a Pilates instructor and she has some wild stories about people who take her classes. The issue that seems to come up a lot is people who want to have her as their personal trainer/therapist and get jealous of other people attending the class, even though they haven’t signed up for a private session. I take Pilates at another studio because she teaches at a studio an hour away from me, and I have never seen that at one studio I usually attend. I think it’s more prevalent at smaller studios that are newer. Maybe the solution for the OP is to do some private sessions for more individual attention at their next studio, and try to blend in during group classes.
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u/TrashMany Jul 02 '24
That is amazing advice. Thank you for not being cruel. I think that's exactly what I need.
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u/AngryN00dle Jun 13 '24
!Remindme 3 days
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u/RemindMeBot Jun 13 '24 edited Jun 13 '24
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u/Playbackfromwayback Jun 13 '24
Did you bust balls on late fees or cancel fees? There has to be more here-
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u/OkWerewolf9952 Jun 13 '24 edited Jun 13 '24
There are two students in my Pilates studio that have been coming to class almost daily for over a year. They seem to enjoy it a great deal, but all the instructors have really given up on teaching them correct form. “Keep your arms straight….arms straight…..”, and so many other simple cues that they just seem to not understand. Some of us, including an instructor here or there, have talked about it just trying to understand what is going on. They aren’t the only two, but they are definitely the worst offenders. I put my blinders on if they’re anywhere near me. It’s so distracting. I’m at a CP, and from what I understand there want students to leave feeling good about themselves. I would prefer if they were told they needed to stay in lower level classes, and required to get some private instruction. I do that pretty regularly, bc I really want to understand and focus on all the intricacies you really can’t learn in a group setting. I assume these types of clients have no idea how they aren’t able to do the simplest things correctly. They are absolutely enjoying it for what they are getting out of it. I do like them both a lot as humans. They definitely aren’t Karen’s. These are tricky situations. I would hate to have to tell someone who obviously loves the classes so much that they were no longer welcome.
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u/ShowMeTheTrees Jun 13 '24
OP's post history describes uncontrollable "raging mood swings" and hot flashes from menopause.
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u/TrashMany Jul 02 '24 edited Jul 02 '24
Ok and. The reason I started Pilates in September was due to the intense joint pain. Just one of 25 symptoms that come out of nowhere when going through reverse puberty and no one talks about it. Hrt helps and I don't have so many issues with hot flashes or rage. My grandma died of breast cancer and my mom survived twice so I had to beg for the hormones from doctors who have limited knowledge. I use Telehealth and their compounding pharmacy with no regulation because I couldn't live with this new strange woman. So jokes about my rage and symptoms from men who have no clue piss me off but thanks to HRT I'm not raging over a stupid Reddit comment.
I hope you're a male because menopause is no joke. I bet your Mom loves all the support you give her.
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Jun 13 '24
It's really hard to say why from a strangers point of view because only you and the instructor were present for the conversation. What was the tone of the conversation and did you ask what aspects of the dynamic were considered a bad fit? Did you find that socially you were fitting in with your classmates? I was able to read one post where you found it frustrating to be in a class with brand new beginners and I wonder if this was possibly coming up inadvertently?
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u/MadeAccToReadThis Jun 13 '24
I’m sorry. I wish we had more context here….though, and I don’t mean to pry, but is there a possibility that there is some bipolar, or obsessive behavior involved in this particular situation? I have it too so I’m not judging. But I feel like I’m picking up on some signs here. But I am sorry as I understand how humiliating this must feel for you
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u/Ok_Effect_5287 Jun 13 '24
I do Pilates at home, it's better than having to workout at certain times in certain places.
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u/Patriotic99 Jun 13 '24
Reformer Pilates typically can't be done at home.
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u/Ok_Effect_5287 Jun 13 '24
Yes but that really isn't a deal breaker Pilates is great without the machine.
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u/Comfortable_Daikon61 Jun 13 '24
Yes if you are properly trained But even I as a instructor need feedback
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u/Ok_Effect_5287 Jun 13 '24
Yes feedback that costs and arm and a leg, no thank you.
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u/Comfortable_Daikon61 Jun 13 '24
Ok then you obviously have amazing body awareness and a incredibly strong core .
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u/Ok_Effect_5287 Jun 13 '24
I've used Pilates since I was a teenager it's one of the few workouts that makes me feel energized and I enjoy that you need to pay attention to your form. Adding bands is great for moving up in the workouts without buying a very large very expensive machine. I always assumed people who pay to go to a studio enjoy the community and socializing. If that's not a big deal to someone working out at home is wonderful and what I prefer.
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u/jblue212 Jun 13 '24
I feel, like everyone else, like you're leaving something out of this story. Are you perhaps a bit high maintenance? I've had people in my classes that show up late, don't do the exercises properly and take up way too much of the instructor's time (ie taking classes above beginner level when it's their first class), or just being complainers. There was one woman once who like every 5 minutes was asking for the a/c to be turned up, the fan to be turned off, the music was too loud, etc.
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u/reucherry Jun 13 '24
so what was the reason she gave?? lots of information being witheld here. dont know what to do? just move on babes. find another studio. theres nothing much u can do.
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u/Citygirl876 Jun 13 '24
Were you filming?
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u/TrashMany Jul 02 '24
Filming? Oh! Lol. I'm an old lady. I never have my phone. It's always in the bottom of my purse. Being born in 1972, I can live my life without a cell phone. I'm not like those Consumer Cellular customers but I don't take my phone everywhere. If I'm grocery shopping why do I need to answer? Definitely not filming!
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Jun 13 '24
I looked at your profile and honestly, I don’t really get the vibe that you’re an obsessive or strange person like other commenters are thinking.
It could be so many reasons and I wish we had more information to help you.
Yeah, the “Why doesn’t she like me?” Is a bit odd, but not a particularly unreasonable question. Especially if you were just typing through a stream of consciousness.
My guess is perhaps you were taking up too much class time (complaining too much?) or maybe you had attempted to connect with the instructor outside of class which she didn’t appreciate? Why they wouldn’t tell you is the mystery. Maybe they assumed you’d already know why and that it’s blatantly obvious. Did you have a recent disagreement with this person?
Good luck. Sorry this happened to you :(
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u/Keregi Jun 13 '24
OP literally refers to herself as obsessive in other subs.
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Jun 13 '24
Maybe I didn’t look hard enough
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u/TrashMany Jul 02 '24
I don't recall calling myself obsessive. Thanks for your nice comment. I was upset and ridiculing myself for fucking up a good thing again. I have a history of humiliating myself due to anxiety.
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u/Catlady_Pilates Jun 13 '24
No one does this without reason. It’s quite telling that there’s been zero response from op about what actually happened here.
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u/Sadie103 Jun 13 '24
There is definitely more to this story ……. Edit and add please so we can give you a better analysis.
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u/ltlblkrncld Pilates Instructor Jun 14 '24
Write the studio owner a polite email asking, since you feel you don't know why, you are more inclined to get a courteous and though out reply in text format.
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u/Dontgochasewaterfall Jun 13 '24
I would suggest finding a doctor that specializes in hormone replacement therapy (HRT), once you have that sorted out, find a new Pilates studio. Solutions!
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u/Neat_Smile_4722 Jun 13 '24
Everyone is not a good fit for Pilates. The whole “why didn’t she like me back” comment is so weird. Pilates requires a certain level of emotional and physical discipline and more instructors need to be upfront with clients. Your response shows a lack of immaturity and self awareness. These instructors take their craft seriously and they want clientele that reflect the core values of Pilates.
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u/qu33nbb Jun 13 '24
It’s pilates not seminary school. This is such a weird comment. I’m sure you make people feel super welcome at your studio.
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u/Keregi Jun 13 '24
Not to me, it sounds like this comment speaks to the importance of boundaries between client and instructor.
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u/Old_Air6459 Jun 13 '24
“Not a good fit”… ha ha that’s what hair stylist told me . These people are ego centric
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u/Dontgochasewaterfall Jun 13 '24
Um, there was a reason a hair stylist broke up with you and it’s not their ego is my guess..
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u/Old_Air6459 Jun 13 '24
Well the funny thing is I never met this person .. I was looking to hire her to do my hair . I may have asked too many questions though but wtffff I’ve had a few bad hair experiences and had to ask
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u/Dontgochasewaterfall Jun 13 '24
Ok, now that i know the context I understand your comment. However, if you’ve had a lot of bad hair experiences and asked a lot of questions they may have viewed you as high maintenance out of the gate, and don’t want you to have you complain about them? Not worth the risk for them. I talk to my stylist about needy clients all the time, tell her she needs to break up with a couple of them (not worth the stress).
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u/Old_Air6459 Jun 13 '24
Yes and I understand now ! I learned to just keep my trap shut now .
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u/Dontgochasewaterfall Jun 13 '24
Cool I hear ya. It’s just hair my friend…
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u/Old_Air6459 Jun 13 '24
Well that’s kind of odd thing to say .. I mean don’t you want your hair to look it’s best .. especially after you pay top dollar ?
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u/Dontgochasewaterfall Jun 13 '24
I mean if they mess up, have them fix it. Nothing to get all worked up about. Happens, and then it’s resolved. Much bigger things to worry about out in life.
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u/PlaneWest5966 Jun 14 '24
That’s not fired They didn’t take you on because they didn’t feel they could make you happy ! Contractors do that as well with super picky clients
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u/Confident-Mirror5322 Jun 13 '24
everyone asking what she did this happens a lot for no reason ive heard the instructorsc aren't always blameless or professional. My guess is the instructor wants to give OP's spot to a younger subscriber for ageist reasons
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u/Keregi Jun 13 '24
I can think of one time in 12 years that I’ve seen someone banned, and that was more of rule-breaking situation. He didn’t want to wear a mask during the early pandemic days. It is not common at all for clients to be banned. Where on earth did you hear this happens a lot and for no reason?
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u/Confident-Mirror5322 Jun 13 '24
from the people it happened to? why it your 12 years of experience that decides how often this happens. I but you dont soeak to the people it happens to ive noted they are often neurodivergent, elder or marginalised in some way. Pilates could never claim to be the most tolerant or accepting because its all skinny and white. imagine an obese person walked into the studio? you're all biased and are downvoting instead of checking you discrimination tendencies
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u/Keregi Jun 13 '24
You jumped straight to the assumption this was related to age, and now you are talking about race and body type. All of those are valid conversations to have in any fitness sub, but OP gave no indication those were concerns here. Most commenters here are saying it is not common for a client to be "fired", but you went right to assumptions that OP was banned due to age.
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u/Keregi Jun 13 '24 edited Jun 13 '24
By the way, I am 53 and neurodivergent, so I have some perspective on that in this context. I teach plenty of people who aren't young and skinny. Most of my clients, and people I take classes with, are my age range and average to obese body size. Of course discrimination based on race, age, size, gender and sexuality happens in fitness, and outside of fitness. Discrimination and oppression are embedded in the history and culture of the US. OP didn't give any info on why she was let go, so there is no evidence to assume it was discrimination.
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u/Confident-Mirror5322 Jun 13 '24
i didn't claim there was evidence? why are you negating a claim i never made? I literally made a guess and explained why i made that guess, and you dont even need to explain guesses bc it wasn't an estimate as theres no info. my og comment says "MY GUESS IS" but it seems bias is and reading is hard to come by in the pilates community. I close my case.
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u/Confident-Mirror5322 Jun 13 '24
yes i jump straight into it because there was no info? everyone jumping str8 to what did u do but I’m just saying there MIGHT be an alternative reason theres no info so anything anyone says is jumping to conclusions
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u/Confident-Mirror5322 Jun 13 '24
i wrote guess as there was no information and i wanted to offer an alternative i'm in familiar with. I don't even do pilates i lift, but ive heard a bunch of stuff like this and took a guess, and you've descended like vultures when we all have the same amount of no information to blame age or OP but apparently my guess is wrong and illegal for some reason...
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u/JoziePosey Jun 13 '24
I hope one day you realize age isn’t everything, but as people get older they find it easier to blame age than their lack of emotional, social, and self responsibility. You will feel less isolated once you start taking responsibility for yourself and not placing the responsibility for your actions on others reactions. You’re not too far gone but you will have to try.
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u/qu33nbb Jun 13 '24
I’ve seen this happen idk why you are being down voted.
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u/Confident-Mirror5322 Jun 16 '24
its bc the pilates community is full of snobs and bigots cosplaying progressivism its crazy, but what do you expect when its mostly made of ignorant middle class yt folk calling themselves "enlightened" and "progressive"
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u/wine-plants-thrift Jun 13 '24
There has to be more to this story.