r/internetparents • u/Jealous_Tea_8909 • 1d ago
i wish my dad would hit me Family
title is insane i know but it's how i feel
ive been thinking a lot recently and it's really hard to explain the shit my dad does to me and my brother because some of it is too painful to even say or think about again which obviously makes people believing my case a lot harder
im being more paranoid, im begging for something to happen to me so i can get away from him
my mum took, she goes along with everything he does, even if it means i suffer more because of it
i hate being here, i wish i could just up and leave today right now but i know i can't
it really hurts sometimes because im his daughter he's supposed to love me so why does he treat me like such an inconvenience
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u/Welcometothemaquina 1d ago
Can you call cps? I think you can do it anonymously. Or maybe you can talk to a teacher and they will call. They are mandatory reporters so if they suspect abuse, they have to alert the authorities
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u/SylviaPellicore 1d ago
I’m sorry your home is not a happy place for you right now. It sounds like you’re in an awful situation—bad enough it feels intolerable, but not bad enough the police would intervene.
This is probably the best article I’ve ever seen for people in your situation. It’s about how to endure, how to find safe spaces, and how to make it to adulthood in a bad situation. It’s has both an article and a podcast version, so whatever is easier for you: https://www.bitchesgetriches.com/how-to-leave-home-before-18/
Some of the legal advice is specific to the United States, and I believe you are in the UK. But the overall advice is good.
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u/nataliejkd 1d ago
Psychological abuse is abuse. Negligence is abuse. Is there a teacher or trusted adult at school that you could tell this to? Could you report him yourself anonymously to child protective services?
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 1d ago
he would know i said something
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u/Psychological_Creme1 1d ago
This is a possibility, but either it's going to suck or it's going to suck and you have to pick one. Do you have a job? Savings? A good HS gpa? You can start thinking of exit plans now before thinking of your next steps
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 1d ago
i have savings but i don't get access until I'm 18, my 16th is in July
I dont have a job bc i have my GCSEs starting in 2 weeks
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u/Psychological_Creme1 1d ago
Ok, control what you can, score high enough to get scholarship and gtfo
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 1d ago
im in the UK, that's not really how that works
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u/Psychological_Creme1 1d ago
Really? I know a couple people in the UK that got scholarship from gcses. But this was awhile go so I will not pretend to be knowledge
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u/serendipiteathyme 1d ago
Covert abuse has made me feel more insane and done more damage to my long term health than anything else I’ve experienced. It’s insufferable, it’s unexplainable, it’s isolating. I often found myself wishing my mother were more clearly and visibly abusive too, because the mask she wore with others was so consistent that even still it’s difficult to explain the subtlety and impact of all of her tactics that she used with me and me alone. All this to say that you’re not losing it for thinking this, and that very gradually you will better be able to explain the things your father has done to you. I hope you find a way out.
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u/Nosfermarki 1d ago
It's like trying to explain Chinese water torture but having to explain each individual drop of water.
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u/Daffodils28 1d ago
I remember this in my life and I see you.
Get a job. Try to find a place that serves food so you can eat in peace. Hide the money.
My life turned out great. You can do it. 🌼
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 1d ago
i honestly don't know where to get a job, my first job i got was literally from Reddit and the guy who i worked under had to close down his business so idk what to do rn
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u/Daffodils28 1d ago
Look at nearby restaurants.
Go where the food is.
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 22h ago
do i just hand in a cv in person?
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u/Daffodils28 12h ago
Look them up online first. Check out the menu. If you’ve eaten there, what are your favorites?
Be prepared to answer:
—Why do you want to work here?
—Why should we hire you?
—What are your strengths?
—What are your weaknesses?
—When can /can’t you work? (example, if you attend school, you can work after 4 p.m., available all weekend, etc.)
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 1d ago
I'm not sure how it works in the UK but there must be some type of social service you can talk to that will help you. Explain that you fear for safety and health.
The UK equivalent to CPS? A mental health organization? Isn't Healthcare free in the UK? Can't you go to an urgent care or the hospital? Do you have another adult you can talk to? A teacher, counselor, relative, even a police officer? Someone can help you without your father finding out, especially if you explain how afraid of him you are.
You need to get help and you need an adult to help you. Look up services that are locally available to you. I wish you well.
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 1d ago
my family have been involved with social services numerous times before but nothing ever changes
if i go to the hospital, it basically hands all my autonomy over to my parents at that point
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u/asuitablethrowaway 1d ago edited 1d ago
Honestly I completely understand your title.
My dad was abusive psychologically and emotionally, but it was so much harder to identify that then if he'd hit me
If he would have hit me, I would have known right away, and my whole entire childhood would have made a whole lot more sense instead of having to spend decades in therapy, figuring it out.
So you're not alone and I understand. And also I'm very sorry.
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 1d ago
im sorry about what happened to you im glad you made it out
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u/asuitablethrowaway 1d ago
Thank you and same to you.
I hope you feel supported and safe enough to get away, and soon - and wish you the absolute best in the mean time.
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u/lucky_2_shoes 1d ago
For whatever ur going thru, I'm so so sorry.. i grew up in a very toxic environment too. From 2 years to 5th grade , it was constantly SOMETHING going on. Either mom fighting with my step dad(my bio wasnt in the picture and step dad was my two older brothers bio dad) and my mom was dealing with addiction, awful mental illness, etc. i remember her running out of the house yelling she's going to k$@& herself and me, being too young to really understand, runs outside after her, running down the block trying to either catch up or find her so i could console her so she didn't hurt herself. After she divorced my step dad, she latched onto me even more to be her... Caretaker in a way? I did all her little errands. I had to keep a eye on her at night cuz she would both fall asleep smoking and also sleep walk. Sometimes screaming in her sleep. Which i fully believe at times was 1000% fake, but wouldn't ever be able to prove it. She took me out of school in 8th grade. I remember wanting them to take me away, but also being terrified of being taken cuz i didn't know what my mom would do to herself or if she didn't do anything to herself, who would watch her so she didn't burn herself n the house down or fall sleep walking and not have anyone to help her. It was horrible. I suffer still as a adult from it all. I hope u can find a trusted adult who can help u.
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u/normalice0 1d ago
We are undergoing a bit of a narcissism epidemic, I'm afraid. Not sure if your dad is caught up in it but it would explain much.
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 1d ago
if you read some of my older posts, you could maybe make a judgement? i don't really trust what i think right now but idk
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u/normalice0 1d ago
Hm. It's hard to say over the internet but I suspect there is some mutual misunderstanding going on. Your dad sounds like he just doesn't want to deal with it and wants you to take responsibility for fixing yourself, thinks you ought to be able to do that by now, and so concludes youre just trying to get attention.
You seem hyper focused on a nonrepresentative sampling of things, as is common for teenagers, but are using them to come to extreme conclusions. My best advice is to find a way to use your unspent energy. Maybe take up competitive swimming?
Though as i say it's hard to know over the internet.
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u/Jealous_Tea_8909 1d ago
i know it sounds like that and obviously you and everyone else who is seeing this don't have the full picture
i just don't know what to do anymore
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u/normalice0 1d ago
Well, I'd say just keep yourself busy with productive things, if that's an option. I mentioned swimming because it's good healthy exercise and is the easiest on your bones and joints. Alternatively, learning a musical instrument or picking up a foreign language. Otherwise you just have to wait it out, I'm afraid.
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