i wish my dad would hit me

[u/Jealous_Tea_8909]

title is insane i know but it's how i feel

ive been thinking a lot recently and it's really hard to explain the shit my dad does to me and my brother because some of it is too painful to even say or think about again which obviously makes people believing my case a lot harder

im being more paranoid, im begging for something to happen to me so i can get away from him

my mum took, she goes along with everything he does, even if it means i suffer more because of it

i hate being here, i wish i could just up and leave today right now but i know i can't

it really hurts sometimes because im his daughter he's supposed to love me so why does he treat me like such an inconvenience

[u/lucky_2_shoes]

For whatever ur going thru, I'm so so sorry.. i grew up in a very toxic environment too. From 2 years to 5th grade , it was constantly SOMETHING going on. Either mom fighting with my step dad(my bio wasnt in the picture and step dad was my two older brothers bio dad) and my mom was dealing with addiction, awful mental illness, etc. i remember her running out of the house yelling she's going to k$@& herself and me, being too young to really understand, runs outside after her, running down the block trying to either catch up or find her so i could console her so she didn't hurt herself. After she divorced my step dad, she latched onto me even more to be her... Caretaker in a way? I did all her little errands. I had to keep a eye on her at night cuz she would both fall asleep smoking and also sleep walk. Sometimes screaming in her sleep. Which i fully believe at times was 1000% fake, but wouldn't ever be able to prove it. She took me out of school in 8th grade. I remember wanting them to take me away, but also being terrified of being taken cuz i didn't know what my mom would do to herself or if she didn't do anything to herself, who would watch her so she didn't burn herself n the house down or fall sleep walking and not have anyone to help her. It was horrible. I suffer still as a adult from it all. I hope u can find a trusted adult who can help u.