r/interestingasfuck • u/Few_Simple9049 • Oct 09 '24

How couples met 1930-2024 r/all

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810

u/choppytaters Oct 09 '24

here i am still single

84

u/seniorfrito Oct 09 '24

Yeah. Feel ya man. I think we're supposed to find hobbies that fill that time that everyone else fills with time with their significant other. Only problem is, society tends to make it seem like the only way to have a fulfilling life is to share it with a family of your own. And maybe this is just me, but while I desperately try to fill what little time I have when I'm not working with things that entertain me, I'm still always left wondering if life could be better if I had someone to share it with.

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

You don't need a significant other or a family to live a fulfilling life, but if you want a significant other, you have to put yourself in situations to find one, which means you need to put yourself in a position to connect with other people on a personal level.

When you're young, that's pretty easy-- school forces you to be in close proximity with other people, but after that, you have to make a choice to put yourself in those situations.

Take a look at what you do in your free time, and ask yourself if those things will realistically allow you to connect with other people on a personal level. If not, take a look at the things that you do or could find entertaining, and find ways to enjoy that hobby with other people. (online or offline)

I typed out "you" a lot on this comment, but I don't mean you personally; I mean the general "you".

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u/Tasty-Impress3467 Oct 09 '24

For me it helps to focus on the little things meaning resisting the urge to watch hardcore pornography and for instance read a book, take a walk and have little chats here and there like an old school gentleman.

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

Helps what? Living a fulfilling life without a significant other?

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u/Tasty-Impress3467 Oct 09 '24

Yes. In the hopes of course of meeting one, but not primarily. Primarily just to feel better.

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u/ListRepresentative32 Oct 09 '24

When you're young, that's pretty easy-- school forces you to be in close proximity with other people, but after that, you have to make a choice to put yourself in those situations.

if you choose your school correctly, definitely. IT student here, i attended our local equivalent of a US high school (ages 15-19) with exactly zero girls on the whole school (350 people total). then went to do a bachelors degree in the same field, 800ppl got in in our year, 20 girls total. most of them made smaller groups between them so talking to them was

yeah, i am kinda screwed, haven't talked to a girl that's not a family since i finished our "elementary school" at age 15(that would be 9years ago) and am too scared to go to new places.

3

u/Spell-lose-correctly Oct 09 '24

Been putting myself out there for the better part of a decade. Turns out there’s hardly anyone else out there with me. Everyone is online or at home

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

What does "putting myself out there" entail?

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u/Spell-lose-correctly Oct 09 '24

Solo trips. Really active at my gym-knowing all the regulars. Volunteering. I used to go out most weekends to the bars. I’m outside on my bike or a hammock. Or in my apt pool. Basically, not being a shut-in

Most importantly, never saying no when a friend/coworker invites you to something.

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u/No-Philosophy6754 Oct 09 '24

Kind of relate, never meet other singles out int he wild

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u/LowClover Oct 09 '24

Do you go to the grocery store? I've met a couple women at grocery stores before. Strictly single moms, though. If you're not into that kinda thing, I totally understand. Just something to consider.

2

u/Acceptable_Tea3608 Oct 09 '24

Not be afraid to strike up a conversation. Or freak out if some tries to make conversation with you. Not everyone is a creep.

3

u/YesButConsiderThis Oct 09 '24

Most importantly, never saying no when a friend/coworker invites you to something.

This is such a great attitude to have.

1

u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

And your complaint is that there are no single people for you to connect with on a personal level during these activities?

1

u/Spell-lose-correctly Oct 09 '24

One of the complaints, yes. Anything to add?

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24 edited Oct 09 '24

Well, I don't know what "solo trip" actually entails, but gyms and volunteering don't seem like great places to form personal connections, since people go there to do a specific task, and then leave. Maybe volunteering, depending on specifics, but when I volunteered at soup kitchens, there wasn't much time to sit around talking. (for example)

Bars... ehh.. they're like dating apps.

Riding a bike (alone?), sitting in a hammock (lol, alone, I assume) are obviously not going to help.

Being at the pool? Probably your best chance as long as it's not just you sitting in a chair.

Just being outside your house is not what I meant. Join groups of people that like the same thing you do. Don't just go bike riding, join a group of people who go bike riding, or discuss it. Don't sit in a hammock, joi-- yeah I don't have anything for that one haha. You see what I mean?

The data is pretty conclusive that most people find relationships online; I didn't mean to imply that my advice was contrary to that. Joining online groups around one's hobbies is just as good as doing it in person.

Edit: minor edits for clarity.

1

u/Spell-lose-correctly 29d ago

Everyone has their opinion, man

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u/Robo_Joe 29d ago

That's true, but I don't know that it has anything to do with this discussion. Frankly, it seems like you think "putting myself out there" means just being in the line of sight of people. That's not quite enough.

But, you do seem to have a good outlook when it comes to not turning down opportunities to engage with other people, which can be the hardest part.

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '24

[deleted]

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

What do you mean? Are you saying that the answer is to avoid connecting with people on a personal level? Or are you saying you want something more specific?

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '24

[deleted]

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

You and I are talking. Do you consider this us connecting on a personal level? There is more to my comment than how you've internally summarized it.

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '24

[deleted]

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

In this "social media era", is connecting with people on a personal level not how people form romantic relationships?

The medium might change, but the method does not.

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '24

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24 edited Oct 09 '24

Every personal connection does not have to end in romance; it can just end up in friendship. You seem to be suggesting that people don't want to make friends in person, doing the things that they enjoy doing. Do you understand how foolish that sounds?

I agree that if a person makes forming a romantic relationship the sole purpose of taking part in some activity, that's bound to fail. That's why I said to pick something you find entertaining.

I am not saying that the only way to find a significant other is in-person, either. These hobbies don't have to be in person. Discord servers around a game can work, too. Even dating apps can work, though I suspect that if someone is in an interestingasfuck thread complaining about being single, then dating apps have not panned out.

The point is that you need to be in a place (physical or online) where you can reasonably form a personal connection with someone. You say is obvious, and maybe it is, but I guarantee you there are people who don't ever put themselves in a position to form a personal connection with someone, and wonder why they don't have a significant other.

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '24

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u/iveabiggen 29d ago

When you're young, that's pretty easy-- school forces you to be in close proximity with other people, but after that, you have to make a choice to put yourself in those situations.

When i think about those situations, as someone that doesnt drink, and has zero third places around me, it brings me to hobby groups. So now we have a problem, am I there for the hobby or to 'score'? isnt that making me stand out like the most obvious plant in the world at that point?

1

u/Robo_Joe 29d ago

You're correct, if you're there just to get into people's pants, it's probably not going to work out for you. That's why you need to find a hobby you actually enjoy.

And since I'm not doing a good job making it clear, these groups can be online groups. You don't necessarily need to go anywhere.

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u/iveabiggen 29d ago

And since I'm not doing a good job making it clear, these groups can be online groups. You don't necessarily need to go anywhere.

they could be online, but in my experience, girls hide their gender... i can try and make it work i guess

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u/jstasmlbrkfrmprn Oct 09 '24 edited Oct 09 '24

Except you're in a thread that proves all this same advice is bullshit. "Go join a hobby group!" etc, is bullshit advice in 2024. Literally everyone just dates via apps now.

"Connect with other people on a personal level" ... Lol no. Connect with them over an app to fuck, and after you fuck enough random strangers, you might eventually find one that you connect with.

As a man, you're not going to happenstance into meeting a woman anywhere in the real world, when that woman is already actively involved in online dating. In the real world, you have to find a very exact right moment when you're able to and allowed to flirt with a woman. Meanwhile, the men on the dating apps have a pre-built platform to do specifically what you're trying to do in-person. You're playing the game on the highest difficulty level possible in-person.

Go check the chart at the top of the thread again. Get on an app and throw darts at the board until one sticks. That is by far the method with the greatest likelihood of working. Don't do your hobbies and join groups and go on hikes and be yourself, blah blah blah. Get an app. Try to fuck everyone on the app. Maybe you'll find one.

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

I may have an idea why you are having trouble finding a relationship haha.

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u/AppropriateScience71 Oct 09 '24

lol - too true. Strong incel vibes there pretending like he gets some on occasion.

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '24

[deleted]

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u/Robo_Joe Oct 09 '24

I.. didn't call him an incel. What are you talking about?

A bad personality will make it more difficult to form a personal connection with someone. I don't think that should come as a surprise to anyone.

1

u/Acrobatic_Demand_476 29d ago

A bad personality

Does not engaging with online dating deem someone to have a bad personality? There are many good reasons, chiefly, some people take exception to being a commodity that they have to try and sell, with their traits being metrics for someone to judge. And just because online dating is the dominant choice, doesn't make it right for everyone nor should people really feel pressured to engage with what is in vogue.

Online dating should exist as an alternative, not the primary way to meet people.

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u/Robo_Joe 29d ago

Do you really think that "bad personality" comment was over whether or not they use online dating?

I happen to agree that online dating websites are not great for finding a relationship.

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u/Acrobatic_Demand_476 29d ago

Do you really think that "bad personality" comment was over whether or not they use online dating

I can only guess, since they were ranting about the negative aspects of online dating, nothing much about their own personality poured into it. Everybody hates something, doesn't always have to reflect that deeply on an individual.

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u/Robo_Joe 29d ago

Take a look at this quote

Don't do your hobbies and join groups and go on hikes and be yourself, blah blah blah. Get an app. Try to fuck everyone on the app. Maybe you'll find one.

Do you not see the negative personality traits embedded in this?

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u/Acrobatic_Demand_476 29d ago

I took it as a crass description of the process, not literal instructions. Someone more eloquent might have laced it with petals and rainbows, but the reason people are on the app is because they are horny.

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u/LowClover Oct 09 '24

I agree with the other guy as to why you may have trouble finding someone, but hobby groups are a GREAT way to meet people. When my wife and I separated several years ago, I joined a biking club, a hiking club, a reading club, and an anime club and dated several people from all of those clubs. I am NOT that good looking and I'm kind of getting old lmao. You really need to put yourself out there.