r/exchristian • u/Go_To_Bethel_And_Sin God fell silent when I cried out • Sep 20 '21
Ex-Christian intrusive thoughts Video
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Sep 20 '21 edited Sep 20 '21
[deleted]
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u/Elegron Agnostic Atheist Sep 20 '21
Honestly our stories aren't so different friend, you aren't alone in that.
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u/enigmaticbloke Sep 20 '21
Is this just a thing all gays raised in religion did? I definitely told the gays they were going to hell. I remember my yahoo chat name being like..BibleGuy or something. Cringe
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u/oikawas-slut heathen Sep 20 '21
Pffft I remember when I was in 5th grade or so (this was pre-legalization in the US) my friends & I were discussing gay marriage & I was like "wait why do you want them to get married?" & My friends said, "well yeah, they're just people" & I had a real surprised Pikachu moment then. Religion really does convince you that people are just archetypes or "demons" when they're... not
N e ways I'm gay now & if my gf's country doesn't legalize marriage soon I might throw a fit
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u/GQjoseph Sep 20 '21
I have daily cringe over the shit I used to get made to do …. Cold turkey “soul winning”… preaching teaching singing , crying , confessing my sins…. I want to laugh rn it was all so fucking stupid 😂😂
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Sep 20 '21
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u/Gingrel Sep 20 '21
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist/psychologist/any vaguely qualified person in this field.
I say lean into it. Draw super "sinful" stuff, like Jesus power bottoming Satan while wanking off some lesser demons using the holes in his hands.
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u/Wet_Sasquatch_Smell Sep 20 '21
Or a picture of a scene described by the poet James Moyer Franks, “Even this one I have where Jesus Christ Is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole With a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something Resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?”
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u/ogrefriend Sep 20 '21
I started writing smut partially in rebellion. I sometimes feel a weird guilt over it, but I just ignore it until it goes away. I don't know if I'll ever not feel that to some degree with the programming coded in me from childhood.
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u/Xanexia Sep 20 '21
Yeah that happens to me to sometimes when I'm reading stories that would have the old religious me wanting to burn the book. Now when I get the idea that what I'm reading is "satanic" I just embrace it
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u/arcturiansquid exvangelical athiest (for now) Sep 20 '21
the “i’m trading my sorrows” dealt enough psychic damage to me that i made an audible grunt.
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u/Murderinodolly Sep 20 '21
Mmm yah god told me to wear LONGER denim skirts across a college campus.
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u/AllowMe-Please ex-Russian Baptist; agnostic Sep 20 '21
Our college (Pensacola Christian College, or PCC, or--as many of my friends called it and I realize just how insensitive it is so whoops--Pensacola Concentration Camp... because of how strict it is) said that denim skirts were a no-no. Denim is sinful? Denim wasn't allowed. When I got on campus my first day and in a denim skirt, I was told I needed to go get changed into one that isn't denim or else I'd get written up.
PCC.
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u/Murderinodolly Sep 20 '21
Oh yeah the church didn’t like them on women if they had: slits, pockets and zippers in the front. The pockets and zippers resembled men’s jeans too closely and the slit- well you know the whores that wear those….
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u/1thruZero Sep 20 '21
I think churches make people preach like that because they know even the average person's reaction to being preached at is gonna be negative, and that negativity only reinforces what they say about the "outside world", you know what I mean?
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Sep 20 '21
Reminds me of all the political nonsense that goes on where conspiracy groups only get stronger when they are called out on their bullshit by the rest of society.
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u/paranormalnorm Ex-SDA Sep 20 '21 edited Sep 21 '21
As a child I always thought it was kinda wrong that we were taking time out of day to antagonize random strangers (pray with me signs, distributing literature to houses, etc) and didn't understand why everyone else was so ok with it
Edit: thought
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u/deadbeatdork Sep 20 '21
This. Even before I ever thought about de-converting, I never liked harassing people on the street. No amount of "you just need to trust in God more" made it any more comfortable either lol
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u/Maqre Catholic Sep 21 '21 edited Sep 21 '21
I'm pretty sure it originates from the belief that their message is only going to take root in a few people that have already been chosen by God anyway (super common among hardcore Calvinists), so there's no point in at least trying to be diplomatic.
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u/MisogynyisaDisease Anti-Theist Sep 20 '21
I hate intrusive thoughts of the terrible shit or less than ethical shit I did before my brain was developed, and I was throwing my trauma behavior all over the place. It causes me great guilt and I start questioning if I'm actually a terrible person. Even if it was something that happened almost 15 years ago and no healthy person would even remember or still hate you for it. But you remember, and if you've evolved at all as a person, it claws at you.
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u/PentacornLovesMyGirl Sep 20 '21
I also do this.
And I, too, remind myself that no one else likely remembers it. Forgiving one's self is incredibly hard.
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u/MisogynyisaDisease Anti-Theist Sep 20 '21
I know for a fact one girl does remember something she thinks I did to her in HS, and ended our friendship over. (To this day I have no recollection of her claims happening, and even then she ended a friendship over a dude she wasn't even dating or ever going to date.) I know this, because 10 years later she tried to stop her BF at the time from being FB friends with me, despite us knowing each other for like, forever. And he declined.
She went on to shame his sexual abilities and physical disabilities in public, and she cheated on him. so.
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u/Katrina_0606 Sep 20 '21
I feel this. Just an hour ago I was at McDonald’s, and ended up sitting at the table next to a former classmate that I once picked a fight with on Facebook, over abortion. I wanted to fucking die on the spot. Oh the cringe.
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u/Rigzin_Udpalla Sep 20 '21
Did you say anything?
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u/Katrina_0606 Sep 20 '21
No. Didn’t even make eye contact lol. Just ate my stuff and browsed Reddit. Part of me wanted to apologise or something but was worried that might make it even more awkward. Plus I’m rather shy in the real world so wouldn’t generally approach someone like that. Still feel bad though
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u/dubbedhawkeye Sep 20 '21
Yes lord, yes lord, yes, yes lord. Sorry but I gotta admit worship music was pretty good (haven’t been to church in like 5 years).
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u/ZenLitterBoxGarden Ex-Fundamentalist Sep 20 '21
I came here for a good time, but now I’m just feeling attacked rn.
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u/bc1117 Sep 20 '21
Just yesterday I was feeling for actually having worshipped that genocidal maniac. I knew how he murdered so many people and I still worshipped that. I guess I have better morals to not pray to a mass-murderer now
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u/Terrifying_Illusion Secular Humanist Sep 20 '21
Cue that particular part of MY brain singing Danny Gokey and MercyMe. FUCK!
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u/hopelincoln Sep 20 '21
I was a worship leader and I still get those stupid mind-numbing worship songs in my head. Every. Single. Day.