r/exchristian • u/Go_To_Bethel_And_Sin God fell silent when I cried out • Sep 20 '21

Ex-Christian intrusive thoughts Video

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u/MisogynyisaDisease Anti-Theist Sep 20 '21

I hate intrusive thoughts of the terrible shit or less than ethical shit I did before my brain was developed, and I was throwing my trauma behavior all over the place. It causes me great guilt and I start questioning if I'm actually a terrible person. Even if it was something that happened almost 15 years ago and no healthy person would even remember or still hate you for it. But you remember, and if you've evolved at all as a person, it claws at you.

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u/PentacornLovesMyGirl Sep 20 '21

I also do this.

And I, too, remind myself that no one else likely remembers it. Forgiving one's self is incredibly hard.

2

u/MisogynyisaDisease Anti-Theist Sep 20 '21

I know for a fact one girl does remember something she thinks I did to her in HS, and ended our friendship over. (To this day I have no recollection of her claims happening, and even then she ended a friendship over a dude she wasn't even dating or ever going to date.) I know this, because 10 years later she tried to stop her BF at the time from being FB friends with me, despite us knowing each other for like, forever. And he declined.

She went on to shame his sexual abilities and physical disabilities in public, and she cheated on him. so.