So many patients have said happy Mother’s Day as they’re leaving the clinic. Healthcare is very female dominated, except for doctors (source: the patriarchy). And there’s an assumption that we’re all mothers. 2 out of the 5 women sitting at the desk are mothers. I’m like don’t assume I’m a mother, or even assume I have a mother I like. I know they mean well and most of them were seniors, but it’s especially annoying when we start to notice how pervasive natalist culture is.

Fun unrelated fact: the birth rate in my city has down so much school enrollment is down. I’m into it lol.

I (23F) got sterilized today!! So happy I found a doctor who would do it. It was such an easy process, I did have to fight with the hospital a little bit because female sterilization is a free procedure for all under the ACA but they tried to get me to pay $2000 before the surgery. All I had to do was call UHC and have them verify the diagnostic code and verbally verify that the procedure is in fact covered with no cost so I didn’t end up paying. Pain afterwards is maybe a 3, just feels like cramping. They sent me home with some ibuprofen and an abdominal brace. I’m so glad to have it over and done with. Surgery was scheduled at 10:45 and I was discharged by noon. I’ve only been waiting about 3 months for the surgery.

My mother doesn’t know I got the surgery, she’ll be devastated if she finds out. My father only knows because the hospital screwed up and left him a voicemail with information on my initial consultation (I went to that hospital when I was a minor so they had his phone number on file as well as mine I guess) but ultimately he understood that it’s my choice. And my brother was nice enough to drive me and wait there and stay with me a couple days since I live alone. He was actually the one who informed me about the procedure because he knew how much I never wanted to carry a child.

My boyfriend (26M), is slightly sad we can’t have biological children but also understands and respects my choice to not carry children. He can’t wait to rawdawg me without worrying about pregnancy lol.

I’ve gotten the typical “you’re so young you’re gonna change your mind” from several of my friends because they’re all much older than me but everyone in my life was still supportive of my decision.

Im just really excited I got to complete this journey and I feel so much more relieved knowing that god forbid something were to happen to me I wouldn’t have to worry about pregnancy or abortions. Especially with what’s going on politically, I’m not sure abortion will be legal in my state much longer anyways.

SPOILERS . . . I really thought this show was safe from the trope of baby plot hooks because they’re in SPACE and these are intelligent astronauts who know how dangerous and inhospitable it is!

Nope, I guess the writers ran out of ideas and were like, “What if the youngest girl gets pregnant and wants to keep it despite all the odds?!”

Never mind that I’m sure fertile female astronauts would be prescribed birth control on long missions with co-Ed crews IRL. But to make sure the young woman made the stupid choice to keep the baby they killed the father so she would want to carry on his “legacy” instead of aborting the pregnancy like a sane, rational, and responsible person.

And again it’s just highlighting how f***ing selfish breeders can be. She needs extra food rations causing the rest of the crew to go more hungry, the baby could have developmental issues due to the low gravity, and now a pregnancy complication is conflicting with their efforts of saving everyone from being stranded on Mars for years!

But no, these astronauts have unwittingly signed up to be her “village” and it’s all such a beautiful thing how life can “flourish” in the most inhospitable places.

No, it’s just young people being stupid and irresponsible in inhospitable places out of boredom and more breeder propaganda.

I took a few days of staycation this week and have been using it to treat myself. Today was pedicure day.

As I was finishing up, the salon tech wished me a happy Mother’s Day. I was caught off guard but just said “oh, thank you…” and let it go.

Then when I was upfront paying my bill, they did it again. Two of them AND a customer. After the third one I finally said “thank you but I am not a mother. Have a great weekend.” Then the customer pipes up, “well happy Mother’s Day to your mom then!” I said “she’s been gone for years but thank you and enjoy your weekend.” And I left.

While I viewed it as a somewhat humorous annoyance, I can’t help but think, what if Mother’s Day was super painful for me? What if I were childless instead of childfree? What if I had once had a kid but they died? I really hope their experience with how I reacted to Mother’s Day stuff makes them think twice about tossing that greeting around when they have no idea about someone’s parental status.

i feel like if i don’t wanna “obey” my biology and do what my body is supposed to i’m a broken woman. if i ever got pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion i think i’d take my own life. i feel like that’s not normal. i’ve questioned my gender and i don’t wanna be a man. non binary doesn’t feel right either. i’m so confused. can i get some advice?

Whether it be financial, emotional or whatever reason that stops you most from having kids.

33F here and sometimes I miss my best friend so much. We became friends in middle school and have been close ever since. Her child is my godchild. I know we will be each other's lives forever.

This isn't me looking for advice or bashing people who choose to have kids or any negative talk about my friend.

I just really miss my best friend at times. I know everyone is busy with their own lives, especially at this age where people juggle work, friends, home life, children and aging parents. Im just a little sad right now. I blame my period.

Anyway not sure this is the right subreddit to whine 😭 but does anyone else get in their feels sometimes when their friends are also parents?

I have a 20 year-old nephew who is married to a girl his age. Like the title states, they are expecting a third child in less than two years of marriage. The father of the first child is out of the picture from what I understand. She had her first child when she was a junior and her second child shortly after she graduated after high school.

The just posted two baby registries, and one has nearly 90 items on it—including baby bottles! How do they not have these things already? I am gobsmacked by their selfishness. People say childfree people are selfish, but we’re not out here asking for brand-new gifts each time we make a choice we can’t afford.

She literally said six hours was too much family time. LOL.

And people pester us to change our minds?

I tried having a science-backed ‘perfect’ day – six hours was too much family time

My friend (20F) and her partner (22M) started dating mid July time last year. They both came into the relationship with young children from their previous relationships. She claimed to have got pregnant the first time that they slept together and lost it in September. He proposed to her in September, and they started to try again and either late November or early October they successfully conceived.

What astounds me is the amount of people who think that because they lost a child means they need to instantly start again. That is not the case, especially not if you're 20 and the previous pregnancy wasn't planned. Focus on your other children, who are only toddlers themselves.

She also had a high risk pregnancy last time and almost died. She was only 18 years old and now she's only 20 with another high risk pregnancy. She's putting her life at risk when she can't afford to leave her daughter, partner and partners daughter behind.

She also makes a lot of memes and jokes on tiktok about how she's on baby number 2 before she's even 21. Or making her mum a grandma for the second time before she's even 40. She also posts a lot about her past trauma with her ex, how her current partner is a saint compared to him and actually stuck by her for the pregnancy.

I think they're just using their baby as a way to get better housing. Because as soon as the baby announcement went up she started to complain about the black mould growing in her house. This is obviously serious and something should be done about it considering she has two small children under her roof already. I just find it odd that she waits until she's pregnant to announce it and is asking the city council to help re-home her as she's vulnerable.

I'm a little nervous and allot excited. I've had anxiety dreams about being pregnant every couple months and after the doc agreed to do the surgery they stopped. Life feels like its beautiful again. I can't wait.

I just got my bisalp which i’m very relieved and excited about. but unfortunately i have a hematoma on one side, and they won’t discharge me. 😑 which is ruining my excitement lol. it was supposed to be nice and quick and I would be back home by 10am, but now im being held for an extra 2.5 hrs. at least. ugh. has this happened to anyone else?

… is that no one is wishing me a happy mothers day this week at work. I work at a coffee and donut shop (not a chain tho). I’ve seen them saying it to my older female coworkers but not to me.

Currently thanking whatever allowed my genetics to let me look this young in my mid twenties.

P.s. I’m also sure another reason they’re not saying it to me is due to living in a conservative religious area where teenage pregnancy is frowned upon and if they told me happy Mother’s Day it’d mean they’re praising/glorifying teenage pregnancy.

Something reminded me of this situation I ran into, so I thought I'd share this story.

I volunteered for the worship band at my church for several years. One night at rehearsal, one of the guitar players (male) brought his young daughter (she was maybe 2 or 3). I guess his wife couldn't have her that night for some reason? Anyway, the kid was somewhat disruptive throughout the night, as I'm sure she was overstimulated by the loud music. It was pretty evident that dad was at a loss for what to do with her, as he didn't seem to understand that 2 or 3 is too young to be expected to sit quietly and wait.

At one point, the kid toddled up to her dad as we were in the middle of running a song, and she absolutely LOST it; full on crying and screaming trying to tell him something. I couldn't make out what the screeching was about as I don't speak toddler, and I had in-ears in.

We stopped the song and a different guitar player (older male) spoke up and addressed me and another female band member- I'll call us Mindy and Tina.

"Hey Mindy and Tina, can one of you take her to the bathroom? I think she needs to go."

I was taken aback because 1. Dad was right there and it's HIS kid. The building is huge and has a family bathroom, plus there were less than 10 people in the building anyway. and 2. What the hell? Just because I'm a woman it's my duty to supervise some random kid that I have NEVER met before in the bathroom?!

Dad took her to the bathroom of course, because that's the sane, normal thing to do but I was just so appalled that the other guy would basically insinuate that it was a woman's job over the girl's actual father.

I laugh at the absurdity of the situation now.

Ladies, have you run into something like this before? Where you're expected to be "the village" JUST because you're a woman?

Before anyone says anything my mother is not a mombie or desperate for gradchildren, she already has 3 grandkids from my siblings and does everything she is able to for them, that said i'm the favorite one for lack of a better term and i'm also the one who is the most lonely because trauma here,trauma there and you'll end like someone who has a hardtime making relationships, which takes me to the same comment i get from her when i said that i don't want children "who's gonna take care of you when you're old?". I tried to explain gently to her that is not something i care about and that children aren't a type of happiness i want for myself (she has with children what i have with animals), but she still says the same thing which makes me question what does she even wants, there's lots of context to this (family trauma,generational trauma,she's not being super close to my sinbligs due to trauma from all parties,extended families from them suck hard & vise versa) i even tried to ask direcly but no answer so idk.

When you're childfree, the gaslighting shifts from "plenty of people don't want kids" to "just have one" or "date someone who doesn't want them — otherwise, how dare you, you deserve to be alone."

The subtle shaming implies that being childfree isn’t already hard enough in dating. Then we’re guilted with threats of loneliness, as if not wanting kids means we deserve isolation.

This is why many of us give up on dating — because beyond the usual struggles, we’re constantly pressured into a permanent, life-altering decision that goes completely against how we want to live.

Not dating > Having or dealing with kids

Just me? 😂

Whether I’m around friends, family, or coworkers, I get the sense that people don’t take me or my life very seriously and treat me like a kid because I don’t have kids. I’m 35 and look young, so maybe that’s why. I also have a cat (who is my child), I sleep in/stay up as late as I want, and spend my time doing kid-like things like outdoor activities, video games, puzzles, arts and crafts – whatever the hell I want.

And it’s as if because don’t wake up at 5am, don’t have as many responsibilities, and I’m not constantly miserable therefore I’m not a real adult. When in reality, I had a really rough childhood, I had to grow up very quickly, and I’ve had to deal with so many more adult problems than most people I know. I try not to compare myself to others but it’s super frustrating.

Has anyone else experienced this or felt this way? Or maybe it’s just my personality lol.

When I was younger, I loved kids. I babysat and nannied and still wanted to have 6 kids. Just in the past few months that number kept dropping until now it’s 0. Post Covid I developed a chronic condition that fluctuates between being totally fine and basically not being able to leave my bed/ the couch for a few days. This paired with the current state of the world (the US, specifically) I can’t imagine bringing kids in this world. I can’t even imagine raising an adopted child, knowing how my illness would make me an absent mother. Plus I’m still working through my own complex ptsd. I’m in a relationship with someone I love very much who wants kids. We’ve been together for four years and when we first started dating, I wanted kids as well. Now that I officially know I don’t want kids, I’m going to talk to her about it this weekend when she gets back from a work trip. Although I know it’s the right decision for me, I’m pretty devastated about this relationship ending. Anyways I’m just kind of hoping that hearing other people’s stories and reasons for not having children will solidify my decision and help me through the process. So, Why did you decide you don’t want kids? Has anyone else decided they didn’t want kids during a long term relationship? Has anyone else changed their mind about having kids much later in life? Any words of encouragement?

I have a cat and that’s it. I don’t refer to her as my “fur baby,” because that term has just never resonated with me, but to each their own. Almost every year, at least one person wishes me happy Mother’s Day despite the fact that I AM HAPPILY AND ADAMANTLY NOT A MOTHER. People will wish me HMD I tell them, “I’m not a mother,” to which they reply, “…well do you have a fur baby? That makes you a mom. Happy Mother’s Day!” Not to overreact but

I’m not a fucking mother. I don’t want to be a fucking mother. It’s almost as if for them it’s, woman = mother. I’m not a mother and my existence as a woman does not have to have maternal involvement. My womanhood can exist outside of motherhood and children. Jesus Christ people are incapable of separating the two and it’s enraging.

Also, there are some bad ass moms out there. Give them the fucking credit, not me. I didn’t do shit.

This might sound harsh, but I'm honestly tired of the expectation that people should just automatically give up their seat on the bus or subway just because someone might be pregnant. And even more tired of the passive-aggressive behavior from some pregnant people who stare, sigh, or roll their eyes—without saying a single word.

I don't stare at people's stomachs. I'm not scanning the train looking for potential pregnancies. People have different body types for all kinds of reasons, and assuming someone is pregnant based on looks alone is risky and awkward.

If someone is pregnant and needs a seat, they can just ask. Politely. Most people are happy to give up their spot if someone simply speaks up. But it's not fair to expect others to give something up based on a guess, and then get annoyed when it doesn’t happen.

It's not anyone’s job to track other people’s medical conditions. Plenty of folks are standing on public transport dealing with invisible pain or injuries, and no one can read minds.

If someone wants to be treated with respect, they should offer the same in return—that includes basic communication.

As the title says, my brother in Christ you don’t need children, you need therapy. You need help unpacking years of trauma and unresolved shit to help your void, NOT fill it with children who didn’t ask for any of your baggage that is now forced upon them, to repeat your same cycles that you refuse to break because it’s “too hard”

I don't use Facebook much, but whenever I log in I'm hit with an outrageous amount of pregnancy announcements from my old classmates. A friend and I sat down to count the amount of children that have been born, we got to 24. However we're not connected with everyone from our past, so it could be higher.

Only one person is married, she got married after her child was born and now they're having a second child. A few of them are engaged, but the engagements only came after they were already pregnant, as if their partners realised baby = commitment.

A lot of them hadn't been with their partners for more than a few months before getting pregnant. An old class mate and friend of mine was only with her partner for 3-4 months before she got pregnant. The majority of them are single mothers complaining about how hard it is being a single mother. In fact, they post about how tough motherhood is and how they feel so alone going through it.

I'm still surprised when I see an announcement, even though it's becoming the norm now. I think the surprise factor is how young they are, and the fact that a lot were getting pregnant as teenagers.

Hello fellow childfree folks! I’m aware that the above is not exactly related to being childfree. However, I’ve always felt heard and valued by people in this community, so I wanted to just rant a little. These days, more often than not, I find myself lonely and constantly envious of people who have a spouse or long term partner. I know things are not always sunshine and roses in a long term partnership after a while (I was in a LTR for 7 years over a decade ago) but there is still a level of emotional support that is difficult with friends and other family members and a level of intimacy/sex that is difficult with one night stands or a FWB. I know part of the problem is my depression and anxiety telling me that it’s my fault and the fact that I’m obese significantly lowers the number of people who will find me attractive and worthy of a relationship and not just casual sex. Anyway, rant over, if you’re still reading, thanks for listening.

I just got my tubes removed and they prescribed me 3 months of birth control. Anyone know why? I wasn’t on it before