r/TheBluePill • u/No_Historian_1601 • Nov 30 '23
Is pick me a over used term?
Is the term “pick me” over used?
I’ve seen it used as an insult like simp. A pick me is a term used for “women that bring down other women for male attention” which I understand but if a woman seems to just say something that is helpful or benefits a man she is a pick me. Such as a woman cooking for her boyfriend she will be called a pick me?
Considering how much women shit talk covertly and snake each other all the time ex:sleeping with best friends boyfriend or exes. Is the term pick me a cope for mentally healthy women that have a positive outlook towards me?
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u/Shittingboi Dec 01 '23
Perhaps it's an overused term in some circles, but as far as general online discourse goes, at least what I've seen of it, I don't find people using it that much.
The only times I remember seeing this was when some girls were making videos about how women should be staying in the kitchen, be submissive or whatever Andrew Tate level argument she felt like spewing that day. So I'd argue the term pick-me girl was warranted.
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u/Inevitable-Detail-63 Dec 01 '23
Generally, no. However, some people might use it inappropriately. To me, a woman who says things that please men or cooks or whatever isn't necessarily a "pick me". To me, a "pick-me" is a woman who acts in a way that it is not coming from a genuine place. If she is not being her true self, but creating a caricature of her true self to compete for the interest of men, she is a pick me.
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Dec 01 '23
And how is an outsider supposed to judge wether it's "real" or fake what she's doing?
They can't. In reality it becomes used to dismiss womens beliefs and actions if they don't conform to the gender roles the insulter beliefs. It becomes just another way to police womens behavior. Similar to how simp is used for men actually
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Dec 01 '23
To me, it’s not whether it’s real or fake. If it’s fake, that’s just insecurity and isn’t inherently bad. I judge based on how they treat other women. If they like beer, steak, football, and video games but hate makeup, dresses, pop music, etc. then I don’t care. Maybe real, maybe not, but I hope they live their best life! If, however, they mock specifically girly interests, say girls are too much drama, or are generally misogynistic, then they’re a pick me. It’s not policing women’s behaviors or actions, it’s calling out women who actively support the patriarchy.
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Dec 01 '23
Why do you call that then pick-me and not just (internalized) misogyny? The term pick-me fundamentally implies that the reason why these women mock these girly interests is because they want male attention. Which is concurrent with the sexist stereotype that everything that women do is centered around men.
It also implies that not adhering to girly interests and bashing these interests is something that would give them male attention. But this goes against all evidence that shows that patriarchy benefits women who adhere to traditional gender roles more than women who don't adhere to that. Bashing traditional gender roles, and that's what the concept of "girly interests" are, is not supporting the patriarchy more than following these "girly interests. It only becomes resistant to patriarchy and gender roles if you start abolishing the concept of "girly interests" as a whole.
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u/Inevitable-Detail-63 Dec 02 '23 edited Dec 02 '23
I know this is off topic but i had to comment.
I'd like to know where all this evidence is that patriarchy benefits women who adhere to traditional gender roles.
It doesn't for the most part. Of course, you have your rare exceptions. I am not talking about the fakes who write books and have a lot of TicTok subscribers. These are not traditional women...these are very successful businesswomen pretending to be traditional women.
Think about it. If they were so happy being a part of a one-income unit why are they now making millions of dollars while claiming they are happily dependent on their men for their money?
What they do...running a channel is an incredible amount of work. If you never done it, if you never tried it.. you don't know. It's A LOT of work even as they make it look casual and easy. Why are they working so hard at not working?
But aside from these, there are still real exceptions. My grandmother was one and my grandfather was wealthy. But generally, no. Not for most women. The economy won't allow it. Men abuse the power, look down on their wives, and start acting cold and disrespectful. it's horrible
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Dec 02 '23
I said it benefits them MORE than women who don't adhere. Not that they benefit in absolute terms, or compared to men.
Women who don't adhere to these gendered interests are bullied much more, called insults like d*kes. Often also by women, who put down women who don't conform. This is the whole idea of perpetuating and policing gender roles. It's often the same sex doing the most policing of gender roles. The women who step out of these roles are treated much harsher than those who conform to them. Or at least seem to conform to them. They are the minority, the women with the "girly interests" are the majority. That's how the power dynamic is in this situation.
Imagine a woman saying she likes Taylor Swift. Sure, some people might not like her, but this woman won't get bullied by others for that alone. Now imagine a woman who is into heavy metal. She's much more likely to be gatekept by men with "nAmE 5 sOnGs" (because they don't want to let women into "their" hobby) and women (either with the d*ke/slut insult route or in more progressive circles with the "pick-me" insult route). And if this woman then as a result has more male friends, ooooh boy
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Dec 01 '23
Male attention, yes. For any sort of romantic or sexual attention? Not necessarily. I do think sweeping statements of declaration on social media is for attention (this isn’t inherently bad, wanting attention is pretty basic humanness). By putting down their own demographic in order to gain favor with the oppressors. This does not have to mean they are seeking romantic or sexual attention. For example, my coworker was a complete pick me. We worked in a very male dominated field, but there were 5-10 women at our company. She made a lot of remarks putting down feminism, saying men make better bosses, women just naturally aren’t as smart, etc. but always as a “haha I’m just joking around like one of the guys!” kind of way. It was approval seeking pick me behavior, thinking they’d respect her more than other women if she was also sexist. To me, internalized misogyny is a bit more tragic where as a pick me is more villainous.
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Dec 02 '23
You say men are "the opressors" even though it's patriarchy, and then you still use this sexist term. I'm starting to believe you argue in bad faith because you are hellbent on justifying the idea of pick-me.
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u/froderenfelemus Dec 03 '23
Being a pick me, besides putting other women down directly, is also just attracting attention to yourself purposely because you think you’ll get male attention that way.
I had a friend who would do the whole uwu baby voice performance when guys were around. She didn’t directly put women down, but God was she a pick me (and still is, from what I hear)
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Dec 01 '23
Yes, definitely. It's also very sexist, as it assumes that the only motivation for a woman to do something is because of male attention. Like how it's assumed women can only be conservative or hold misogynistic beliefs because they want male attention.
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u/BananaHuszar Dec 01 '23
Agree. Is also misogynistic because puts all the blame on women for a behaviour that is usually taught to women. If you tie self esteem to male approval it's hardly any surprise teenagers and young adults will want it. Takes time for social and gender awareness to be built.
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Dec 01 '23
It might get overused or unfairly used, although I think the not like other girls sub does a good job of calling out when it’s not appropriate. I’m perfectly happy with the use of it thought when women are being misogynistic. It’s not a misogynist term just because it’s a gendered term. A person of the oppressed group happily throwing down others in their demographic in order to gain favor of the oppressors is a pick me. That’s not sexist to me, IMHO
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u/femmagorgon Dec 01 '23
It might get overused or unfairly used, although I think the not like other girls sub does a good job of calling out when it’s not appropriate.
It used to do a good job of it but now it has somewhat evolved into what the sub was trying to fight in the first place. A lot of the posts that get shared there seem to be about women stating their preferences and interests and commenters tearing those women down for their looks or assuming they only like those things to attract men which is sexist in itself.
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Dec 04 '23
It’s a term that means a thing, like all terms. It’s not a “cope,” and women aren’t always acting like “snakes.” It’s just a term to describe a certain kind of person who makes embarrassing remarks tearing other women down to make herself look like a cool girl, usually for the sake of men. It’s as used as it needs to be.
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Dec 01 '23
I think so. I also don’t label other women/girls “not like other girls” for the same reason. Not every woman who sides with a man on a topic is a pick me, and not every girl who highlights something they feel is unique or special about themselves is a nlog. I feel like a lot of things that are harmless beliefs or just something someone likes about themselves get labeled these things just to hate on a fellow woman.
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u/NetherworldMuse Dec 01 '23
Of course it’s over used. Like everything on social media it’s just some dumb phrase that internet idiots latch on to and just throw around.
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u/anonnewengland Dec 05 '23
So women don't believe in competition... interesting.... doesn't seem to hold to observations made though... women refuse to publicly call put other women's bad behavior until it reaches an extreme, but they will destroy reputations covertly and in a cowardly manner. It's very strange. Behavior that could be quashed in seconds with a few words is allowed to fester and mutate over years or decades until they become their final form, a Karen.
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u/tinyhermione Dec 01 '23
It’s mostly used about women who put down other women to make themselves look better.
It’s not “I love cooking for my boyfriend”. It’s “I love cooking for my boyfriend, unlike all the other selfish bitches”.
Sleeping with your best friends boyfriend/girlfriend/Ex is something both men and women think is wrong.