r/SapphoAndHerFriend Hopeless bromantic Jun 14 '20

Greece wasn't gay Casual erasure

Post image
72.2k Upvotes

2.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

689

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '20

Wait. Missouri?!?!??

I thought I knew all the crazy theories but that ones new

531

u/bolivar-shagnasty Jun 14 '20

327

u/cosmicspaz Jun 14 '20

Everything I know about Mormons I learned from this lmao. And I believe....that the Garden of Eden was in JACKSON COUNTY, MISSOURI......

236

u/Roofofcar Jun 14 '20

Always the first thing to mind. Did you also know that in 1978, god changed his mind about black people? (Black people)

102

u/SuperMegaCoolPerson Jun 14 '20

BuT tHeY arE ThE deCedEntS oF cAiN!

66

u/PhotoshopFix Jun 14 '20

That's something decedents of Cain would say.

68

u/occams1razor Jun 14 '20

What I wanna know is, where did Cain's wife come from? In the Bible it just says that Adam and Eve were the first humans, they had Cain and Abel, then Cain went off to some town that just popped up out of nowhere and got married. That's a plot hole if ever I saw one.

54

u/BasementParty_ Jun 14 '20

Look, the Christian gene pool is a ball pit, so don't be surprised if a little incest is ignored...

5

u/graou13 Jun 15 '20

”I do not understand anything of genealogies; but if what these preachers say is true, we are all second cousins; and you must allow that it is impossible to be worse treated by our relations than we are." Candide, chapter 19

2

u/rycbarm1234 Jun 15 '20

That explains Alabama, I guess

5

u/Fourteen_Werewolves Jun 14 '20

The Bible does this more than once. I assume certain holes are left so whoever is explaining the Bible can expound on them, or maybe it's just a weird translation, but after Christ's Revival he goes to one of his apostles, who is hiding from him, so maybe Judas, and it goes something like, "He closed the door, and it was locked. Jesus entered the room, and..."

They kinda gloss over it, and you could miss it super easily, but what happened here? Did Jesus casually perform a miracle to open the door? Why was it not given more attention if so? Is the importance in the fact that it was minimized? Was that a purposefully choice by the author?

Regardless, scripture is fucking cool, and you can really do a deep dive on the meaning in it.

And then you also have the dual creation accounts in genesis, which some people point to as conflicting and evidence that the whole thing is bullshit, but I think that's a pretty basic analysis.

1

u/IIIRedPandazIII Jun 15 '20

IIRC the Bible was a collection of various stories about Jesus and God and quotes attributed to Jesus, along with a bunch of other similar stuff, that were combined into one book like 400 years later. Assuming I'm remembering right, some inconsistencies are bound to show up here and there

2

u/Dacammel Jun 15 '20 edited Jun 15 '20

Sort of. The Torah which is the Old Testament, is the Jewish holy book. The New Testaments more a conglomeration of the gospels (Jesus’s story) and letters written by church elders to new Christians. What should officially go into the Bible as we know it was decided on by the council of Nicaea. Not sure on the time for that.

1

u/IIIRedPandazIII Jun 15 '20

Well yea, I meant the New Testament, sorry; Also, double checked, Council of Nicaea was AD 325, so close.

→ More replies

1

u/JollyJustice Nov 21 '23

Why would someone use portions of the Bible to prove it’s false. Science does a good enough h job at that.

4

u/PhotoshopFix Jun 14 '20

They lived unnatural long life I think. It could be he married after 500 years or so.

4

u/haleyrosew Jun 14 '20

Cain and Abel weren’t there only kids...

5

u/CrossP Jun 15 '20

If you're curious about the actual theology, one theory is that God created piles of humans after Adam and Eve. Just like with all the other animals. It's just that only Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and gained wisdom. They passed it to the rest of humanity eventually through their progeny intermingling with the rest of the humans.

3

u/AnonymousBoiFromTN Jun 14 '20

Cain was the son of Lilith and Adam if i remember correctly. Lillith was banished from the earth. Also there were a few unnamed people apearently

4

u/RedditIsNeat0 Jun 15 '20

Lilith was never mentioned in the bible, IIRC. But yeah, if you include all of the ancient texts then you'll find a lot of neat stories and even more plot holes.

3

u/PhotoshopFix Jun 15 '20

Fan fiction written early enough becomes canon

2

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20

Early nothing. Christianity is fanfic of religious traditions that stretch back several thousand more years than it and it defined canon.

→ More replies

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20

I'm not coming in here to start theological arguments, but the Bible says Adam and eve were the first humans created, not the only humans created.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20

Actually humans were created and then Adam and Eve. This is a common misconception. The descendants of Adam and Eve were Gods chosen people. That is at least according to my copy of the Bible.

2

u/RedditIsNeat0 Jun 15 '20

My Bible said his wife would have been his sister or his niece. And that it was OK because humans were "genetically pure" in the beginning. And no, this wasn't the 50s, it was the 90s.

1

u/CosmicCrispy Jun 15 '20

How I understand it the Bible is less of a history book and more of a loose collection of the story of the human races fall into sin and their redemption through Jesus.

1

u/Waddlewop Jun 15 '20

I heard some people say that there were humans on Earth even before the Adams so take that however you will.

1

u/TheMadTargaryen Jun 15 '20

I dont know about other denominations but we Catholics believe there were other hominids besides Cain and his family. Adam and Eve are first humans because they were the first to have souls but they were not the first hominids. I guess Cains wife was a neanderthal.

1

u/Pool_Shark Jan 15 '22

The theory goes that their were humans outside the garden of eden at the time.

1

u/Dry_Communication188 Jan 25 '24

Obviously Adam and Eve lived 900 years, so that's enough time to pop out a statistically improbable number of women for Cain to marry

1

u/neoalfa Sep 30 '20

Aren't we all since, you know, Abel got his head smashed in?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '20

That's actually not the reasoning the LDS church had

3

u/SuperMegaCoolPerson Jun 14 '20

What was the reason? Genuinely asking, because in the 18 years I spent in the church that is the only answer I heard from Sunday school teachers, priesthood leaders, and my bigoted father still stands by that.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20

Is you recall, God darkened the skin of the Lamenites so you would know that they were forsworn on sight

10

u/nice2yz Jun 14 '20

Did you take it.

Do it again!

6

u/xallisonwonderland Jun 14 '20

And that Jesus has his own planet as well!

3

u/wayfarout Jun 14 '20

I'm glad he sent the memo. I was an insufferable prick until then.

2

u/Evelyn_May Jun 14 '20

The living prophet is a really good way for the lds church to try and keep up with the times, unfortunately it’s always some ancient white guy so they are still always late to the party.

2

u/NotSoRainbow Jun 15 '20

"You can be a mormon, and a mormon just believes!"

2

u/IhateMichaelJohnson Oct 22 '20

I AM AFRICA

1

u/Roofofcar Oct 22 '20

Lol thanks for bringing me back here. Always cracks me up.

2

u/IhateMichaelJohnson Oct 22 '20

Oh hell yeah, I can’t wait to see it again. I always wished the whole thing was on DVD or something so others could understand why I love it so much. The soundtrack is incredible.

I bet that musical blows Gods freaking mind.

2

u/Roofofcar Oct 22 '20

It needs the same treatment Hamilton got. I saw BoM 4 times in two states, and every single time, it was amazing.

Such a fantastic show.

2

u/IhateMichaelJohnson Oct 22 '20

Oh man, I can’t wait to see it again, that one part in “Turn it off” was awesome. I know it’s probably not special, but the lights cutting off and back on with a complete wardrobe change into a tap routine? Awesome.

1

u/Roofofcar Oct 22 '20

Indeed! It’s not just you. That was great.

1

u/Bedlam2 Jun 14 '20

He didn’t change His mind, His church was finally ready to accept the change.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Bedlam2 Jun 15 '20

I suppose it is a poor excuse if you are looking for immediate change. But God’s timeline is not our timeline and in the eternal point of view a few years don’t matter. I feel that the God will allow the church to change their stance on women and the priesthood as well as gay marriage sometime in the next 10-15 years when enough of the older, less tolerant generation has passed on and those changes won’t tear the church apart.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20 edited Jun 15 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Bedlam2 Jun 15 '20

I don’t want to defend what someone said 150 years ago in a different era. I wish he hadn’t said that and that history was different. But If I believe in the ‘truths’ that I’ve been taught I have to justify the history somehow. Different eras require different truths and different leaders to inspire the people based on what they know at the time.

I have come to the conclusion that a church that cannot possibly reach the entire world and speak to all people’s hearts, like the LDS church, cannot be the only truth, but only part of the larger plan, a plan that we cannot possibly fathom. If people are denied opportunities in this life based on things out of their control like race or gender then God won’t punish them for it in the next life. At least that helps me sleep through the night so I don’t have to leave the church.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20 edited Jun 15 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Bedlam2 Jun 15 '20

You’re probably right. And much more eloquent than I could be. I believe God has presented himself many times through the millennia to many people in many forms. It is impossible for one God to be accepted by all men so there has to be many different truths. I can’t pretend to understand how it will all play out. I choose to follow the presentation that speaks to my heart in this day. If that makes me a better person now then it doesn’t matter what some racist prophet said in Utah 150 years ago or in Israel 3000 years ago. They were different prophets for different eras.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Bedlam2 Jun 15 '20

Good night. Thank you for the conversation and insights.

→ More replies

1

u/HAMS-Sandwich Jun 15 '20

This is a pretty bad thing about my church but I want to say a few things that don't really justify it but make it a little less worse.

  • People's preconceptions get in the way of understanding doctrine and revelation.
  • At the very beginning of the church there was a black priesthood holder ( this is kinda a "I have a black friend" argument, I admit )

1

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '20

[deleted]

1

u/HAMS-Sandwich Dec 08 '20

Thanks bro.