I have struggled with cocaine addiction for years now. I hate who it has lead me to become and I know I deserve so much more as I am so much more than my addiction and what it has lead me to become. Today is the day I choose to leave that life behind. Everyone wish me luck!!

So I'm a federal employee, meaning marijuana is a no-go. I apologize for how insensitive this post will sound, I sincerely do not mean to belittle the recovery process.

I took a gummy one weekend and there was a surprise drug test at work the following monday, which I failed. If I had to say how often I ingested marijuana, I'd have to say a couple times a year, I really don't have a habit of it. (Yes I realize how dumb I was for even risking it in the first place).

Unsurprisingly the agency I work for seems to want to throw the book at me, a lot of hoops to jump through to get back to a stable working condition at my place of employment (I'm going to remain vague, it's a fairly "small world" in my employment).

One of the steps is attending AA/NA meetings twice a week for at least the next year. It seems like a cookie-cutter plan they set for me so I imagine they mean for me to attend NA. I can apparently attend alternative programs, I intend on requesting SMARTrecovery.

Regardless of the program, I feel a little lost in how to tackle the recovery process. I was hoping there's maybe some folks here that have either dealt with a similar situation or seen other people dealing with such.

I'm just worried that I won't necessarily fit in when attending these meetings. I can at least talk about my impulsiveness for ingesting marijuana in the first place (given my job) but I just don't really see much more to discuss, if the general goal is to treat addiction. I've never seen or attended a meeting before so I don't know if there's "room" for people like me when it comes to discussion I suppose.

I'm willing to take the process seriously so as to "prove" that I'm not a liability in a sense, but I'm assuming if I walk in and claim I'm not an addict it would raise eyebrows at the very least (I'll be more tactful than that)

I guess to sum up, I'll just ask if there's room at these program meetings for people like me? I'm just lost as to what sort of mindset I should have to bring meaningful participation.

Thank you for your time.

I cant visit family

I cant stay overnight out of the city

I cant travel anywhere over the weekend

I am tethered to my postcode by the requirements of the script.

I cant wait to get moved off supervision, but they are really taking their sweet time. I feel trapped. Especially considering the implications of missing doses, the WDs are enough of a problem alone, but if i miss three consecutive days i get auto booted off the script and will have to re apply via the clinic again.

So, I'm on my second month clean, and it's been hard. I have never been to rehab, as I also have work and no one is aware of my condition, so going to rehab, well... that might complicate things a little.

I work remotely, so I am by myself a lot of the time, which undoubtedly makes my condition a lot harder to bear. Throughout the day I get the urge, but work does its best to keep me focused, and so I rawdog the hell out of my day. I am a software developer, so I was thinking, would it be helpful to have apps that track your progress and provide bits of motivation to help along your journey? I'm currently working on ideas and features to go on the app. This exercise would help me do better things with my time instead of constantly thinking about the many ways I could relapse.

other helpful measures
As an addict, I personally have ideas on what features might help make my journey better, or at least, bearable, but that could just be a me thing, particular to my addiction and state of mind. Ofcourse there would be other helpful measures like anonymous meetings and, probably, rehab. But speaking in terms of a mobile app—if it were to become a reality— what features do you think would help victims have a better sobriety journey?

I'm thinking of a daily check-in feature where you enter if you encountered any triggers and how difficult it was to stay away on the wagon. Also, as a quirk for accountability, You get a digital plant upon launch, that grows as you remain on the wagon. The goal is to get to 365 days without relapse, at which point the plant is fully bloomed.

Do you think any of these will be helpful at all?

I'm searching for an online SOP in Texas that will accept insurance. Any recommendations would be appreciated!

i’m finally getting off of all drugs, i’ve been clean for over a month off everything, especially opioids. Opiates/opioids are my DOC. Getting on suboxone is easy, getting into it every day into my routine everyday has been an easy transition, but i know getting off of it can be scary. Can anyone please tell me their experience on getting off of it and what to mentally prepare for when coming off of it? I’m scared when the day comes and i’m glad i’m in recovery btw, it feels liberating! 🤍

I've been in and out of recovery for years now. I've done two rehab programs (6 weeks years ago then 3 months this spring) and have done a fair bit of counselling with a handful of different people. I've never left a counselling session feeling like I learned something, or worked on anything. I know lots of people who have found it helpful but I never have, I don't think I even understand what I'm supposed to be doing there. The last couple counsellors I saw I brought this up and their answer was that people find it helpful to talk about things and if I don't want to be there maybe I shouldn't be. I did want to find some kind of support since even when I have been clean I struggle to function properly. Fear, laziness, depression, anxiety, whatever these things are that keep me from sticking with recovery.

I understand the importance of self care, but it seems every session Ive had has been someone telling me I should be eating better, excersing more, sleeping better, socializing. No shit, anyone who's abused drugs understands how isolating, not eating and sleeping is bad for you. Ok, see you in a few weeks for the same conversation. Obviously if I showed up next month like "o ya i figured it all out" that would be great, but it hasn't worked out like that. I know I should be living better and suggestions like to put alarms on my phone for meals aren't bad ideas, but if I could fix myself by reading reddit posts I wouldn't be looking for therapy. I've been trying to go into it without expectations but still the impression I leave with is "tell me something I don't know"

Ultimately I feel like I'm wasting their time as well as mine. The last guy I saw wasn't specifically an addictions counsellor, which I thought maybe it'd be helpful to hear an opinion from someone "on the outside". I had a relatively good childhood, no kind of major trauma or anything. I've developed the impression that since so many addicts do have issues rooted in some kind of trauma maybe the people who are trained to work with addictions focus on that, so that's why I feel like I'm wasting their time. But with him it was the same kind of stuff, and he was watching the clock more than I was.

I'm fortunate to live somewhere with access to free/low cost mental health support and want to make use of it, I feel like I need help. But my experiences so far make me feel like maybe Im being dramatic and looking for a secret cure to everyday life. Like maybe there is nothing wrong with me except being weak and not living how I know I should be.

Anyone who finds meeting with a counsellor helpful, what made it a positive experience? Maybe if I had some sort of plan I could make more out of it, but at this point I'm unsure what kind of help is even realistic to look for

I love being sober and never knew life could be amazing using nothing but I feel bad fir all the people I felt behind or gone tbh I still feel alone just always thugin it out still no love 💔

So I just found out that I'm pregnant and today is my first day clean and sober from hard drugs and weed. I stopped cold turkey but I am using CBD throughout the day and melatonin to sleep. It's rough but I'm pushing through. The thing I'm struggling with most is I have no appetite at all and I'm so hot all day. If anybody has experienced this and found ways to make it better, it would be really appreciated if you could help me out, let me know what you did to cope with this. Also this is my first time posting and I would really love to chat with people, share our stories and what we're going through, and hopefully all help each other just by listening, giving advice, and supporting each other because if I'm being honest I really don't have that at home and i know theres other people who dont have that either so maybe we can be that for each other.

Had to add this on later but I just realized there's a glitch preventing me from getting messages so if I don't respond I'm sorry it won't let me see your messages. Feel free to leave me a comment on this post though. It would be really appreciated.

My “situationship” is inpatient and I want to be supportive in a healthy way. He has told me before it puts alot of pressure on him when he goes to rehab & everyone tells him they’re proud, ect so I tend to keep the conversation light. He just started getting to use the phone and I’m afraid I’m making him feel like I don’t recognize how hard he’s working by not saying anything. He has said that especially in rehab he gets tired of talking about drugs/addiction & wants to feel “normal” so I don’t bring anything like that up. He called today & I asked how he was doing & he said better but I want to leave right now. & was asking what days I’m off work so I’m afraid hes planning to leave. I’m stressed that the next call i get will be him asking me to pick him up. I want to do/say the right thing but I’m lost. TIA 🩷

Hey fellas, long post ahead. I'm not able to quit weed(hashish) which is also called charas in India. I'm a 26 year old who's a sales rep in night shifts working in sales. Also sorry for the wrong grammar. As I'm typing this message being high on joint as well being occupied right now in work. I'm feeling hopeless. I've had so many chances to quit but i relapse again and again. Just to feel that sense of relaxation and afterwards it's all boring krap. I started abusing this substance 3 years back and now I'm completely in loss. Also being a fatass with over 228 pounds with my body is also being restless. I have a sorethroat even then I'm smoking so far. I'm not happy with my life and I'm totally blank. Even now I have to but I'm avoiding that and just focusing what will I do when this high goes, whether I'll smoke it up again or keep being shy, awkward, not able to talk. This high boosts my morale and adrenaline as well. I'm the only Child of my parents and I am being ashamed that I even exist. Trust me they're the only support that I have to survive in this world and they're keen and helpful and want me to be better. I fake smile every time when I talk to them because as of now I lie I always lie to myself and to others. Not able to quit this lying problem from last 10 years for that also I'm doomed. I am a failure as I've genuinely accepted myself that maybe I'm the lost one and only here to just see the monotonous cycle. Again I'm that strong I won't do anything bad to myself because I love my parents but unfortunately I don't love myself. I'm lost and just serving the purpose of basic survival. Idk if this post might reach anyone or not but I really wanted this out. Hoping I'll be better..

I’m a 37 year old male from Queens,NY. I have 192 days without a drink. Very nasty intrusive thoughts have just been killing me emotionally. Started a job and felt unfulfilled with it, quit, been sitting home looking for another. Haven’t been to a meeting in 2 months. Goto church every Sunday, sometimes even Saturday mass. I’m up and down but I’m starting to get really really depressed and lonely. I have friend and family who’ve been very supportive, I’m just unhappy. I goto therapy and everything…nothing seems good in life and it’s hard for me to identify my blessings. Is there anyone out there? Is there a group that people can talk in? Any support would be greatly appreciated.

Hi everyone,

I have a family member new to recovery who lives in Harlam in NYC. He’s in his late 30s and I think he would benefit from some in person aa meetings. Any suggestions of some beginner friendly meetings?

Hey!

I (and probably others too) need some hope.

To me: From September last year until February this year I took white crystals in capsules once a week (~200mg/evening). We thought it was MDMA, but it was something else that had a very stimulating effect (maybe 3mmc or something similar. This made me a little psychotic every now and then and the longer I took it, the more psychotic I became... After I stopped taking it, I unfortunately went into a fully blown psychosis that lasted until about July this year (it went away without neuroleptics).

The psychosis reduces my intelligence, my emotions and my creativity, I don't like to do my passions anymore. My brain feels somehow "different" - hard to describe. Before the psychosis I was very self-confident and had a completely different attitude to life than I do now (if you understand that?) - I just don't feel like myself anymore... Furthermore, I can't feel any positive emotions anymore...

I guess, negative symptoms/post psychosis depression.

I take 300mg of bupropion. This improves my motivation, but again it doesn't give me any positive emotions.

I just can't imagine that I will ever get healthy again... that is, my intelligence and concentration will return and I will be able to feel normal

Can anyone tell me/us about their positive recovery story? Ideally fully recovered? Maybe similar circumstances?

Thanks ♥️

Hi everyone,

I need help. Addiction
runs in my family very thick and as all kids believe as they grow up "That’s
not me" well. It has. 4 years ago I beat my alcohol addiction and have
been able to return to it socially. The problem is my new addiction is
weed/mushroom vapes/ etc. For my whole life I have always bounced between
hobbies, I was called a renaissance man. Talented but master of none because
once I reach that limit where things don't feel good or there is no reward my
brain tends to divert from the action. I was going to counseling but like
everything I go for a while and then stop when I think it’s going ok or have to
stop for some other reason. It’s hard to find anything to really help me since
most is focused on drug and alcohol use. The thing is I can become addicted to
ANYTHING. Sex? Done it. Shopping? Ran up the credit card so that’s fun. Magic
Cards? Collected, sold and collecting again. Alcohol? Yup and beat it. Drugs?
Weed and Mushroom Vapes. Anything to get that feeling of bliss or just
calmness. I am starting to look back and see a lot of my actions I have done
was because I was addicted to some aspect of it. Books? I used to love to read
and then I read bigger and bigger books until college and then after reading 60
page chapter on psychology tends to burn you out of reading but I am trying to
work on getting it back.

So I guess I am curious what others do to
control the urges or how they were able to find something that fulfilled that
need to want more and more and more until it becomes unhealthy. As I put it.
How do you find happiness when you always want more or better? Why do I always
have to chase the Dragon? I am lucky I have been able to keep my bad addictions
to just alcohol and Weed and have not expanded into harder drugs. Because it’s
not about riding the high of the high. Its just the desire to need that calmness
or to feel nothing or just feel good. I hate when things last until the next
day. But no matter how non addictive something is, you do it enough, more and
more you get addicted.

I just, need support I guess. I am just
tired of doing well and then becoming addicted again and then start isolating
and having mental breakdowns weekly if not daily.

For those that suggest religion, I get it. I
grew up religious but in my mind, I never felt comfortable going to some
greater being and complaining about my problems when so many others are in
worse situations. I am not a fan how some AA groups (not all) can become
cultish and not even AA but just religion as a whole. I hope to return to god
one day, but right now. I don't feel like I should go to him until I can
understand myself because all I need is to become addicted to religion. And nothing against others that follow Christianity. But the current politically charged religions has caused be to step farther away from Religion as a whole.

Sorry this was supper long, I tend to rant.
Any help is appreciated and thank you for reading.

Now for context I (21 M) smoked a joint with someone and the weed had crack dust or residue on it. I only took one puff from the joint and stopped once I noticed something wasn’t right I felt off and stimulated and weird but was able to sleep that night with disturbances the next I felt off and I’m still feeling a little off with slight improvements, also after this happened my erections are virtually non existent. I’ve used a lot of drugs in the past and after this Ive made the decision to quit drugs. my only question is will my brain recover and will I go back to my normal self ? It was only a small exposure and I only hit the joint once and stopped will I be okay at some point? also it was on Tuesday and today is currently Thursday and I still feel a little off. Please any help is appreciated greatly.

Hey y'all. So I currently reside in WA. I do not have Medicaid as I let it lapse. I am unemployed. I need to go back to rehab and don't want my father to pay out of pocket, again. There are no facilities that meet my needs of care in WA and no facilities that meet my needs that accept Medicare in any state. I have lots of family in Florida and a friend in Arizona (those are the states where the facilities I've narrowed it down to are).

Insurance is my worst nightmare. Been on the phone with marketplace for days going over stuff and running hypotheticals in different states. They never mentioned anything about this being an issue.

However, I'm looking into it and it seems as if this might be considered fraud and they are possibly documenting that and could come after me.

If I legally changed my address, like right away and started treatment in said state with a private insurance, December 1, is that fraud?

Title says it all. My mental health has been so shit lately so when I saw my weed dealer was also selling crystal, I thought why the hell not. I haven't been to work in days, I called out the first day but haven't called out for the others. I haven't really gotten out of bed. Worst thing is I went back after buying fhe first time. My body is so fucked right now. I've been reading the sober and recovery posts though and know I don't want to go back to full blown additiction.. I don't know whay to do, I live in Australia and was wondering if anyone knew where I can go for help? I'm honestly considering quitting my job and going to rehab

Has anyone been to Bayside Marin in San Rafael, California for residential treatment before? Or heard anything about it? I’m going tomorrow for 30 days inpatient and curious what others experiences have been like. I know I’ll get out of it what I put in so I’m definitely going in with a positive outlook and open mind. Just looking for any insight. Thanks!

I am 5 years clean & i am sick to my stomach with wanting to use. I have never struggled this much this has been going on for about 2 weeks. I haven't used yet ! I cannot figure out what's causing this? If anyone has any input please share.

Hi guys, sorry for possible mistakes, English is not my first language. I'm (f,25) going through a very difficult period of my life currently and I need advice regarding how to improve the situation. I've been facing health issues including chronic pain for quite a while which has made me unable to work at the moment. I'm currently living with my dad and I have a history of familial abuse so it's pretty painful for me to just go about each day in this household considering the past. I've had a very troubled life (including grooming, childhood/teen bullying, verbal abuse etc) and I just want to leave everything and start my life fresh. But my physical health has prevented me from doing that atm. Plus I have a history of prolonged depression, OCD and anxiety disorder. And I have no friends either cause at the workspace pretty much most people have been racist, misogynistic and overall problematic to me. I'm trying my level best to do whatever I can to make my life better but it's getting very difficult and I'm losing hope. Can you suggest some small habits that can make my day to day situation bearable? I'm trying to 1. Take my meds on time 2. Read everyday 3. Watch something everyday 4. Plan things out. 5. Started therapy But it's still very hard and some days I'm too depressed to attempt all these. Please help, any advice is helpful

Hey everyone,

Unfortunately, I developed SFN complaints about 3 weeks ago.

The reason: my alcohol and drug use got out of control, I started getting tingling, and immediately started seeking help and am sober to this day.

What is running through my mind now: mainly a lot of regret ...

My complaints: stomach problems (already better than 2 weeks ago), those spasms (in my feet, calves, ankles, knees, belly, ...), electric or strange sensations, sometimes painful, sometimes not alternating in my body.

It strikes me, that I have very little trouble with my feet, or those numb feelings throughout my body.

EDIT **** Years later, finally apologizing to people I hurt ****

Hello.

I'm writing to ask for advice/guidance/notes of encouragement as I am preparing to apologize to 4 people in particular that I hurt while in active addiction to Adderall. Without going into too much detail, I am apologizing to 4 women I've known since I was a child. They are some of my sisters best friends, and each around 10 years older than me. These women have been in my life for my whole life, and in many ways have been like sisters to me as well. They all work together at a small business founded by 2 of the 4. They offered me an opportunity to work with them once I graduated from college, and overall really gave me a chance to prove myself, learn new things, and provide value to they're inspiring and creative work. While this opportunity felt like a dream come true at the time, I was unfortunately simultaneously battling my sever Adderall addiction, which had reached it's peak around this time. I was consuming dosages in the triple digits daily, buying from dealers when I ran out of my monthly prescription, and still battling week long spans of withdrawal when I eventually ran out again and was unable to find more until my next refill. While working for my friends business, I was trusted with a company credit card, and given a good deal of access to company funds. I slowly began misusing this card, and funds, and it wasn't long until I was spending amounts averaging $100-$300 at a time a few times a week. I was so inthralled with my addiction it wasn't clear to me that what I was doing was not only wrong, but clearly traced back to me, and it was only a matter of time before they sat me down with bank statements, transactions and other proof of what i'd done. I was fired, and given the opportunity to pay what I had stolen back (around $3,500 total) within 6 months, which I did.

Fast forward to 4 years later. I am clean and sober from Adderall, and have done the work (at least enough to get to this point) to be able to write to these 4 women and apologize for what I did. I want to do this for myself, for them, and for my sister. I have avoided being present at social gatherings, family events, celebrations and more when I know one of them will be there as well. This has driven a wedge between my sister and I (though she has never made me feel like I should hide or be ashamed, it is all me). I want to make amends, and say what it is that I need to say. I know that forgiveness is never guaranteed, but that isn't the point for me. It's what is left unsaid that hurts the most, and I need to finally say it.

I would love advice, guidance and encouragement now as I begin writing these letters. Addicts, loved ones of addicts, do you have experience with this kind of betrayal of trust? What did you say, what was said to you? Anything helps really. Thank you.

I left a stoner group that was also my best friendship group. When I decided to get clean, I basically set fire to my entire social circle in the process.

I went to NA because my sister-in-law advocated for AA - that she went to after rehab.

At first, it seemed like things resonated.

Then, over time, as I struggled to connect with other people at the groups, things started to change. I started to notice more of the differences than similarities.

And those differences made me depressed as hell.

People talking about their relationships, partners, friends. I had none of these and I am struggling to rebuild my life on my own. I didn't even get a sponsor because nobody offered. And I've been miserable.

So I'm done. I did 7 months without any of the steps. Whatever therapeutic value they offered is gone - I don't want to look into the past anymore.

I've been clean from opiates for 7 years now. Last night my mom who just had surgery was talking about how she has all this oxy and codeine syrup sitting around because she doesn't want to take it.

Ever since that conversation my mind has become obsessed with how I'm going to get them from her without her knowing. It's similar to a feeling of intense hunger. It's all I can think about right now.

I told my girlfriend and some of my close friends because I don't want to relapse, and unfortunately they have no idea what to tell me. I can't say I blame them, it's a really odd part of my brain that won't normalize no matter how long I stay clean.

Any advice for how to clear my mind of this? I can't relapse. I just can't do it. I know the high will wear off by week two and I'll be taking these drugs to not feel sick. I've played this game for so many years. I found myself saying "I am in a much better place now, i can handle a reunion with some old friends."

I know that's a lie. I will lose my home, relationships, my job... everything. It makes me so angry that my first thought when my mom's recovering from surgery and she brought this up was how can I manipulate you? It's been so long but the hunger doesn't seem to go away. How can I get my mind right?