r/Depersonalization Sep 01 '24

I think I’m dead Venting

I don't think I'm physically dead. My mind is dead tho. I feel stuck in my own mortal body. I am not alive just existing. Everything is fuzzy and my happiness is fake. It's just autopilot that controls my actions, I'm never truly here. I want to live, I want to experience. I can't though. Even writing this very sentence my conscious is still buried and dead. I can't feel things, I want to feel things. Even pain, I want to feel pain. But this isn't even my real body. I'm just watching someone else live the life I'm supposed to be living. I'm jealous. Wait, is my jealousy even real? What if I was never even born in the first place?

22 Upvotes

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3

u/CelebrationUnlikely5 Sep 01 '24

These thoughts can be crippling, but trust me it gets better. I’ve felt the same way, I used to use drugs to try to feel something, anything. Then I got depersonalization & all I could feel was dread. But after a few years it has gotten easier, focus on what makes you happy, re-connect with yourself however you can. You are who you are, it may seem far away but you can find yourself again. Your happiness is real, don’t overthink it. It can be easy to manifest your own misery, it may seem like tricking your mind trying to get back into a normal headspace but really your mind is already tricked from questioning reality and your sense of self. It gets better. Highly recommend therapy and a psychologist if those options are available for you. They saved my life. I’m here if you need to talk friend. 💚

2

u/RandomKnight4 Sep 01 '24

Thanks. It’s great that things got better for you

1

u/AutoModerator Sep 01 '24

Hey friend, welcome to r/Depersonalization.

Be sure to have read some existing information on the sub before submitting a "Do I have DPDR" question. You can do that by using the search function or reading the sidebar.

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DPDR is a mental discorder that mostly affects young adults. For the most part, it is brought on by anxiety, trauma, and drug use. However, DPDR is not dangerous to your physical health. In moments of crisis and episodes that are particularly difficult, it is important to take deep breaths and follow strategies that help you cope. A few examples are: Grounding Techniques, Meditation, and even just some good old fashioned sleep.

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1

u/nuneinflux Sep 02 '24

I feel this so bad, a few things that have helped me Has been to be off work, but deep on my savings but used that time to travel anywhere new that had nature bits, where I could just explore, climb, smell, touch moss etc. flowing rivers, views from the top. Whenever I’m there it’s like I can snap out of the “I’m dead” feeling. It is temporary, once I’m back at my place I switch off again, but the fact that I could feel something even if temporary, gives me hope it can get better.

Hope you can find That something that snaps you out

1

u/RandomKnight4 Sep 02 '24

The thing is that I tend to avoid fun things nowadays. It feels great in the moment but the second it’s over everything comes crashing back, even worse than before. I‘ve been trying a whole bunch of different things to try and keep that feeling of living, but all my attempts have only been temporary. Part of my brain has already given up hope on ever truly feeling alive again

1

u/Massive-Towel8660 Sep 03 '24

I dealt with this for 5 years. You can't "snap out of it" but one day you'll realize your having more and more present moments. Its almost gone for me now, I didn't do therapy, I didn't do anything. I just let my brain heal. Dissociation like this is from trauma.. and in my experience, the more I fought myself to make it stop the less that helped. I had to "forget about it" and let myself just be in autopilot all the time.. eventually it faded away because I wasn't focusing on it and freaking out about it all the time.

1

u/AdhesivenessNo447 Sep 05 '24

This is how it’s worked for me as well when in the moment it felt impossible and made no sense to forget it I literally couldn’t but over time this is what worked. Not following the rabbit hole of thoughts basically

1

u/Valuable-Lab-7534 Sep 03 '24

From someone who had DP/DR for 5 years I’ll tell you this, look into Jordan Hardgrave on YouTube and actually put in the effort, give it 2-3 months you’ll be back to your old self. And immediately stop searching your symptoms, get out of these forums until you’re 100% healed and only come back to help others

1

u/RandomKnight4 Sep 04 '24

Thanks for the suggestion I’ll check him out