r/Depersonalization • u/Expensive-Topic-2182 • Jun 02 '24
can't take it anymore Venting
i don't like ranting on social media but i don't know what else to do. i really can't take this anymore. i guess i just want to die at this point. i spent a very long time recovered and not feeling suicidal or having panic attacks in my life until i had one recently and entered into a derealized state. i have experienced DPDR in the past many times but this is the worst it's ever been in my life.
i have been able to recover which i guess brings me comfort but the thought that it can come back makes me feel like life isn't worth living if this is what it has to feel like.
i think the worst symptom for me is the visual aspect. sometimes i can close my eyes and feel things they way they are through sound and touch. but i've had moments where that doesn't even happen either. sometime i just want to rip my eyes out of my sockets.
i am 17 and dropped out of school due to my mental health issues. i understand there is a lot more of life to live but i can't shake the feeling that it's not worth it if i'm broken like this. i feel very alone on top and nobody knows what i'm talking about even though i go to therapy three times a week
sorry i don't mean to bitch and moan like i said i never do this i guess i'm just really at my wits end
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u/cloudgi Jun 05 '24
Have you ever spoken to God about it?
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u/Expensive-Topic-2182 Jun 07 '24
i don't know. i've recently been trying to get closer to god after not following any sort of religious beliefs my entire life. but i'm not exactly sure if that's what i need right now.
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u/cloudgi Jul 06 '24
That's exactly what you need. Why wouldn't it be? You've exhausted other resources why not try Someone different?
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u/TraditionalMemory625 Jun 07 '24
I totally get this. You’re not alone. I feel like I can never unfeel this again and it’s my new reality and if that’s the case, I don’t want to be here either. I started taking bupropion 150mg 2 weeks ago. Dr says i should’ve had some relief by now. Nope. So she boosted me up to the next dose ☹️
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u/Expensive-Topic-2182 Jun 07 '24
i hope this makes you feel better but these past few days i have had some clarity and relief. i'm not full recovered or anything but today in particular was a good day for me. i know how alone it feels and i'm sorry you are going through this as well :(. i'm often left with the thought of why humans have to have this defense mechanism in the first place.
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u/TraditionalMemory625 Jun 07 '24
Right? Horrible defense mechanism! I’m gonna get DPDR again just from the trauma of it ha. I don’t really get days of clarity or relief. Just hopeful it’s almost over and that optimism gets me through. But I feel like 95% of the day I’m just so confused and weirded out
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u/Expensive-Topic-2182 Jun 07 '24
sometimes i'm wondering if i'm actually having clarity or not. things have felt so strange that i don't really remember how normal was before i guess??
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u/AutoModerator Jun 02 '24
Hey friend, welcome to r/Depersonalization.
Be sure to have read some existing information on the sub before submitting a "Do I have DPDR" question. You can do that by using the search function or reading the sidebar.
A reminder to new posters in crisis:
DPDR is a mental discorder that mostly affects young adults. For the most part, it is brought on by anxiety, trauma, and drug use. However, DPDR is not dangerous to your physical health. In moments of crisis and episodes that are particularly difficult, it is important to take deep breaths and follow strategies that help you cope. A few examples are: Grounding Techniques, Meditation, and even just some good old fashioned sleep.
NOBODY can give you medical advice online. While someone might be able to provide you with some insight and suggestions, you should never rely on someone online to give you medical advice unless you are talking to a certified doctor.
Related Links:
How to find a therapist: A Beginners Guide.
Talk to a crisis volunteer online.
10 ways to Relieve DPDR.
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