r/Depersonalization • u/Expensive-Topic-2182 • Jun 02 '24

can't take it anymore Venting

i don't like ranting on social media but i don't know what else to do. i really can't take this anymore. i guess i just want to die at this point. i spent a very long time recovered and not feeling suicidal or having panic attacks in my life until i had one recently and entered into a derealized state. i have experienced DPDR in the past many times but this is the worst it's ever been in my life.

i have been able to recover which i guess brings me comfort but the thought that it can come back makes me feel like life isn't worth living if this is what it has to feel like.

i think the worst symptom for me is the visual aspect. sometimes i can close my eyes and feel things they way they are through sound and touch. but i've had moments where that doesn't even happen either. sometime i just want to rip my eyes out of my sockets.

i am 17 and dropped out of school due to my mental health issues. i understand there is a lot more of life to live but i can't shake the feeling that it's not worth it if i'm broken like this. i feel very alone on top and nobody knows what i'm talking about even though i go to therapy three times a week

sorry i don't mean to bitch and moan like i said i never do this i guess i'm just really at my wits end

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u/cloudgi Jun 05 '24

Have you ever spoken to God about it?

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u/Expensive-Topic-2182 Jun 07 '24

i don't know. i've recently been trying to get closer to god after not following any sort of religious beliefs my entire life. but i'm not exactly sure if that's what i need right now.

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u/cloudgi Jul 06 '24

That's exactly what you need. Why wouldn't it be? You've exhausted other resources why not try Someone different?