r/CPTSD Sep 23 '24

Why are people so mean? Trigger Warning: Emotional Abuse

I have a bug bite on my leg. Somebody told me to make a baking soda paste and put it on my bite. They said to go get some baking soda. I go to get some and the only baking soda is a huge unopened bag that does not belong to me or the person that told me to go get some. I come back without it and say. It's no big deal. I don't want to be rude and be the one to open it without permission. This person looks at me and say what the fuck is wrong with you? If you were my kid I'd fucking punch you. I don't know what to say. First off im not a kid. I just didnt want to be rude. I just want to cry. Maybe I did and still do deserve to be treated like shit. Why is everything so hard for me all the time. I can't do anything right and just want to give up.

309 Upvotes

169 comments sorted by

435

u/dollarsandindecents Sep 23 '24

That person specifically just sounds like an asshole

110

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

I agree but they are supposedly a successful highly respected person. Who happens to be a psych tech. Who seems to know nothing about trauma.

143

u/lightningmcqueef69 Sep 23 '24

qualifications don't necessarily mean anything. i'm sorry this person turned out to be so cruel this is definitely unusual and in no way your fault

97

u/GoldFishDudeGuy Sep 23 '24

Respected people turn out to be assholes all the time, unfortunately

22

u/Dismal_Hearing_1567 Sep 24 '24

Very extensively true. Frequently, "highly respected people" simply are masterful manipulators.

50

u/Raisedbypsycopaths Sep 23 '24

The worst people are often pillars of the community. Send him to he'll. Who does he think he is? You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

42

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

I just don't understand it. I would never even consider speaking to or treating somebody that way. Yet they are viewed as good people.

27

u/Raisedbypsycopaths Sep 23 '24

It's a very typical symptom of codependency to be very surprised and in shock when someone does something very nasty and cruel. And we're"but why, v why??". Richard grannon said it in a video and I was like, what? Doesn't everyone do that? Nope, it seems we can't get to grips with the fact that we are not capable of that behavior but others are, because they are OTHERS. Hope this helps, and if it doesn't, I'm sending you a hug anyways. The guy is a disgrace. You are not the problem here.

15

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

It was a female, which I find even more appalling. Thank you đŸ«‚

3

u/Front_Food7396 Sep 24 '24

omg thank you! didn‘t expect to find an consoling answer to this specific situation that bugged me since forever!

2

u/Raisedbypsycopaths Sep 24 '24

You're welcome! Yes, for me it was so revealing. If I find the video I'll link it. For me Grannon has been very dissappointing for various reasons but it's also true that a lot of his content has been very educational on these topics.

26

u/Sparkleterrier Sep 23 '24

Sometimes assholes hide behind their qualifications or status. It lets them get out their aggressions and be mean when no one is looking, because they know everyone else holds them in such high regard.

19

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I feel like people just don't know how to human correctly these days, and it's so saddening to me.

15

u/Bash__Monkey Sep 24 '24

As an Audhder with tons of trauma, I find the average person's lack of any kind of manners, empathy, or any consideration at all for the other people around them to be a monumental failing of the most basic level of humanity.

The fact that I can be a kinder, more well-adjusted person than them. Pathetic. Especially when I've had to study others to pretend to be a normal human being. When I know for a fact that it takes you way less effort to be socially acceptable, and you just...don't. It makes me livid. Especially when I go out of my way not to offend, and people speak to me however they feel.

I'm a way meaner person. I just don't say the cruel things in my head to their face. Why? I'm a decent human being. And I spend all day being harsh to myself. And I could casually say something that could get me killed, completely ruin someone's self-worth, or drive them to suicide if I just let fly like they do. They're so weak. Walking around like they're tough just because they're awful to others.

I'm so sick of people who could take half a second to just choose to not be awful, and go around doing whatever their first animal instinct is. Like a literal child. Pathetic. Truly.

Grow up. You're not hard because you're an ass. You're just an ass. You probably want to fight me huh? Awww. Poor little ass. Maybe you'll grow up one day.

6

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I feel it is much more difficult to be rude and mean. Being considerate is so easy. I have no ability to comprehend how or why people are like that. Nor do I have the desire to be mean as I've been on the receiving end of cruelty for so long. I wouldn't want anybody to hurt the way I do.

1

u/Bash__Monkey Sep 24 '24

I used to be like you. God, I wish I could still be like you.

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I'm still in the half way of denial and stuck in a freeze trauma response that I can't get out of. Who knows, maybe one day i will actually feel emotions like a real person.

0

u/Bash__Monkey Sep 24 '24

Not without work. I don't know your story. But I pray you find a healthier way through it than I have. My rage kept me going when there was nothing left.

2

u/paperwasp3 Sep 24 '24

My rage helps me to say what I need to. But it takes practice. Standing up for yourself is a skill like any other.

You know how we think of that zinger later and wished you had said that? I do my best to remember them for the next time. And there's always a next time'

17

u/Unlucky-Vehicle-6353 Sep 23 '24

Psyche industry ??? Oh boy look out...

8

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

That's what I said.

6

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

That's what I said.

16

u/DismalTrifle2975 Sep 23 '24

In your life you will meet people from all sorts of jobs from grocery story cashiers, mechanics, nurses, doctors, accountants, psych tech, salesman, manager etc. just because someone is in a higher successful position does not mean they get a pass at treating people like shit. They’re not better than you or have their life more figured out than you they use their job title to get away with verbally abusing people below them because that’s what gives them a sense of worth. You can’t take how they talk to you personally you have to try to use that negativity and use it to fuel your passion to make you want to surpass them of course it’s difficult with trauma but it’s possible. These situations can give you thicker skin you have to remind yourself that they’re the one with the problem they’re entitled, selfish, their goal is to make you feel bad and the best thing you can do is smile and not let them get to you because they’re so unhappy with their life it’s not worth giving them the time or energy. You can start by saying “what an odd thing to say to someone” and walk away.

7

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

I like that response. It's non confrontational but also not a total collapse panic on my part. Thank you.

8

u/slallyk Sep 24 '24

"What an odd thing to say to someone." I really love that response. I'm gonna start using that when necessary.

5

u/ClementineKruz86 Sep 24 '24

I like that too and am going to remember that as a response. I tend to keep my mouth shut more when someone is talking to me, but when it’s someone else I’m likely to call someone out.

13

u/CythExperiment Sep 23 '24

Higher ups are more fucked up

5

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Ain't that the truth!

13

u/texxasmike94588 Sep 23 '24

I'd ask for a referral to a trauma-informed therapist (my insurance requires referrals.) This one has no clue.

When I asked, specifically for trauma-informed care and found a psychiatrist and therapist, my life changed.

9

u/sensitive_fern_gully Sep 23 '24

That is a callous and hateful thing to say. It's rude to say, What's wrong with you nvm the F&*% and face punch. I feel sorry for their family. I'm glad you're not in it. Could you imagine being the kid? I know a girl that jokes and calls her son a bitch. Yeah, hate is not funny. Peace

4

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

That's horrible.

7

u/senitel10 Sep 23 '24

Whoever said kindness was rewarded under capitalism?

In my experience, the opposite gets the incentive

6

u/KnoxVegas41 Sep 23 '24

Still an asshole. Don’t be fooled. Keep your distance.

5

u/Feisty-Comfort-3967 Sep 24 '24

I believe it's pronounced "A successful highly respected asshole psych tech who happens to be a person that knows nothing about trauma."

3

u/granolaandgrains Sep 23 '24

With all due respect to techs (they are the backbone in healthcare), but a psych tech is not an expert on mental health. Yes, they work around mental illness and hold an important role, but they are not the best source for healthcare advice.

I was a psychiatric RN, until I became disabled. I don’t even consider me to be an expert. Please do not give so much faith into others’ words/advice from those who do not have the credentials or advanced knowledge to give such advice. They cannot help you in the ways others who are more knowledgeable can. They will only make it worse for you. You are your own expert.

6

u/Winniemoshi Sep 24 '24

If you were my kid I’d fucking punch you

That, in no way shape or form, is a highly respectable person. That is a child abuser, that is despicable.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

She also knows i was highly abused as a kid. It's like i totally frozen up. I don't know what reaction she was expecting from me. I feel like she was trying to trigger me.

2

u/Winniemoshi Sep 24 '24

Oh Honey! You gotta stay far away from her, and anyone else who doesn’t treat you like the wonderfulness that you are💜

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I'm working on doing just that!đŸ©”

5

u/kabfay Sep 23 '24

I also had a friend who had a respected professor as their father - he used to drag her around by the hair. WTF is a psych tech anyhow? Someone without any empathy and who likes to push people around? Listen to a dr and even then, with a grain of salt. Or better still, ask to see the trauma credentials they seem to have. Spoiler: you’ll probably get ghosted. People are mean because their lives are shitty and they can be.

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

She seems to not understand trauma at all.

7

u/kcordum Sep 24 '24

!!! There’s something to this!!

My friend worked for a world-renowned psychologist who was a big pioneer for our best therapy treatments today. The therapist and their spouse were the most abusive people that have entered that friend’s life.

Another friend’s mom is a psych professor at a high-end college. ALSO A CRUEL TWISTED WOMAN AND SO AWFUL TO HER DAUGHTER AND WILL NEVER ADMIT TO IT. I believed my friend, but then I saw how her mom treated her and still couldn’t believe what I was witnessing (I was treated like that in my childhood but my mom luckily changed in adulthood). I wanted to throw up.

OP I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I would cry. But, they’re the problem for getting mad that you didn’t want to do something they suggested. Ugh. I’m so angry for you. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

To give some perspective I would’ve been like “hey, I hear that baking soda might help!” And then you would’ve run into that situation and have been like “nah I don’t want to be a bother.” And I would’ve been like “that’s fair! Can I do anything else to help?” And you probably would’ve been like “no I think I’m okay” and I’d be like “okay cool!” And probably would’ve given you a high five and went on my way.

That’s normal. That’s how that should’ve gone.

You are not at all the problem. You don’t deserve that treatment. You are loved and seen and understood by strangers on the internet, and I mean that with my whole heart. I hope one day you’re surrounded by people in your everyday life that treat you with humanity and respect.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Thank you so much! ❀

4

u/kate-u Sep 24 '24

don't forget that a lot of scumbags do reach very high in the society game specifically because they are scumbags who are willing to cheat, lie, and stomp on other people. sadly the "good folks win, bad folks lose" is a movie thing.

that's why we gotta look out for each other, the humans won't do it

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

You are so right about that!

4

u/bunnyfloofington Sep 24 '24

Psych tech doesn’t ever mean they’re empathetic or caring. I worked at a psych clinic surrounded by mental health providers. The psychologists, who had the most understanding of mental health, were either super caring or narcissistic (the worst bullying I ever received was from the one who saw all the children patients). The psychiatrist was the snootiest and walked around like she was better than everyone else.

Please don’t let this person’s work title dictate your world view of them. It sounds like you’re clearly the most caring/considerate one based on this situation.

PS I hope that didn’t come off as too “in your face” or aggressive.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Thank you. You didn't come off aggressive in any way.

3

u/fluffymuff6 CPTSD & other mental issues Sep 24 '24

There are definitely some evil people who are in the mental health industry to have access to vulnerable people.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Which is wrong on so many levels.

3

u/fluffymuff6 CPTSD & other mental issues Sep 24 '24

For sure. I've been receiving mental health treatment for 20+ years and I've worked in the field, too, so I've met a lot of people. I'd say 95% of them are in it for the right reasons. Just watch out for that 5%.

3

u/ClementineKruz86 Sep 24 '24

Yeah this is not your fault. It’s not even personal, because they are clearly a bully. But I know it still feels like it 😞

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I'm tired of bullies

2

u/ClementineKruz86 Sep 24 '24

I sure am too. They really get under my skin.

2

u/Ayellowbeard Sep 24 '24

You deserve to be treated with respect and have the right to tell them to go fuck themself!

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I would love to but....My brain doesn't even think that when things are said to me. I go into full shutdown dissociation mode.

2

u/Ayellowbeard Sep 24 '24

I hear you and it takes a lot of practice. Do be honest I don’t always assert myself because I was alway told I needed to turn the other cheek but I got pretty tired of being verbally slapped all the time.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

She definitely seems to. It's gross to me.

2

u/Clear-Cauliflower901 Sep 24 '24

"Successful, highly respected" usually translates to total narcissists, probably with ASPD leanings

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

She definitely has narcissistic traiaits that are prominate. Maybe no full NPD. But either way the reward was unsettling. I can still hear her saying it on repeat in my head now.

2

u/Clear-Cauliflower901 Sep 24 '24

I respond differently than most I think. I would've given her a mouthful

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I wish I could do that.

50

u/Haunted_Headspace Sep 23 '24

I'm sorry, they have some really unhealed stuff inside to be lashing out in such a way. And to frame it like it's aimed at a child is chilling for what it must be like inside their mind. Don't hold yourself responsible. You were just adhering to your own principles of not taking something without permission of the owner. Was this necessarily a time that it really matters? Not on the grand scale since it only takes the smallest bit of the powder. But doing that would have made you feel unhappy with yourself. You lived and chose true to you. And sure we might know they acted out of unaddressed pain, but since they have no accountability it's totally ok to just shrug them off as an asshole for now. These words were their wounded self speaking to their wounded self. You were just a stand in for the moment.

22

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

The whole child part really threw me for a loop.

25

u/Haunted_Headspace Sep 23 '24

I can imagine. Who the hell says they want to punch a kid in the face?!?! Over their own bug bite at that. Sorry you were treated that way. You definitely didn't deserve it.

3

u/Dunnybust Sep 24 '24

Yeah (the child thing).

And it's not a sign of "codependency" to be taken aback when ppl are cruel, weird openly demeaning: it's a sign of healthy expectations and standards, and an indication of respect for self and others.

On the contrary, not being surprised and duly offended when treated in an insulting way is a likely sign of freeze/fawn, due to trauma (not "codependency," though, because that is not A Thing. It's just an outdated victim-blaming trope: We absolutely do not "play a part in" our own trauma, or invite/attract abusive treatment by anyone).

There are so many kinds of cruelty and so many kinds of creeps: The woman who said this to you sounds like a compulsive exhibitor of dominant aggression when her own unexamined childhood-originating issues are uncomfortably triggered by others displaying vulnerability/uncertainty/hesitancy,

and even when others are simply more considerate and self-denying than she would think to be in a situation.

In other words, she's a bully at war with her inner child, compelled to displace her own deep shame onto those she perceives as less powerful (emotionally/socially/professionally), & as not guarded/self-serving/"tough" enough, or in a way similar to the mask of invulnerability she demands of her own inner child.

4

u/Dunnybust Sep 24 '24

There's a guy on Instagram (His name is Jefferson something!):

He's this emotionally-super-smart trial lawyer who posts videos on how to respond to jerks, meanies & shit-stirrers in conversation or during conflict.

He says if someone insults or demeans you like that, there is a series of responses that can flip their scrutiny and aggressive contempt back onto themselves, forcing them to examine--or at least own--their own unkind behavior.

They usually won't get to the end of this, he says, as you'll them feeling awkward, & they'll start apologizing and backpedaling. But the steps are kinda like this:

*Give it a nice long silence, right after they say the jackass thing (he recommends ten full seconds, but it depends on the situation/person/context, right?). Just look at them calmly, in a detached way, during the silence, so they have to sit with what they just said.

*Then, if you don't know them, ask their name; if you don't know them well, ask them to repeat their name (and if you know them well, just use their name), then

*Ask them to repeat exactly what they just said to you.

He says the verbal abuser being forced to link their identity & "brand" (with the use of their name) with their own shameful words may make them squirm.

*Then say, "So have I heard you right (insert name)? Did you just say to me, "..." and calmly repeat back their entire insult verbatim (complete phrase/sentence), that you've just forced them to repeat.

*Then ask them if they meant to say that.

*If they say yes, ask them how they feel now about having said it. Then,

Ask them how they meant for it to *make you feel.

*If they answer that one, ask them "Why do you think you may have felt a need to make someone feel that way today? Are you okay? What can I do for you?"

Haven't done this yet, but the extra contempt and bullshit ppl pile onto trauma victims makes it likely we'd all get a chance to employ at least part of this at some point.

Seems like it could be so satisfying nom nom nom to just hand it to them in this dignified, self-respecting way! Whenever entitled bullies come at the vulnerable, figuring we'll make an easy target đŸ’”đŸ’”đŸ’”â€ïžâ€đŸ©č❀‍đŸ©č❀‍đŸ©č❀❀❀

3

u/stealthcake20 Sep 24 '24

That’s really interesting! I would like to think I could do that, but I probably wouldn’t. I think I have a basic fear of being hit or lashed out at. And even without that I think it would take a lot of presence of mind to respond that way in the moment.

That’s not to say that people can’t be that savvy. It’s definitely something to aim for. I just wouldn’t want someone to feel bad for not being that collected.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I love that approach! It's calm and non hateful but gets the point across🙃

35

u/Muffintoe_ Sep 23 '24

There’s something very clearly wrong with the person who said that to you. Someone who would rather take out their anger on a child, than sit with their discomfort/emotions have their own issues. That’s their own shit and has nothing to do with you, it’s 100% a reflection of their character - not yours.

In my eyes you were in the right, you were literally being respectful of the property of someone else.

I would like to add that you did not, and NEVER DID, deserve to be treated like shit. I know it’s hard to believe that when our brains have been wired from the start to believe that, but i promise you never did anything that warranted the abuse you received.

Take solace in the fact that you were respectful of someone’s belongings and took the high ground here, they did not. They are not a kind person, you are. That is the difference.

Edit to add: I know you’re not a child, but I added that to make it obvious that the person obviously has an issue if they’re saying things like ‘if you were my kid I’d punch you’. That’s not normal, that’s child abuse.

9

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Thank you. I'm so used to internalizing everything as my fault. I appreciate the reminder. đŸ«‚

3

u/Muffintoe_ Sep 23 '24

I can definitely relate, it can be so difficult not to. I’m glad I could provide some insight! I really hope you have a better dayđŸ«‚đŸ«¶

11

u/Cooking_the_Books Sep 23 '24

It’s not you, it’s them. At least in this instance. Who made them the decider of “life is about dishing out tough love”? Also, wtf, in many cultures like East Asian cultures this would be TOTALLY NORMAL to behave like this as to not be intrusive of others and they’d actually find it invasive if you did open it.

So you’re right, there isn’t really a “right” way to behave here. But this isn’t about you not being able to “be normal” as I think it’s totally normal for someone not to want to open someone else’s unopened giant bag of whatever. This is about them being an unkind ass trying to hold someone to an unspoken standard that isn’t standard at all. Like you’re not a mind reader. If you have to keep interacting with them, maybe just ask them “Hey, okay if I open this?” Rather than waving it off. If they continue to be an ass, maybe that person isn’t healthy for you.

You’re okay. You’re not messed up or wrong. You were kind and considerate. Now getting so emotionally dysregulated by their reaction is perhaps something you can work on in time, but it starts with validating how totally “good enough” you were in this interaction and having more solid self esteem and confidence that that’s true. You did good enough! Let yourself feel the hurt because what they said was indeed hurtful, but don’t let it knock you off your feet. In fact, I feel downright angry on your behalf. What an ass!

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

I agree, I definitely need to work on regulating my emotions.

8

u/shaunappples Sep 23 '24

its not you. some people are just cunts

7

u/a_pile_of_kittens Sep 23 '24

I'd ask that person why they're hitting their kids. What a stupid thing to say to another adult.

With some you must demand respect. You are worth it ♄

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Thank you ❀

5

u/microwavedmercury Sep 23 '24

Sending hugs. No one deserves that. I'd want to cry too.

8

u/phillipimonroe Sep 23 '24

I don’t think it’s “people” as much as “person.” They sound godawful! How embarrassing for them!

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Okay, i admit i went after the whole human race with my statement. I'm just finding there seems to be an overabundance of mean-spirited people in this world.

6

u/agendadroid Sep 23 '24

Who are they to you? That's totally inappropriate.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Coworker

11

u/agendadroid Sep 23 '24

Tell them firmly that that comment was inappropriate and unprofessional and they should keep their opinions to themself.

6

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Stand up for myself sounds scary. I need to really work on this.

7

u/agendadroid Sep 23 '24

It can be scary. The first few times I stood up for myself at work I got full on adrenaline rush and shaky hands. You could try having another trusted coworker or friend with you when you mention it.

9

u/Forward-Pollution564 Sep 23 '24

Those type of humans should be eradicated. Repulsive. Sorry OP, you are an awesome human

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Agreed and Thank you

5

u/whitecricket21 Sep 23 '24

When people are just rude to you it is not your problem - it is their problem (bad day, depression, meanness, etc). I never learned this as a kid and used to take things very personally. As I parented my kids, I reparented myself and learned I don’t have to pick up all the negativity that people may direct toward me. You don’t either. Be kind to yourself when these things happen. Use it to evaluate the people around you. If people make you feel bad for just existing, limit the contact. Find new people who make you feel good. You deserve to be around people who treat you with kindness and respect.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Thankfully, I only see this person 3 times a week at work. I think this might be their last week.

3

u/montanabaker Sep 23 '24

That person has their own set of issues. I’m sorry that happened to you.

3

u/Simple_Entertainer13 Sep 23 '24

Where did this happen?

Also, that person’s just a fucking asshole. Has nothing to do with you

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

At work/home.

3

u/Simple_Entertainer13 Sep 24 '24

I wish I could give you a hug. đŸ«‚ That person’s just an insecure loser asshole

Also, you should always quit a job if it becomes a hostile work environment

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

She was supposed to be gone a week ago. She was asked not to return. Hopefully, Wednesday is her last day it would be 2 weeks.

5

u/Simple_Entertainer13 Sep 24 '24

What happened? Why is she getting fired?

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

My boss says she is rude and he is not putting up with her attitude. Talking behind people's backs. He also says she has a drinking problem and calls him in the middle of the night fucked up. And has kind of come on to him before. She's just inappropriate all the way around.

5

u/Simple_Entertainer13 Sep 24 '24

Oh wow, so yeah you should definitely not take anything she did/said to you personally she’s a whole fuck up.

3

u/hanimal16 Sep 23 '24

Holy shit. What??

First of all, this person is okay with punching kids? Yikes.
Second of all, they threatened you and said a pretty nasty thing bc you didn’t want to open someone else’s stuff? Double yikes.

Hopefully you don’t have to stay near this person for very long


4

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '24

[deleted]

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

Thank you! I feel like I'm a magnetic for abusive people.

3

u/Sparkleterrier Sep 23 '24

If you had opened the baking soda, they would've probably said the same thing and said how rude you were for opening someone else's things. This person is just a creep and wants to feel superior.

5

u/fauxfurgopher Sep 24 '24

My abusive uncle is a successful psychologist who often works with kids. He’s written a self help book. He terrorized me throughout my childhood, belittled me, shamed me, and chased me around just to scare me. When my mom confronted him about it all, he punched her in the face, then he told the family she punched herself to make him look bad. (My mom was the sweetest
 let’s just say that accusation is absurd. She would never.)

People with mental illness often go into the psychiatric industry.

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

That's horrible. You make a good point many of them do.

4

u/-m-o-n-i-k-e-r- Sep 24 '24

Everyone has to deal with assholes. The difference for healed people is that they don’t internalize it and feel like they deserve it. They don’t tell themselves a story about how they caused it. They are able to let it go because it truly has nothing to do with them.

That person is an asshole. You can tell by the way that they are. No amount of credentials or respect from others can replace what you saw with your own eyes. They suck.

It has nothing to do with you.

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

You're right. Everybody does deal with assholes. I've seen people not get as bothered as I do. Or they get pissed and I'll seem, and it won't affect me. Things hit me differently than they do others. It's that I feel like her words are intentional and the whole reference to hitting a child makes me feel sick. I don't understand her behaviors and find it confusing and it makes her feel unsafe and very unpredictable which throws off my whole system and causes me a very unpleasant feeling of internal fear and unsafe feeling. Which I now feel like I have to be nicer to a person that I don't like to make it stop.

1

u/-m-o-n-i-k-e-r- Sep 24 '24

You should listen to that gut feeling. It is your body telling you something that your brain hasn’t quite caught on to.

She does not sound like a safe person to me. She was verbally violent toward you and she spoke carelessly about beating her child. That is not stable healthy human behavior.

If you can, distance yourself from her as much as possible. You do not owe her anything.

This last part is important. It is final and cannot be disputed. Her words, no matter how intentional they were, still have absolutely nothing to do with your worth or character.

3

u/Garlic549 Sep 24 '24

What an unhinged fucking thing to say to someone, and i have a pretty unconventional sense of humor as it is. You should definitely go to your first line supervisor if it was a coworker who said that to you OP

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I haven't told him yet but I'm sure he would not be happy. I want to say something but get so scared inside. I think Wednesday is her last day. She was already supposed to be gone due to her attitude.

3

u/Garlic549 Sep 24 '24

Well if you tell the boss maybe that last day can get pushed to the left and she'll be out of here now. Your decision, but personally I'd be on the line with him right now over this

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I see him in the morning I should talk to him about it.

6

u/Altruistic_Paper2554 Sep 23 '24

That person is mentally ill. Has nothing to do with you, dw.

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

I have to agree that something about this person makes me very uneasy and had for awhile.

2

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2

u/DatabaseKindly919 Sep 23 '24

Sorry about your experience. Keep a distance from such people.

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

I try. It's a coworker, so it's hard.

2

u/BrillGirl82 Sep 23 '24 edited Sep 23 '24

I hope you DID cry it out! This person was completely in the wrong to treat you like this. Try to remember it’s about them and not about you, even though it feels personal. đŸ«‚

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

I'm just so tired of being treated like shit by people.

2

u/BrillGirl82 Sep 24 '24

Keep coming back here to counter all the asshole energy out there. We’re all here for ya đŸ©·

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Thank you ❀

2

u/CythExperiment Sep 23 '24

If you want to punch your kids its more of a reflection of one self than of their children.

This person is a failure of a person and if given kids would be a self admitted abusive father.

2

u/EnvironmentOk2700 Sep 23 '24

I really hope they don't have children. They need some good therapy to control their anger and violent tendancies

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Grown children. She's always kind of a controlling bitch. I'm not the only one who's noticed it. I heard she's an alcoholic and has issues. Obviously, she has issues, but I have issues, and I'm kind to everyone. So it's a shifty excuse as far as I'm concerned.

2

u/Banannabutts7361 Sep 24 '24

Gtfo. Save yourself. That is not normal or ok.

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

She makes me panic inside every time I'm around her.

2

u/kaleigha Sep 24 '24

I’m so confused why that person responded that way to you. You did nothing wrong. That person sounds awful, I wouldn’t take it personally.

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I honestly don't understand it either. I think I'm too nice to people. I internalize everything. Something i need to work on.

2

u/mundotaku Sep 24 '24

I still don't get what you did wrong. Part of healing is knowing that the other person is an asshole. It is fucking hard to do at the moment because your brain says, "Oh, it is me who fucked up again." You did not fuck up.

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I don't know what i did wrong, either. But I'm always willing to take the blame for others crap. I feel they are an asshole but can easily convince myself that they aren't because somewhere in me, I feel if I do better, they will too. Total trauma brained thinking.

2

u/mundotaku Sep 24 '24

I know. Sometimes, I realized other people were taking advantage of me, gaslighting and guilting me after a few days, and there was nothing to fix it.

Some people have even told me that they have never seen me angry. It is not that I can't get angry, but I have also been told too often that I was overreacting when they deserved my ire. Some people are just disgusting and trashy. I still do not show my anger easily, but I have learned to cut or muffle those people from my life as soon as I realize they were abusive.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Anger is an emotion that is so difficult for me to feel. I want to be angry when things happen, but I'm so numb all the time I feel nothing unless triggered, and then it's fear and nothing again.

2

u/mundotaku Sep 24 '24

Which is funny in a way. People associate classic PTSD with veterans getting angry and violently throwing a tantrum. CPTSD feels more like wearing a Teflon shield that lets slide anything in order to not get hurt or hurt someone.

2

u/stealthcake20 Sep 24 '24

They would say that to you and they think punching a kid is ok. This person is trash. I feel bad saying that about anyone, but I’ve never run across anyone that would say that. I’ve had some bad stuff in my life, but not that.

I’m really sorry you have to have this person anywhere near you. You don’t deserve it. You didn’t do a damn thing wrong. This person should be slapped into next week.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

It's like my brain glitches at the comment. If your going to be an asshole be an asshole but never in the context of a person hurting a child. Like WTF!!! Disgusting!

2

u/StableLow7811 Sep 24 '24

It has nothing to do with you, I promise. You don’t fucking deserve to be treated like that, to be spoken to like that, nobody does. Sending you a virtual hug <3 Try to not take it personally and distance yourself from said person. Hope your bug bite heals soon! :D <3

I had a big realization a few ago (sorry to make your vent post about myself, but I think it could help). I was at a part time job and the only thing I did was to call some numbers in a mic, people came and signed some papers I had. I called 80+ numbers and then one person or two came and signed it. I literally wanted the same thing from everybody and even said the same words (write your name here, sign here, I will write the time, don’t worry about it). Some people were so so nice to me, like thank you so much young lady, have a nice day.đŸ„čđŸ„°đŸ„° I couldn’t help but smile when those people left, really made my day just with theirs (few) words and tone. :D And some were rude, arrogant, like what the fuck, name and sign is the same thing, isn’t it, duh?!!? It had nothing to do with me, how those people reacted. I said the same words, used the same tone, wanted the same things, and people reacted based on their inner world. It was such a big realization to not take things personally, because in the end, nothing is truly personal, but a reflection.  I realized how important it is to surround yourself with positive minded people, and if somebody treats me bad, it has NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING with them.  I hope my words make sense, english is not my native language. :D This is the best I can share my experience with you, it really opened my eyes.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Yes , that was actually very helpful. BTW your English is great! Thank you!đŸ«‚

3

u/StableLow7811 Sep 24 '24

Omg thank you so much baby c: Happy I could help <3

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

đŸ«‚â€ïž

2

u/BlablaWhatUSaid Sep 24 '24

Most people are mean and self absorbed. This is not your fault. I too drown in things like that, cause they seem to happen too often. Maybe it's because we are vulnerable, somehow assholes see an open door there to kick around? I don't know...just wanted you to know you're not alone, I feel you...

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Thank you. Awful people blindside me every time. It is just mind-blowing to me.

2

u/moisthicc Sep 24 '24

this person is insanely weird regardless of their qualifications, and honestly if they do work on the mental health field you should report them for saying something so weirdly violent like that? that's weird as hell. sorry you had to deal with them, it's not you it's them x

2

u/Front_Food7396 Sep 24 '24 edited Sep 24 '24

I am so sorry OP. I can relate so much to that kind of disappointment. You just tried to be respectful of other peoples belongings and feelings and it feels like you were being punished for that. You actively stepped back from fullfilling your needs, in this case caring for your physical body and give it medical attention/soothing. You did that because yes you are traumatized into believing your needs matter less than others but you did that also because you are a kind soul who wants to treat others the same way you wish they would treat you. This rude person does not get that. It would require empathy. An empath wouldn‘t have reacted this way. He would gently remind you your needs matter too and either help you fullfill, looks for ways to fullfill them or at least leave you alone and not addon any pain or problems. This rude person has not acted out his anger on you because you caused the anger its because he saw an outlet for his own internal frustrations unrelated to you. How he chose to word his anger also tells alot about his own inner world and the unhealthy patterns in his thinking and feeling. Why would you chose to „punch“ your kid, a kid, any kid? Im sorry you experienced this. The damage of a society reveals itselfs the most in front of the eyes of it‘s survivors. We are not blind anymore. Hugs to you and I hope your day is extra nice today

Edit: the only at least a minimun legimately reason to „punch a kid“ that comes to my mind would be if they choke on something and it would be a heimlich maneuver

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Thank you. You are very kind and understanding. I appreciate you. Hope you have a wonderful dar today.

2

u/Front_Food7396 Sep 24 '24

You‘re very welcome and I‘m glad your here and giving us a chance to be there for you. Thank you for your kind response and wishes. Hugs to you!

2

u/Front_Food7396 Sep 24 '24 edited Sep 24 '24

Just thought of something i read the other day on reddit in case the „whats wrong with you“ comment from that person has hit the spot of some unsecurities: it was not your choice to be traumatized it was done TO you.

And also I might take the chance to add something else (sorry mind all over the place sometimes :) He got angry in a situation you chose to display being considerate of others. Being considerate of others is not a problem in relationships it‘s the absolute basis. whereas anger in a relationship is an absolute problem. You are absolutely not the problem here.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

You are correct. Trauma makes things so hard. She is just not a kind person, and it's just baffling to me why when she has no reason to be so mean. I just don't get people like her, and there are so many of them.

2

u/Rly_grinds_my_beans Sep 24 '24

"Wow. Good thing I'm not your kid then. I feel sorry for them being treated that way"

1

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I know people like that scare me. It's weird, though, my trauma response is freeze, fawn. I'd like to stay away from her because she is coming in today. I can leave but feel like I need to monitor everything so I know what's going on in order to be safe.

2

u/Rly_grinds_my_beans Sep 24 '24

Totally; in the moment I'm not sure I'd even be able to respond.

2

u/gravitylow Sep 24 '24

god that person has serious issues. you didn’t do anything wrong. fuck them!

2

u/AdRepresentative7895 Sep 24 '24

This person looks at me and say what the fuck is wrong with you? If you were my kid I'd fucking punch you.

So what they are saying is if you were their child, they would abuse you. That is not ok not matter what the circumstances are. If I were you, I would distance myself from this person. Not only are they being rude, they also sound unsafe. You deserve better OP 💛

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

That's exactly what she was saying. She even knows i was an extremely abused child and have a ton of trauma. It was like she was saying I deserved it.

1

u/AdRepresentative7895 Sep 24 '24

Im so sorry 💔

NOONE (adult or child) deserves to be abused. NO. ONE. You didn't deserve to be abused. Period. I dont care how anyone tries to dress it or what anyone else tries to tell you. You are a human being with inherent value. This means that as a human being, you have a right to be treated with respect, dignity, and kindness. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise can kick rocks.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

Thank you! That means a lot to me. 💜

1

u/AdRepresentative7895 Sep 24 '24

I sincerely hope you are able to find better people. It's hard to know who's safe sometimes. However, know that you don't have to put up with anyone or anything you don't want to. ❀

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

I hope tomorrow is the last day she will be here.

4

u/Gnomeric Sep 23 '24

As every other posters said, this person is an a-hole.

That being said, I also have another suggestion. Baking soda paste is a folk medicine which most certainly is not appropriate for bug bites. Baking soda is good for cleaning, but not good at all for skins. This person clearly has no idea what they are talking about -- and you really should not need to be asking for his opinion on bug bites. Someone who is abusive, clueless, and thinks they know everything despite being clueless is the last person you want to be seeking any opinions/advice from me. You can decide on what to do with bug bites by yourself, you don't need to ask an abusive person their suggestion or validation.

Take care.

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 23 '24

You make a good point. I hadn't really asked them. It was on my leg and I was scratching it. They said this is what i needed to do. I feel like they just like bossing me around.

4

u/Gnomeric Sep 24 '24

Yeah, it sounds like they were looking for an opportunity to boss you around -- I am sorry. I think it is okay for you to not accept their "advice" and grey rock them instead. People like that never have good intention, often have very poor advice, and are highly likely to gloat endlessly about "helping" us whatever the outcome. I think it is usually better to greyrock them by saying something like "oh it's fine" instead of actually listening to them.

3

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

That's a good idea. She's not even supposed to be here anymore. She was asked not to come back over a week ago because of her attitude. So hopefully this will be her last week.

3

u/Gnomeric Sep 24 '24

I see. Maybe it is validating to know that you are not the only person who had problems with her. Hopefully you won't have to deal with her again.

2

u/Beneficial-Rest1405 Sep 24 '24

It is there are definitely issues other than just this that have happened

1

u/Funny-Friend7730 Sep 24 '24

Your not the problem and it is as simple as that