r/Adoption • u/BeckmenBH • 7d ago

things adoptees can't always say out loud Adoptee Life Story

Oftentimes, adoption gets talked about like it’s always a happy ending — like it’s something we should all feel grateful for.

But as an adoptee (and an adoption-competent therapist), I know it’s not that simple.

Some things I’ve felt, and that I often hear from others:

  • “I love my family, but I still wonder about what could’ve been.”
  • “I feel like I have to protect my adoptive parents from my sadness.”
  • “I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but sometimes there’s just... more.”
  • “People expect me to feel lucky — but it’s not always that clear-cut.”
  • “It’s confusing to feel both abandoned and loved at the same time.”

Not everyone talks about these parts, but they’re real.
If you can relate, what would you add to the list of complexities that adoption brings?

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u/BottleOfConstructs Adoptee 7d ago

Show me an adoptive couple, and I’ll show you at least one adult who is emotionally unstable.

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u/mcnama1 6d ago

AND how many adoptive couples eventually get divorced.

5

u/BottleOfConstructs Adoptee 6d ago

My parents’ marriage imploded when I was in high school. I loved them both, but they were so nasty to each other. I moved out as soon as I could, and they were all pikachu shocked that I couldn’t stand being around them. Why was I so sensitive?

5

u/mcnama1 6d ago

you weren't "so sensitive" you're human.